Going to be filing paper @court but could use some help

[NewYear]

What is the name of your state? New York City

Hello, I was referred here by a family member. Here is my story. Married for the 2nd time, we have 2 children together, I have been married before so there are 3 step children that live with us perm. I am from Ill. and we were married in Ill 3 yrs ago after having our first daughter. Now the children I have from a previous marriage, agreed to allow us to move to NY with visitation 9 wks total each year, which I do.

Since we moved here to NYC (3 yrs ago) my husband changed. he began drinking, and now he drinks alot. He has been in the hospital for poisening, he has abused prescription drugs, everything from vicoden from my Csections and kidney stones (left me with none for pain, even when I hide them he found them) to purchasing them off the streets, or from friends. I have recently found cocaine residue in his dresser drawer. Now this is all VERY new info to me. I knew he drank, and was I guess an alcoholic but I guess I turned a "blind eye"

What has changed is verbal abuse is escallating, my oldest child (step son) is 12 yrs old, he grabbed him in anger yesterday by his collar and got into his face yelling at him to "stop being a smart ass" He has punched holes in the walls 2 times, he curses at me daily and at the children from time to time. And in the last month it's gotten worse. My son got a kiddie video camera for Xmas this year and he was playing with it, and caught my husband calling another son an "uneducated monkey", he calls me the C word, B word amongst other things.

History is several DUI's, arrested for menancing and spousal abuse 1 time over a year ago now. He has been excorted out of the house, but he knows all the cops out here so they take him for coffee to relax then bring him home. He did have a RO against him from me, and ALL the kids, but after he agreed to counseling and AA I requested it be null and void.

I know I have to go to court and file papers #1. to move with the children, but I wonder if I should get a TRO now? It's mainly verbal abuse, no physical except him grabbing the 12 yr old but i don't know what in the courts eyes is violence and what is not. I've been dealing with it so long I don't think clearly about it.

I'm scared the judge won't let me go home and force me to stay here in NY. I can't afford daycare. Husband stopped working now, we are about to get evicted, I can't trust him witht he step children, daycare is $400 a week, and that's the cheapest. I used to work full time and she stayed with the children but I would come home to him drinking sometimes and that scared me. But we are already getting food stamps, medicaid, I sell my things to pay for gas and copays for my children's prescriptions. If I can go home, I can have babysitters, my sister and mom/dad, as well as a great job I used to work at would hire me back.

What all should I request to fill out. Can I put a "hurry" on it? Can I take children out of school mid year? I'm scared but I know my children are suffering. If I feel this bad, they must feel worse.

[NewYear]

Anyone? I want to go Monday morning.

[Ohiogal]

Originally Posted by NewYear

What is the name of your state? New York City

Hello, I was referred here by a family member. Here is my story. Married for the 2nd time, we have 2 children together, I have been married before so there are 3 step children that live with us perm. I am from Ill. and we were married in Ill 3 yrs ago after having our first daughter. Now the children I have from a previous marriage, agreed to allow us to move to NY with visitation 9 wks total each year, which I do.


The children agreed or the children's father agreed to allow you to move HIS children to NY with your new husband?

Since we moved here to NYC (3 yrs ago) my husband changed. he began drinking, and now he drinks alot.

Prove it.

He has been in the hospital for poisening,


What kind of poisoning? And be aware his medical records are protected by HIPPA.

he has abused prescription drugs, everything from vicoden from my Csections and kidney stones (left me with none for pain, even when I hide them he found them) to purchasing them off the streets, or from friends.

Prove it.

I have recently found cocaine residue in his dresser drawer.


Prove it. How do you know it is cocaine residue? How do you know it was not baking soda, powdered sugar or something of that nature? HOw are you knowledgable about what cocaine looks like?

Now this is all VERY new info to me. I knew he drank, and was I guess an alcoholic but I guess I turned a "blind eye"

What has changed is verbal abuse is escallating, my oldest child (step son) is 12 yrs old, he grabbed him in anger yesterday by his collar and got into his face yelling at him to "stop being a smart ass"


Not good parenting necessarily but also not legally abuse.

He has punched holes in the walls 2 times,

And did you call the police? Were the holes fixed? Can you prove how the holes got there?

he curses at me daily and at the children from time to time. And in the last month it's gotten worse. My son got a kiddie video camera for Xmas this year and he was playing with it, and caught my husband calling another son an "uneducated monkey",

Again not legally abuse. Not nice maybe but it could also be chalked up as joking around.


he calls me the C word, B word amongst other things.

