Forced Separation????

[braynordavi]

What is the name of your state? SC
My husband has attempted to force a separation for no reason other than I guess that is what he wants. We have been remodeling a small country house that I purchased at a really good price where we planned to stay temporarily while repairing the marital home he had when we married that is in bad shape. I have stayed more at the country house than he because of recently trying to get it livable and he has stayed mostly in the marital home because it is near where he is currently working. When I went to the marital home to spend the night and do some cleaning, my husband tried to force me out and called the police and said I did not live there that I live elsewhere. After the police left, my husband still tried to coerce me into leaving. We both stay at both houses and I do not understand what my husband is doing. He is not having an affair. He is just trying to manipulate and control me and I do not know why. He says I have no rights to HIS property, his furniture, his house, his two trucks, etc. We are married. It is a given that we own our property together and I do not understand his reasoning. There are no grounds for divorce and I think he is trying to force me to stay elsewhere and possibly claim I abandoned the marriage. I bought the country house and he had the marital home before. I would never say the house I bought was off limits to him and I do not understand why he is trying to force me to stay away from the marital home. He keeps calling the police after he starts arguments, which I try to ignore and get caught up in sometimes because of his persistence. He lies to people about me and makes up stories to law enforcement. Once when I was on my way home to the marital home after my husband asked me to go home, law enforcement met me in my driveway because my husband called and said I was going home to harass him and that I did not live there. Shocked when I arrived, I told them my husband was making things up and that I was not leaving my home at midnight after driving 45 minutes to get there. Now he is trying to persuade me to stay in the country house and he will stay in it with me 3-4 days a week and he will stay in the marital home other days while working on it so he does not have to travel. The marital home is in one county and the other house in another county. I asked him if he would be willing to sign a legal paper to say this arrangement would not constitute a separation or change of residency and he balked when I said legal as in drawn by an attorney. He said we can sign an agreement we make together. We do have conflicts for some reason because he always finds an argument. He says we can work on recreating a bond and I asked how we could do that apart. We actually already have one agreement witnessed by a notary stating either of us staying in either residence is not conducive to a separation or cause for action of divorce and that we both have access to either dwelling and all marital property. As I said, this was notarized by a notary. I have a little (very little about 10,000) money, the little house, a half acre of land a mobile home and two automobiles in my name and I get the impression he is trying to get it from me. We have been living together 7 years and legally married a little more than two. I do not want a divorce and I think things would be OK if my husband cold just realize the control tac tics he keeps initiating will not be backed up by law. What are my rights as a spouse and what can I do legally? My husband says he does not want a divorce and that he will not move elsewhere to obtain one but he wants me permanently barred from the marital home while he should have access to the country home. Someone please help me sort this out!!!

 

[kat1963]

Not legal advice, but you stated he's not having an affair? Seems to me he wants to *seriously* keep you away from the main home so that he can have his girlfriend over without you knowing about it (7 year itch huh?). Then, he can come see you in the country when he's lonely, the poor Dear. It really sounds to me like he's keeping you on the side lines. Not acceptable. I'd make an appointment with a GOOD family law attorney first thing in the morning.
I'm sure others will have LEGAL advice for you. My ex played a similar game (one of many!).
Best of luck to you!
KAT

 

[huskerfan41]

i don't know what kind of legal advice you are actually asking...

but my "dear abby" opinion is that there is something missing from this story...

 

[braynordavi]

I am asking what my rights are as the wife when no grounds for divorce currently exist? Can my husband force me to stay from the marital home or accuse me of having moved because he is making it uncomfortable for me to return to our home. Is the notarized agreement we made enough to substantiate that there was no intent to move into separate dwellings as he seems to be attempting to enforce? I do not know why my husband is doing these things to me. The only other woman is his 17 year old daughter who just came to reside with us and actually stayed with me more than her father because the country house is in better condition (until I quit letting her drive because she was smoking in my car when told not to and she burned my car seats). I know it must be hard to believe but my husband is not the type to have an affair. You would have to know him. But he can be pretty darn hurtful with words and he lives almost like a hermit.

Is there some legal protection if I chose to stay as he wants in the other house for a time without it aiding him in filing for a divorce and costing me in the long run? If I stay in it can he prevent me from entering our other home? I do love him but I also do not want him walking away with my property.

 

[stealth2]

Time to wake up and smell the roses, sweetheart. "my husband is not the type to have an affair. You would have to know him." Yeah, noone's husband is the type to have an affair and you'd have to know all of them to realize it. There is a reason he's trying to keep you away from that house, and that reasons smells like another woman. That old "if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck" routine.

I'd be seeking the advice of an attorney to make sure all of *your* ducks are in a row.

 

[fried eggs]

Whether or not he's cheating is besides the point. People can be sick with out having an affair and it sounds like your DH is mentally ill in some way or another.

 

[braynordavi]

I have a tendency to agree with your suggestion. I have believed this to be so. My husband seems to be a consumate liar and for no reason. He makes up all sorts of things and he gossips about others, exxagerating things he tells even if there is some truth. He is the most pessimistic of men I have ever known.
I have even thought he may be to some degree schizphrenic and schizophrenics are liars who often believe what they say. My husband believes alot of what he says. I actually think he could benefit from medication but I do not know how to go about getting him examined. To the general public he is the personification of good hard-working individual, but he lives like a hermit. He calls people that he does not want me to know or to know me and has conversations about me telling his "woe be me" stories that are not true. But this does not help me answer the questions I asked about my rights as his spouse and rights to the marital home, when no grounds exist against me for a cause of action of any kind.

