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  1. #1
    aviator41 is offline Junior Member
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    Filing for Dismissal

    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? OKLAHOMA

    My wife filed divorce papers several day ago, admittidely out of anger, she has decided that she would like to try to work things out (as have I) and we are seeking marriage counseling.

    I have told her that she needs to file a dismissal on the divorce proceedings, but so far hasn't.

    My question is this: is there a way for ME to request a dismissal, as the resondent? I have not filed a response and have not retained an attorney as of yet. She filed through an attorney (which may be actually who is dragging his feet, I don't know) I have until September 20th to file my response with the court.
  2. #2
    mistoffolees is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by aviator41 View Post
    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? OKLAHOMA

    My wife filed divorce papers several day ago, admittidely out of anger, she has decided that she would like to try to work things out (as have I) and we are seeking marriage counseling.

    I have told her that she needs to file a dismissal on the divorce proceedings, but so far hasn't.

    My question is this: is there a way for ME to request a dismissal, as the resondent? I have not filed a response and have not retained an attorney as of yet. She filed through an attorney (which may be actually who is dragging his feet, I don't know) I have until September 20th to file my response with the court.
    No, you can not file for dismissal.

    DO NOT miss the Sept 20 date. File a response - even if you think she is going to request a dismissal. In the response, you can state that she told you she would be requesting a dismissal and hope to work things out, but do NOT rely on that because if you miss the deadline and she doesn't dismiss, she will get everything she asked for.
  3. #3
    aviator41 is offline Junior Member
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    Could it possibly work to my advantage to have records of her saying she's is going to file for a dismissal over and over and it never happened?

    This is the same "game" she played when we initially seperated back on 5/11. She filed domestic abuse charges and got a VPO.

    Here's a quick timeline:

    4/18 - she has an affair
    5/11 - the affair was discovered via text messages on her phone bragging to a co-worker, she leaves the house and has me arrested on Domestic Abuse charges (which were false)
    5/14 - after talking she claims she wants to drop the charges and vacate the VPO, and will do so "tomorrow"
    5/16 - I am told she didn't have time but will go down "tomorrow"
    5/21 - I am told there was a clerical error and she will have to go back down again and re-file (courthouse says they've never seen her... it's a SMALL TOWN)
    5/24 - Am told by the courthouse that she picked up the forms, but never filed them. She spoke with the arresting officer on the courthouse steps and was talked out of it.
    5/25 - she says she's asked the DA to drop charges and has vacated the VPO - courthouse says nothing filed
    5/27 - my attorney spoke with D/A and was told nothing was requested - But the VPO has finally been vacated.
    6/1 - she claimes it was a mix-up with paperwork from her attorney and will get it straightenend out
    6/5 - my attorney checked with D/A again - D/A contacts her as asks directly if she wants to drop charges - she states "she has no intention of dropping charges or vacating anything"
    6/9 - I am told again, by her, that she is going down to drop everything - never happens
    6/15 - My attorney contacts her and says if she needs help dropping things, he's willing to meet her at the courthouse to help file everything, she agrees but never shows
    6/25 - I am told she dropped everything "yesterday" - D/A contacted to verify and we are told, yet again, that she hasn't done anything - D/A is getting very miffed at their "client" by now and apparently calls her and tells her to either drop charges, or quit telling me she IS going to drop charges
    6/26 - D/A contacts my attorney and says that he's "fed up" with his client and offers to drop charges on his own based on whats been going on if I will attend a 10 hour anger management class.
    7/4 - She supplies me a notarized letter stating "she will not now or ever assist in my prosecution" - to be delivered to the D/A
    7/23 - Charges are dismissed with costs


    As you can see, there has been a back-and forth of her saying she's going to do something, but never doing it. My concern is that she's going to do the same thing with the divorce dismissal. So you're right, I definatley need to get an answer filed.

    my question is this: if she's willing to jerk me around, as well as the courts, will this fact help my case at all? Of course she's asking for temporary alimony until the case is heard, but the truth she, she's left me with the house and all the bills. SHE moved out and I am struggling financially to keep the family afloat (I have three kids by a prev. wife that I am a full-time dad to)


    She moved out on 5/11 as soon as she knew I was being detained and never moved back. She has been living on her own, paying her own bills this entire time and obviously isn't struggling (not to mention driving a vehicle that is titled in my name ALONE, and financed with an auto loan that is in my name ALONE)

    So basically, I am paying for everything, she's living in an apartment with virtually no bills and I am flat-broke the day after payday trying to keep my head above water.

    At some point, will the courts see the financial and emotional strain SHE is putting on me using the legal system as a pawn?
  4. #4
    Isis1 is offline Senior Member
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    uh, i'm sorry, but....you want to stay MARRIED to this woman?

    with all you listed, i'd file my response AND push for the divorce.
  5. #5
    mistoffolees is offline Senior Member
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    No, it doesn't do you any good to know that she's dishonest and can't be trusted - except that forewarned is forearmed. Just don't believe anything she says any more.

    What you CAN do is file a response to her divorce asking the court to set reasonable temporary ground rules. If she's capable of working and drawing a decent salary, you can ask the court for temporary possession of the house and for her to pay part of the cost of the house since you are both currently obligated to pay it.

