Getting Divorced and Broke

[LostCause20]

What is the name of your state? Louisiana

I have been married to my wife for nearly 9 years. I have 2 children ages 8 and 3 both boys. I walked out on my wife last night for the following reasons.

1. She does not do anything alone with me. Example Time apart from children. Weekend vacation.

2. We have been living with her Grandmother for our entire marriage even though I have asked repeatedly to venture out on our own. I am 32 years old and I have nothing of value in my life with the exception of my children.

3. She recently decided to pursue a home of our own which was fine and good until I found out Grandma would be coming with us. I cannot discipline my children as a parent without Grandma stepping in and undoing anything I try to teach my children.

4. I have been unhappy for a very long time. I am a patient man and I am not selfish. I had hoped that eventually something would work itself out but I have grown weary. I am so tired.

5. I have repeated attempted to begin things such as a savings account and credit repair so that we may be better off. These plans have always been thwarted by her spending habits.

Upon me telling her last night it was very calm. No yelling or anything. I pretty much blind sided her with it.

I am seeking advice because I am now very nervous. She has lawers in her family and they will work for free. She can have them stall and eat me alive since I will be on a very tight budget. Are there any avenues I can explore that may help? She is already threatening to ban me from any type of weekend visitation with my children which will tear me apart. My main focus in my life will be my children....This is very important to me. I am willing to pay for anything she and the children need so long as I can afford a small car note and a roof over my head. Even though I have offered this she is already insisting on running me though the legal system.

What can I do?

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by LostCause20

What is the name of your state? Louisiana

I have been married to my wife for nearly 9 years. I have 2 children ages 8 and 3 both boys. I walked out on my wife last night for the following reasons.

1. She does not do anything alone with me. Example Time apart from children. Weekend vacation.

2. We have been living with her Grandmother for our entire marriage even though I have asked repeatedly to venture out on our own. I am 32 years old and I have nothing of value in my life with the exception of my children.

3. She recently decided to pursue a home of our own which was fine and good until I found out Grandma would be coming with us. I cannot discipline my children as a parent without Grandma stepping in and undoing anything I try to teach my children.

4. I have been unhappy for a very long time. I am a patient man and I am not selfish. I had hoped that eventually something would work itself out but I have grown weary. I am so tired.

5. I have repeated attempted to begin things such as a savings account and credit repair so that we may be better off. These plans have always been thwarted by her spending habits.

Upon me telling her last night it was very calm. No yelling or anything. I pretty much blind sided her with it.

I am seeking advice because I am now very nervous. She has lawers in her family and they will work for free. She can have them stall and eat me alive since I will be on a very tight budget. Are there any avenues I can explore that may help? She is already threatening to ban me from any type of weekend visitation with my children which will tear me apart. My main focus in my life will be my children....This is very important to me. I am willing to pay for anything she and the children need so long as I can afford a small car note and a roof over my head. Even though I have offered this she is already insisting on running me though the legal system.

What can I do?

If you are willing to give up a marriage over those kinds of reasons, then she is probably better off without you.

[fairisfair]

You don't mention not still being in love with your wife. And your children certainly deserve that their parents make every effort to make the marriage work. Have you considered marriage counseling?

As for Grandma, it is very difficult at times to have extended families living in the same house. I have great respect for those who care for the elderly members of their families in such a way and so should you, remember your children are learning the lesson of empathy towards the elderly, and one day that old man will be YOU.

[LostCause20]

Excuse me.. I had assumed this was a legal advice forum. Wait. Did I type morality.com by mistake. I see this was a mistake and I have opened myself up to bad husband bashing by not writing a 10 page report on my 9 year marriage with ALL of the facts. I will seek advice elsewhere.

Thank you for your time any of you who were actually planning to give me useful advice. I will not be coming to this sight again.

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by LostCause20

Excuse me.. I had assumed this was a legal advice forum. Wait. Did I type morality.com by mistake. I see this was a mistake and I have opened myself up to bad husband bashing by not writing a 10 page report on my 9 year marriage with ALL of the facts. I will seek advice elsewhere.

Thank you for your time any of you who were actually planning to give me useful advice. I will not be coming to this sight again.

In case you come back, my advice is to file for divorce and custody of the children immediately.

[Accountable]

Lostcause....I see you are still viewing the thread....so I wanted to point out that her threats to "ban" you from visitation are just that...a meaningless threat. She would have to have to prove you unfit, which is difficult, in order to convince a judge that her children should be deprived of visitation with their father.

[smallbusiness]

I am going through a similar situation, except I have two degrees and a biz that was work 1.2 mil. My wife ran circles around me, spent the money, and tied me up in never ending litigation until things were drained. I finally woke up.

Here's the good news: you know what's important in your life:

#1 your kids
#2 getting away from your wife and family.

Get a good volunteer attorney and fight like hell for your rights with the kids. Stay focused on that and don't give up. Things will get better.

I can feel your pain. I can't believe these guys were telling you to stay in the marriage...ecch...

[smallbusiness]

I am going through a similar situation, except I have two degrees and a biz that was work 1.2 mil. My wife ran circles around me, spent the money, and tied me up in never ending litigation until things were drained. I finally woke up.

Here's the good news: you know what's important in your life:

#1 your kids
#2 getting away from your wife and family.

Get a good volunteer attorney and fight like hell for your rights with the kids. Stay focused on that and don't give up. Things will get better.

I can feel your pain. I can't believe these guys were telling you to stay in the marriage...ecch...

[Jimmi Army]

It's not anyone's place to judge you, as they are not in your shoes and only know a very small portion of the story. The possibility of counseling or other means to make amends may be wise, though. Sometimes we don't realize what we've lost till it's gone. Maybe a trial separation would be good. If your wife wants to stay married, then she should be willing to make reasonable efforts to change in a reasonable way, like personal time or the like. I try to give constructive assistance. But legally, I don't have a clue what to do, especially with three kids. I wonder is she wants a divorce, but just wants control over the kids too, and has been waiting for you to request the divorce to gain that control somehow. People can be very manipulative, sadly.

[wayne-o]

i checked...there is no website called morality.com

I hope things work out but i am worried that if you havent been able to put a roof over your head until now, how you can do it while paying child support.

[ceara19]

Originally Posted by wayne-o

i checked...there is no website called morality.com

I hope things work out but i am worried that if you havent been able to put a roof over your head until now, how you can do it while paying child support.

Once dubya got into office, he decided to have the government take over all things moral. The website you are looking for has moved to morality.GOV.

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by wayne-o

i checked...there is no website called morality.com

I hope things work out but i am worried that if you havent been able to put a roof over your head until now, how you can do it while paying child support.

What makes you think it's going to be HIM paying child support?

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by Bali Hai

What makes you think it's going to be HIM paying child support?

Well, the fact that he walked out and left without the kids, and the fact that there are lawyers in his wife's family and she will likely be getting free legal assistance are two pretty good indicators.

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by LdiJ

Well, the fact that he walked out and left without the kids, and the fact that there are lawyers in his wife's family and she will likely be getting free legal assistance are two pretty good indicators.

OP states he walked out on his wife not the kids. Did he "walk out" and into the next room? We don't know that.

I'm sure the judge will be very interested to hear that her family is representing her (and free of charge) when the husbands attorney brings it up.

[Ohiogal]

Originally Posted by Bali Hai

OP states he walked out on his wife not the kids. Did he "walk out" and into the next room? We don't know that.

I'm sure the judge will be very interested to hear that her family is representing her (and free of charge) when the husbands attorney brings it up.

It won't matter that her attorney is a member of the family. It is IRRELEVANT!