How to Proceed?

[extremeCO]

The state is Colorado.

My wife and I are getting a divorce but neither has filed paper work. She would like to move out with the children (2.5 boy and 8 girl). She has found a rental (condo) place that is not far from school and is in good neighbor hood. She does not have employment, but worked less than two years ago in a managment capacity.

This all sounds good, but she presented me with a temporary contract where I was bounded to the lease and was giving primary care and 80% visitation rights to her. We were a single income family (barely making the bills in one house) and cannot afford two places. She says that we can live in the same space (primary) any longer. Well my attorney viewed the contract and said no way at this point until we start our petitions and flow througth Colorado system. When I told her this she split with children and went a unknown hotel.

Okay! My side is that I am a non travelling working dad that wants the kids half the time. I am pretty close to that now except when I am working she takes care of the youngest. All I want isto split half the assets and get nearly half the time with the kids! No problems of violence or criminal activity on either side! I hear through reliable sources that she intends to "screw me" so naturally I am cautious! She likes to have control over situations and probably feels that she is the more worth parent to raise the children. She would be willing to let me have extra time, but only if I ask nicely!

So the 99 dollar question is how do I let her move out of the primary (she doesn't want) without braking the financial bank? How do I position myself to get the children 1/2 the time with there dad. Isn't fair 50/50? I could see if I was some dead beat, but I am responsible loving dad. By the way the daughter and mom have conflicts continously and their personalities clash! The daughter probably favors dad and the little boy is pretty neutral.

I have offered some lump some of cash to get her by for three months while we are waiting for the divorce to transition. I am more willing to be fair (50/50) and even allow a little extra time for the young one and mom, but I will not be stripped of my time with my children with a 80/20 rule.

Thanks....

 

[seniorjudge]

The state is Colorado.

My wife and I are getting a divorce but neither has filed paper work. She would like to move out with the children (2.5 boy and 8 girl). She has found a rental (condo) place that is not far from school and is in good neighbor hood. She does not have employment, but worked less than two years ago in a managment capacity.

This all sounds good, but she presented me with a temporary contract where I was bounded to the lease and was giving primary care and 80% visitation rights to her. We were a single income family (barely making the bills in one house) and cannot afford two places. She says that we can live in the same space (primary) any longer. Well my attorney viewed the contract and said no way at this point until we start our petitions and flow througth Colorado system. When I told her this she split with children and went a unknown hotel.

Okay! My side is that I am a non travelling working dad that wants the kids half the time. I am pretty close to that now except when I am working she takes care of the youngest. All I want isto split half the assets and get nearly half the time with the kids! No problems of violence or criminal activity on either side! I hear through reliable sources that she intends to "screw me" so naturally I am cautious! She likes to have control over situations and probably feels that she is the more worth parent to raise the children. She would be willing to let me have extra time, but only if I ask nicely!

So the 99 dollar question is how do I let her move out of the primary (she doesn't want) without braking the financial bank? How do I position myself to get the children 1/2 the time with there dad. Isn't fair 50/50? I could see if I was some dead beat, but I am responsible loving dad. By the way the daughter and mom have conflicts continously and their personalities clash! The daughter probably favors dad and the little boy is pretty neutral.

I have offered some lump some of cash to get her by for three months while we are waiting for the divorce to transition. I am more willing to be fair (50/50) and even allow a little extra time for the young one and mom, but I will not be stripped of my time with my children with a 80/20 rule.

Thanks....

What does your lawyer say when you ask your questions?

 

[extremeCO]

Reply For seniorjudge

My attorney seems think that 50/50 assets and visitation is reasonable in Colorado. She is concerned if it gets heated that I will not have the finances to represent myself correctly. There is not enough money for both sides to have attorneys. The other bad note for me is that the wife comes from wealth and will probably turn to it.

My attorney has to establish a good case other wise I will be hit hard with maintenance fees. The wife has been out of work for two years and has both a bachelors and masters degrees. Last occupation was managing a HR department. You would think that this is a strong case, but it is hard for me to get the dollar figure around it....

Thanks for The reply
extremeCO

 

[badd2323]

1. Tell her she can move out if she wants to but the kids need to stay in the home.

2. Document all of the time you spend with the children.

3. Prepare yourself for an expensive battle, Lawyers, GAL's, Psyc evals, court costs.

4. DO NOT PUT YOURSELF IN A SITUATION WHERE YOU CAN BE ACCUSED OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE BY HER!!!!

5. File 1st ask for temp. custody stating you fear she might take off with the children.

 

[Bali Hai]

My attorney seems think that 50/50 assets and visitation is reasonable in Colorado. She is concerned if it gets heated that I will not have the finances to represent myself correctly. There is not enough money for both sides to have attorneys. The other bad note for me is that the wife comes from wealth and will probably turn to it.

