Get away from g-parents...

[ashey_152003]

What is the name of your state? MISSOURI

HI, I AM 14 YRS OLD, I WAS ADOPTED BY MY G-PARENTS AND WAS RAISED knowin them as my parents till i was 10. They have always kept me away from my mom, who was young when she had me and they kicked her out and kept me. I recently have started talking to her. I want to live w/ her, and think legally I can, but am not sure. I know my g-parents will fight it, they use me as a way to get back at her. I want out cuz,

**my g-pa used to sexually abuse me (french kissing) and makes sexual comments every once in awhile, I'm not comfortable. My uncles used to abuse me physically and mentally, and almost daily I am yelled at and told I am worthless, that I am not good enough, ect.

I was just wondering if legally I could be GUARENTEED TO BE ABLE TO GO W/ MY MOM.
She doesnt live in the best cconditions now, but if she got in a stable house/trailer would we have a better chance? Could I get a restraining order against my grandparents? Please give me all the info you can, thanks soo much!
ashley

 

[ellencee]

Ashley
I already told you that you are being led astray by your emotionally stunted birth mother and you are making up ridiculous allegations against the persons who have not only lost their daughter to her bad behavior but sacrificed the time of their life that was supposed to be just for them in order to raise you.

You are now misbehaving and are headed down a road of self-destruction. My suggestion to you is to go home to your parents, who are your grandparents, and stay away from your birth mother. She is leading you down the wrong road and you are too young and too immature to realize it. By the time you are old enough and mature enough to realize it, it will be too late for you and you will have ruined your life, just as she did.

I think it is your grandparents who need to get a restraining order to keep your birth mother away from you.

I am sure you are as mature as a 14 year-old can be, but just as you don't have all of the teeth that you will have when you are grown, and all of the height that you will have when you are grown, you don't have all of the brain cells that you will have when you are grown. It is these growth and development changes that allow adults to see things differently than young adolescents do--that and life experiences, of which you have none.

You are really, really messing up here. You need to leave that woman alone; and I mean leave her alone. She is ruining the good life that you have and she is doing it to benefit herself, not to benefit you.

Prove that you are mature and leave this woman alone. Get your life back on track with your parents and focus on growing up healthy, educated, not pregnant, and not on drugs.

 

[stealth2]

Since your grandparents adopted you, your mom has little to no chance of gaining custody of you.

I've gone back through your other posts, and I have to agree that it's no surprise that you're not happy living with your grandparents - I bet they're trying to rein you in like they couldn't your mother, and you resent it. *Personally*, I think the important thing for both you and your mother to do right now is build an adult/child relationship, and for her to encourage you to settle yourself down. Go to school, study, get involved in extracurriculars that don't include older boys, parties and sex. Perhaps if your grandparents see you becoming a more responsible young woman - and your mother encouraging you in that - they'll be more amenable to encouraging your relationship.

 

[kat1963]

Ashley, both posters are right. In addition you need to stop romanticizing & glamorizing living with your birth mother. Look at all the years she has had to clean up her act. Don’t you think that if really ever wanted to have any kind of chance in being allowed back in your life, she would have picked herself up by her own bootstraps and made a life for herself? She hasn’t done that YET and chances are, she will never be anything more then she is right now. She is filling your young head with a bunch of crappola. There was a reason you were adopted by your grandparents, she was found to be unfit….has she changed it? NO she has NOT.
Also, I wouldn’t be surprised that if by some chance your mother decides to pursue this, she ends up with nothing more then a no contact order and/or restraining order herself. Which if she breaks it by contacting you will find her in jail once again.

We aren’t saying these things to be mean, but someone has to stress to you what a bad situation you are trying so desperately to put yourself in. You making these accusations against people who loved you enough to give up their own flesh & blood in order to make sure that you had a decent life. You have a future here, don’t blow it. You can always have an adult relationship with your mother…but don’t be surprised if you wind up being her caretaker too.

KAT

 

[ellencee]

Well said, kat1963 and momma_tiger!

 

[ashey_152003]

....

I understand what you all are saying, and I thank you for ur advice, one question tho..
When you said ... "and you are making up ridiculous allegations against the persons who have not only lost their daughter to her bad behavior but sacrificed the time of their life that was supposed to be just for them in order to raise you." that bothered me, are you saying I am lying about the abuse I have gone thru??! I understand what all you said about my mom, and again thank you for taking the time to write back to my reply. But I AM NOT MAKIN UP WHAT HAS HAPPENED. I am not makin allegations against them, I know what they did. Just want to make that clear. Thanks again

 

[ellencee]

I remember the description of your grandfather's actions and I remember telling you that there is a vast difference between this nauseatingly gross tongue touching thing some people do and lots of children do and in French Kissing. I'd almost be willing to bet this little dog that I love and hate that until your mom told you it was French Kissing, you just thought it was a tongue game with your granddad--and, you were what 4? If he was a sexual pervert or child molester, you would have experienced much more than that.

I hate to say it, but the only person abusing you is your mother. She is emotionally abusing you. I'm not saying she is a bad person; I am saying she is a person who made some poor decisions that very negatively affected her life and everyone's around her.

Your mother will never be able to function as a normal adult and a normal mother; and, all of us adults have our faults and our problems. We just don't go around destroying other people's lives and most of us would give our life to protect our children.

