How did you manage?

[ScaredinNC]

What is the name of your state? NC

My husband and I have been together for nearly 12 years now, married for 8. We have a 7 yr old and 9 yr old. I desperately want to divorce him, but I just can't get up the nerve to do it. How did you breach this topic? I'm scared out of my mind. I know I can't live here much longer, but, as sad as it sounds, I don't know how to leave him.

Aside from the drastic changes it would bring and how heartbroken my children would be, there are financial considerations I just don't know how to handle. He had his own business a few years ago. Things started going south, so he borrowed money from his parents and ran up their credit card (and THEN told me about it). I borrowed money from an uncle to pay some bills. Then he ignored a subpoena and got thrown in jail and I had to borrow more money from the same uncle to get him out. Now we're stuck with at least $50k owed to family members (probably realistically more like $91k, which we'll never be able to pay back in a million years). On top of all that, the business failed anyway and we ended up with loads of lawsuits from existing customers that all ended in liens on our home because he decided it wasn't worth going to court.

I also spent most of my time home with the kids. Until last October, I hadn't had a full time job since February 1999. I did some temp work here and there, worked part time at a preschool, and then got hired at the same company he works for. I don't have a college degree and I don't have much of a resume, but I can't divorce him and stay within the same company. It's too small a company to do that.

He's also got a chronic illness, so we're loaded up with medical bills. I have some credit card debt from before we were together. We have loads of debts together. I'm trying furiously to get things paid down, but he gets angry when I try to pay too many things at once and he doesn't have all the spending cash he wants.

I guess it boils down to this: I want out, but I know that 1) it's going to be hard to find a job, 2) we have a ton of debt and liens against us, including debt to family members, and I don't know how to prove what debt we have without copying boxes and boxes of files...which he's not likely to let me do once he knows I want a divorce, 3) I think he skipped a year paying taxes on his business and I don't want to be held responsible for that, 4) I have no place to go (Dad lives out of state, Mom lives with my sister), 5) the kids will be DEVASTATED...BUT..I can't stay here. For years I was depressed and didn't do anything but sit on the computer and play games. I'd make excuse after excuse as to why the house was a mess, why the bills weren't paid, etc. He was always furious. Then I got a job. I was happy about it. I loved being out of the house and working. We had some extra cash to help out. I started really pushing to get the house cleaned, laundry done, etc., but he didn't lift a finger (which he'd promised he would if I went back to work). Now I'm stuck with it all. I get up with the kids in the morning and put them on the bus. I drive from there to work. We work together, so sometimes he causes problems for me there. Even on a good day he at least makes me go get him lunch. I go straight from work to go home (where he's usually been for at least 30 minutes most days) and have to start cooking dinner. By this time he's watching TV and doesn't move til bedtime. I'm responsible for all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, paying bills, balancing the checkbook, helping kids with homework, doing the yardwork...EVERYTHING is my responsibility. He even expects me to serve him dinner on the couch or up at the computer desk. I recently tried to have him put his own laundry away to help me out. He said he would, but the clothes are piling up on the floor and have been for over a month now. He just keeps pulling clothes off that pile to wear.

I really just don't know where to start I guess. He's never hit me or the kids before, but he has thrown his fist through a wall and a cabinet, flipped two tables, thrown a phone and put a hole in the pantry door, and thrown a chair, so I am scared of him. I'm also worried about how to handle the financials. We're not that great at recordkeeping, so I'd have to copy a lot of paperwork to get a very complete idea of what's what there.

Where do I start? What do I do? How do i approach him? Where do I go? What can I take with me? When he fights me for the kids, who gets custody until we can go to court?? I mean, I've been the primary caretaker forever. I've always been the one home with the kids. I gave up college and working just to care for them. I've been back to work fulltime for a year though, so we see them about the same now. Will all my years of sacrifice work out?? I couldn't bear to lose my children. I'd rather suffer in this marriage than have any chance at losing them. They're everything to me.

There's also one other thing. We've had an open marriage, so we've both slept with other people along the way. He's told me about his encounters, but I have no further proof of his. However, he has pictures and videos of mine. He's previously threatened to use them in court against me. He's a spiteful man and I don't doubt he'd do anything and everything in his power to make sure I suffered. Nothing would remain sacred I'm sure. Is there anyway I can help protect myself from this getting to court and affecting any decisions? I do have one video that he's in with me and another man, but that's about all I have on him and I really would rather avoid any of this coming up in court at all.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state? NC

My husband and I have been together for nearly 12 years now, married for 8. We have a 7 yr old and 9 yr old.

