I dont want a divorce

[may568]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? ma

I dont want a divorce. He moved out abruptly and he/we havent even tried to give the marriage a chance. he is having an affair and moved in with gf. he is filing for an "uncontested" divorce...now what?

 

[CurrentlyUndone]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? ma

I dont want a divorce. He moved out abruptly and he/we havent even tried to give the marriage a chance. he is having an affair and moved in with gf. he is filing for an "uncontested" divorce...now what?

Well, you can either contest it or let it go.

My advice?

Let it go. If he wants a divorce, it will happen whether or not you actually want to be divorced.

Unless you genuinely believe there's a real chance at reconciliation...

 

[mistoffolees]

Well, you can either contest it or let it go.

Even if you contest it, he will still get a divorce. It will just take longer and use up more money on legal fees.

By all means contest it if there are issues on child custody, support, alimony, property division, etc that are not addressed in his filing, but there's no point contesting the divorce itself.

 

[Catch_A_Pose]

Don't put yourself through more pain.

he is having an affair and moved in with gf.

I'm sure this whole situation really sucks right now. But the longer you draw this out, the longer you'll be hurting.

You'll be happy later on when you look back and realize just getting it over and done with was the best decision for you.

I don't know your situation, but from reading your post it seems to me he made his decision and is set in wanting a divorce.
By you fighting it, I feel as though you'll be putting yourself through unnessasary heartache.

 

[ecmst12]

If one person wants to break up and one wants to stay together, the one who wants to break up will win. You can only make it work if you BOTH want too. Sorry. Get a divorce lawyer and a therapist, best advice I can offer.

 

[Jennifer24]

Ive been in your shoes and was played for 2 Years let it go the quicker you do the quicker you can forgive and move on.

 

[LiteWait]

Speaking for a non-legal perspective, typically people who are tied up in an affair are living in fantasy-land to begin with. Might have a different opinion if kids are involved, but I would get a great lawyer and start the process going, he might stop the process at some point and you can also stall if need be. However, one thing you must do is go strictly no contact. If he wants to live his out his fantasy don't be there to be a second choice, backup plan, shoulder to cry on...nothing. Search the Internet for the terms "Divorce and the 180" which will give you helpful tips on how to cope and start moving your life in the direction you choose. Also, check out the sites survivinginfidelity.com, marriagebuilders.com, and enotalone.com. Many of us are (or have) been walking this road and you will find comfort knowing you are not alone.

Affairs never last and the ones that end up in marriage usually fall apart quickly anyway. But you'll be long gone by the time that happens.

Hugs and strength.