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  1. #1
    aaronchiafos is offline Junior Member
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    I need help with a no contact order

    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

    Iowa


    Hello all. I have a couple of quick questions trying to understand how a no contact order would work in a somewhat non-traditional sense. My mother has schizophrenia as well as many other various mental health disorders. She is now in a county home for the disabled, and I talk to her every day, but she is overprotective and calls 25+ times a day from the facility. Both my girlfriend and I have been forced to change our phone numbers, and I have been recently fired from my job because my mother kept calling the company phone number. My girlfriend's mother, unfortunately, gave my mother her number and now she calls and harasses my girlfriend's mother. I am in this position where now I am catching flack from multiple people, when it's not even my fault. My girlfriend, her mother, my old boss, and even I have called the facility several times over the last year or so this has been going on but to no avail. They just tell me that they have no control over the resident phone (they aren't allowed cell phones) but I think they should have discretion over who calls whom and the number of calls each day. So, this brings me to the following questions:

    1. How does the process work, taking into consideration she is located in a different county than me and the other parties involved?

    2. How much does it cost to get a no contact order?

    3. Would anybody else, say the care facility, be responsible for these costs? Or possibly any costs associating phone number changes?

    4. If my mother were to violate the order, who would be held legally responsible? My mother, who is a Dependant adult, or the county home/whomever is her guardian?

    5. Lastly, if I wanted a no contact order from my mother, would I be put into a position to where I couldn't visit her/call her? I don't want to be totally cut off from my disabled mother; I love her very much and want to stay in touch and get information regarding her care as I am the only family she has. It is just that I am now a grown man and I have to not be bothered at work and I don't want to drag other people like my girlfriend and her mother into this situation. Any help or ideas are appreciated. Thanks!!!
  2. #2
    st-kitts is offline Member
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    I don't think a no contact order is really the type of legal solution you want here. In general, personal orders of protection and restraining orders are designed to restrain all contact between the petitioner and the respondent.

    In addition, to get a PPO, you generally need to prove violence, threats of violence, harassment or stalking. Has she placed you in fear? Has she threatened you?

    In Iowa, harassment is defined as:

    708.7. Harassment. 1983. Amended 2000.

    1. a. A person commits harassment when, with intent to intimidate, annoy, or alarm another person, the person does any of the following:

    (1) Communicates with another by telephone, telegraph, writing, or via electronic communication without legitimate purpose and in a manner likely to cause the other person annoyance or harm.

    (2) Places a simulated explosive or simulated incendiary device in or near a building, vehicle, airplane, railroad engine or railroad car, or boat occupied by another person.

    (3) Orders merchandise or services in the name of another, or to be delivered to another, without the other person's knowledge or consent.

    A person commits stalking when all of the following occur:

    a. The person purposefully engages in a course of conduct directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to fear bodily injury to, or the death of, that specific person or a member of the specific person's immediate family.

    b. The person has knowledge or should have knowledge that the specific person will be placed in reasonable fear of bodily injury to, or the death of, that specific person or a member of the specific person's immediate family by the course of conduct.

    c. The person's course of conduct induces fear in the specific person of bodily injury to, or the death of, the specific person or a member of the specific person's immediate family.
    Have you talked with the phone company about blocking the number of the guest phone? It might be awkward to have to explain the situation to an employer, but no less awkward than receiving 25 calls a day.

    You are in a tough situation. Good luck.
    Last edited by st-kitts; 03-07-2011 at 08:26 PM.
  3. #3
    mistoffolees is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by st-kitts View Post
    You are in a tough situation. Good luck.
    I would also talk to the treatment facility where she is staying. They should have better control over the situation than that.

    Depending on your phone system, your employer may also be able to block phone calls from that facility to your work number. You'd need to let the facility know to reach you on your cell phone or home number (or have the admin call from a cell phone rather than the facility number if they have to call you at work).
  4. #4
    aaronchiafos is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by st-kitts View Post
    In addition, to get a PPO, you generally need to prove violence, threats of violence, harassment or stalking. Has she placed you in fear? Has she threatened you?
    There is no violence, fear, or stalking. I suppose I feel a bit harassed, but all I want to do is basically hold the facility legally responsible. I don't want to be completely isolated from my mother.

