was he advisd to return home 4 a short time

[domsbuddy]

we live in pa
Hi, my brother has been in a loveless marriage for 15 years. He finally left,& was staying at my Moms, keep in mind that my bro is extremely attached to his kids...especially since his wife has NO maternal instincts, she cleans mpart time and gets paid under the table, he makes pretty god money in sales. ANYWAY while staying w my mom he went to see a lawyer, he called when done, totally discouraged and said i have to go back asap.
My Mom and i contribute this to something the lawyer must of told him to do. Since he has gone back they have a ""buisness"" relationship, she is always miserable, he told her i am only back for the kids and began INSISTING she look for a full time job asap.
it has been 4 months since he has left and went back, can ANYONE tell me if this could of came from the lawyer and why he would have him go back asap..other than abandonment which i already know was one of the things they talked about??? Could he have been advised to return home for a short time, get some things in order and then file??? i can't see a lawyer suggesting that BUT his complete turn around came right after his appt. with the lawyer???!!!
ANY HELP OR ADVICE WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED.....

 

[LdiJ]

we live in pa
Hi, my brother has been in a loveless marriage for 15 years. He finally left,& was staying at my Moms, keep in mind that my bro is extremely attached to his kids...especially since his wife has NO maternal instincts, she cleans mpart time and gets paid under the table, he makes pretty god money in sales. ANYWAY while staying w my mom he went to see a lawyer, he called when done, totally discouraged and said i have to go back asap.
My Mom and i contribute this to something the lawyer must of told him to do. Since he has gone back they have a ""buisness"" relationship, she is always miserable, he told her i am only back for the kids and began INSISTING she look for a full time job asap.
it has been 4 months since he has left and went back, can ANYONE tell me if this could of came from the lawyer and why he would have him go back asap..other than abandonment which i already know was one of the things they talked about??? Could he have been advised to return home for a short time, get some things in order and then file??? i can't see a lawyer suggesting that BUT his complete turn around came right after his appt. with the lawyer???!!!
ANY HELP OR ADVICE WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED.....

The attorney probably told him that she was going to get custody of the kids
and that he was going to have to pay both child support and alimony. Hence, his insistance that she get a full time job.

 

[Bali Hai]

we live in pa
Hi, my brother has been in a loveless marriage for 15 years. He finally left,& was staying at my Moms, keep in mind that my bro is extremely attached to his kids...especially since his wife has NO maternal instincts, she cleans mpart time and gets paid under the table, he makes pretty god money in sales. ANYWAY while staying w my mom he went to see a lawyer, he called when done, totally discouraged and said i have to go back asap.
My Mom and i contribute this to something the lawyer must of told him to do. Since he has gone back they have a ""buisness"" relationship, she is always miserable, he told her i am only back for the kids and began INSISTING she look for a full time job asap.
it has been 4 months since he has left and went back, can ANYONE tell me if this could of came from the lawyer and why he would have him go back asap..other than abandonment which i already know was one of the things they talked about??? Could he have been advised to return home for a short time, get some things in order and then file??? i can't see a lawyer suggesting that BUT his complete turn around came right after his appt. with the lawyer???!!!
ANY HELP OR ADVICE WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED.....

Sounds like this attorney was up front with your bro and told him YOU CAN'T AFFORD A DIVORCE UNDER EXISTING CONDITIONS.

It certainly sounds applicable to your bro.

 

[domsbuddy]

THAT DEFFINITLY SOUNDS LIKE WHAT MY SISTER AND I WERE SAYING, CAN'T HE PROVE SOMEHOW THAT SHE DOES WORK, HOWEVER ""UNDER THE TABLE""? SO BY ADVISING HIM TO RETURN HOME AND INSIST SHE GET A FULL TIME JOB, {{THE KIDS ARE IN SCHOOL AGES 14 $ 10}} THIS MAY MAKE FOR BETTER CONDITIONS FOR FILING FOR DIVORCE??? I DO KNOW WHEN HE WENT HOME HE TOLD HER IT WAS NOT FOR HER, HE DOES NOT LOVE HER AND IT WAS ONLY FOR THE KIDS, HE HAD SAID HE HOPED THIS WOULD MAKE HER LEAVE BUT THAT WON'T HAPPEN..SHE HAS YET TO OBTAIN A FULL TIME JOB AS WELL...