    Once you file that response, she may withdraw her original divorce filing, so you may have to refile.

    Not a legal issue, but I would strongly suggest that you get counseling to determine what you want before you do anything. You originally stated your intent to get back together, but claim that she falsely filed abuse charges, had an affair, lies to you constantly, etc. You really need to decide if you want to save the marriage before you do anything. I would also suggest a book called "Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay" to help with that process.
  6. #6
    aviator41 is offline Junior Member
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    I hate to say it, but you're both right... I need to have my head examined!

    Frankly, I've never really looked at it through unbiased eyes before, reading my previous post was kind of a shock to the system!

    You're both right, why am I wanting to stay married to this person? - Well, I love her... don't ask me why, but I do.

    You have to remember that this one incident doesn't encompass her as a person (or me, for that matter) - That was my original way of thinking, way back in May... but after looking at it in the timeline mentioned above and realizing what has happened since... I think you're both right.

    I will grab a copy of that book and read through it, it sounds just like what I need.

    I didn't mention to innumerious times since the timeline above that she's said she wants to work things out, wants to move home, IS moving home (as far as to say "I'm on my way") etc... but has never actually done it. I can't tell you how many of my evenings have been wasted waiting on her to show up, just to have her later tell me she "fell asleep" or "my child is sick" or whatever.. wow... sometimes typing is the best medicine.
  7. #7
    Isis1 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by aviator41 View Post
    I hate to say it, but you're both right... I need to have my head examined!

    Frankly, I've never really looked at it through unbiased eyes before, reading my previous post was kind of a shock to the system!

    You're both right, why am I wanting to stay married to this person? - Well, I love her... don't ask me why, but I do.

    You have to remember that this one incident doesn't encompass her as a person (or me, for that matter) - That was my original way of thinking, way back in May... but after looking at it in the timeline mentioned above and realizing what has happened since... I think you're both right.

    I will grab a copy of that book and read through it, it sounds just like what I need.

    I didn't mention to innumerious times since the timeline above that she's said she wants to work things out, wants to move home, IS moving home (as far as to say "I'm on my way") etc... but has never actually done it. I can't tell you how many of my evenings have been wasted waiting on her to show up, just to have her later tell me she "fell asleep" or "my child is sick" or whatever.. wow... sometimes typing is the best medicine.
    no one can tell you to stop loving her. you are not a bad person for loving her. but you have to love yourself too!! sometimes, really loving someone, means telling them to stop hurting you.
  8. #8
    mistoffolees is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by aviator41 View Post
    You have to remember that this one incident doesn't encompass her as a person (or me, for that matter) - That was my original way of thinking, way back in May... but after looking at it in the timeline mentioned above and realizing what has happened since... I think you're both right.

    I will grab a copy of that book and read through it, it sounds just like what I need.
    Your situation is not an unusual one. "Should I stay or should I leave" is a question in a huge percentage of divorces (maybe even a large majority). That's why I almost always recommend that book for people who are torn. It won't tell you whether to stay or leave, but will help you to understand your own needs and get a better grip on the situation.
  9. #9
    aviator41 is offline Junior Member
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    What an amazing book!! I'm half-way through it already and I know where I need to be. I've spent so much time worrying about this dismissal, I didn't even consider whether or not I really wanted to be in this marriage.

    I'm through Diagnostic Question 10, and I already know this marriage is "too bad to stay"

    Thanks for the advice on the book! I will recomend it, as well as this forum, to anyone contemplating or going through divorce!

    I've informed my attorney to go ahead and file my reply and to be on the lookout of ths so-called dismissal. If it comes, to prepare my own set of divorce papers.

    I have also disontinued "casual" communication with her and let her know that I would like to continue to communicate to bring this to a civil (and less expensive) end... of course I get the whole barage of "I love you's" and "I don't want a divorce"es along with all sorts of other texts.

    In all reality, I don't expect her to file a dismissal. In fact, this morning the Temporary Injunction hearing (of which I had no idea until last night when her attorney contacted mine) was continued to October 8th, I would assume that if she REALLY wanted to dismiss, she would have had him file the dismissal this morning instead of a continuation. Something tells me she playing a game... not sure why. Maybe she's afraid I am going to sell off all the assets or something (Of course the injunction would prevent me from doing that, had I even wanted to)

    Strange games some people play.

    Anyway, thanks for the book idea, what a great anchor in the troubled sea of divorce.
  10. #10
    aviator41 is offline Junior Member
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    Here's a more technical question:

    purchased a home 1 year ago in June for $198,000 - ballance on the mortgage is $195,000 - house hasn't appreciated in value (in fact, it may have gone down)

    Mortgage is in my name only

    Title is in BOTH of our names.

    She moved out on 5/11 and has since signed a lease on a one bedroom apartment for her and her 8 year old daughter and is conducting all of her personanl business from there.

    I am in the house, I work out of the house, my three children live in the house.

    What will the courts decide on ownership? Is there a chance the courts will order her to sign a quit-claim on the house, turning it over to me?