Was paternity established for the 9 year old?

I desperately want to divorce him, but I just can't get up the nerve to do it. How did you breach this topic? I'm scared out of my mind. I know I can't live here much longer, but, as sad as it sounds, I don't know how to leave him.

You have to get up the nerve to do it. No one can force you to do so.

Aside from the drastic changes it would bring and how heartbroken my children would be, there are financial considerations I just don't know how to handle.

You do so.

He had his own business a few years ago.

Was the business a LLC, a sole proprietorship, what?

Things started going south, so he borrowed money from his parents and ran up their credit card (and THEN told me about it). I borrowed money from an uncle to pay some bills.

OKay most likely marital debt.

Then he ignored a subpoena and got thrown in jail and I had to borrow more money from the same uncle to get him out.

WRONG! You did NOT HAVE to borrow more money to get him out. You could have let him sit in jail. YOU CHOSE to borrow to get him out.

Now we're stuck with at least $50k owed to family members (probably realistically more like $91k, which we'll never be able to pay back in a million years). On top of all that, the business failed anyway and we ended up with loads of lawsuits from existing customers that all ended in liens on our home because he decided it wasn't worth going to court.

I see bankruptcy in your future. Nice.

I also spent most of my time home with the kids. Until last October, I hadn't had a full time job since February 1999. I did some temp work here and there, worked part time at a preschool, and then got hired at the same company he works for. I don't have a college degree and I don't have much of a resume, but I can't divorce him and stay within the same company. It's too small a company to do that.

You probably could stay in the company. It may not be comfortable. You may not CHOOSE to but you probably could.

He's also got a chronic illness, so we're loaded up with medical bills.

Marital debt.

I have some credit card debt from before we were together.

You have not paid it off in NINE YEARS?

We have loads of debts together. I'm trying furiously to get things paid down, but he gets angry when I try to pay too many things at once and he doesn't have all the spending cash he wants.

Marital debts. Oh well, he can get mad he can get glad.

I guess it boils down to this: I want out, but I know that 1) it's going to be hard to find a job,

YOu have a job. Start searching now if you want to find a new one.

2) we have a ton of debt and liens against us, including debt to family members, and I don't know how to prove what debt we have without copying boxes and boxes of files...which he's not likely to let me do once he knows I want a divorce,

He doesn't have a choice. The court requires that all debts are sent to the court. Or you could declare bankruptcy BEFORE the divorce and that makes it easy.

) I think he skipped a year paying taxes on his business and I don't want to be held responsible for that,

Did he file on a join return using a schedule C. Guess what -- he didn't just skip paying taxes -- so did you. You are both responsible for that tax debt.

4) I have no place to go (Dad lives out of state, Mom lives with my sister),

So you could go those places. YOU just do not WANT to.

5) the kids will be DEVASTATED...BUT..I can't stay here.

Leave the kids with dad.

For years I was depressed and didn't do anything but sit on the computer and play games.

That was an excuse.

I'd make excuse after excuse as to why the house was a mess, why the bills weren't paid, etc.

And you are still making excuses.

We work together, so sometimes he causes problems for me there. Even on a good day he at least makes me go get him lunch.

He MAKES you? Good grief. Probably you CHOOSE to.

I go straight from work to go home (where he's usually been for at least 30 minutes most days) and have to start cooking dinner. By this time he's watching TV and doesn't move til bedtime. I'm responsible for all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, paying bills, balancing the checkbook, helping kids with homework, doing the yardwork...EVERYTHING is my responsibility. He even expects me to serve him dinner on the couch or up at the computer desk. I recently tried to have him put his own laundry away to help me out. He said he would, but the clothes are piling up on the floor and have been for over a month now. He just keeps pulling clothes off that pile to wear.

So why do you CHOOSE to serve him?

I really just don't know where to start I guess. He's never hit me or the kids before, but he has thrown his fist through a wall and a cabinet, flipped two tables, thrown a phone and put a hole in the pantry door, and thrown a chair, so I am scared of him. I'm also worried about how to handle the financials. We're not that great at recordkeeping, so I'd have to copy a lot of paperwork to get a very complete idea of what's what there.

\Over what length of time? Why haven't you left again? Why haven't you called the police?

Where do I start? What do I do? How do i approach him? Where do I go? What can I take with me? When he fights me for the kids, who gets custody until we can go to court??