 

[fireboat1]

I was advised the same thing by atty. Get back in the house. She could say he abandond the family,could end up paying bills,alimony and child support til youngest reaches 18,leaving the wife and kids living in house and he helping with bills. When youngest turns 18 then the house could be sold and equity split.As for the full time job stuff. Since he contributes a major portion to household his obligation for child support will be higher. When cs is determined it is based on total family income,her part time job would mean there is less being given to the family because of her refusal to work f/t.The kids are old enough that they dont need mom around all the time,especially if in school.Bro's enabling her to only need to work p/t has caused a lifestyle she has become accustomed to and judge could order support for a period of time until she becomes ready to live in the real world f/t. I had that scenario,luckily I was able to work things out at mediation.Ex had to get a f/t to continue trying to live the lifestyle she became accustomed to.

 

[Kane]

If he leaves her, the house and the children, the judge is going to leave her with the house and the children. He'll be ordered to pay child support, and possibly maintenance as well. He'll be a part-time visitor, and a source of income. That's all.

That's what the lawyer told him.

It's hard enough for a dad to get custody under perfect conditions. If he's not living with the children when the case goes to court, the chances are approximately zero.

 

[domsbuddy]

Wow!! Such A Big Help...do I Got It Right??


IT'S SO FUNNY BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH THIS HELPED, WE HAVE ALL BEEN SCRATCHING OUR HEADS..IT'S WAYY TO SORE OF A SUBJECT TO KEEP GRILLING MY BROTHER ABOUT...

SO ARE YOU SAYING THAT SINCE SHE HAS NO DISIBILITY KEEPING HER FROM WORK EXCEPT LAZINESS...A JUDGE WOULD MORE THAN LIKELY GIVE HER AN ALLOTED TIME TO OBTAIN EMPLOYMENT, HE WOULD PAY ALIMONY FOR HER AS WELL AS CHILD SUPPORT, UNTIL SHE GOT A JOB, THEN JUST CHILD SUPPORT??? I KNOW THE IDEAL SITUATION FOR HIM WOULD BE FOR HER TO LEAVE THE HOUSE, HE WOULD EVEN PUT HER UP IN A TOWNHOUSE, TIL SHE GOT ON HER FEET, REASON SHE WILL NOT...SIMPLE""HER MOTHER WOULD GIVE HER A TON OF CRAP"" NOT BECAUSE SHE COULDN'T BEAR TO NOT LIVE WITHOUT HER KIDS.REGARDLESS, HE HAS NO PROBLEM PAYING FOR HIS CHILDREN...AT ANY AMOUNT...AND HE WOULD EVEN SETTLE FOR THEM ALL STAYING IN THE HOME, HE SAID HE WOULD CONTINUE TO PAY EVERYTHING UNTIL SHE GOT A JOB...
I DO NOT THINK HE IS AWARE THAT THE JUDGE WOULD INSIST SHE GET A JOB, HE IS UNDER THE BELIEF THAT THEY WILL SAY SHE'S 40 YEARS OLD AND NEVER WORKED...WE CAN'T EXPECT HER TO WORK SOMEWHERE NOW. KEEP IN MIND, ON PAPER SINCE THERE ARE NO TAXES INVOLVED, IT LOOKS LIKE SHE HAS NEVER WORKED....
WOULD THIS FALL UNDER THE SAME SENARIO??

 

[CandiceH]

You have it right. She is definitely not too old to get out into the workforce. There are many programs offering "displaced homemakers" grants to return to school in order that they could be self-supporting. This is something that your brother may want to find out about and present to her.

From what I have read and seen on forums such as this one is that she would have a very hard time convincing a judge that she could not eventually become "self-supporting".

 

[Bali Hai]

You have it right. She is definitely not too old to get out into the workforce. There are many programs offering "displaced homemakers" grants to return to school in order that they could be self-supporting. This is something that your brother may want to find out about and present to her.

From what I have read and seen on forums such as this one is that she would have a very hard time convincing a judge that she could not eventually become "self-supporting".

Yes, but, she's 40 years old without any (recorded) work history. This isn't something you fix in the next couple of months or even the next couple of years.

Hubby is in for some hefty long term alimony payments if she asks for them.

 

[CandiceH]

The point that I was trying to get across (and give the OP some GOOD news and information that MAY help) is that she is NOT too old to start a new career. It doesnt take YEARS to be trained for positions that she could quickly become self-supporting in. I am not arguing with you that she may get support for SOME time but at her age, I can only see it being pende-lite.

 

[Bali Hai]

The point that I was trying to get across (and give the OP some GOOD news and information that MAY help) is that she is NOT too old to start a new career.

True, but if she chooses not to start a new career, or does not remarry, who will support her? The whole reason for alimony is so that you & I don't have to support her.

