Have no clue what to do?

[TennesseeReside]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
Reside in Tn.Spouse in Maryland Nursing home since 1985. Paid for nursing home until Medicaid kicked in. One child who is now 31. After four years of continued visitation mother in law(now deceased) suggested ceasing visitation due to increasing depression and agitation after said visits. Took job in Florida(1990) so only son(then 11) would have opprotunity to study golf full time all year (now a pro). Met another lady in 1996 and started relationship. Had unplanned birth of second son in 2002. Moved to Tn for significant' other's job opprotunity. Became stay at home Mr Mom. Son now 7 and need to make things right for both lady and son . Need to start by getting divorce. Help!

 

[mistoffolees]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
Reside in Tn.Spouse in Maryland Nursing home since 1985. Paid for nursing home until Medicaid kicked in. One child who is now 31. After four years of continued visitation mother in law(now deceased) suggested ceasing visitation due to increasing depression and agitation after said visits. Took job in Florida(1990) so only son(then 11) would have opprotunity to study golf full time all year (now a pro). Met another lady in 1996 and started relationship. Had unplanned birth of second son in 2002. Moved to Tn for significant' other's job opprotunity. Became stay at home Mr Mom. Son now 7 and need to make things right for both lady and son . Need to start by getting divorce. Help!

Well, you're guilty of bigamy, for starters. Maybe Medicaid fraud, as well, depending on what you put on your financial disclosures. See an attorney to see if they can help you sort out the mess you've created. You're not going to be able to sort it out on your own.

And if your wife has a good attorney, plan on getting hammered pretty badly - Maryland is an equitable distribution state and it's not likely that the judge is going to take kindly to you abandoning your wife in a nursing home, not visiting her, running off to Florida so she can't see her son, moving in with another woman, and so on.

 

[LdiJ]

Well, you're guilty of bigamy, for starters. Maybe Medicaid fraud, as well, depending on what you put on your financial disclosures. See an attorney to see if they can help you sort out the mess you've created. You're not going to be able to sort it out on your own.

And if your wife has a good attorney, plan on getting hammered pretty badly - Maryland is an equitable distribution state and it's not likely that the judge is going to take kindly to you abandoning your wife in a nursing home, not visiting her, running off to Florida so she can't see her son, moving in with another woman, and so on.

I think that you misunderstood the initial post.

OP is married, his wife has lived in a nursing home since 1985. The wife's mother suggested he stop visiting because it caused agitation and depression in his wife.

He met another woman (did not marry her) and had a son with her in 2002. He now feels that he needs to marry the woman who bore his second child, and therefore wants a divorce from the wife in the nursing home.

As far as medicaid fraud is concerned, that may not be an issue. Equitable distribution may not be much of an issue either...it all depends on what kind of assets exist.

 

[mistoffolees]

I think that you misunderstood the initial post.

OP is married, his wife has lived in a nursing home since 1985. The wife's mother suggested he stop visiting because it caused agitation and depression in his wife.

He met another woman (did not marry her) and had a son with her in 2002. He now feels that he needs to marry the woman who bore his second child, and therefore wants a divorce from the wife in the nursing home.

As far as medicaid fraud is concerned, that may not be an issue. Equitable distribution may not be much of an issue either...it all depends on what kind of assets exist.

You're right - he's not guilty of bigamy, just adultery. Sorry.

Fact is that he abandoned his wife in a nursing home, ran off to another state with their kid, and then shacked up with another woman.

Whether his mother-in-law told him to stay away is irrelevant. It's his wife and his mother-in-law doesn't have the right to tell him when he can visit his wife. Using her as an excuse is just rationalization for abandoning his wife, but then, his later actions proved that, anyway.

I didn't say medicare was an issue. I said it COULD BE an issue, depending on what he put on the forms. That is a true statement. Just as equitable distribution could be an issue.

 

[commentator]

It sounds as though this wife in Maryland may be in some sort of persistent vegetative state or something. If so, and eventually Medicaid kicked in, I would suspect that with an attorney and some help with Maryland statutes, he probably could get legally divorced without too much trouble. This has been what, nearly 30 years here! And he did pay until Medicaid kicked in. And he's not been a part of this Medicaid case in so long I suspect they won't come back and charge him at this point.

 

[LdiJ]

You're right - he's not guilty of bigamy, just adultery. Sorry.

Fact is that he abandoned his wife in a nursing home, ran off to another state with their kid, and then shacked up with another woman.

Whether his mother-in-law told him to stay away is irrelevant. It's his wife and his mother-in-law doesn't have the right to tell him when he can visit his wife. Using her as an excuse is just rationalization for abandoning his wife, but then, his later actions proved that, anyway.

I didn't say medicare was an issue. I said it COULD BE an issue, depending on what he put on the forms. That is a true statement. Just as equitable distribution could be an issue.

His wife went into a nursing home in 1985...that's a heck of a long time ago.

I cannot blame him for moving on...not after that much time.

 

[mistoffolees]

His wife went into a nursing home in 1985...that's a heck of a long time ago.

I cannot blame him for moving on...not after that much time.

There's nothing wrong with moving on.

There IS something wrong with doing it before ending his marriage. And running off with the child so his wife couldn't see the child. And not visiting his wife in the nursing home.

