'Fake' Military Marriage troubles & Upcoming Wedding

[mushu1]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?CA

When I was a stupid 18 year old (about 14years ago) I did a 'quicke' marriage to a boyfriend who was in the Marine corps so that he could get off base housing. He had told me that a lot of his friends in the corps 'married' a friend in order to get married benefits. We did not consider it a 'real' marriage and did not live together at the time (I didnt even like him all that much). I only even told about 2 of my friends.

We were given documents and told to file them with the court, which we never did, although, he mustve had to show the military something in order to get his off base housing. I never did then, and never have since, filed or claimed married status on ANYTHING or received any benefits relating to such.

We broke up several months after and I have not heard from or seen him since (as I said, about 14 years). I talked to a lawyer that same year and was advised that it could be annuled but I didnt have access to funds at the time. To be honest, I simply forgot all about it after that. I would have no idea where he is or what he is doing now. He was about 4 years older than me, and I would be amazed if he is not married (to someone else) by now.

I will be 32 in March and the problem is that I am now really getting married (in the UK) in June. A friend actually had to remind me of the 'marriage' years ago. I want to make sure my marriage in June is legally recognized in case we'd like to move back to the states.

Help!!!!!!

 

[djohnson]

To be safe you need to file for divorce or this marriage now may not be legal no matter where you live. There are ways of getting a divorce even if you do not know how to contact him.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Have you tried looking him up on the internet? You will need to get a divorce. And figure on putting off that june wedding until after your divorce is final. Contact you county superior court on how to file for divorce. http://www.courtinfo.ca.gov/courts/trial/courtlist.htm

 

[mushu1]

He has a very common name and I wouldn't even know what state to search for him in. I really don't want a 'divorce' since it was never a real marriage anyway. Is there a way to get it annulled? What if he is already married? Will that affect anything? Since nothing has ever been filed regarding the marriage, is there a possibility that it isnt even on record? How would anyone find out?

 

[rmet4nzkx]

You don't think that the government knows after he used it to get benefits from the USMC? There are reasons that you need a divorce not an annulment, an annulment takes more time and possibly more money as well, and you knowingly aided and abetted in the fraud, are you ready to take responsibility? He may have a common name, but his whole name and birthdate, all information available on the marriage license should help you track him down. Who knows, maybe he has divorced you in the mean time and you don't know it.

 

[mushu1]

I agree and that was my worry. Frankly, Id be more than willing to 'face the music' which is why I saw the attorney lo those many years ago. I know that he was kicked out of the USMC for going AWOL twice (because this happened within 6 months of the 'marriage' in question) and so wouldnt have rececived anything for very long (not that that matters to a penny pinching government).
I called the county that the marriage was perfomed in and they have no record of the marriage- probably because we never filed it.
I would LOVE to find out he has divorced me! Honestly, (and I reiterate, I KNOW I was incredibly stupid) I dont know the guy's birthdate or his full name. First and last name only. I have no marriage license (thus no info that would be on it), I can remember the year, but not the date of the marriage, and no other details...it was that dumb!
I simply cannot put off my marriage in June as it is a giant ordeal in England and lots of moolah has already been spent. At worst I suppose we will 'redo' our vows in CA once I am certain that all of this baloney has been taken care of.

Thank you so much for your advisement

 

[djohnson]

This is something you should have thought about before planning the wedding in June and spending the moolah. Get a copy of the license, it should give you more information. If you don't, you run the risk of being a bigamist. Wanna check out the laws for that?

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Check the county where you got the license and see if they have a record of it, it could have been filed somewhere else.
Call the USMC or Veterans Admin tell them your problem, they can track down some information for you, you will have to provide them your information and a release. Right now you don't even have enough information to get either a divorce or annulment.
Does your finace know this??????
Possibly you can have a ceremony without filing it at the registrar's office in UK and then a private ceremony once your first marriage is resolved?

 

[Blue In KY]

I'm sorry to say but you could be in big trouble

I am sorry to tell you this but you could be in big trouble, because regardless of how young you were, you were involved in fraud. And it is a fraud against the US government. The military doesn't take lightly to people committing fraud against them and you as well as you (husband at the time) could both be in big trouble.. You admitted that you knew it was wrong but you did it anyway.
But just so you know that he had to show the military a copy of the license to get off post housing and marital benefits which meant more money for him, that is where the fraud comes in. Still you might want to contact the USMC and see if they have any information on you husband. Explain the situation that you were in and see if there is any way you could get a copy of the license through them or any other forms they may have that would help you find him.