Do you call him any names? Those could be chalked up to arguments that married people have and he could dismiss it as nothing more than just how you two fight. Have you ever called him a ******* or an ass or anything of that nature?


History is several DUI's,

So?

arrested for menancing and spousal abuse 1 time over a year ago now.

And yet you stayed with him. So it really was NOT that big of a deal to you.

He has been excorted out of the house, but he knows all the cops out here so they take him for coffee to relax then bring him home. He did have a RO against him from me, and ALL the kids, but after he agreed to counseling and AA I requested it be null and void.

Again that shows you are NOT afraid of him and cancels out anything else you might say.



I know I have to go to court and file papers #1. to move with the children, but I wonder if I should get a TRO now?

You want to move with the childreN? You can move without filing papers if there are no restraining orders or a pending divorce/separation/dissolution in the courts for the two of you. However he can also file that you should be forced to return the kids (his kids) until the divorce is finalized and it most likely would be granted.


It's mainly verbal abuse, no physical except him grabbing the 12 yr old but i don't know what in the courts eyes is violence and what is not.

Verbal abuse? Prove it. As for grabbing the 12 year old -- did you report that to the police? Did the 12 year old have bruises or other lasting injury? How did he grab the child?


I've been dealing with it so long I don't think clearly about it.

I'm scared the judge won't let me go home and force me to stay here in NY.

That is very likely.


I can't afford daycare.

The court will not care because your husband is here.

Husband stopped working now,

And you apparently have stopped working as well.

we are about to get evicted,

Which is the fault of BOTH you and your husband.

I can't trust him witht he step children,

Yet you still live with him.


daycare is $400 a week, and that's the cheapest.

And there are options -- many states/counties have day care help available.

I used to work full time and she stayed with the children but I would come home to him drinking sometimes and that scared me.

And yet you STUCK AROUND WITH HIM and had restraining orders dismissed so it did not scare you too much.

But we are already getting food stamps, medicaid, I sell my things to pay for gas and copays for my children's prescriptions. If I can go home, I can have babysitters, my sister and mom/dad, as well as a great job I used to work at would hire me back.

What all should I request to fill out. Can I put a "hurry" on it? Can I take children out of school mid year? I'm scared but I know my children are suffering. If I feel this bad, they must feel worse.

And you have made mistakes. Dad has equal rights to his children. YOur children (his stepchildren) you can take out of state as long as you get permission from or notify their father and the court depending on what that court order states. Again you may say you are scared but your actions don't show it. And if you walk into court asking for yet another restraining order after dismissing the one that was granted don't expect a court to be happy with you. Especially when they find out you want to leave the state with the kids -- it will look like nothing more than a ploy.

[NewYear]

I will try and answer the best I can.
Cocaine residue he admitted to me, he also admitted these things to a counseler we went to together. Although HIPPA won't let ME get them, I think the courts can get them if needed.

I know about the hospital b/c I called 911. I held the bottle in my hand and showed my ambien pills to the cops. I signed the police report and I have the hospital discharge letters.

I have called the PD on him 2 times, he was excorted out both, once arrested. I only agreed to work it out if he got help, but he didn't really try, he bluffed.


5 children in daycare costs about $445 a WEEK! I have applied for help with child care from both state and local support places there is a waiting list which I am on. CPS also has "recommended" that I be the primary caregiver at home instead of husband due to the fact he has had 4 CPS calls on him for verbal stuff (I think the neighbors called) and once the school called b/c my son told on him.

I am trying to keep my family safe. I have pictures of holes in the walls, photos of the cases and cases of empty beer bottles. This may be nothing then. Mabye he is right, I can't leave and I can't do anything to him b/c I REFUSE to leave my 2 children here with him and take the stepchildren and go home. I won't even go the the grocery store without them and leave them with him b/c he's unpredictable.


And yet you STUCK AROUND WITH HIM and had restraining orders dismissed so it did not scare you too much.

I agreed to stick with it IF he got help, AA, counseling, rehab something, he agreed but then didn't do it. ONE counseling appt with me there, then it stopped.

Ohiogirl~~are you an attorny?

[Ohiogal]

Originally Posted by NewYear

I will try and answer the best I can.
Cocaine residue he admitted to me, he also admitted these things to a counseler we went to together. Although HIPPA won't let ME get them, I think the courts can get them if needed.

