Help me protect myself

[Married&Alone]

What is the name of your state? Illniois
I've been married nearly eight years and things are not good...I guess I wouldn't be here if they were!
We have two children...one with special needs, but our problem have nothing to do with the child.
The normal...finances finances and finances...plus, I was diagnosed with ADD, then taken off the medication by the doctor because he suggested marriage couseling. We went for six months, but my wife claims it did no good...I'm the only one with the problem according to her.

I've never cheated, love my kids more than life itself...do plenty of household chores as well as drive my oldest to and from school, piano, karate, baseball, etc.
18 months ago, I discovered a bunch of phone calls to the same # on her cell phone bill...Well, I found out it was her old "best friend" who happens to be a man...a family friend of hers and and ex-sexual relationship!
500 outgoing calls in a year! Promises were made that nothing happened and the secret calls would end...but she lied...she switched from the cell phone to the home phone and I found another 200 outgoing calls within a 5 month period AFTER she promised me to my face it had ended.
To me, it's cheating, whether anything physical even happened.
In defense of that, she compares a small football gambling debt that was cleared up two years ago...doesn't quite seem the same.

Yesterday, I found a casette recorder where she is interviewing my 6-year old: "Are you afraid of Daddy?" "Has Daddy ever hurt you?", etc.
OF COURSE KIDS ARE AFRAID SOMETIMES WHEN BEING DISCIPLINED, BUT i HAVE NEVER EVER ABUSED MY CHILDREN!!!
Basically, she's manipulating my child to sound afraid of me when in fact anyone could do the same thing if given the opportunity...but I would never got to that level.
As it turns out, her mother has told my child that she has a camera in our home and watches it to protect him from me! There is no camera, but the message has been delivered to him.
I stress that I am a good, affectionate, kind parent who disciplines with words and never with a fist, foot, etc.

How do I protect myself and manage to save my kids as well.
I know my wife doesn't love me anymore, but before I make a hasty decision, I need some advice.

Thanks.

 

[djohnson]

Let her use the tape. That would be the greatest thing going for you. It would show her to be manipulative to the point of manipulating and proding a 6 year old. It would show that she would not facilitate a relationship between you and the children. It would be good first step at you actually getting custody. Judges look very bad and parents who do this. To show you care , take the child to therapy if needed. Show you are willing to work with the mother and you don't want animosity. That is what a judge may look for in giving physical custody. Go for joint custody and atleast joint physical if not full.

Unless ofcourse there is something behind her claims and she can prove it.