You are both the parents and therefore you both have equal rights to the children.

I mean, I've been the primary caretaker forever. I've always been the one home with the kids. I gave up college and working just to care for them. I've been back to work fulltime for a year though, so we see them about the same now. Will all my years of sacrifice work out??

SACRIFICE?

couldn't bear to lose my children. I'd rather suffer in this marriage than have any chance at losing them. They're everything to me.

Even when you did nothing but spend time on the computer playing games?

There's also one other thing. We've had an open marriage, so we've both slept with other people along the way. He's told me about his encounters, but I have no further proof of his. However, he has pictures and videos of mine. He's previously threatened to use them in court against me. He's a spiteful man and I don't doubt he'd do anything and everything in his power to make sure I suffered. Nothing would remain sacred I'm sure. Is there anyway I can help protect myself from this getting to court and affecting any decisions? I do have one video that he's in with me and another man, but that's about all I have on him and I really would rather avoid any of this coming up in court at all.

Then settle. Dad has just as much right to custody of the children as you do. Dad will most likely get joint custody as will you. Time split depends on a lot of factors.

 

[nextwife]

Seems to me that you ignored your debts (still owed premarital debt nine years after the fact?), and turned a blind eye to the financial health of the household. If you already had debt entering the marriage, you should NOT have stopped working until you achieved financial health.

As to not finishing college, if you had REALLY cared, you would have done what all of my friends did - finished college FIRST, then considered starting a family. Don't place the blame on hubby for walking away from your education. If you had really cared, you would have made certain to have accomplished it.

How long was his business struggling? You should have gone to work as soon as there were problems. Did you search for a job as soon as you KNEW he was having financial problems?

If he has had a chronic illness, then you and he have known for as long as you have been aware of his illness that at some point he may not be working, so YOU should have been seeking a job to insure continued health insurance and income to the family.

If you have wanted out for a long time, what have you been doing all along to achieve financial self-sustainability?

 

[LdiJ]

Realistically, I see a bankruptcy in your future. You haven't the means to get yourselves out of debt together, and based on the way that you describe your husband, if you divorce, he is simply not going to pay on any of the debt, even if he is court ordered to pay half of it. Clearly you are not going to have the means to get the debt paid off by yourself.

I would recommend that you take the next six months to properly plan for your divorce, before saying anything to him. Slowly get the financial records copied and put in a safe place (outside of the home or your workplace, rent a small storage container if necessary). Figure out where you can afford to live and what kind of budget you will have. Don't plan on having child support. Even if you end up with primary residental custody you should consider child support to be a bonus rather than incorporating it into your budget for basic living expenses, because many people are NOT honorable about paying their child support.

Put some money aside each month so that when the time comes to divorce you can divide it in half, and each of you have some cash available to get restarted. You will likely have to sell the home due to the overall financial situation, so you will both need to find a new place to live.

 

[nextwife]

Don't plan on having child support. Even if you end up with primary residental custody you should consider child support to be a bonus rather than incorporating it into your budget for basic living expenses, because many people are NOT honorable about paying their child support.

This is good advice because HE IS CHRONICALLY ILL.

Because the other parent can become ill, dead or disabled in the blink of an eye. Because any parent, even with the MOST reliable, devoted co-parent can end up going it alone, they should always presume that one day the CS may not be available. My husband's dad died three months BEFORE hubby was born, my dad became seriously disabled and terminal when I was a kid. This is good advice for every parent everywhere considering having kids - having CS laws does NOT mean that any parent should RELY on it. There are plenty of HONORABLE people who die, get sick, have accidents and become disabled, or unemployed every day.

 

[ScaredinNC]

Was paternity established for the 9 year old?

I'm not familiar with this particular board, so forgive me if my formatting is off.

No, paternity was not legally established. There's no doubt she's his.

Was the business a LLC, a sole proprietorship, what?

Sole proprietorship.

WRONG! You did NOT HAVE to borrow more money to get him out. You could have let him sit in jail. YOU CHOSE to borrow to get him out.

You're technically right, but it's not easy to just say, "Screw you. Sit in there and rot.", especially when you have 2 children who love him dearly and wouldn't understand at their age and you're only working part time at a preschool and bringing in maybe $200 a month. I was absolutely financially dependent on him. I am working at getting off that dependency now.

I see bankruptcy in your future. Nice.