 

[mushu1]

Man, some of you guys are harsh! I suppose you must tell it like it is, and I do appreciate the advice.
Look, I should have thought about it; I didnt.
When the lawyer told me, so many years ago, that the marriage was invalid and could be annulled, to my naive (yes, if you wish read stupid, insipient, vapid) mind that meant it wasnt legal. I just figured that, should I ever need to, I could get that officially proved whenever I had the money. And frankly, had my friend not brought it up (in jest), I would have walked down the aisle in June in blissfull ignorance.
Just think of being 18 and now being 32- thats almost an entire lifetime over again. I've done college and two post grad degrees and moved country; Ive had my focus elsewhere.
Believe it or not, I am trying to do the right thing here now. It is a confusing issue and I keep getting conflicting information. Someone says there are ways to get divorced even if I dont know where he is, another says I dont have enough info to even get a divorce. One lawyer told me I need to file in Ca, another says I should do it in the Uk, where I now reside. You say he may have already divorced me, but I would have to basically check with every court in every state in the entire US. I do not want to be a bigamist, but it seems quite ludicrous that a tie to a person I barely knew and havent heard from or had any connection with in 14 years can be held higher than an actuall and practical union with someone I will live with as husband and wife.
I would love to get this resolved if any two lawyers I spoke to agreed on how to proceed.

....Uggh!

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Man, some of you guys are harsh! I suppose you must tell it like it is, and I do appreciate the advice.
Look, I should have thought about it; I didnt.
When the lawyer told me, so many years ago, that the marriage was invalid and could be annulled, to my naive (yes, if you wish read stupid, insipient, vapid) mind that meant it wasnt legal. I just figured that, should I ever need to, I could get that officially proved whenever I had the money. And frankly, had my friend not brought it up (in jest), I would have walked down the aisle in June in blissfull ignorance.
Just think of being 18 and now being 32- thats almost an entire lifetime over again. I've done college and two post grad degrees and moved country; Ive had my focus elsewhere.
Believe it or not, I am trying to do the right thing here now. It is a confusing issue and I keep getting conflicting information. Someone says there are ways to get divorced even if I dont know where he is, another says I dont have enough info to even get a divorce. One lawyer told me I need to file in Ca, another says I should do it in the Uk, where I now reside. You say he may have already divorced me, but I would have to basically check with every court in every state in the entire US. I do not want to be a bigamist, but it seems quite ludicrous that a tie to a person I barely knew and havent heard from or had any connection with in 14 years can be held higher than an actuall and practical union with someone I will live with as husband and wife.
I would love to get this resolved if any two lawyers I spoke to agreed on how to proceed.

....Uggh!

We can only give advice based on the informaiton you provided. You originally tols us you were in California, this site is for US laws only. You never said you were living in UK right now. The reason you don't have enough information is you don't even have his entire name, DOB and SSN, you need that information to get either a divorce or annulment. Sure an attorney told you that you had grounds for an annulment, years ago, but you participated in the fraud knowingly and you must have had the money at sometime in the last 14 years, if you have completed college, two graduate degrees and moved to the UK.

Yes, there are ways to get divorced without knowing where he is but you don't even know where to get the marriage certificate. You have to take responsibility for YOUR actions. So go to a solicitor's office and inquire about either annulment or divorce, to see which procedure you will have to follow there. From a quick glance, you don't have grounds for annulment in the UK, you may, depending on the reason get a divorce on grounds of desertion, however, we cannot give you advice on UK laws or if you would be eligible for a divorce. So I still suggest you contact the USMC or VA to obtain their proof of the marriage so you can get begin the process of divorce where ever you must file.

You still never answered the question, does your fiance know you are married? The marriage doesn't just go away because you were young or been a long time. You have advanced degrees, so don't act innocent.

