Husband won't work but keeps living w/ me and taking my $$ while our kids go without!

[Hoosiermomof4]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IN

I'm in the process of divorce, the papers are being drawn up this week, hopefully mailed today. I am asking that he moves out.

My biggest concern is that for 2 weeks now I am paying for our kids to be in daycare, so he could "get a job" yet here it is 2nd week at noon and he's in bed. He refuses to work, he thinks he can just stay there and while I work and we suffer to try and make ends meet, expecially since now I'm paying for daycare.

Is there any other way I can do this sooner? My kids and I are suffering and he just doesn't get it. I have had to apply for state assistance @ this point, which they won't let me get until he either moves out or he gets a job. They won't allow a parent to sit home on his butt.

I'm just about in tears. He's running up the cell phone bills, he's sitting @ home playing online while I bust my butt @ work and drive everywhere to pick kids up.

 

[Bali Hai]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IN

I'm in the process of divorce, the papers are being drawn up this week, hopefully mailed today. I am asking that he moves out.

My biggest concern is that for 2 weeks now I am paying for our kids to be in daycare, so he could "get a job" yet here it is 2nd week at noon and he's in bed. He refuses to work, he thinks he can just stay there and while I work and we suffer to try and make ends meet, expecially since now I'm paying for daycare.

Is there any other way I can do this sooner? My kids and I are suffering and he just doesn't get it. I have had to apply for state assistance @ this point, which they won't let me get until he either moves out or he gets a job. They won't allow a parent to sit home on his butt.

I'm just about in tears. He's running up the cell phone bills, he's sitting @ home playing online while I bust my butt @ work and drive everywhere to pick kids up.

According to John McCain last night, jobs will be returning to America shortly and your husband will have a better chance at finding work.

In the meantime is there any chance of you working longer hours or getting another job in addition to the one you have now?

 

[mistoffolees]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IN

I'm in the process of divorce, the papers are being drawn up this week, hopefully mailed today. I am asking that he moves out.

My biggest concern is that for 2 weeks now I am paying for our kids to be in daycare, so he could "get a job" yet here it is 2nd week at noon and he's in bed. He refuses to work, he thinks he can just stay there and while I work and we suffer to try and make ends meet, expecially since now I'm paying for daycare.

Is there any other way I can do this sooner? My kids and I are suffering and he just doesn't get it. I have had to apply for state assistance @ this point, which they won't let me get until he either moves out or he gets a job. They won't allow a parent to sit home on his butt.

I'm just about in tears. He's running up the cell phone bills, he's sitting @ home playing online while I bust my butt @ work and drive everywhere to pick kids up.

There's not going to be much you can do. Once you file for divorce, you don't have to give him anything but basic needs, but that's a fairly fluid item. You may not be able to cancel the cell phone (is that a basic need?) but you can probably cancel all the extra priced services.

As for forcing him to leave or get a job? Not likely to happen right away, although you can ask for a hearing on temporary issues like that. I don't know if the judge would order it or not - since he seems to be the primary caretaker, it's just as likely that you'd have to leave.

 

[HomeGuru]

According to John McCain last night, jobs will be returning to America shortly and your husband will have a better chance at finding work.


**A: too funny.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

My biggest concern is that for 2 weeks now I am paying for our kids to be in daycare, so he could "get a job"

Means that he isn't a primary care giver.

My X tried the same ploy; didn't work. Since the child was in daycare on MY hours and he didn't watch the children, he couldn't be considered primary even though he didn't work.

When filing your paperwork, make sure that they assign an amount that STBX should be earning to contribute towards household expenses.

 

[Bali Hai]

Means that he isn't a primary care giver.

My X tried the same ploy; didn't work. Since the child was in daycare on MY hours and he didn't watch the children, he couldn't be considered primary even though he didn't work.

When filing your paperwork, make sure that they assign an amount that STBX should be earning to contribute towards household expenses.

Should be earning or COULD be earning??

BTW, how much alimony are you paying your ex-dependent-spouse??

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Bali, I pay NO alimony. And it's NOT that he didn't try. The judge said that he was CAPABLE of earning a living, so no, he was NOT going to make me pay alimony. He has the same sheepskin hanging on the wall as I had, so yes, he needed to get his tushy out there LOOKING for one. It was suggested that he could flip burgers (yes, the judge said that.) if all else failed. I took child support ON RESERVE.

 

[Bali Hai]

Bali, I pay NO alimony. And it's NOT that he didn't try. The judge said that he was CAPABLE of earning a living, so no, he was NOT going to make me pay alimony. He has the same sheepskin hanging on the wall as I had, so yes, he needed to get his tushy out there LOOKING for one. It was suggested that he could flip burgers (yes, the judge said that.) if all else failed. I took child support ON RESERVE.

And I just had some idiot try to tell me that the law is gender neutral in a different post. HA!!

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

And I just had some idiot try to tell me that the law is gender neutral in a different post. HA!!

Maybe I just had a better attorney.

 

[Bali Hai]

Maybe I just had a better attorney.

The outcome would have been the same if you both exchanged attorney's with each other from the get go.
I wish you women would stop making all this smoke and admit that the family courts favor you. Then you wouldn't have to strain your brains anymore thinking up ways to try and convince people that the system is fair.

Maybe you actually believe the system is fair and in that case the war continues.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Bali, my X's worst enemy is himself. He sinks himself everytime he opens his mouth in court.

I actually landed up paying for both attorneys. He actually had a very good one. Mine just happened to be a little more cut-throat who happened to have a client who knew when to keep her mouth SHUT.

 

[Bali Hai]

Bali, my X's worst enemy is himself. He sinks himself everytime he opens his mouth in court.

I actually landed up paying for both attorneys. He actually had a very good one. Mine just happened to be a little more cut-throat who happened to have a client who knew when to keep her mouth SHUT.

Well that's a rare attribute for sure.

 

[tuffbrk]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IN

I'm in the process of divorce. My biggest concern is that for 2 weeks now I am paying for our kids to be in daycare, so he could "get a job" yet here it is 2nd week at noon and he's in bed. He refuses to work, he thinks he can just stay there and while I work.

Why is he not currently employed? How long has he been unemployed? If he was just recently employed, there is the chance that the judge will order him to find a job and award you pendente lite support, if applicable, until the financial aspects of the divorce are finalized. If he's been unemployed for some time now, it's less likely.

 

[LdiJ]

Personally, I would shut off his cell phone...and maybe even the internet and cable TV. Its going to be awfully boring for him without any of those. That just might get him out of the house.

 

[tuffbrk]

Children that need to be in daycare do not need internet access - shut it off or if you're involved in a long distance internet romance and want to retain internet access, password protect the keyboard so that he can't access it.
Get a cell phone in your name only.
Shutting cable would be punishing yourself as well as him so just make sure to take the remote to work with you each day. At least he'll have to get up to change the channel and adjust the volume. I STILL have all of the remote control units for every electronic piece of equipment my Ex and I had owned .