My attorney has to establish a good case other wise I will be hit hard with maintenance fees. The wife has been out of work for two years and has both a bachelors and masters degrees. Last occupation was managing a HR department. You would think that this is a strong case, but it is hard for me to get the dollar figure around it....

And what is your name? Tom Cruise???

Thanks for The reply
extremeCO

In addition to "badd2323" reply:

6) Fight for custody of your children and fire your attorney!!

 

[extremeCO]

New News

I have been petitioned! She wants to move out to a rental condo and is asking for $2000 in maintenance and $528.00 in child support a month with additional $7000 for deposits, beds and her attorney fees.

My new attorney and I have reviewed the finances over and over and there is simply no way to afford two places and living expenses with out going into major debt.

She is un-willing to cohabitat or do nesting in the same house. There is no violence. She has the edge with professing to be the primary care taker and doesn't care where the money comes from. Just get out or the judge will throw you out!

My major concern is for the long run and my visitation with my children. I just want a 50/50 deal when it is done!

Question:

Do I let her move out and rack up the debt? Fight over visitation rights for months!

- or -

Do I live on the streets and let her have the primary until this is final. I would have basically no overnights and no quality time with the children!

How do I position myself to win this one?

extremeCO

 

[badd2323]

I have been petitioned! She wants to move out to a rental condo and is asking for $2000 in maintenance and $528.00 in child support a month with additional $7000 for deposits, beds and her attorney fees.

1. How much money do you make?
2. What is the total value of your assets?
3. WHat is the total amount of debt?
4. How long have you been married?

She is un-willing to cohabitat or do nesting in the same house.

obviously, or there wouldn't be a need for a divorce.

There is no violence.

You have to be careful here, if she falsely accuses you, she wouldn't be the first woman to do it. That is the only "legal" way she has to get you out of the house prior to a ruling from the judge.

[/QUOTE] She has the edge with professing to be the primary care taker and doesn't care where the money comes from. Just get out or the judge will throw you out![/QUOTE]

1. How much time did you spend with the children proir to all of this happening? (be honest)

My major concern is for the long run and my visitation with my children. I just want a 50/50 deal when it is done!

That is the best situation for the children as long as both parents are fit. However it is the worst situation for the money hungry mother.

Question:

Do I let her move out and rack up the debt? Fight over visitation rights for months!

1.See my first response, let her move if she wants but, keep the kids in the marital home
2. There will be a fight, it will be expensive win or lose, it will be more expensive if you lose. How expensive depends on the age of the kids.
3. You need to decide how badly you want to see your children for a significant amount of time each week.
- or -

Do I live on the streets and let her have the primary until this is final. I would have basically no overnights and no quality time with the children!

If you move out without the kids you are pretty likely giving up any chance of winning 50/50.

How do I position myself to win this one?

1. Don't move out
2. Don't give her a reason to force you out.
3. Document every minute you spent with the children and what you do.
4. Take a parenting class.
5. Go to the court where your case will be heard and sit in there and listen to how the judge rules in similar cases.
6. Hone up on your negotiating skills, this is no longer a marriage, it is now a business, maybe you can be friends when its over but unless she is willing to be fair you have to fight tooth and nail.
7. Do not let your attorney settle for anything you don't think is reasonable.

 

[extremeCO]

Reply For badd2323

Quote:
I have been petitioned! She wants to move out to a rental condo and is asking for $2000 in maintenance and $528.00 in child support a month with additional $7000 for deposits, beds and her attorney fees.

1. How much money do you make? ~67K/yr
2. What is the total value of your assets? Post marital is about ~160K
3. WHat is the total amount of debt? Current not including house ~3K
4. How long have you been married? 10.5

Quote:
She is un-willing to cohabitat or do nesting in the same house.

obviously, or there wouldn't be a need for a divorce.

Quote:
There is no violence.

You have to be careful here, if she falsely accuses you, she wouldn't be the first woman to do it. That is the only "legal" way she has to get you out of the house prior to a ruling from the judge.

[/quote] She has the edge with professing to be the primary care taker and doesn't care where the money comes from. Just get out or the judge will throw you out![/quote]

1. How much time did you spend with the children proir to all of this happening? (be honest) Exclude the time I was a work about 50/50


Quote:
My major concern is for the long run and my visitation with my children. I just want a 50/50 deal when it is done!

That is the best situation for the children as long as both parents are fit. However it is the worst situation for the money hungry mother.

Question:

Quote:
Do I let her move out and rack up the debt? Fight over visitation rights for months!

1.See my first response, let her move if she wants but, keep the kids in the marital home <Her temp plan is about 80/20 to her favor>
2. There will be a fight, it will be expensive win or lose, it will be more expensive if you lose. How expensive depends on the age of the kids.
3. You need to decide how badly you want to see your children for a significant amount of time each week.
- or -

Quote:
Do I live on the streets and let her have the primary until this is final. I would have basically no overnights and no quality time with the children!