 

[mushu1]

Not innocent at all; fully accountable as Ive said before.
Yes, he knows. I told him a few weeks ago when I actually remembered and started researching the whole thing.
I did mention the UK thing in my first letter which several replies have referenced since. I listed Ca as the place because that is where the marriage took place and I had been told that CA laws would then apply.
Thank you for keeping my head on straight.

Just by means of update, after several weeks of detective work I DID find the licensed filed. However, I also just got hold of his SS# through an old apartment rental app and it turns out he died in 1997. I suppose this accounts for never hearing from him.

I am assuming, then, that the matter is closed- unless there is something else that I am being incredibly dim about.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Not innocent at all; fully accountable as Ive said before.
Yes, he knows. I told him a few weeks ago when I actually remembered and started researching the whole thing.
I did mention the UK thing in my first letter which several replies have referenced since. I listed Ca as the place because that is where the marriage took place and I had been told that CA laws would then apply.
Thank you for keeping my head on straight.

Just by means of update, after several weeks of detective work I DID find the licensed filed. However, I also just got hold of his SS# through an old apartment rental app and it turns out he died in 1997. I suppose this accounts for never hearing from him.

I am assuming, then, that the matter is closed- unless there is something else that I am being incredibly dim about.

You are not just dumb but you are deceitful and playing games!
You mentioned that you were getting married in the UK but not that you were living there.
THEN
Then you also indicated that you didn't know anything about him, his middle name and then it turns out that you have known all along this information and the fact that he is dead!!
Why did you fail to provide that information? Divorce, annulment, it doesn't matter any more. You are a widow! You don't need either an annulment or a divorce
Now as his widow you may have been entitled to some things, but that is not your question.

Why did you even bother come here and so grossly misrepresent your case by lying to us?

"He has a very common name and I wouldn't even know what state to search for him in. I really don't want a 'divorce' since it was never a real marriage anyway. Is there a way to get it annulled? What if he is already married? Will that affect anything? Since nothing has ever been filed regarding the marriage, is there a possibility that it isnt even on record? How would anyone find out? "I called the county that the marriage was perfomed in and they have no record of the marriage- probably because we never filed it.
I would LOVE to find out he has divorced me! Honestly, (and I reiterate, I KNOW I was incredibly stupid) I dont know the guy's birthdate or his full name. First and last name only. I have no marriage license (thus no info that would be on it), I can remember the year, but not the date of the marriage, and no other details...it was that dumb!' "Someone says there are ways to get divorced even if I dont know where he is, another says I dont have enough info to even get a divorce. One lawyer told me I need to file in Ca, another says I should do it in the Uk, where I now reside. You say he may have already divorced me, but I would have to basically check with every court in every state in the entire US. I do not want to be a bigamist, but it seems quite ludicrous that a tie to a person I barely knew and havent heard from or had any connection with in 14 years can be held higher than an actuall and practical union with someone I will live with as husband and wife."

Now please be accountable, what is going on!

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

Not innocent at all; fully accountable as Ive said before.
Yes, he knows. I told him a few weeks ago when I actually remembered and started researching the whole thing.
I did mention the UK thing in my first letter which several replies have referenced since. I listed Ca as the place because that is where the marriage took place and I had been told that CA laws would then apply.
Thank you for keeping my head on straight.

Just by means of update, after several weeks of detective work I DID find the licensed filed. You just posted your question a couple of days ago.


However, I also just got hold of his SS# through an old apartment rental app and it turns out he died in 1997. You have his social, surely you can prove he is dead. His social is a private matter and I highly doubt a apartment complex manager gave it to you.

I suppose this accounts for never hearing from him.

I am assuming, then, that the matter is closed- unless there is something else that I am being incredibly dim about.[/QUOTE]

No, your light is OUT!

Do you really believe yourself?

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Just by means of update, after several weeks of detective work I DID find the licensed filed. You just posted your question a couple of days ago.

Yes, she knew this informaiton when she asked!

However, I also just got hold of his SS# through an old apartment rental app and it turns out he died in 1997. You have his social, surely you can prove he is dead. His social is a private matter and I highly doubt a apartment complex manager gave it to you.

Hummm she didn't have any info, just a rental application and BTW with his name she could get SSN from Social Security Death Index.


I am assuming, then, that the matter is closed- unless there is something else that I am being incredibly dim about.

I think this belongs on IAAL's list!