We've already talked to a bankruptcy lawyer. Because of the debt to his parents and my uncle and the fact that we have been paying his parents faithfully, we chose not to file. We were told our creditors would then have the right to go after his parents for all the money we paid them because the law says we have to pay creditors over family and we didn't.
The majority of our debt is to his parents and my uncle, so bankruptcy won't help much. We'd probably get rid of about 10% of our total debt (aside from car and mortgage, which are both in good standing).

You probably could stay in the company. It may not be comfortable. You may not CHOOSE to but you probably could.

Again, you're right. Technically, it would be my choice. There are certainly some there that would ask me to stay. I know though how angry, spiteful, and vengeful he can be and if I'm going to leave him, I'm going to do it all the way and not deal with his crap at work.

You have not paid it off in NINE YEARS?

No. In case you missed it, I owe much bigger things than $500 on two or three credit cards and we've not been so financially stable.

YOu have a job. Start searching now if you want to find a new one.

I am and he knows it. However, I only have this job because of him. They've known me through him for the last five years or so and knew what I was capable of. I have sent resumes out over the years and I've not been able to land anything that comes close to covering my childcare and gasoline costs.

Did he file on a join return using a schedule C. Guess what -- he didn't just skip paying taxes -- so did you. You are both responsible for that tax debt.

Maybe I'm missing something here..Did he file jointly? He didn't file anything at all.

So you could go those places. YOU just do not WANT to.

You're right. If my life or the life of my children were in danger, I would absolutely go to one of them, temporarily. However, I'd much prefer to do this myself and not instantly become dependent on anyone else.

Leave the kids with dad.

You're out of your skull if you think I'd just up and leave them here with him so he can make them serve him or deal with his insane temper. I'll stay here to protect them and care for them until I can find a way to take them with me when I leave.

He MAKES you? Good grief. Probably you CHOOSE to. So why do you CHOOSE to serve him?

Yes, you're probably right again. I choose to serve him so I don't have to deal with the yelling, screaming, belittling, or another hole in the wall or flipped over piece of furniture, which all inevitably lead to the children crying.

\Over what length of time? Why haven't you left again? Why haven't you called the police?

Over the last 9 years or so. I was very naive and doubted myself a lot. My father is a very gentle man and always has been. My parents, although divorced, never fought or raised their voice at each other in front of my sister and I. My husband convinced me that that was abnormal, that normal families do yell and scream and occasionally lose their temper and throw a fist through the wall. I was stupid enough to believe that might be true.

Even when you did nothing but spend time on the computer playing games?

I know I spent too much time on the computer. I know it was an excuse. I did NOT neglect my children however. Spending my free time on the computer does not equate to ignoring or neglecting my children, nor does it lessen my love for my children.

 

[ScaredinNC]

Seems to me that you ignored your debts (still owed premarital debt nine years after the fact?), and turned a blind eye to the financial health of the household. If you already had debt entering the marriage, you should NOT have stopped working until you achieved financial health.

I did not plan on not working. We chose to move to another state when we had an opportunity to do so. I did not expect it to be this difficult to find a job here, nor had I planned for the exorbitant cost of childcare here. I realize now that I should have done more research than I did before the move. That was ten years ago though. It's a little hard to change the past now.

[QUOTE[As to not finishing college, if you had REALLY cared, you would have done what all of my friends did - finished college FIRST, then considered starting a family. Don't place the blame on hubby for walking away from your education. If you had really cared, you would have made certain to have accomplished it.[/QUOTE]

We did not plan on starting a family. We were using protection. My daughter was an accident. I simply don't believe in abortion or adoption just because I wanted to go to college. God gave me that miracle for a reason and I wasn't about to screw that up. (I had a hysterectomy 1 year after my son was born, so I consider both of my children huge blessings. I could of ended up with none at all had things gone the way I'd planned and I'd waited to try to have a family til after college.)

How long was his business struggling? You should have gone to work as soon as there were problems. Did you search for a job as soon as you KNEW he was having financial problems?

I was searching long before he even started his own company. As I've mentioned before, childcare costs were more exorbitant than I'd expected and it was far more difficult to get a job here than back home. I did take on temp jobs here and there whenever I could, but it wasn't nearly enough to support us.

If he has had a chronic illness, then you and he have known for as long as you have been aware of his illness that at some point he may not be working, so YOU should have been seeking a job to insure continued health insurance and income to the family.

We have adequate insurance and short and long term disability in case he does end up needing some time off.