    Also: she is driving a 2006 Mustang. The title to the mustang is in my name ONLY, the loan on the mustang is in my name ONLY, insurance is in both of our names. She has been making the payments since may, and frankly, I don't want the car back. Will the courts order her to obtain her own financing and "purchase" the car from me, getting my name off the title, and the loan paid off? how does that work?
  11. #11
    Isis1 is offline Senior Member
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    technically, that's more of an "ask your lawyer" question.

    it's more probable that you would be asked to buy wife out at a rate suggested by the court. maybe half the equity incurred if there IS any.

    she can be ordered to refinance the vehicle in her own name.
  12. #12
    mistoffolees is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by aviator41 View Post
    Here's a more technical question:

    purchased a home 1 year ago in June for $198,000 - ballance on the mortgage is $195,000 - house hasn't appreciated in value (in fact, it may have gone down)

    Mortgage is in my name only

    Title is in BOTH of our names.

    She moved out on 5/11 and has since signed a lease on a one bedroom apartment for her and her 8 year old daughter and is conducting all of her personanl business from there.

    I am in the house, I work out of the house, my three children live in the house.

    What will the courts decide on ownership? Is there a chance the courts will order her to sign a quit-claim on the house, turning it over to me?


    Also: she is driving a 2006 Mustang. The title to the mustang is in my name ONLY, the loan on the mustang is in my name ONLY, insurance is in both of our names. She has been making the payments since may, and frankly, I don't want the car back. Will the courts order her to obtain her own financing and "purchase" the car from me, getting my name off the title, and the loan paid off? how does that work?
    Isabella is correct. However, in practice, it comes down to "who can afford the home". If one of you has sufficient income to pay the mortgage and the other one doesn't, then the court's decision is easy. If you BOTH want the house and both can afford it, you have to negotiate for it. If you can't reach an agreement, the court could either order it sold or let it go to whoever ends up with primary custody of the kids (to minimize disruption of the kids' lives).

    However, there's a big factor which suggests you will end up with the house if you can afford it. The mortgage is in your name and is close to 100% of the home value (how did you pull that off on a home that's less than a year old?), so she's not likely to be able to refinance in her name. Do NOT sign a quit claim deed unless the mortgage is in her name.

    Whichever one of you gets to keep the house will have to pay the other one 1/2 of the equity (which is probably zero).

    I'm assuming that you have a car, as well. If so, each of you will probably keep the car you're driving and have to finance it in your own name. If that's not possible, I'd ask the court to order the car sold so your credit rating can't be ruined. If one of the cars has significantly more equity than the other, the one keeping the more expensive car may have to pay 1/2 the difference to the other person.
  13. #13
    aviator41 is offline Junior Member
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    Well, the original appraisal on the house was 201,000 - we financed the house for 189,000 plus closing feesof $10,000 - putting the home mortgage at $199,000 - payoff right now on the mortgage is $195,xxx.00 - comps in the area are now putting the house at closer to $185,000 thanks to the housing market crash.

    On the quit-claim, I was hoping I could ask the courts to order HER to sign the quit-claim to get HER off the title, assuming I keep the house.

    and yes, I can afford the home, she cannot. her two paychecks put together would make the mortgagepayment, but leave her with virtually nothing afterwards. The mortgage payment takes 1/4 of my income, if that.

    As far as cars, yes I have one as well. I am terribly upside down in my vehicle (I owe $18,000 on a car worth $9,000 - it's a SUV, it's what I get for trading my truck for a family vehicle) - the Mustang payoff is $15K and change and is worth $14K or so (her "dream car")
  14. #14
    mistoffolees is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by aviator41 View Post
    Well, the original appraisal on the house was 201,000 - we financed the house for 189,000 plus closing feesof $10,000 - putting the home mortgage at $199,000 - payoff right now on the mortgage is $195,xxx.00 - comps in the area are now putting the house at closer to $185,000 thanks to the housing market crash.

    On the quit-claim, I was hoping I could ask the courts to order HER to sign the quit-claim to get HER off the title, assuming I keep the house.

    and yes, I can afford the home, she cannot. her two paychecks put together would make the mortgagepayment, but leave her with virtually nothing afterwards. The mortgage payment takes 1/4 of my income, if that.

    As far as cars, yes I have one as well. I am terribly upside down in my vehicle (I owe $18,000 on a car worth $9,000 - it's a SUV, it's what I get for trading my truck for a family vehicle) - the Mustang payoff is $15K and change and is worth $14K or so (her "dream car")
    Under that scenario, you can reasonably ask the court to have her sign a quit claim since you're the only one who can afford the house and you're already the only one on the mortgage. That's very reasonable and odds are high that it would be granted.

    On the cars, you're going to each end up with a car as well as the debt associated with that car. For the Mustang, the debt and car value are essentially a wash. For your car, you could argue that she has to pay you something since you're taking on a debt which is $9 K more than the equity you're getting. Purely mathematically, you're $9 K in the hole and she's $1 K in the hole on the cars, so she would owe you $4 K. However, from a practical standpoint, the court may not mess with that and may simply say you keep the car and the debt.

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