 

[kat1963]

Here are the grounds:SECTION 20-3-10. Grounds for divorce.

No divorce from the bonds of matrimony shall be granted except upon one or more of the following grounds, to wit:

(1) Adultery;

(2) Desertion for a period of one year;

(3) Physical cruelty;

(4) Habitual drunkenness; provided, that this ground shall be construed to include habitual drunkenness caused by the use of any narcotic drug; or

(5) On the application of either party if and when the husband and wife have lived separate and apart without cohabitation for a period of one year. A plea of res judicata or of recrimination with respect to any other provision of this section shall not be a bar to either party obtaining a divorce on this ground.

Now, it sounds like he might try to get you on desertion or living apart for a year. Regardless, he'll be granted a divorce eventually.

There is also:
SECTION 20-3-90. Attempt at reconciliation.

In all cases referred to a master or special referee, such master or special referee shall, except in default cases, summon the party or parties within the jurisdiction of the court before him and shall in all cases make an earnest effort to bring about a reconciliation between the parties if they appear before him. No judgment of divorce shall be granted in such case unless the master or special referee to whom such cause may have been referred shall certify in his report or, if the cause has not been referred, unless the trial judge shall state in the decree that he has attempted to reconcile the parties to such action and that such efforts were unavailing.

But again, if he wants to divorce all you can do is delay it.

SC is an equitable division of marital property state. I'm not sure how this would work with your property settlement since it is also a common law marriage state. You really need to see a good family law attorney to help you weed thru the timing of various purchases/accounts & when the *marriage* first legally began. Most give free or low cost consults.

KAT

 

[braynordavi]

This is what I wanted to know and I thank you for your answer. One more thing. I am not trying to get a divorce and he claims he is not. I am returning to the marital home regardless of my husbands demands that I do not and spend the nights in it some, but I also stay in the other house, because it is in much better condition, to get away from the constant verbal commotion my husband creates when I am in the marital home with him as he is always trying to force me to leave (I have also tape recorded these events and he has been aware at the times that I was taping because it is stated during the taping and acknowlwdged during the taping by my husband). I love my husband but I also want to be able to protect myself and my interests in property.

My husband has also stayed in the country house with me often, it is just that lately I am at it more and he is at the marital residence more, and he says he plans to stay with me in the country house about three to four days a week and says I should stay in it and just let him come to it instead of going to stay in the marital home.

The final question is: as long as I am staying in both the marital home and the other and can show by the tapes that my husband has been trying to force me to leave and remain away from the marital home; that I often left to stay in the other as a refuge at times because of his verbal cruelty, would my husband be able to claim dissertion as a ground if it is apparent it was never an intent, considering my reasons for seeking refuge at the other house due to my husband's constant pushing me to do so, and considering the fact that I still also retire in the marital residence and he sometimes stays at the other with me?

 

[braynordavi]

Let me add that my husband's motives are to only prevent me from entering the marital home because he had it before we married and has no concept of rights to a spouse in the marriage, during the marriage. He thinks of the house as his and because I never took part in it that he can evict me like a tenant any time he chooses. He wants to push me out every time he gets upset about something, anything, and always something trivial. There is still cohabitacion between us in both places, it is just that I am sometimes alone in one while he is alone in the other.

I guess I need to add this question: Unless there is a ground to file an initial motion with the court and an order from the court, can my husband prevent me from entering the marital home just because I only stay at it sometimes and if I begin to stay at the other more due to his efforts to have me do so, can he barr me from the marital home when he also, on occasions, stays at the other?

 

[fried eggs]

Braynordavi, I am concerned for your position legally. If your husband spends most of his time lying, he may have become quite accomplished at it and have people believe him despite evidence to the contrary.

You stated that "One more thing. I am not trying to get a divorce and he claims he is not." Do you believe him?

 

[kat1963]

I agree with fried eggs. In his state of mind, if you keep pushing, I see him going for a TRO which will bar you from the marital home. Other then a court order, I don't see how he can keep you from staying at your residence (but confirm with a lawyer, you really, really need to see one in your area!!!!! Even if you just go to learn your rights & how judges tend to rule in your local courts) I kinda worry about your safety as well.

Why do you want to put yourself thru this?

KAT

 

[braynordavi]

About him not wanting to get divorced, I do not know if I believe him because of the fact that he does lie so much. As for the TRO, I do not see how he could get one without cause to get one. I have not done anything. I am not not a danger, have not commited dangerous or harmful acts of any kind against him or property, but he has, I am employed full time and contribute to the marriage probably more than he does. It seems I would actually be more inclinded to get the TRO, but I have had no interst in filing for anything. And you are right, I suppose I wil have to resort to legal counsel for advice. I had hoped to get an answer I could count on through the internet sources from a viable attorney, but I see that is not going to happen. We can discuss and discuss about the circumstances but the law is the law and I only want to know how I stand as far as my rights according to the law, what he can or can not do to me according to the law, and whether or not he would have grounds for a TRO in SC if he can not provide evidence in court to anything against me. Doesn't a TRO also require grounds?