If you have wanted out for a long time, what have you been doing all along to achieve financial self-sustainability?

I have been trying to get work whenever I can, wherever I can. Now that we have more family down here (from his side) and our children are in elementary school, I have the opportunity to work and leave my children with his sister in law an hour or two a day. However, that's because his company hired me because they knew me, not because I have an outstanding resume. I'm hoping this job will help build my resume. I do continue to search for another job and he is aware that I am not happy working for this company so he knows I'm looking for a job elsewhere and he's ok with that. He told me from the start I couldn't handle this job and he's right. No one can.

 

[ScaredinNC]

Realistically, I see a bankruptcy in your future. You haven't the means to get yourselves out of debt together, and based on the way that you describe your husband, if you divorce, he is simply not going to pay on any of the debt, even if he is court ordered to pay half of it. Clearly you are not going to have the means to get the debt paid off by yourself.

I would recommend that you take the next six months to properly plan for your divorce, before saying anything to him. Slowly get the financial records copied and put in a safe place (outside of the home or your workplace, rent a small storage container if necessary). Figure out where you can afford to live and what kind of budget you will have. Don't plan on having child support. Even if you end up with primary residental custody you should consider child support to be a bonus rather than incorporating it into your budget for basic living expenses, because many people are NOT honorable about paying their child support.

Put some money aside each month so that when the time comes to divorce you can divide it in half, and each of you have some cash available to get restarted. You will likely have to sell the home due to the overall financial situation, so you will both need to find a new place to live.

Bankruptcy isn't a very viable option, especially under the new laws and mostly because a good portion of our debt (probably close to 90%) is to family members.

I have started scanning in whatever documents I can, when I can, starting with legal documents first and then financials. I scan them, email them to an address he doesn't know my mother has, and then delete the files from the computer. He's not particularly computer-savvy and he doesn't use my computer anyway, so I'm pretty sure he'll never know.

Selling the home is a problem at the moment. There are liens against it for more than what we can get for profit on this house.

 

[Ohiogal]

I'm not familiar with this particular board, so forgive me if my formatting is off.

No, paternity was not legally established. There's no doubt she's his.

No doubt is not the same as legally being established as the father. When she was born did he sign the paternity affidavit?

Sole proprietorship

So it is marital debt.

You're technically right, but it's not easy to just say, "Screw you. Sit in there and rot.", especially when you have 2 children who love him dearly and wouldn't understand at their age and you're only working part time at a preschool and bringing in maybe $200 a month. I was absolutely financially dependent on him. I am working at getting off that dependency now.

But it is a choice and you need to make sure you quit making excuses and deal with what is going on.

We've already talked to a bankruptcy lawyer. Because of the debt to his parents and my uncle and the fact that we have been paying his parents faithfully, we chose not to file. We were told our creditors would then have the right to go after his parents for all the money we paid them because the law says we have to pay creditors over family and we didn't.
The majority of our debt is to his parents and my uncle, so bankruptcy won't help much. We'd probably get rid of about 10% of our total debt (aside from car and mortgage, which are both in good standing).

What about the liens on the house? The debt from the business?

Again, you're right. Technically, it would be my choice. There are certainly some there that would ask me to stay. I know though how angry, spiteful, and vengeful he can be and if I'm going to leave him, I'm going to do it all the way and not deal with his crap at work.

Again that is a choice. You can choose to let him run you away from your job or you can stand up and "fight".

No. In case you missed it, I owe much bigger things than $500 on two or three credit cards and we've not been so financially stable.

But those were choices. The debt on the credit card from before marriage is ALL yours. How far behind are you on the payments? what is the minimum payment? how much of a balance do you have?

I am and he knows it. However, I only have this job because of him. They've known me through him for the last five years or so and knew what I was capable of. I have sent resumes out over the years and I've not been able to land anything that comes close to covering my childcare and gasoline costs.

You may have gotten the job because of him but you would not have KEPT the job just because of him. You have to have some positive qualities and skills. However your statement tells me a lot about why you have not gotten another job.

Maybe I'm missing something here..Did he file jointly? He didn't file anything at all.

And what did you file? Therein lies the rub.

You're right. If my life or the life of my children were in danger, I would absolutely go to one of them, temporarily. However, I'd much prefer to do this myself and not instantly become dependent on anyone else.

Another choice.

You're out of your skull if you think I'd just up and leave them here with him so he can make them serve him or deal with his insane temper. I'll stay here to protect them and care for them until I can find a way to take them with me when I leave.