    Quote Originally Posted by mistoffolees View Post
    I would also talk to the treatment facility where she is staying. They should have better control over the situation than that.
    Tell me something I don't know. I have been trying this for over a year and a half. I have talked to staff members, supervisors, supervisors of those supervisors, but they all tell me some form of "We can't revoke your mother's phone privileges. We respect our resident's privacy rights and their rights to use the public phone. " I do agree with this principle for normal circumstances, however this is definitely not a normal circumstance.

    Quote Originally Posted by mistoffolees View Post
    Depending on your phone system, your employer may also be able to block phone calls from that facility to your work number. You'd need to let the facility know to reach you on your cell phone or home number (or have the admin call from a cell phone rather than the facility number if they have to call you at work).
    Again, we have all tried this, but the phone she uses is one of those "hospital" phone systems. It masks the number and uses random "dummy" numbers to bypass call blocks. It is possible to still block this, but is an extremely expensive procedure.

    So, in conclusion, there is absolutely NO way of holding the facility responsible? I am forced to sever all communication with my disabled mother just because the facility refuses to do their job??? That just doesn't sit right with me...
  5. #5
    st-kitts is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by aaronchiafos View Post
    So, in conclusion, there is absolutely NO way of holding the facility responsible? I am forced to sever all communication with my disabled mother just because the facility refuses to do their job??? That just doesn't sit right with me...
    No. No one said that.

    There may be ways for holding the facility responsible, but a PPO is not that option because your situation isn't the type of situation a PPO is designed for, at least not with the details we have hashed out here.

    A local attorney might know of some course of action that might help you. This is not a do it yourself project.
  6. #6
    aaronchiafos is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by st-kitts View Post

    There may be ways for holding the facility responsible,
    Then for God's sake, man, tell me!
  7. #7
    mistoffolees is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by aaronchiafos View Post
    Then for God's sake, man, tell me!
    Start with post #3. Have you TALKED with the facility? It seems strange to me that someone who is as sick as she claims to be is simply wandering around making phone calls all over the place. If she's making them from her room, does she really need a phone at all?
  8. #8
    aaronchiafos is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by mistoffolees View Post
    Start with post #3. Have you TALKED with the facility? It seems strange to me that someone who is as sick as she claims to be is simply wandering around making phone calls all over the place. If she's making them from her room, does she really need a phone at all?
    How many times do I have to tell you people I HAVE talked to the facility? She uses a public phone located in a hallway. They don't get their own individual phones. I have talked and talked and talked and talked and talked to the staff.

    It seems obvious to me that you guys don't know how the law works in this case. I have received no legal resposes. She is my mother for crying out loud! Do you really think that if there were some other way to end this by now I wouldn't have tried it? The last thing I want to do is log into this website and ask this stuff. Why is it so hard to grasp that I literally have NO OTHER OPTIONS BESIDES INTERVENTION FROM THE LAW?!?!?!?
  9. #9
    Isis1 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by aaronchiafos View Post
    How many times do I have to tell you people I HAVE talked to the facility? She uses a public phone located in a hallway. They don't get their own individual phones. I have talked and talked and talked and talked and talked to the staff.

    It seems obvious to me that you guys don't know how the law works in this case. I have received no legal resposes. She is my mother for crying out loud! Do you really think that if there were some other way to end this by now I wouldn't have tried it? The last thing I want to do is log into this website and ask this stuff. Why is it so hard to grasp that I literally have NO OTHER OPTIONS BESIDES INTERVENTION FROM THE LAW?!?!?!?
    Change all your numbers and given only select people your number.

    We understand your plight, but what your asking for cannot be done in the manner you want. You want a halfway law. It doesn't work like that.

    Look, in a non legal sense, let me share something with you. At the moment I am taking behavior modification classes for special needs children. My husband and I noticed that his dad, my father in law, behaves in alot of mentioned behaviors.

    Your mother wants attention. From you, your girlfriend, her mother, ANYONE! She needs to be redirected. Activities, crafts, walks, reading, family albums. She is acting for attention. I seriously think you need a different route other than a no contact order.

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