Friggin' Facebook

[SadinSyracuse]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NY
My husband has been carrying on an emotional affair for several months with a former high school girlfriend. I am hoping he will pull his head out of that dark place, but in the meantime I am gathering information on my options.
Background info: i am the sole breadwinner. We have 2 children and own our home .
A friend of mine has told me that under no circumstances should I leave the house. That if I did it could be considered abandonment in the case of divorce. Does this apply? Would this also apply if I continued to meet our financial obligations? What would be the ramifications of taking vs. not taking the children? I do not want to take this step but at the same time don't know how long I can wait for him to stop being a douchebag.

 

[mistoffolees]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NY
My husband has been carrying on an emotional affair for several months with a former high school girlfriend. I am hoping he will pull his head out of that dark place, but in the meantime I am gathering information on my options.
Background info: i am the sole breadwinner. We have 2 children and own our home .
A friend of mine has told me that under no circumstances should I leave the house. That if I did it could be considered abandonment in the case of divorce. Does this apply? Would this also apply if I continued to meet our financial obligations? What would be the ramifications of taking vs. not taking the children? I do not want to take this step but at the same time don't know how long I can wait for him to stop being a douchebag.

If you leave without the children, it will give your husband an advantage in the custody determination.

If you leave and take the children with you, your husband can go to court and ask for them to be returned - and there's a good chance it will happen.

Your best bet is to stay put until you have at least a temporary custody determination.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NY
My husband has been carrying on an emotional affair for several months with a former high school girlfriend. I am hoping he will pull his head out of that dark place, but in the meantime I am gathering information on my options.
Background info: i am the sole breadwinner. We have 2 children and own our home .
A friend of mine has told me that under no circumstances should I leave the house. That if I did it could be considered abandonment in the case of divorce. Does this apply? Would this also apply if I continued to meet our financial obligations? What would be the ramifications of taking vs. not taking the children? I do not want to take this step but at the same time don't know how long I can wait for him to stop being a douchebag.

Where is Facebook involved in this?

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

Where is Facebook involved in this?

I think facebook is where he reunited with his old flame and his been chatting with her on there.

 

[Proserpina]

I think facebook is where he reunited with his old flame and his been chatting with her on there.

Um...I have at least one ex on my InsertSocialNetworkSiteHere friends doodads...

...and I guarantee there ain't nothing more than "hi how ya doing, lost your hair huh? Yeah, I got fat " going on

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

Um...I have at least one ex on my InsertSocialNetworkSiteHere friends doodads...

...and I guarantee there ain't nothing more than "hi how ya doing, lost your hair huh? Yeah, I got fat " going on

HAHA I have a few on my facebook myself...So does my husband I must admit I posted a status once warning his ex she was getting a lil to friendly and dont make me go white trash on her

 

[SadinSyracuse]

Facebook is where the 2 of them reconnected and have carried out most of their ongoings.

I have an ex or 2 on fb myselfbut don't spend 4 hurs or more EVERY DAY (and no, that's no xaggration) chatting with them. To the extent that my children are unsupervised (ags 4 & 7), the house is a COMPLETE disaster and they're eating most of their meals out of a can. The 4 hour days are a minimum. It's like an addiction.

 

[Proserpina]

Facebook is where the 2 of them reconnected and have carried out most of their ongoings.

I have an ex or 2 on fb myselfbut don't spend 4 hurs or more EVERY DAY (and no, that's no xaggration) chatting with them. To the extent that my children are unsupervised (ags 4 & 7), the house is a COMPLETE disaster and they're eating most of their meals out of a can. The 4 hour days are a minimum. It's like an addiction.

You could probably file for divorce, temporary custody and exclusive use of the marital home.

 

[SadinSyracuse]

I'm not looking for that yet. Just wondering what happens IF I walk out, even on a temporary basis.

 

[divona2000]

Who owns the computer?
Who pays the internet bill?
I'd say you, right?
So the next time he is out of the house for a while, sell (or store) the computer, and cancel the net service.
That may be the jolt he needs to wise up.
However, if he then heads for a 'net cafe for further chat, you will know what/who his choice was. Proceed from there.

*Also, leaving the marital home? Bad idea. You might want to eventually return, and discover that Miss Chatty has moved in while you were gone.

 

[Bali Hai]

I'm not looking for that yet. Just wondering what happens IF I walk out, even on a temporary basis.

So you just want to "teach him a lesson"?

My advice:

Don't start something that you're not prepared to finish.

Else the finish may be out of your control.

So you're the supporting spouse and your husband is a stay at home dad?

 

[SadinSyracuse]

Yes, I'm the supporting spouse. I think it's less "teach him a lesson", more try to figure out what each of us wants. Some space to try to wrap my brain around what's going on. What do I want? Is this worth trying to salvage? Does he want to even try (he says yes, but is currently on the phone with her, go figure.) There are a lot of things going on right now and if I decide I need to go away from him, even for a short time, what could the legal reurcussions be?

 

[Zigner]

Just to be clear...
This is NOT the "fault" of Facebook in any way, shape or form. Heck, he could seen a pic of the ex-flame in the newspaper and sent her a postcard to start a relationship by mail. Would the USPS be liable?

 

[LdiJ]

Yes, I'm the supporting spouse. I think it's less "teach him a lesson", more try to figure out what each of us wants. Some space to try to wrap my brain around what's going on. What do I want? Is this worth trying to salvage? Does he want to even try (he says yes, but is currently on the phone with her, go figure.) There are a lot of things going on right now and if I decide I need to go away from him, even for a short time, what could the legal reurcussions be?

Again, you risk him getting primary custody of the children and/or temporary possession of the marital residence.

It would be better to file for a legal separation and ask for possession of the marital home.

 

[Proserpina]

Yes, I'm the supporting spouse. I think it's less "teach him a lesson", more try to figure out what each of us wants. Some space to try to wrap my brain around what's going on. What do I want? Is this worth trying to salvage? Does he want to even try (he says yes, but is currently on the phone with her, go figure.) There are a lot of things going on right now and if I decide I need to go away from him, even for a short time, what could the legal reurcussions be?

Here's the problem. The very second you give someone an ultimatum you've more or less sprinted past the point of no return - you better be willing to go through with the threat. Nobody can tell you what to do, but if there's a lack of trust between you - and there obviously is a lack of trust - your foundations are already rocky, if only temporarily.

From your use of "emotional affair" I'm assuming he hasn't physically been sniffing around anyone else's tailpipe (so to speak) but merely checking out the bodywork and hanging onto the owner's every word - maybe with a desire to test-drive?

If that's the case, and you give him that ultimatum and he caves...what's going to happen the next time someone else with a nice fender appears in his rear-view mirror?

What made him notice this one? Is there an unusually stressful situation going on in your lives? Has he always had the tendency to look? Can you truly say this is probably a one-off? (and yes, that's absolutely possible).

These are the questions for which you need answers before you make any decision.