How to Leave with the Kids?

[mal62880]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? North Carolina

My question is: My husband knows I want a divorce, but he doesn't want one. So, he says if I want to go, go. I have been told NOT to leave my children because that could be considered abandonment and hurt me in custody hearings. I would like to leave the house with the kids, staying in the same town. Money not a problem, I work.
My husband is an alcoholic....very apparent to my children. Otherwise, not abusive. Just not present. Passed out on couch too often. What can I do to not jeopardize rights to at least joint custody?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? North Carolina

My question is: My husband knows I want a divorce, but he doesn't want one. So, he says if I want to go, go. I have been told NOT to leave my children because that could be considered abandonment and hurt me in custody hearings. I would like to leave the house with the kids, staying in the same town. Money not a problem, I work.
My husband is an alcoholic....very apparent to my children. Otherwise, not abusive. Just not present. Passed out on couch too often. What can I do to not jeopardize rights to at least joint custody?

It would not be considered abandonment, but it would hurt you as far as primary custody is concerned.

Move out and take your children with you. You have every right to do so. Or, stay put, file for divorce, (or legal separation if that is required first) and ask for temporary custody and temporary possession of the marital home.

 

[mistoffolees]

Move out and take your children with you. You have every right to do so.

Do this only after consulting with an attorney. Even though you're in the same town, you need to make sure that you're not interfering with your stbx's right to see the children. Also, stbx could claim that you harmed the children by moving them to a different neighborhood, away from their friends and ask the court to give him custody on that basis.

There will obviously be many more things to be considered, but you want to be careful about giving him ammunition.

 

[mal62880]

Can I just file for divorce then, even if he is not "agreeing" to the divorce? Do I need to prove the alcoholism (rather not drag the kids into the middle of the this) to have grounds for divorce? Or can I just file?
Alternatively, since we haven't had sex more than twice in the last three years, do I have any other grounds there for divorce?

 

[LdiJ]

Can I just file for divorce then, even if he is not "agreeing" to the divorce? Do I need to prove the alcoholism (rather not drag the kids into the middle of the this) to have grounds for divorce? Or can I just file?
Alternatively, since we haven't had sex more than twice in the last three years, do I have any other grounds there for divorce?

I believe that in NC you have to be separated for a year before you can divorce, but I don't think that you have to have grounds.

Its a bit more trouble, and takes a bit more time to get a divorce if your spouse will not cooperate, but in the end, you WILL get a divorce.

 

[mistoffolees]

I believe that in NC you have to be separated for a year before you can divorce, but I don't think that you have to have grounds.

That is correct. (Technically, as I read it, you do have to have grounds, but living apart for 1 year is sufficient grounds).

DivorceNet - North Carolina Grounds for Divorce