how can the debt be divided?

[ncgolfnbuddy]

What is the name of your state? NC

My husband has been taking care of our finances for about a year and a half. Recently, I decided to check up on things because I felt that we didn't have as much cash as we should. I make good money and he doesn't do too bad either - I thought we were in great shape for such a young couple. When I started researching our financials, I found out that he had accumulated over 40k in credit card debt alone - paying cards with cards?...still haven't figured that one out - can't figure out what happened to the cash either - we don't have anything real to show for all the money that is missing! On top of that, we have over 30k in vehicle loans and 200k in a home that is not even a year old. BTW, alot of the credit card debt is in my name - he just applied for the cards using my SSN and added himself as an authorized user.
I am disgusted with the lies and lack of remorse. We can't even afford to have kids now because I can barely make minimum payments and buy gas/groceries - yes, I took the bills and finances away from him. I am miserable with him in the same house.
How can I file for separation and not lose everything?!? I make more money than him, so I assume that I am not eligible for alimony. Bankruptcy is NOT an option - I have worked too hard on my credit. Anyone know what kind of options I have when it comes to the division of debt during permanent separation?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? NC

My husband has been taking care of our finances for about a year and a half. Recently, I decided to check up on things because I felt that we didn't have as much cash as we should. I make good money and he doesn't do too bad either - I thought we were in great shape for such a young couple. When I started researching our financials, I found out that he had accumulated over 40k in credit card debt alone - paying cards with cards?...still haven't figured that one out - can't figure out what happened to the cash either - we don't have anything real to show for all the money that is missing! On top of that, we have over 30k in vehicle loans and 200k in a home that is not even a year old. BTW, alot of the credit card debt is in my name - he just applied for the cards using my SSN and added himself as an authorized user.
I am disgusted with the lies and lack of remorse. We can't even afford to have kids now because I can barely make minimum payments and buy gas/groceries - yes, I took the bills and finances away from him. I am miserable with him in the same house.
How can I file for separation and not lose everything?!? I make more money than him, so I assume that I am not eligible for alimony. Bankruptcy is NOT an option - I have worked too hard on my credit. Anyone know what kind of options I have when it comes to the division of debt during permanent separation?What is the name of your state?

Your biggest problem is that the debt is in your name. That means that even if he agrees or is ordered to pay a share of the debt, if he doesn't, then the creditors will go after you rather than after him. The same with the car that he is driving.

I would recommend that you insist that he refinance his car into his own name....if his credit is good enough to do that.

You may need to sell the house if you are not upside down on it...if not, then whichever one of you keeps the house will have to refinance it into their name only. With all of that debt hanging over your head it honestly might be wiser to simply sell. If you have any equity in the home then maybe that can be used to pay a portion of the debt that he racked up in your name.

 

[ncgolfnbuddy]

the house is another big problem...i insisted we build it on family land; therefore, selling it is not an option either.

 

[LdiJ]

the house is another big problem...i insisted we build it on family land; therefore, selling it is not an option either.

Then..basically...in order to protect both your credit and the family land, you are going to end up bearing the bulk of the responsibility for the marital debt.

It might be wisest to cut your losses, and agree to take on all of the debt that is in your name, the mortgage, and let him walk with the debt that is in his name, but with no equity in the home or in your 401k (if you have one). You WILL have to refinance the mortgage, but you may be able to negotiate an extended time frame to do so, to allow you to get rid of some of the debt.

I know that is grossly unfair, but you basically allowed this to happen by allowing him to control the finances. Had you been actively participating in the family finances you would have noticed what was going on before it got this bad, and could have stopped it sooner.

Please understand that unless you are considering criminal charges against him (which may not be possible in your state) for opening accounts in your name fraudulently, your only option to save your credit and the land, is to pay the debts. The creditors will never be bound by your separation or eventual divorce decree. They will be bound only by the credit agreements.

Your husband obviously has a gambling problem and your separation/divorce isn't going to make it go away. Therefore you CANNOT count on him to uphold any agreement he makes or any court orders a judge makes. That is simply reality.

 

[Bali Hai]

Then..basically...in order to protect both your credit and the family land, you are going to end up bearing the bulk of the responsibility for the marital debt.

It might be wisest to cut your losses, and agree to take on all of the debt that is in your name, the mortgage, and let him walk with the debt that is in his name, but with no equity in the home or in your 401k (if you have one). You WILL have to refinance the mortgage, but you may be able to negotiate an extended time frame to do so, to allow you to get rid of some of the debt.

I know that is grossly unfair, but you basically allowed this to happen by allowing him to control the finances. Had you been actively participating in the family finances you would have noticed what was going on before it got this bad, and could have stopped it sooner.

Please understand that unless you are considering criminal charges against him (which may not be possible in your state) for opening accounts in your name fraudulently,

If that were the case, the prisions would be full of wives.

your only option to save your credit and the land, is to pay the debts. The creditors will never be bound by your separation or eventual divorce decree. They will be bound only by the credit agreements.

Your husband obviously has a gambling problem and your separation/divorce isn't going to make it go away.

How did you make that diagnosis??

Therefore you CANNOT count on him to uphold any agreement he makes or any court orders a judge makes. That is simply reality.

Perhaps a fair amount of alimony paid to the husband would make things alot easier for OP.

 

[LdiJ]

Perhaps a fair amount of alimony paid to the husband would make things alot easier for OP.

And that was a really stupid comment under the circumstances.

 

[Bali Hai]

And that was a really stupid comment under the circumstances.

Thank you.

Would your advice be the same for a husband who came here to complain about the wifes wild and out of control spending habits?