This is the reason that women who are awarded hefty alimony do not try to better themselves. They have no incentive to do so.

It doesnt take YEARS to be trained for positions that she could quickly become self-supporting in. I am not arguing with you that she may get support for SOME time but at her age, I can only see it being pende-lite.

Well that would certainly good for the husband, but at 40 years old, no work history, it's not very likely that the court would only order alimony during the proceedings. My guess is she'll get it much longer than that.

Not arguing with you, just being realistic based on mine and others experiences.

 

[fireboat1]

I would suggest your brother keep his mouth shut. Dont make any off or on the cuff offers ,suggestions etc.He needs to get back ,in HIS, home,with HIS kids,and avoid the enemy like the plaque.I suggest he log everything.Just a notebook ,not to detailed about who went to work,where,who took kids where ever.Does the wife drive?belong to clubs,have girls nite out on a perticular time .If she can run around shop,coffee clutch,etc.she can flip burgers or do handouts at Walmart.You say she works for cash,well ,this isn't the IRS ,its divorce court,and any income is to be declared when the documents are filed. If she refuses to declare it ,I hope brother can prove something,client names,check deposits etc.She has been earning something,and could probably do it fulltime.It was a long marriage in eye of court,but she's no retiree aged housewife.Though brother might be willing to give the house etc.he's better off listening to atty. and let judge order it rather than vol.it.He can be a good sam.later .

 

[domsbuddy]

Agree...somehow To Prove Income!!

I WAS THINKING THE SAME THING ABOUT HER INCOME...IT HAS TO BE ABLE TO BE PROVEN SOMEHOW. MY QUESTION IS DOES A JUDGE NOT HAVE TO CONSIDER HIS INCOME, WHAT HIS SUPPORT AND ALIMONY PAYMENTS WOULD BE AND IN THE END LEAVE AN ALLOWABLE AMOUNT OF INCOME TO LIVE ON.
I KNOW SHW GETS HER HAIR DONE, NAILS, CLEANS OFFICES, GOES OUT ALOT WITH HER SISTER...THE KIDS ARE VERY, VERY ACTIVE...LIL MAN IS IN FOOTBALL HALF THE YEAR AND WRESTLING THE OTHER HALF, HIS DAUGHTER IS INVOLVED IN BASKETBALL...MY BRO TAKES AND STAYS AT ALL PRACTICES AND MEETS {{WHICH IS BASICALLY 4 DAYS/NIGHTS A WEEK, THEN LEAVES THERE AND SHOOTS RIGHT OVER TO HIS DAUGHTERS B-BALL PRACTICE, HE COACHES FOOTBALL AND BASEBALL....THESE THINGS ARE A BOTHER TO HER AS THEY ARE WAY TO TIME CONSUMING AND SHE HAS SAID THAT HE SPENDS WAYYYY TO MUCH TIME WITH THE KIDS...THAT THEIR MARRIAGE ENDED WHEN THEIR DAUGHTER WAS BORN!!!!

 

[domsbuddy]

IF THIS THE CASE...AND IT HAS BEEN SO FAR, HE IS BACK HOME, THEY HARDLY TALK AND HE CONTINUES TO DO EVERYTHING FOR THOSE KIDS.... WOULD A JUDGE ALLOW HIM TO KEEP THE HOUSE??? YOU JUST HEAR SO MANY HORROR STORIES ABOUT THE WIFE GETTING EVERYTHING...I THINK THE SIMPLE FACT THAT THEY HAVE NOT HAD ANY ""PHYSICAL CONTACT"" IN 2 YEARS SHOULD BE GROUNDS FOR DIVORCE ALONE BUT THAT'S JUST ME...

 

[domsbuddy]

IN PA---
IF THIS THE CASE...AND IT HAS BEEN SO FAR, HE IS BACK HOME,MATTER FACT IT'S BEEN 5 MONTHS SINCE HIS VISIT WITH THE LAWYER!!!! THEY HARDLY TALK AND HE CONTINUES TO DO EVERYTHING FOR THOSE KIDS.... WOULD A JUDGE ALLOW HIM TO KEEP THE HOUSE??? YOU JUST HEAR SO MANY HORROR STORIES ABOUT THE WIFE GETTING EVERYTHING...I THINK THE SIMPLE FACT THAT THEY HAVE NOT HAD ANY ""PHYSICAL CONTACT"" IN 2 YEARS SHOULD BE GROUNDS FOR DIVORCE ALONE BUT THAT'S JUST ME...