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Husband is cheating! What are my options

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bmg05

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? Florida

My husband is cheating on me and I need to know what my options are before I confront him. I am willing to work on reconciliation provided that 1) he admits to the adultery and 2) he works on our marriage on MY TERMS.

If he doesn't do those things, I will file for divorce immediately. Here is my story:

Financially, we are ruined. We moved here from another state (I picked up and left my family and support system) so that he could open a business.

the business was paid for with MY PERSONAL 401(K) (I liquidated $50,000 of the $51,000 I had invested), the proceeds from the sale of our previous house as well as one credit card in my name.

The business is not making money at all. I am the only income (I telecommute to my office in my old state). The mortgage is in my name (though the title is in both) and I make the payments for the cars/house/utilities, everything. We are upside down on our mortgage since we purchased at the top of the market and it's come down significantly.

My credit cards are in default as there are no funds to pay. My credit has gone from good to extremely poor.

We also borrowed $65,000 from my parents.

If we were to get a divorce, am I able to move back to my home and take my 3 year old with me? I would live with my parents, who would help me until I could get back on my feet and help me with my daughter. I also have an extremely large family, who are all very supportive and will help me however they can. I am very fortunate to have such a wonderful support system, however, they are 1100 miles away.

I am listed on the corporation along with my husband and his business partner (brother).

What evidence of an affair do I need to provide. At this point, I only have phone records of late night phone calls to females (there were 2 of them) while I was out of town. I also have the phone records showing calls to another female while I was in town (While he was at a friends house).

I guess my questions are this:
What further evidence do I need to prove to the Courts that he has committed adultery?
Will his adultery be a consideration in the divorce?
Can I take my daughter back to our hometown?
Is he liable for half of our debt?
Will I be liable to pay him alimony since I am the only one making money?
Since I invested most of the money in his business, am I entitled to it?
If I leave my home, is that considered abandonment?
Can I kick him out?

Thank you very much in advance.
What is the name of your state? FL
 


Sorry for the double post~ not sure what happened
Thats ok. Listen...I don't want to upset you since you are obviously in a very tough situation but if your husband is cheating on you...it is very likely that he is stealing from you as well through the business...particularly if his brother is involved. You need to start gathering all your financial info together asap. Be prepared to get yourself a forensics accountant to look very closely at the business. While you're holdng out hope and focusing on your marriage...the money will be flying out of the back door. In my opinion..the only way to protect yourself is to start the process of divorce now. You can always reconcile later...but if what you say is true...why would you? Your contributions will be a factor for equitable distribution...but so will the fact that you're the only one making any money. You won't be able to take off with the kids either. You need hard evidence for adultery, and that make take a PI. Why bother, it may give you a slight advantage...but it doesn't sound like he will be able to pay any debts no matter how much they assign him. I know it will cost you some legal fees...but splitting this mess up will not be easy...and it will have long lasting implications for you and your 3yr old if it is not done properly...including potential bankruptcy. Start interviewing attorneys NOW!!!
 

bmg05

Junior Member
Thank you.
Luckily, a friend of a friend is a PI who just went through this 3 years ago and knows a good divorce attorney. He is out of town but will call me on Tuesday.

I want all the evidence I can get.

If I installed a phone tap at his store, is that admissible as proof? Is that even legal? I'd rather not, but if I need proof, then I'll do it.

I feel like I am in survival mode now.
He's screwed me enough, I won't allow him to screw me more.

Adding insult to injury, we have a doctor's appointment on Monday. He says he feels like he's having a nervous break down. His father was manic depressive and I believe he's going down that road too.
 

Silverplum

Senior Member
Read my post.
Read my link.

THINK.

Thank you.
Luckily, a friend of a friend is a PI who just went through this 3 years ago and knows a good divorce attorney. He is out of town but will call me on Tuesday.

I want all the evidence I can get.

If I installed a phone tap at his store, is that admissible as proof? Is that even legal? I'd rather not, but if I need proof, then I'll do it.

I feel like I am in survival mode now.
He's screwed me enough, I won't allow him to screw me more.

Adding insult to injury, we have a doctor's appointment on Monday. He says he feels like he's having a nervous break down. His father was manic depressive and I believe he's going down that road too.
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
If I installed a phone tap at his store, is that admissible as proof? Is that even legal? I'd rather not, but if I need proof, then I'll do it.

Absolutely not. And, you will be committing at least one crime if you did this.
 
Thank you.
Luckily, a friend of a friend is a PI who just went through this 3 years ago and knows a good divorce attorney. He is out of town but will call me on Tuesday.

I want all the evidence I can get.

If I installed a phone tap at his store, is that admissible as proof? Is that even legal? I'd rather not, but if I need proof, then I'll do it.

I feel like I am in survival mode now.
He's screwed me enough, I won't allow him to screw me more.

Adding insult to injury, we have a doctor's appointment on Monday. He says he feels like he's having a nervous break down. His father was manic depressive and I believe he's going down that road too.

My comment about the PI was inappropriate...and my point is that you focus on the financials...and not bother with the accusations and emotional stuff. It's definitely overkill for Florida grounds of an "irretrievably broken" marriage anyways. Get your financials together ASAP and focus on what's really important.
 

VeronicaLodge

Senior Member
wow you have made a long series of bad decisions. you need to stop, breathe, take a long look at your decision making process. but i definitely think you need to file for divorce like yesterday.
 

bmg05

Junior Member
Thank you all for your advice.
I will interview attorneys on Monday. Hiring a PI won't do anything anyway so why bother. I know in my heart the truth (not that it matters anyhow).

I cannot control him, but I can try to get my ducks in a row to protect myself and my daughter.


Silverplum, thank you for the link. It didn't work at first I just read it and it does make sense. If it can't help me legally, why put forth the effort?

Have a great weekend everyone, and many thanks for the advice!

PS Thanks for letting me know about the phone tap. I really did NOT want to do it and wanted to make sure it was legal if I did. WHEW!
 

Silverplum

Senior Member
Thank you all for your advice.
I will interview attorneys on Monday. Hiring a PI won't do anything anyway so why bother. I know in my heart the truth (not that it matters anyhow).

I cannot control him, but I can try to get my ducks in a row to protect myself and my daughter.


Silverplum, thank you for the link. It didn't work at first I just read it and it does make sense. If it can't help me legally, why put forth the effort?

Have a great weekend everyone, and many thanks for the advice!

PS Thanks for letting me know about the phone tap. I really did NOT want to do it and wanted to make sure it was legal if I did. WHEW!
:) You're welcome! I'm glad you read the link and understand that a PI is a waste of your money and emotions.

Good luck to you.
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
My comment about the PI was inappropriate...and my point is that you focus on the financials..
Although the PI is not appropriate in this case, your comments make sense. If and when it gets to divorce, she will want to hire a good forensic accountant to see if there IS any money hidden.
 

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