 

[TennesseeReside]

Thank you all for your contributions and even the comments of mistoffolees.....there is nothing anyone can say that I don't feel every day. My wife is a cronic MS patient with lesions in her brain in 1986 over a half an inch wide. I drove 3 hrs ever other week for almost five yrs with my son to visit and every time at the end she would stress terribly at her condition and situation. Two hrs later when asked by a nurse how was her visit she had no recolection of me ever being there with my son. Divorce then was out of the question and the last thing on my mind much less leaving her. I NEVER wanted to go to Florida but was urged by both sides of the family to take care of my son and see he gets the best of opprotunities that I could no longer give my wife. I aggressively fought this disease getting her in the finest inovative programs at John Hopkins,Georgetown University Hospital,Maryland university Hospital, George Washington University Hospital,decompression therapy, snake venom therapy, and was planning to take her to Germany for radical treatment when thru pulling family strings of ties at Maryland Med school affiliation with the Director of the Cleveland Clinic
flew her up there for a week to be hit in the face with the reality of those lesions making any radical attempt a total waste of time and money. The last conclusion gave her 6 months to live but for the grace of God has not come to fruition. My son has never stopped visiting her and is constantly frustrated by her inability to recognize him. All of this is water under the bridge but my only concern is the happiness and welfare of the lady and my second son. This woman is even willing to take my wife into our home and look after her. Nothing anyone can say overshadows the pain and sorrow I feel for that terrible disease striking down my wife and destroying her life and very existence. Two years after her mother told me I needed to move on as my wife was no longer capable of being my wife or part of my son's and my life I finally accepted the facts and focused on my son. I am everything you all say and probably more but still need to make things right for two people's lives and have the ability do something about. My whole reasoning of NOT considering divorce until now was the thought that if ONE brain cell of my wife could comprehend a divorce and create one more second of hurt than she has already experienced then I could not do it.

 

[mistoffolees]

Thank you all for your contributions and even the comments of mistoffolees.....there is nothing anyone can say that I don't feel every day. My wife is a cronic MS patient with lesions in her brain in 1986 over a half an inch wide. I drove 3 hrs ever other week for almost five yrs with my son to visit and every time at the end she would stress terribly at her condition and situation. Two hrs later when asked by a nurse how was her visit she had no recolection of me ever being there with my son. Divorce then was out of the question and the last thing on my mind much less leaving her. I NEVER wanted to go to Florida but was urged by both sides of the family to take care of my son and see he gets the best of opprotunities that I could no longer give my wife. I aggressively fought this disease getting her in the finest inovative programs at John Hopkins,Georgetown University Hospital,Maryland university Hospital, George Washington University Hospital,decompression therapy, snake venom therapy, and was planning to take her to Germany for radical treatment when thru pulling family strings of ties at Maryland Med school affiliation with the Director of the Cleveland Clinic
flew her up there for a week to be hit in the face with the reality of those lesions making any radical attempt a total waste of time and money. The last conclusion gave her 6 months to live but for the grace of God has not come to fruition. My son has never stopped visiting her and is constantly frustrated by her inability to recognize him. All of this is water under the bridge but my only concern is the happiness and welfare of the lady and my second son. This woman is even willing to take my wife into our home and look after her. Nothing anyone can say overshadows the pain and sorrow I feel for that terrible disease striking down my wife and destroying her life and very existence. Two years after her mother told me I needed to move on as my wife was no longer capable of being my wife or part of my son's and my life I finally accepted the facts and focused on my son. I am everything you all say and probably more but still need to make things right for two people's lives and have the ability do something about. My whole reasoning of NOT considering divorce until now was the thought that if ONE brain cell of my wife could comprehend a divorce and create one more second of hurt than she has already experienced then I could not do it.

I apologize for my remarks - they were tactless. I am sorry for the pain you have had to go through.

At this point, you should be able to get a divorce. I'm not sure the process, but I believe that the court may appoint a guardian for your wife to ensure that she is not cheated. Since she is on medicaid and will likely be so for the rest of her life, and since there is probably not much that can be done for her, the process should probably so smoothly. I would contact an attorney where you live and explain the situation and ask what will have to be done.

 

[tnkimala]

I apologize for my remarks - they were tactless. I am sorry for the pain you have had to go through.

Why would anyone jump to the conclusions that you did? No one else did.

Thought of counseling for those anger issues? Big chip on the shoulder?
Yep, really tacky and uncouth. Are you a lawyer or just of opinion?

 

[LdiJ]

Why would anyone jump to the conclusions that you did? No one else did.

Thought of counseling for those anger issues? Big chip on the shoulder?
Yep, really tacky and uncouth. Are you a lawyer or just of opinion?

Whoa...he made a very graceful apology which I am sure that the OP appreciates. No need to beat a dead horse.

 

[TennesseeReside]

Thank you so much for the gracious apology. We all look at things differently and as I said before I ripp myself constantly that there is something else I can or could have done. But for the little one I would still trade places with her in a second as nobody deserves to have that happen to them, much less someone who was a great human being and more deserving than I. All I can do is hope to give something back for all the blessings I have had that although sometimes seems minimal really greatly outweighs the bad. The older I get the more I realize there is no black and white, just mucho shades of grey.