I don't want the same thing to happen to you. You sound like a darling young lady with a great future and a huge capacity to love and to forgive. These very traits are what manipulative people use to gain possession of someone's life. Your mother is manipulating you right out of the bright future that you have.

You must learn to love her and respect her for who she is, not who you want her to be. An honest love is the only love than give you the benefit of a healthy, longterm relationship. Once your life has gone down the drain and she can't gain any emotional or financial benefit from your relationship, you will be of no use to her or of little use to her. If you aren't careful, you will destroy your life and your future and spend the rest of your life miserable and heartbroken with goals and dreams unrealized and unobtainable.

For your own good, which is really all I care about, you must distance yourself from this woman. You've let her take control of you already and you need to set yourself free. You are the only one who can save your life and your future.

 

[ashey_152003]

2 answer....

To answer that, just for the record lol, my mom didnt know about what my g-pa did, Up until pretty recently.... I told her what he did, she didnt. I'm sry but i cant tak all of u guyz advice, i do belive in some of the things u said, but i cant stop talking to my mom, i will continue to TALK to her on the phone. but i am takin what you all said into consideration

 

[ellencee]

I think you show very good judgement--talk, but keep the situation under control while you continue to live with your adoptive parents, go to school, and enjoy being 14 (it won't come around again and laughing and giggling will never be quite that much fun again!)

 

[ms.howard]

YOu need to get some help

I was also molested as a child and no one believed me until he admitted to it on his death bed, so I am not here to tell you that you are making it up, maybe some people have forgotten what day and age we live in, hell priest are molesting kids now.

Sweetie you need to go to you local human services and expalin to then what has happened and get the help that you not only need but deserve. Don't listen to those who say you are misbehaving, for the record, teen girls who start "misbehaving" are ussually vitims of sexual abuse.

You Child services / human services department can and will help you and get you to a safe place, and if that is with your mom then that is where you need to be.

 

[Pam Quigley]

Ashley, I am ashamed that some people on this board are not taking you seriousy about your gpa kissing you in a VERY INAPPROPRIATE way - please tell someone that you can trust (school counselor, teacher, etc.) about this immediately! You may not end up with your mother sweetie, but you will definately not be around someone who may possibly decide one day to take this inappropriate action further and causing you a great deal more pain and possible life scarring. Please seek help immediately - and worry about your mother later. Take care of yourself!

 

[ellencee]

Ms. Howard and Pam Quigley
You are both grossly misinformed about Ashley's situation and due to your failure to read her prior posts, you have given her atrocious and dangerous advice. Her birth mother is a criminal; a drug user with a long history (at least 15 years) of serious drug abuse and leads a highly immoral and immature life. Her birth mother is a trouble-maker still rebelling against her parents. She is manipulating this child into wanting to give up a good life with her PARENTS to join this her in her life of drugs, debauchery, and rebellion.
SHAME ON YOU!

 

[Pam Quigley]

I told her not to worry about her mother (meaning birth mother) and to worry about herself. No matter what type of person her birth mother is - does not justify a grandparent (adopted parent, whatever) from french kissing a child - even in "play". Thank God I have never had any one "play" tongue games with me as a child - I too would have been confused. (When my son was a toddler I caught our 15 year old neighbor (a girl) teaching him to "french kiss" - I literally threw her out of my house and she has never ever been allowed near my son again. My son is now 17 years old and thank God doesn't rememer that incident - but I will never forget it!!) If, in fact, her grandfather has or is doing this to her, she needs to seek help in that matter - nevermind her birth mother - she shouldn't figure into it at all at this point - just getting Ashley the help she needs is paramount to anything! Ashley thinks her grandfather is doing inappropriate things to her - she should not have to put up with that - she needs way more help than any one of us on this board can provide her. She needs counseling and guidance - big time - and "if" she is "making all this up" - she needs it (counseling) even more so she can deal with all the issues she is having in her very young life. We don't live her life - none of us know for a fact what this child is going thru - I wish her the best. And that doesn't mean to live with a grandfather french kissing her OR a drug addicted birth mother - she deserves better than either of those situations.

 

[ellencee]

For the love of Pete! Her grandfather didn't French Kiss her! He sacrificed his life for this young lady! Yes, she most definitely needs a counselor and some help. Why else would she continue to reach out for help on this forum?
Put yourself in these parent's shoes--the birth mother of your adopted child shows up 14 years later and starts making you looks a pedophile so she can steal your child from your house and turn her into a carbon copy of herself. Would you stand by and do nothing? No! These parents must be nearly out of their minds with grief and anger.
This young poster is 14 years of age. Do you remember how grown and how learned you thought you were at 14? I do. Do you realize how young, immature, and unlearned you were at that age and how wrong you were with your perceptions about life? I do. Ashley will look back and realize how wrong she was one day, too. I just hope she has a life worth living at the time she is able to see clearly; chances are, she'll be in the same situation as her birth mother unless someone steps in and puts a stop to the birth mohter's influence on this child.

 

[stealth2]

I believe that Ashley has - in the past - been advised to contact appropriate authorities if she feels her grandfather's behavior was out of line. As far as I can see, she has yet to do so and continues to pursue the same line of questioning about going to live with her mother. I can't help but think that there may be some exaggeration going on. IF NOT, I would again urge Ashley to talk to a counselor at school, her doctor, a pastor, etc. to make certain she is kept safe. But her refusal to pursue those lines of action up to now ....