Well he will be entitled to joint custody and will have visitation with the children without you around up to and including 50% of the time if HE does not get primary residential.

Yes, you're probably right again. I choose to serve him so I don't have to deal with the yelling, screaming, belittling, or another hole in the wall or flipped over piece of furniture, which all inevitably lead to the children crying.

Again a choice.

Over the last 9 years or so. I was very naive and doubted myself a lot. My father is a very gentle man and always has been. My parents, although divorced, never fought or raised their voice at each other in front of my sister and I. My husband convinced me that that was abnormal, that normal families do yell and scream and occasionally lose their temper and throw a fist through the wall. I was stupid enough to believe that might be true.

And no times did you call the police. At no time did you file charges. At no time did you get a restraining order. At no time did you do anything about. It won't count for much.

I know I spent too much time on the computer. I know it was an excuse. I did NOT neglect my children however. Spending my free time on the computer does not equate to ignoring or neglecting my children, nor does it lessen my love for my children.

How much time did you spend on the computer? When? Where were the kids at that time? That is definitely an argument dad can make.

 

[LdiJ]

OG....just an FYI

He would have to actually file the tax returns and establish the debt with the IRS before any tax debt would exist.

The IRS will never go after her to collect the debt unless she signs a joint tax return with him for each and every year.....OP please REFUSE to do so....even if ordered by a judge. Technically the judge does NOT have the authority to order you to sign a joint tax return.

Sure, a court could assign her some of the debt, however she cannot control whether or not he files the tax returns, and I sincerely doubt that he will agree to file any tax returns at this point.

 

[nextwife]

OG....just an FYI

He would have to actually file the tax returns and establish the debt with the IRS before any tax debt would exist.

The IRS will never go after her to collect the debt unless she signs a joint tax return with him for each and every year.....OP please REFUSE to do so....even if ordered by a judge. Technically the judge does NOT have the authority to order you to sign a joint tax return.

Sure, a court could assign her some of the debt, however she cannot control whether or not he files the tax returns, and I sincerely doubt that he will agree to file any tax returns at this point.

She and husband benefited from not paying taxes and not filing. AS I recall, the IRS can assign a tax liability and still consider the taxes to be due for unfiled years.

 

[LdiJ]

She and husband benefited from not paying taxes and not filing. AS I recall, the IRS can assign a tax liability and still consider the taxes to be due for unfiled years.

The IRS can only assign a tax liability if they have income documents (w2s, 1099s etc.) that reflect that an income exists. For all the IRS knows, he has been unemployed for all these years.

If someone were to report him to the IRS, and the IRS chose to investigate, they could investigate his assets, liabilities, bank account records etc., to determine what he could have possibly been earning during those years...in order to assign a liability. However, they cannot just assign one out of thin air.

Some state tax laws allow for assignments out of thin air to be done for state tax, but it doesn't work that way on the federal side.

 

[nextwife]

The IRS can only assign a tax liability if they have income documents (w2s, 1099s etc.) that reflect that an income exists. For all the IRS knows, he has been unemployed for all these years.

If someone were to report him to the IRS, and the IRS chose to investigate, they could investigate his assets, liabilities, bank account records etc., to determine what he could have possibly been earning during those years...in order to assign a liability. However, they cannot just assign one out of thin air.

Some state tax laws allow for assignments out of thin air to be done for state tax, but it doesn't work that way on the federal side.

So she STILL could be jointly on the hook, at least on a state level, for a presumed tax liability for unfiled years?

 

[LdiJ]

So she STILL could be jointly on the hook, at least on a state level, for a presumed tax liability for unfiled years?

The state couldn't hold her liable....but possibly the family court judge could assign a liability, IF the state imposed one. However again, until the state imposes a liability there is no debt.

The state couldn't hold her liable because the state can't force a joint liability without a signature on a tax return....and neither can the feds of course.

 

[nextwife]

The state couldn't hold her liable....but possibly the family court judge could assign a liability, IF the state imposed one. However again, until the state imposes a liability there is no debt.

The state couldn't hold her liable because the state can't force a joint liability without a signature on a tax return....and neither can the feds of course.

Hmmm. I've had closings in which state tax liens WERE filed, and paid from proceeds - and nobody had signed or filed a tax return. I am also aware that those same parties were paying via garnishment for a PRESUMED tax liability. The failure to file had not relieved them of liability for taxes.

But that was WI.