Actually no the courts cannot necessarily get them. You would have to subpoena them and then the subpoena can be objected to and quashed.


I know about the hospital b/c I called 911. I held the bottle in my hand and showed my ambien pills to the cops. I signed the police report and I have the hospital discharge letters.

I have called the PD on him 2 times, he was excorted out both, once arrested. I only agreed to work it out if he got help, but he didn't really try, he bluffed.


5 children in daycare costs about $445 a WEEK! I have applied for help with child care from both state and local support places there is a waiting list which I am on. CPS also has "recommended" that I be the primary caregiver at home instead of husband due to the fact he has had 4 CPS calls on him for verbal stuff (I think the neighbors called) and once the school called b/c my son told on him.

I am trying to keep my family safe. I have pictures of holes in the walls, photos of the cases and cases of empty beer bottles. This may be nothing then. Mabye he is right, I can't leave and I can't do anything to him b/c I REFUSE to leave my 2 children here with him and take the stepchildren and go home. I won't even go the the grocery store without them and leave them with him b/c he's unpredictable.


And yet you STUCK AROUND WITH HIM and had restraining orders dismissed so it did not scare you too much.

I agreed to stick with it IF he got help, AA, counseling, rehab something, he agreed but then didn't do it. ONE counseling appt with me there, then it stopped.

Ohiogirl~~are you an attorny?

I am an attorney. Ohiogirl I dont know about.

[Ohiogal]

Originally Posted by NewYear

I will try and answer the best I can.
Cocaine residue he admitted to me, he also admitted these things to a counseler we went to together. Although HIPPA won't let ME get them, I think the courts can get them if needed.

Actually no the courts cannot necessarily get them. You would have to subpoena them and then the subpoena can be objected to and quashed. And you would need proof that it WAS cocaine. His word may not mean much since there is nothing to back it up.


I know about the hospital b/c I called 911. I held the bottle in my hand and showed my ambien pills to the cops. I signed the police report and I have the hospital discharge letters.

And since it concerns HIS health he can fight to NOT have it admitted. And police reports are considered hearsay. And what proof do you have that you didn't agree he could take your drugs. That you both weren't partying?

I have called the PD on him 2 times, he was excorted out both, once arrested. I only agreed to work it out if he got help, but he didn't really try, he bluffed.

But you still didn't follow through. You really didn't. And the one time you did and got a restraining order you had it dismissed. Which means your credibility with the courts is NOT going to be easily disputed by any marginal attorney.

5 children in daycare costs about $445 a WEEK! I have applied for help with child care from both state and local support places there is a waiting list which I am on. CPS also has "recommended" that I be the primary caregiver at home instead of husband due to the fact he has had 4 CPS calls on him for verbal stuff (I think the neighbors called) and once the school called b/c my son told on him.

And yet you are STILL with him after the FIRST CPS call. That harms your credibility because it shows the courts that you do NOT think he is a danger. And apparently CPS has not substantiated any abuse or he would have been out of the house or the children would have been removed. You being the primary caregiver DOES NOT preclude you from supporting your family. They are two different issues.


I am trying to keep my family safe. I have pictures of holes in the walls, photos of the cases and cases of empty beer bottles.

And you would have to prove that he did it, that you were afraid for your safety or the safety of your children and that you did not accept his behavior -- which is hard to do considering you have stayed with him, not left, not gone to a battered women's shelter and had the TRO you got against him dismissed.

This may be nothing then. Mabye he is right, I can't leave and I can't do anything to him b/c I REFUSE to leave my 2 children here with him and take the stepchildren and go home. I won't even go the the grocery store without them and leave them with him b/c he's unpredictable.


You can leave. And he can walk into court this week and file for HIS children to be returned to NY jurisdiction until the divorce is settled and custody is determined.

And yet you STUCK AROUND WITH HIM and had restraining orders dismissed so it did not scare you too much.

I agreed to stick with it IF he got help, AA, counseling, rehab something, he agreed but then didn't do it. ONE counseling appt with me there, then it stopped.

Ohiogirl~~are you an attorny?

I am an attorney. Ohiogirl I dont know about. As for you agreeing to stay IF he got help -- you should have made sure he was getting the help before you get agreed to stay. AGAIN you made mistakes. You would need to prove that he is a DANGER to his children. And so far you have nothing.