If you move out without the kids you are pretty likely giving up any chance of winning 50/50.


Quote:
How do I position myself to win this one?

1. Don't move out
2. Don't give her a reason to force you out.
3. Document every minute you spent with the children and what you do.
4. Take a parenting class.
5. Go to the court where your case will be heard and sit in there and listen to how the judge rules in similar cases.
6. Hone up on your negotiating skills, this is no longer a marriage, it is now a business, maybe you can be friends when its over but unless she is willing to be fair you have to fight tooth and nail.
7. Do not let your attorney settle for anything you don't think is reasonable.

Thanks I am looking into parenting class and have been keeping records of when she and I spend time away and with the kids.

Thanks
extremeCO

 

[badd2323]

1. How much money do you make? ~67K/yr

What kind of money do you reasonably think she could make if she were to get a job similar to the job she had two years ago?

2. What is the total value of your assets? Post marital is about ~160K

What is the difference between what you had before you were married compared to what you have now?

3. WHat is the total amount of debt? Current not including house ~3K

What about the house?

4. How long have you been married? 10.5

Ouch!!

 

[extremeCO]

Reply to badd2323

What kind of money do you reasonably think she could make if she were to get a job similar to the job she had two years ago?

I think that she should be able to find somwthing in the ~48K a year. She was even told of a part time 20 hr a week job for 42K a year that could go full time to 84K a year. The problem may be more that she wants to stay home with my youngest (son almost 3) and do other volunteer work.

What is the difference between what you had before you were married compared to what you have now?

You mean pre/post marital assets? Pre she was ahead and post I am slightly ahead! Post ~10k

What about the house?

I am trying to keep the house, but that will dependly largely on what the final settlement looks like. I will have to know how much and how long for maintenance and what the child support dollars are.

Ouch!!

Thanks extremeCO

 

[ceara19]

I think that she should be able to find somwthing in the ~48K a year. She was even told of a part time 20 hr a week job for 42K a year that could go full time to 84K a year. The problem may be more that she wants to stay home with my youngest (son almost 3) and do other volunteer work.

Then she sould be viewed in court as able to earn $84K a year. Sure she wants to stay home, who wouldn't if they could get $2500/month from the ex. I also like the way that she is asking for 4 times more support for herself than what she wants for the kids!

 

[Bali Hai]

Then she sould be viewed in court as able to earn $84K a year. Sure she wants to stay home, who wouldn't if they could get $2500/month from the ex. I also like the way that she is asking for 4 times more support for herself than what she wants for the kids!

Yeah. This should be a case where the judge gives her alimony request a big fat goose egg. Should be interesting to hear what happens.

 

[AmarieNorton]

OP - is there another reason besides your wife wanting to stay home with the younger one that she doesn't work? Does she homeschool the older child?

I'm unclear as to why she's wanting to screw you like this? None of my business but she sounds very bitter and upset about something. Why is she coming after you this viciously?

For all of you legal guru's - won't the judge look at her ability to earn a good income and use that to determine how much spousal and child support she's entitled to? If she can earn 80K/year (which is MORE than what OP makes) I can't see where the OP will have to pay her any spousal support. This is just my opinion but shouldn't he only have to pay child support and child related expenses??? What's going on here?

 

[ceara19]

OP - is there another reason besides your wife wanting to stay home with the younger one that she doesn't work? Does she homeschool the older child?

I'm unclear as to why she's wanting to screw you like this? None of my business but she sounds very bitter and upset about something. Why is she coming after you this viciously?

For all of you legal guru's - won't the judge look at her ability to earn a good income and use that to determine how much spousal and child support she's entitled to? If she can earn 80K/year (which is MORE than what OP makes) I can't see where the OP will have to pay her any spousal support. This is just my opinion but shouldn't he only have to pay child support and child related expenses??? What's going on here?

She's trying to screw him because they are getting divorced! I've heard the fairy tales about friendly divorces, but they are about as common as a four leaf clover.

 

[Bali Hai]

OP - is there another reason besides your wife wanting to stay home with the younger one that she doesn't work? Does she homeschool the older child?

Yes. It's called FREE MONEY!!

I'm unclear as to why she's wanting to screw you like this? None of my business but she sounds very bitter and upset about something. Why is she coming after you this viciously?

Because that's what her lawyer advised her to do.

For all of you legal guru's - won't the judge look at her ability to earn a good income and use that to determine how much spousal and child support she's entitled to?

She isn't "entitled" to spousal support. The is not a formula for that. If she gets it, she will be "awarded" it.

If she can earn 80K/year (which is MORE than what OP makes) I can't see where the OP will have to pay her any spousal support.

If she convinces the judge that she must stay home with the child for whatever reason, then she has a good chance of getting alimony.

This is just my opinion but shouldn't he only have to pay child support and child related expenses??? What's going on here?

It's a DIVORCE!! This OP will not be the same person when this is over. Trust me.