Grandparents learning

[kia38]

What is the name of your state? California
Our son and his wife are negotiating a separation, full details as yet not disclosed .
They are residents of California and were married in California 6 years ago. They have a daughter aged 2.Our daughter in law is giving full custody to our son, next week she is heading off to Georgia to "find herself"
Separation currently is amicable but grand-parents are older and hopefully wiser.
Already we have purchased car seats at $269, trips to our son involve a 480 mile round trip and we know more expenses will be on the way.We are keeping a tally of all expenditure related to our grand-daughter.
We assume daughter in law will find accommodation and a job,although her employment history leaves a lot to be desired.
On the hopeful assumption that in due course she finds a well paying job, or wins the lottery, would we as grand-parents have any recourse for child care costs that we incur, be they mileage or property,clothing, tuition etc.
All advice gratefully received.What is the name of your state?

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state? California
Our son and his wife are negotiating a separation, full details as yet not disclosed .
They are residents of California and were married in California 6 years ago. They have a daughter aged 2.Our daughter in law is giving full custody to our son, next week she is heading off to Georgia to "find herself"
Separation currently is amicable but grand-parents are older and hopefully wiser.
Already we have purchased car seats at $269, trips to our son involve a 480 mile round trip and we know more expenses will be on the way.We are keeping a tally of all expenditure related to our grand-daughter.
We assume daughter in law will find accommodation and a job,although her employment history leaves a lot to be desired.
On the hopeful assumption that in due course she finds a well paying job, or wins the lottery, would we as grand-parents have any recourse for child care costs that we incur, be they mileage or property,clothing, tuition etc.
All advice gratefully received.What is the name of your state?

No....If you pay for these thing they are considered gifts.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? California
Our son and his wife are negotiating a separation, full details as yet not disclosed .
They are residents of California and were married in California 6 years ago. They have a daughter aged 2.Our daughter in law is giving full custody to our son, next week she is heading off to Georgia to "find herself"
Separation currently is amicable but grand-parents are older and hopefully wiser.
Already we have purchased car seats at $269, trips to our son involve a 480 mile round trip and we know more expenses will be on the way.We are keeping a tally of all expenditure related to our grand-daughter.
We assume daughter in law will find accommodation and a job,although her employment history leaves a lot to be desired.
On the hopeful assumption that in due course she finds a well paying job, or wins the lottery, would we as grand-parents have any recourse for child care costs that we incur, be they mileage or property,clothing, tuition etc.
All advice gratefully received.What is the name of your state?

I normally wouldn't say something like this, but are you out of your mind? What in the world makes you think that you would ever be entitled to any money from either parent?

If your son chooses to file for child support mom will be ordered to pay him support, (collecting on it may be another story) but any expenditures you make are voluntary gifts.

 

[nextwife]

If you can't provide it free, suggest he use daycare. MY mom was working par tinme, and lunching with friends part time, I would never have presumed to keep her away from either activity to care for my child. I used a local qualified, accredited daycare, and when she wanted to have our daughter for the day, she asked for that day.

I also bought my mom a very nice used car seat for my then two year old to have in her car, there's zillions of them available at local yard sales, and it cost less than $25. It was your choice to spend almost $300 on a car seat.

 

[kia38]

My question is obviously being misconstrued.My son and grand-daughter are my main concern.If any expenditure for my grand-daughter is considered a gift, that is no problem My son knows full well they would be deprived of nothing. The thought of
even considering money from my son is abhorent and not even considered. His whole endeavor and action has been more than exemplary.It is he and grand-daughter that fills me with concern.It is he who is facing all these additional costs and to which I would
assist. It is the forthcoming ex wife who thru the entire marriage has brought nothing but debt,credit card debt and is now taking off to another state.He is paying her the equity in the house (50%) to which she contributed zilch, he is taking on full custody etc.Arrangements are already in hand for day care.We are back-up grandparents driving over (hence car seat) to assist in every conceivable way, physically,emotionally and financially.
I have taken note of your comments regarding child care thank you, meanwhile I will suggest that my son keep a very concise ledger,receipts etc.
Grandpa,learning,head on and definitely not out of his mind.I also acknowledge the fact that daughter in law has been a wonderful mother

 

[nextwife]

He should NOT complete any buy-out without having first divorced and without simultanously getting a quit claim deed. And I suggest also getting a title letter report JUST before completing the buy-out to be certain she has not had liens or judgements filed against her interest in the RE.

