A few questions- and scared for my children

[37fhfj2f9m]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NY

We've tried counseling in the past a few times and nothing had ever changed anything. Neither of us are happy.

About a month ago, I looked for an apt for the children (2 and a special needs 4 year old) and I, and instead found a house to purchase (a family member did this for me- my name won't be attached to it until after divorce finalized). Once everything was set and my bid was accepted, I confronted my husband, told him I wanted a divorce, and that I wanted to go through a mediator if possible.

We're all currently living at an on premise house supplied by his company as part of his salary... a job that he may be losing soon which is just adding to his stress level.

Twice in the past week, while he was left home with the children, he left them alone to attend business meetings for work. One was 15 minutes with both children, the other for almost an hour with our special needs daughter.

When I confront him, he starts yelling, threatening to kill himself, and runs off. I had to miss work last night because he refused to come home to watch his children.

While he once agreed to a mediator, he's now threatening to spend all of OUR savings on his lawyers.


We have since closed on the house, repairs/ painting is being done now and it should be ready to move into in a week, but I was told that I can't take the kids there until the divorce is underway.

As it is, I'm at a loss. I'm missing work, I can't trust him to watch the children, he's threatening to take/ spend all of our money, and threatening suicide.

What can I do?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[Silverplum]

You have quite the double standard -- for YOURSELF, don'tcha?

The house has been bought in such a manner as to disguise YOUR assets. Yet you complain about your H "threatening" to spend "OUR savings."

I'd say Good Old Karma has already come to visit you. May she have a great time while there.

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NY

We've tried counseling in the past a few times and nothing had ever changed anything. Neither of us are happy.

About a month ago, I looked for an apt for the children (2 and a special needs 4 year old) and I, and instead found a house to purchase (a family member did this for me- my name won't be attached to it until after divorce finalized). Once everything was set and my bid was accepted, I confronted my husband, told him I wanted a divorce, and that I wanted to go through a mediator if possible.

We're all currently living at an on premise house supplied by his company as part of his salary... a job that he may be losing soon which is just adding to his stress level.

Twice in the past week, while he was left home with the children, he left them alone to attend business meetings for work. One was 15 minutes with both children, the other for almost an hour with our special needs daughter.

When I confront him, he starts yelling, threatening to kill himself, and runs off. I had to miss work last night because he refused to come home to watch his children.

While he once agreed to a mediator, he's now threatening to spend all of OUR savings on his lawyers.


We have since closed on the house, repairs/ painting is being done now and it should be ready to move into in a week, but I was told that I can't take the kids there until the divorce is underway.

As it is, I'm at a loss. I'm missing work, I can't trust him to watch the children, he's threatening to take/ spend all of our money, and threatening suicide.

What can I do?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[Isis1]

get a recording (like a printout) of the current amount of monies you have a marital couple. and also a record of current debt.

has any restraining orders been filed with the court? i don't mean for physical violence, but as far as removing the children out of the marital home? assets frozen?

husband is well within his right to use marital assets to fund an attorney. same right as you have.

 

[37fhfj2f9m]

You have quite the double standard -- for YOURSELF, don'tcha?

The house has been bought in such a manner as to disguise YOUR assets. Yet you complain about your H "threatening" to spend "OUR savings."

I'd say Good Old Karma has already come to visit you. May she have a great time while there.

Considering NONE of my money has yet to be used for the house- and won't be until after the divorce, I can hardly see how I've tried to hide anything.


Ok, so he's well within his rights to spend all of our money... and what about forcing me to miss work and leaving our children alone?

As far as I know, nothing has been filed with the courts.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NY

We've tried counseling in the past a few times and nothing had ever changed anything. Neither of us are happy.

About a month ago, I looked for an apt for the children (2 and a special needs 4 year old) and I, and instead found a house to purchase (a family member did this for me- my name won't be attached to it until after divorce finalized). Once everything was set and my bid was accepted, I confronted my husband, told him I wanted a divorce, and that I wanted to go through a mediator if possible.

We're all currently living at an on premise house supplied by his company as part of his salary... a job that he may be losing soon which is just adding to his stress level.

Twice in the past week, while he was left home with the children, he left them alone to attend business meetings for work. One was 15 minutes with both children, the other for almost an hour with our special needs daughter.

When I confront him, he starts yelling, threatening to kill himself, and runs off. I had to miss work last night because he refused to come home to watch his children.

While he once agreed to a mediator, he's now threatening to spend all of OUR savings on his lawyers.


We have since closed on the house, repairs/ painting is being done now and it should be ready to move into in a week, but I was told that I can't take the kids there until the divorce is underway.

As it is, I'm at a loss. I'm missing work, I can't trust him to watch the children, he's threatening to take/ spend all of our money, and threatening suicide.

What can I do?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

Who told you the bolded?

Take the children to a daycare provider while you work, if you cannot trust him to watch them.

