HELP!!! 70+ year old Parents...Divorce!!!!

[OOfatso]

What is the name of your state? california..
my parents have been married for 44+ years but are at a point in thier life where they hate each other and fight all of the time....my dad is retired and my mom was a housewife (No-Retirement) and I am wondering what happens if they try to split up...is it still split down the middle......does my mom get any type of support from my dads retirement????Please advise

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

What is the name of your state? california..
my parents have been married for 44+ pears but are at a point in there life where they hate each other and fight all of the time....my dad is retired and my mom was a housewife (No-Retirement) and I am wondering what happens if they try to split up...is it still split down the middle......does my mom get any type of support from my dads retirement????Please advise

My response:

Yes, and she also gets to split all of the debts, and other assets.

But, lets be realistic about this - - where the hell are two 70 + people going to go without each other? Next stop, "Sleepy Meadows Retirement Home".

At their age, try to get them into counseling - - and go with them. A judge, knowing their age, is just going to throw all sorts of hurdles in their way to save the marriage anyway. So, do them and yourself a favor and send them for counseling and save all of the attorney's fees and costs.

IAAL

 

[vrzirn]

California is a no-fault, community property state. Unless there are special circumstances your mother is most likely entitled to half of all the assets and debts acquired during the course of the marriage.
Despite the pessimistic view taken by IAAL, your parents have reached that point where there is more behind them than that which lies ahead. The fork in the road may have several branches: one may lead to the retirement home and the other points "to the dance". Not everyone wishes to rock in a chair; many wish to rock to the beat of of a good band.
These days the decade of the 70's is not old. There is more to life than the allure of stewed prunes and non-stop fighting over trivia. Being a martyr is too much to ask when Buenos Aires and the Argentine Tango beckon.
Divorce at any age is difficult. One can be more lonely and unhappy with a person they dislike than they can ever be alone. These last years are far too precious to waste. I hope your parents resolve their differences but if not, maybe at least one of them will take the road to the dance.

 

[OOfatso]

Thanks IAAL...

I have tried talking to my parents about counsling and it falls on deaf ears! my mother is extremly stubborn! I was on the phone the other night with them for two hours and all I said was that they couldnt go on living like this? they dont have that many years left on this earth so why spend them being unhappy....

 

[OOfatso]

Thanks IAAL...

I have tried talking to my parents about counsling and it falls on deaf ears! my mother is extremly stubborn! I was on the phone the other night with them for two hours and all I said was that they couldnt go on living like this? they dont have that many years left on this earth so why spend them being unhappy.... I cant seem to get them to snap out of it! One of the things that I did say is that It Takes 2 people to argue, and in my opinion they are both hard headed!

 

[OOfatso]

I have tried talking to my parents about counsling and it falls on deaf ears! my mother is extremly stubborn! I was on the phone the other night with them for two hours and all I said was that they couldnt go on living like this? they dont have that many years left on this earth so why spend them being unhappy.... I cant seem to get them to snap out of it! One of the things that I did say is that It Takes 2 people to argue, and in my opinion they are both hard headed!

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

Re: Thanks IAAL...

I have tried talking to my parents about counsling and it falls on deaf ears! my mother is extremly stubborn! I was on the phone the other night with them for two hours and all I said was that they couldnt go on living like this? they dont have that many years left on this earth so why spend them being unhappy....

My response:

That was my point. I'll restate it, however. A judge is just going to order them into counseling anyway - - due to their ages and the longevity of the marriage. So, your mother can scream, kick, moan and yell all she wants - - but there is no judge on this green earth that's just going to grant them a divorce without some sort of remediation.

So, the choice is, do it voluntarily to keep costs down, or pay exorbitant attorney's fees, cutting down on what's available for retirement, and be court ordered into counseling anyway. No matter how they want to slice it, that's what's going to happen anyway.

However, if they want to split up, a judge will also recommend a "Legal Separation" and then split up the assets (also costing them big bucks) but, the marriage will be preserved just in case they both decide to "dismiss" the Legal Separation.

Or, they can split up on their own, remain married, and just live apart.

IAAL

 

[OOfatso]

Thanks!!!

I will try talking to them again tonight.....Man, I thought that I was the kid here.....I am sapoosed to be making some dumb mistakes....Not them!

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

Re: Thanks!!!

I will try talking to them again tonight.....Man, I thought that I was the kid here.....I am sapoosed to be making some dumb mistakes....Not them!

My response:

As parents and children get older, there is a definite and palpable "role reversal." It always happens.

Tell your Mom that, logically, there is no purpose to a Dissolution at their ages. What? Do they think either one of them is going to get remarried to someone else? Highly unlikely.

So, tell Mom and Dad that they can just live elsewhere, apart from each other, and let things cool down, and get some counseling. That's where the money is going to be better spent.

Good luck to you, and them.

IAAL

 

[vrzirn]

My original post seems to have gotten lost in the middle of the dialogue between IAAL and OOfatso.
I do agree that trying to arrive at a civil and equitable agreement without expensive legal help is the best course. However, there is a point when enough is enough and is does not matter whether you are in your forties or eighties. Romance can and does arrive at any age and is no less sweet when a person is a senior citizen.
Even without romance, an exciting, happy and interesting life can be lived with friends who share interests. Often, just the mental peace is sufficient.

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

My original post seems to have gotten lost in the middle of the dialogue between IAAL and OOfatso.
I do agree that trying to arrive at a civil and equitable agreement without expensive legal help is the best course. However, there is a point when enough is enough and is does not matter whether you are in your forties or eighties. Romance can and does arrive at any age and is no less sweet when a person is a senior citizen.
Even without romance, an exciting, happy and interesting life can be lived with friends who share interests. Often, just the mental peace is sufficient.

My response:

Oh, I do agree. Don't get me wrong - - if these two are hell-bent for a divorce, then eventually a judge will grant one. All I'm saying is that a good judge will place many hurdles in their way before one is granted.

No judge likes to see a long-lived marriage end. A good judge will try to do everything in his or her power to try and convince the couple to stay together, including an order of counseling, mediation, and attempting other alternatives like "legal separation".

Of course love can blossom again, and at an old age. But, look at the ridiculousness of it. These people are in their twilight years, and they're not considering divorce so that they can marry others. Perhaps a separation for a period would better serve them, than flat out dissolution. That's what a judge will attempt to explore.

Also, the attorneys for each party will strongly encourage counseling prior to any court appearance. It would also be in their best interests from a monetary standpoint - - especially at their ages.

But, in the final analysis, when all is said and done, and there's no hope left, you're right.

IAAL

 

[hexeliebe]

Send them to their rooms without supper....