Once he has legal custody established he needs to file for child support.

 

[kia38]

Thank you for good advice. Grandpa's understanding is that they have amicably agreed on certain items. Division of property, custody etc.
Obviously child support will come up, but in light of her employment record my son & I think even if granted it would amount to such a small sum as to be laughable. We will monitor situation as time goes by.
Good thinking on the RE, we have no reason to believe the property is encumbered in any way, except for the mortgage. I will check to see with a title company if there are other liens.
Another question - the agreement they are signing, but which I have not seen is supposedly covering the real estate.Therefore prior to a formal divorce, can my son obtain a quit deed to get her off title.
We expect to be at his house in 2 days time when hopefully I can get better informed on the whole process.

 

[LdiJ]

Thank you for good advice. Grandpa's understanding is that they have amicably agreed on certain items. Division of property, custody etc.
Obviously child support will come up, but in light of her employment record my son & I think even if granted it would amount to such a small sum as to be laughable. We will monitor situation as time goes by.
Good thinking on the RE, we have no reason to believe the property is encumbered in any way, except for the mortgage. I will check to see with a title company if there are other liens.
Another question - the agreement they are signing, but which I have not seen is supposedly covering the real estate.Therefore prior to a formal divorce, can my son obtain a quit deed to get her off title.
We expect to be at his house in 2 days time when hopefully I can get better informed on the whole process.

Sure, if they are signing a formal agreement then yes, they can follow through with that prior to the divorce being final.

However, its not enough to just get her off the title. He also needs to refinance the house to get her off the mortgage as well.

Be careful how involved you get here grandpa....sometimes well meaning grandparents accidentally turn an amicable divorce into a hostile one. Remember, mom's rights aren't going away just because she is giving custody to your son. If anything ever happens to your son, she is the one who will control your access to the grandchildren.

 

[nextwife]

Sure, if they are signing a formal agreement then yes, they can follow through with that prior to the divorce being final.

However, its not enough to just get her off the title. He also needs to refinance the house to get her off the mortgage as well.

Be careful how involved you get here grandpa....sometimes well meaning grandparents accidentally turn an amicable divorce into a hostile one. Remember, mom's rights aren't going away just because she is giving custody to your son. If anything ever happens to your son, she is the one who will control your access to the grandchildren.

No, he should not do that. If they are still married, after her pays her and QCs, she can still potentially claim a marital interest in the house. HE really must not complete it until he is UNMARRIED.

 

[LdiJ]

No, he should not do that. If they are still married, after her pays her and QCs, she can still potentially claim a marital interest in the house. HE really must not complete it until he is UNMARRIED.

I am sorry, but I completely disagree. A property settlement agreement is legally binding whether the provisions are acted upon during the process of the divorce, or after.

 

[nextwife]

I am sorry, but I completely disagree. A property settlement agreement is legally binding whether the provisions are acted upon during the process of the divorce, or after.

There are title insurance claims scenarios that show that acting in advance of the divorce is ill-advised, especially in strong community property states like CA.
As a matter of fact, it is VERY likely that whichever title insurer is writing the loan policy for the refinance will REQUIRE his ability to claim single marital status or that his spouse join in on the mortgage. I'd be very surprised if they'd agree to insure the mortgage without that, in which case the lender won't allow the refi to complete.

 

[LdiJ]

There are title insurance claims scenarios that show that acting in advance of the divorce is ill-advised, especially in strong community property states like CA.
As a matter of fact, it is VERY likely that whichever title insurer is writing the loan policy for the refinance will REQUIRE his ability to claim single marital status or that his spouse join in on the mortgage. I'd be very surprised if they'd agree to insure the mortgage without that, in which case the lender won't allow the refi to complete.

Actually, its been discussed here many times that in CA its simply necessary to sign certain paperwork as part of the refi process in order to accomplish that.

 

[tuffbrk]

Mortgage companies cannot refinance from joint (presumably) to his name only unless he can provide divorce papers. Even if he was solely responsible for the note and wanted to refi to different terms, the spouse would still have to sign off.

 

[nextwife]

The STANDARD language on Schedule B1 of the Mortgage Policy (in WI) is as follows. I have verfied that a CLTA commitment is similar:

"The Mortgage should recite either that the property is non-homestead, that the mortgagors are single, or be joined in by the spouse of each."​