Home Schooling

[sad_dad1]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NY


I have Joint custody with My STBX with her having residential. I was informed today that She was going to start home schooling our 16y/o daughter. My daughter has already missed 28 days of school this year.

My question is.....can my STBX just decide that she is going to start home schooling without my consent or that of the courts?


Thank you in advance for your help

I apologize if Im in the wrong forum

 

[mistoffolees]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NY


I have Joint custody with My STBX with her having residential. I was informed today that She was going to start home schooling our 16y/o daughter. My daughter has already missed 28 days of school this year.

My question is.....can my STBX just decide that she is going to start home schooling without my consent or that of the courts?


Thank you in advance for your help

I apologize if Im in the wrong forum

If you have joint legal custody, you have a say in the matter. If you are opposed to home schooling, then you would file with the court to order the child back to school - and provide reasons why it is in the child's best interest to be in a public or private school. You not liking it is not sufficient reason.

For example, if your stbx does not have the education to properly school the child, that would be one argument. If the child has not had a good reason for missing 28 days, you could argue that stbx doesn't have the discipline to do it. Or if child is in a wide range of extracurricular activities that would have to end (note, check this first, because in some cases, home schooled children are able to participate in some school activities), you could argue that it's not good for the child.

Put all your reasoning together and file for an order that the child stay in public school - and that your stbx do a better job of getting her to school every day. You may wish to have an attorney do this since it's going to be easy to slip up.

 

[sad_dad1]

Thank you for your quick response.

If you have joint legal custody, you have a say in the matter. If you are opposed to home schooling, then you would file with the court to order the child back to school - and provide reasons why it is in the child's best interest to be in a public or private school. You not liking it is not sufficient reason..

I dont necessarily have an issue with homeschooling itself, I do believe that I have sufficient reason to have her stay in regular school, but if it is going to get complicated, I will likely have to retain counsel.

For example, if your stbx does not have the education to properly school the child, that would be one argument. If the child has not had a good reason for missing 28 days, you could argue that stbx doesn't have the discipline to do it. Or if child is in a wide range of extracurricular activities that would have to end (note, check this first, because in some cases, home schooled children are able to participate in some school activities), you could argue that it's not good for the child..

Who is to determine if STBx has the proper education? She graduated from high school and has had no meaningful education since, nor employment for that matter. I further believe that there is NOT a good reason for being absent that much. I have been given every excuse you could imagine as to her absences. The ironic part to this whole predicament is that my STBX has protracted our divorce because she claims to be permanently disabled due to fatigue and is attempting to get me to pay spousal support for life. I am not sure how someone that is so disabled would even have the stamina to educate our child properly if given the chance.

Put all your reasoning together and file for an order that the child stay in public school - and that your stbx do a better job of getting her to school every day. You may wish to have an attorney do this since it's going to be easy to slip up.

Thank you for your advice.

 

[mistoffolees]

Who is to determine if STBx has the proper education? She graduated from high school and has had no meaningful education since, nor employment for that matter. I further believe that there is NOT a good reason for being absent that much. I have been given every excuse you could imagine as to her absences. The ironic part to this whole predicament is that my STBX has protracted our divorce because she claims to be permanently disabled due to fatigue and is attempting to get me to pay spousal support for life. I am not sure how someone that is so disabled would even have the stamina to educate our child properly if given the chance.

Ultimately, the court will decide if home schooling is appropriate for the child. As I said, I would suggest the assistance of an attorney, but I would suggest that you present to the judge your request that the child stay in public schools with the following justification:

1. With only a high school education and no meaningful work experience, it is not reasonable to believe that she can provide a quality education.
2. Her unwillingness to ensure that the child attends school regularly indicates a lack of commitment to the child's education. It will only get worse if she's home schooling the child.
3. Her own court documents state that she is too fatigued for any employment and she therefore would not have the stamina to educate the child properly.

Assuming that your facts are correct, you would have a strong case, but you need to get it in front of a judge quickly. The longer she gets away with home schooling, the more it looks like the status quo - and judges don't like to change the status quo any more than they have to.

 

[LdiJ]

I do have a question that I think is very relevant. That question is exactly WHY does your ex want to home school your 16 year old?

The answer to that question is important, because your ex is going to explain her reasons in court, and you need to be prepared to counter her arguments.

High school home schooling is very different than home schooling younger children. There are many acredited online programs available where the parent is not actually doing the "teaching".

Don't get me wrong, with rare exceptions I do feel that a child should complete traditional high school. However, for those rare exceptions, sometimes getting high school done in a non-traditional manner gets them over a serious slump, and gets them on the fast track for higher education.

 

[nextwife]

One of the most CRITICAL aspects of high school, one that does translate into almost every and any future employment, is learning the "politics" of the environment. The politics" of the school environment: who is trying to impress whom, and why, who is answerable to whom, and why, what motivates people to do what they do. The people who can navigate through the hierarchies of their environment can often eventually be more successful than their co-worker whom, while sometime more talented or academically successful, chaffs at management, creates conflict in the workplace, perhaps irritate the client/customer, and so on.

High School, especially high school as the maturing teen (post 16) is a critical time for observing peer interaction and learning how other people think as classes begin to echo a more collegiate classroom setting. This CANNOT be simulated in either homeschooling or an online classroom.

 

[mistoffolees]

One of the most CRITICAL aspects of high school, one that does translate into almost every and any future employment, is learning the "politics" of the environment. The politics" of the school environment: who is trying to impress whom, and why, who is answerable to whom, and why, what motivates people to do what they do. The people who can navigate through the hierarchies of their environment can often eventually be more successful than their co-worker whom, while sometime more talented or academically successful, chaffs at management, creates conflict in the workplace, perhaps irritate the client/customer, and so on.