Take your half of the savings out of the account and put it into an account in your own name.

If you truly believe that he is suicidal then have him committed to the hospital for a 72 hour observation period. Call the police to assist you with that.

 

[LdiJ]

You have quite the double standard -- for YOURSELF, don'tcha?

The house has been bought in such a manner as to disguise YOUR assets. Yet you complain about your H "threatening" to spend "OUR savings."

I'd say Good Old Karma has already come to visit you. May she have a great time while there.

You need to read better. Someone else and someone else's money has purchased the house. If she later buys the house from that person or that person gifts her the house its going to be separate property. No way would it ever be marital property.

No marital assets have been used.

You know this, so why would you get all pissy with this poster?

 

[Isis1]

You need to read better. Someone else and someone else's money has purchased the house. If she later buys the house from that person or that person gifts her the house its going to be separate property. No way would it ever be marital property.

No marital assets have been used.

You know this, so why would you get all pissy with this poster?

i got to admit....i didn't see it that way until SP posted. but OP did say "we" closed and "my" bid was accepted....so ummm....


OP, would you like to clarify with what money are you purchasing the home?

 

[mommyof4]

i got to admit....i didn't see it that way until SP posted. but OP did say "we" closed and "my" bid was accepted....so ummm....


OP, would you like to clarify with what money are you purchasing the home?

OP already did clarify, but I kinda' had the same niggling thoughts that SP had. It sounded kinda' sketchy, IMO.

Post 4

Considering NONE of my money has yet to be used for the house- and won't be until after the divorce, I can hardly see how I've tried to hide anything.

 

[mistoffolees]

Who told you the bolded?

Take the children to a daycare provider while you work, if you cannot trust him to watch them.

100% true. If you can't trust him to watch the kids and if he has made suicide threats, you can not leave the children with him - even for a minute. Get them someone to watch them. Then, immediately file for sole temporary custody with only supervised visitation for the husband.

Take your half of the savings out of the account and put it into an account in your own name.

If you truly believe that he is suicidal then have him committed to the hospital for a 72 hour observation period. Call the police to assist you with that.

While that may all be good advice, I would consult with an attorney first. Things that make sense sometimes come back to haunt you.

On the money thing, that is usually appropriate, but the attorney may want OP to draft a letter stating what she did and that he is free to withdraw the rest. Or the attorney may suggest that she hold it in escrow.

As for having him committed for observation, again, that might be appropriate, but OTOH, if it comes across as a game to get custody of the children, it could have HUGE negative consequences (like the court ordering the kids to go to HIM and her to have supervised visitation). Be very, very careful in how this is handled. If possible, it is better if someone else makes the complaint to the police (if they have witnessed the suicidal behavior, of course). Or, at least, if someone else can confirm her story. If that doesn't happen, it's her story against his - and judges don't like serious accusations that can't be proven.

 

[stealth2]

and what about forcing me to miss work and leaving our children alone?

No one is FORCING you to miss work. Put them in daycare. Lots of people do!

As far as I know, nothing has been filed with the courts.

So file yourself. Seriously - you make it sound as though you want the divorce, but want him to do all the work.

 

[37fhfj2f9m]

Sorry if I wasn't clear about it in my original post. The house I had found was a foreclosure and was selling for a low enough price for a family member to buy fully in cash. Once everything is finalized, I'll easily be able to get a mortgage for it, it'll be transferred into my name, and I'll repay whatever the difference is to my family.

Today, I returned home to find that he had destroyed the closet, ripped out or broke the majority of the shelves, thrown my belongings into bags, and attempted to throw me (and the children) out.

When I refused, he stormed out and his mom called me soon after saying that her son wasn't right in the head, was under a lot of stress, and that things would be much easier if he wasn't living with me so I should leave and stay with someone else until the house is ready.

I informed her that not only wasn't there room for the children and me to go anywhere until the house was ready, but that it would be much easier if he were to move out instead for the time being, especially since our special needs child needs as much stability as possible- and will be having an extremely difficult time as it is.

She understood, completely agreed when the children were mentioned, and, for the time being, he's now living with his parents.


After seeing the remnants of his temper and knowing what he's already done, I filed a report with the police today and they told me that I could file a temp restraining order against him tomorrow which I plan to do.


As far as me missing work, one of my jobs is working with children in an after school program. For that night, I was supposed to be there at 7pm. It was 5 minutes before I was to leave the house when he took off. With advanced warning, I would have had no problems with day care or finding someone I trust to watch them, but given the time frame he left me with, that wasn't an option.


It's not at all that I'm waiting for him to do anything. Up until recently, it's been set that we're to go to a mediator to discuss all of this, but this past few days he's endangered my children, changed his mind on mediation, and is now intent on spending as much of our money as possible.

The only reason I haven't done more is because I'm not sure exactly what I'm allowed or not allowed to do... which is why I am here and I thank you all for your help and advice.