Filing - Adultry -vs- non-contested

[texas_todd]

What is the name of your state?TX


What is the benefit in filing for divorce on the grounds of adulty, what advantage does this give you. Reading on here it doesn't have bearing on custody, then why try to go this route? What is needed to prove that adultry is/has been taking place. She lives with the guy right now as we are trying to get the paperwork complete. She says they are just "room-mates". I found text messages on her phone that she misses there bodies touching and the making love for hours, etc...

[brisgirl825]

The only difference is the amount of money you give your lawyer.

[texas_todd]

Originally Posted by brisgirl825

The only difference is the amount of money you give your lawyer.

Then why is it even an option? Hell, I've been giving the money to my wife for years, why not give it to the lawyer. It is only a difference of $1000 for a non-contested and $1500 for contested.

[texas_todd]

What do we expect on a "FREE" advice board. No real answers, all just want to be the comedian. So no one has any further insight?

[brisgirl825]

Originally Posted by texas_todd

Then why is it even an option? Hell, I've been giving the money to my wife for years, why not give it to the lawyer. It is only a difference of $1000 for a non-contested and $1500 for contested.

I gave you the answer. There is no difference in an un-contested, no fault divorce as compared to a fault divorce. If you want to waste the extra time and money to see, on your divorce decree, that the grounds for divorce are adultry, then go for it. That's all you will be wasting time and money for...words on a piece of paper.
So what do you want me to say? It's your choice on where to go from here.

[Texas_P1]

Originally Posted by brisgirl825

I gave you the answer. There is no difference in an un-contested, no fault divorce as compared to a fault divorce. If you want to waste the extra time and money to see, on your divorce decree, that the grounds for divorce are adultry, then go for it. That's all you will be wasting time and money for...words on a piece of paper.
So what do you want me to say? It's your choice on where to go from here.

Thank you for answering the first question. I then asked why then is there no difference?

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by Texas_P1

Thank you for answering the first question. I then asked why then is there no difference?

There is no difference these days mostly because of societal "norms"....and because ownership/equity issues and child custody issues.

The bottom line is that, in general, the only advantage that adultery gives you is either personal satisfaction/vindication....or, an advantage if that adultery has either seriously damaged children (ie, having sex IN FRONT of the kids) and/or if serious amounts of the marital assets have been spent on the affair (ie taking a trip to Europe for a month with your lover, spending marital money to do it..or racking up serious debts on joint credit cards)

There are situations where adultery does matter...(ie the above)..however, for the most part it doesn't.

[texas_todd]

Originally Posted by LdiJ

There is no difference these days mostly because of societal "norms"....and because ownership/equity issues and child custody issues.

The bottom line is that, in general, the only advantage that adultery gives you is either personal satisfaction/vindication....or, an advantage if that adultery has either seriously damaged children (ie, having sex IN FRONT of the kids) and/or if serious amounts of the marital assets have been spent on the affair (ie taking a trip to Europe for a month with your lover, spending marital money to do it..or racking up serious debts on joint credit cards)

There are situations where adultery does matter...(ie the above)..however, for the most part it doesn't.

Thanks, now this is the type of answers most hope for when posting on these boards, not some smart a$$ remarks that I see so many times in reading through here.

[brisgirl825]

Originally Posted by texas_todd

Thanks, now this is the type of answers most hope for when posting on these boards, not some smart a$$ remarks that I see so many times in reading through here.

I can give the website for a great manly support group. I bet they'd listen to you cry about it.

[dallas702]

Actually, there is a difference in the way a judge looks at the situation. The new "standard" of uncontested or "no fault" divorces makes a presumption that both parties are agreeing to separate without either one being "injured". So when a judge sees two people who don't have much to say about the situation, except how to divvy up the assets and children, he/she rules almost entirely on the laws of the state for those issues. When a "cause" is formally brought before the court, and the "injured" party asks for extra consideration for those grievances, many (most?) judges will alter the decree to "fit the crime". At the very least, proof of adultery and the suffering it caused will tip a judges decisions in favor of the injured party. That could mean thousands...or tens of thousands...of dollars difference in the division of assets and custody of children.

I would rather spend a few hundred bucks more up front and get the chance to show what a dirtbag my stbx is if it means a better division of $$$ or better custody of my kids. Sometimes you gotta use the ammo you've been given.....especially if your stbx would.

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by dallas702

Actually, there is a difference in the way a judge looks at the situation. The new "standard" of uncontested or "no fault" divorces makes a presumption that both parties are agreeing to separate without either one being "injured". So when a judge sees two people who don't have much to say about the situation, except how to divvy up the assets and children, he/she rules almost entirely on the laws of the state for those issues. When a "cause" is formally brought before the court, and the "injured" party asks for extra consideration for those grievances, many (most?) judges will alter the decree to "fit the crime". At the very least, proof of adultery and the suffering it caused will tip a judges decisions in favor of the injured party. That could mean thousands...or tens of thousands...of dollars difference in the division of assets and custody of children.

I would rather spend a few hundred bucks more up front and get the chance to show what a dirtbag my stbx is if it means a better division of $$$ or better custody of my kids. Sometimes you gotta use the ammo you've been given.....especially if your stbx would.

While I agree that it could make a difference....I disagree that it does in practice....at least on a regular basis. My observations are that it doesn't make any difference at all in property settlements unless significant marital funds were spent supporting the affair...and even less often in with custody issues.

On top of that, the financial difference in most cases is considerably more than a few hundred dollars in legal costs. Yeah, maybe the retainer is only a few hundred dollars more...but the final bill is usually a few THOUSAND more.

[Jadejewel]

What if the husband gave almost 8k to the other women but the only proof you have is that it was taken out at an atm where she worked?

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by Jadejewel

What if the husband gave almost 8k to the other women but the only proof you have is that it was taken out at an atm where she worked?

You should probably start your own thread and tell your story in full. You will get better answers that way.