High School, especially high school as the maturing teen (post 16) is a critical time for observing peer interaction and learning how other people think as classes begin to echo a more collegiate classroom setting. This CANNOT be simulated in either homeschooling or an online classroom.

While I personally agree with you, I'm not sure the courts do. There are studies that show that properly educated home schooled students do extremely well in college. Given the conflicting evidence (plus, the situation where home schooling parents often claim that they do it for religious reasons), I believe that attacking home schooling in general would be a mistake. He might just get a judge whose kids are home schooled.

Rather, point out the problems with this particular individual providing schooling. It might also be appropriate to add his personal view that socialization is important for a high school student (since he has joint custody, the court must take his wishes into consideration) particularly for his own daughter. That should be just as effective as an outright attack on home schooling, but without getting into the battle of whether home schooling is good, in general.

 

[sad_dad1]

I do have a question that I think is very relevant. That question is exactly WHY does your ex want to home school your 16 year old?

The answer to that question is important, because your ex is going to explain her reasons in court, and you need to be prepared to counter her arguments.

Today, I had the superintendent of schools meet with me. He invited my STBX, the principal of the school, my daughters guidance counselor along with My daughter. The purpose of this meeting was originally to be to get everybody on the same page that my daughter needs to attend school on a regular basis.

What the meeting turned into was my STBX telling the school that she will be dis enrolling my daughter so that she can home school her. The Superintendent was less than thrilled and spent the better part of an hour telling my STBX and my daughter that this could potentially be the biggest mistakes they have made in their lives.

My STBX and my daughter explained her absences as that "the lighting in the school gives her a migrane" because she has " seasonal affective disorder". This disorder is merely a exaggerated case of the "winter blues" This was there reasoning for home schooling.

While I personally agree with you, I'm not sure the courts do. There are studies that show that properly educated home schooled students do extremely well in college. Given the conflicting evidence (plus, the situation where home schooling parents often claim that they do it for religious reasons), I believe that attacking home schooling in general would be a mistake. He might just get a judge whose kids are home schooled.

Rather, point out the problems with this particular individual providing schooling. It might also be appropriate to add his personal view that socialization is important for a high school student (since he has joint custody, the court must take his wishes into consideration) particularly for his own daughter. That should be just as effective as an outright attack on home schooling, but without getting into the battle of whether home schooling is good, in general.

Under normal circumstances I would not necessarily have an issue with home schooling in itself. However, IMO this is merely a cop out for my STBX and my daughter's laziness. While I am not surprised that a teenager is lazy, I am surprised that her mother is willing to enable her to make these bad decisions.

I presume at this point that my only recourse is to file the motion as recommended by you both. One of my other questions is, Do i need to wait until she is actually withdrawn from the school system, or can i file immediately to prevent her from withdrawing my daughter?

I am obviously opposed to the homeschooling under the current situation.


Thank you again.

 

[mistoffolees]

I would not file until she actually does something. Until then, you don't know if she'll actually go through with it and you could be wasting your time and money (and making yourself look foolish in front of the judge).

Be careful of one thing. If she claims that the lights in the school give her a headache, it is a real issue. Some people are strongly affected by fluorescent lights and really do get headaches from them. If she sticks to that story, she might have an argument for switching to home schooling (of course, if the home has fluorescent lights, that argument doesn't work).

 

[sad_dad1]

I would not file until she actually does something. Until then, you don't know if she'll actually go through with it and you could be wasting your time and money (and making yourself look foolish in front of the judge).

Be careful of one thing. If she claims that the lights in the school give her a headache, it is a real issue. Some people are strongly affected by fluorescent lights and really do get headaches from them. If she sticks to that story, she might have an argument for switching to home schooling (of course, if the home has fluorescent lights, that argument doesn't work).

I am sure that she will indeed stick to the story of the lights, But in all reality, what is this child going to do? avoid working for the rest of her life? most every job related industry has fluorescent lights. I am sure that there are some instances that their are not, however, most that I can think of do have this type of lighting.

Also there are remedies to combat this issue. There are different kinds of glasses that can be worn that can block certain rays produced by this type of artificial light. Surely there are options available other than homeschooling.

I do respect your answers to my questions, thank you again.

 

[sad_dad1]

Do you think it would be helpful to get the superintendent and the principle to write me letters explaining their positions that it wouid be in my daughters best interest to stay in the school system, or would it not be taken into account if it goes to court?

 

[nextwife]

My STBX and my daughter explained her absences as that "the lighting in the school gives her a migrane" because she has " seasonal affective disorder". This disorder is merely a exaggerated case of the "winter blues" This was there reasoning for home schooling.

Have they tried mildly tinted prescription sunglasses? Is she using doses of full spectrum lighting (phototherapy) at home?



If they haven't bothered with any attempts at intervention, then it's more likely a convenient excuse.

 

[sad_dad1]

Have they tried mildly tinted prescription sunglasses? Is she using doses of full spectrum lighting (phototherapy) at home?



If they haven't bothered with any attempts at intervention, then it's more likely a convenient excuse.

NO they have not tried either of these things. Honestly I dont know who even made the alleged diagnosis. If I had to guess, I would say DVI (diagnostic via internet)

 

[mistoffolees]

Do you think it would be helpful to get the superintendent and the principle to write me letters explaining their positions that it wouid be in my daughters best interest to stay in the school system, or would it not be taken into account if it goes to court?

They would not be admissible (hearsay). If one of them would come to court to testify, it would probably be helpful, although the court might assume that they're biased.

You COULD ask for a neutral evaluator (like a custody evaluator) who would then talk to all interested parties. You should really discuss it with your attorney.