Husband won't go away after leaving us !

[zyra]

What is the name of your state? VA

My husband left us and we've gone through the mediation thing for child support and custody. my question is this, can i stop him from just entering the house whenever he wants and disrupting our lives? he comes and goes when he wants and takes what he wants and says it's his house still. he puts us all in a bad mood, the kids run upstairs to avoid him and he's just a miserable person ! i see him more now than i did when we were together ! what can i do here? please help me asap.

thanks,

Zyra

 

[stephenk]

have you filed for divorce? If yes, is there a stay away order against him?

 

[stephenk]

how about changing the locks on the doors?

 

[zyra]

Lock changing might cause unwanted conflict plus i'm not sure if i can legally do that. we have not filed for divorce but we are legally separated w/ child custody, support and visitation settled. I'm just not sure what i can do about that. i hate that he comes and goes as pleases and we got into an argument about it but he says it's his house.

 

[kidoday]

Is his name on the mortgage?

My ex did the same thing to me. Since his name was on the mortgage there was nothing I could do. The police told me that he could break every window in the house to get in because he owned it.

I changed the locks, but he took one of the keys I had given my daughter and had it copied. I changed them again, he came in through the window. I stopped spending the money on changing them.

You could get a restraining order. But that didn't work in my case either since his name was on the mortgage, and because we have children together he was allowed there in regards to parenting time. Well he was always there regarding parenting time because we had shared custody.

Sorry if this doesn't help you much.

Hang in there.

 

[zyra]

and if that wasn't enough ! he just informed me that he's moved in w/ a female co worker !!! i don't want my daughter spending the nights there ! this is turning into a stupid mess. sorry, full of emotions right now, just found out about his via email !!!! coward!

any help out there???!!!! please !! i need legal assistance asap and if possible, not too costly.

 

[kidoday]

You may not want to hear this, but putting stipulations on who your child can and can not be around, can be done in turn to you. Plus it is hard to prove to a court.

Calm down, it is hard I know, but don't make any decisions while your emotions are all over the place right now.

 

[zyra]

well he's physically living there right now so that can be proven in court... ugh... i'll calm down but this is just insane. i need an excellent attorney here !

thanks for the help and kind words.

 

[Deblynrob]

kidoday

" My ex did the same thing to me. Since his name was on the mortgage there was nothing I could do. The police told me that he could break every window in the house to get in because he owned it."-kidoday

**I am curious, since you are in Michigan....I have a friends who just split up. They have children together. He wants his wife to have the house, but it is only his name on the mortgage. He has been told SHE would have to refinance the house when they divorce. Do you know if this is true? I just ask because it isn't that he wants her to, as a matter of fact, he doesn't think she can qualify. He just wants her to live in the house with their children.

 

[kidoday]

Sorry it took me so long to answer, I just seen this post.

Yes she will need to refinance, just as if she were buying any home.

If he doesn't think she can qualify, I believe it can be written in the divorce that she can reside in the house until the children are grown, or she can finance the home on her own.

I know that my Aunt had the same situation and that is how her divorce was written.

Hope this helps.

 

[Deblynrob]

Thank you kidoday

Thank you for the info kidoday. And BIG apologies to zyra for the quick hijack to her thread.

 

[zyra]

Never a problem, if I can't get the help then I'm happy someone else can. Good luck to you all !

 

[Deblynrob]

Zyra,
Have you thought of trying to get a restraining order barring him from entering your house without your permission. Try looking at this site:
http://www.womenslaw.org/VA/VA_how_to.htm#types

It would definately be worth a shot until such time as your divorce is final and you can get a "stay away order"

Thanks for understanding my quick hi-jack

 

[withonel]

If you have a custody/vistation agreement in effect and it includes your daughter spending time with her father overnight, please don't make your daughter pay for your bad feelings towards her dad.
While you do need to be sure she is safe and supervised while with her father, jumping to 'she's not staying with HER' is damaging to your child and putting your needs before hers.
A child whose parents are divorcing needs to feel like they can continue to love each parent without feeling like they are somehow being disloyal to one or the other. You married and created a child with this man, just because you two are through doesn't end his relationship with your child.
Please work through your anger with another adult, your own parents, friends, a therapist or clergymember but DO NOT involve your child in your anger.

 

[zyra]

I understand what you are saying and thank you for thinking of the child but that's not the issue. I honestly do not feel it is appropriate for my huband who is living w/ another woman to have my daughter over w/ THEM for the entire weekend. SHE KNOWS THAT HER FATHER AND I ARE STILL MARRIED. She will not understand what is going on and she is already upset about his leaving. It is not appropriate for her to be in the apt w/ them both, playing the couple while he is still married to me... know what I mean? it's not right, she's only 4 years old and does not need that added cofusion and stress.