I really don't know my rights

[kwich99]

I am from missouri.
I am a man married to my wife of 10 years. we live together most of the time in union missouri because I have an aged mother that i take care of every 2 weeks or so and have to travel to St. louis and I do receive mail at both places. Everything was fine until 10 days ago when she was irate with me and told me to just stay at my mothers home. She informed me that she wants to separate for ahile and I don't agree. Because i found out which she has admitted to that she has a new boyfriend she moved in our house just 2 days later. she must have had this planned for awhile because she took the electric bill and other things out of my name and used someone elses. but she told me never to set foot there ever again becuse she would have the law take me to jail. since she refuses to answer my calls or emails, there is no way I can get this guy out of my house. both our names are on the lease. I S THERE ANY RIGHT THAT i HAVE TO RETURN TO MY HOME AND JUST GET HIM OUT OR JUST TO TRY AND SETTLE THIS MATTER? She informed me that if I try to come home that she would tell the police that i had moved out and that we are separated, but this is all new to me.....please help.....

 

[mistoffolees]

She's bluffing. Your name is on the lease and it's your marital home. She can call the police if she wishes, but they won't do anything.

She can invite the boyfriend over and there's nothing you can do about it. She's on the lease and is allowed to have guests.

HOWEVER, the situation is set up against you. First, if the boyfriend is there, there's a risk of violence if you show up. Or, if she's dishonest enough to pull a stunt like that, there's the risk of false claims of violence in which case she might be able to get a restraining order against you.

If she is unwilling to consider any communication, counseling, etc, then you're going to be divorced whether you want it or not. I'd suggest that you see an attorney to discuss your options. In all likelihood, you'll just want to file for divorce. You will also need to make arrangements to pick up your personal property.

In Missouri, adultery is grounds for divorce, but Missouri also has no-fault divorce, so there may not be any advantage to fighting over the grounds - ask your attorney.

 

[kwich99]

Thank you , you have been helpful, and yes she told the electric company that she just wanted to put the account in another persons name and the final bill was sent to my mothers home where I am at now. She told them that I had moved. She is very mean at times, and this isn't the first time she pulled a stunt like this, but unfortunately I wound up in jail with a restraining order against me with false charges and like a dummy I accepted her appology. She really would bring her boyfriend home and bring him to my bedroom and laugh at me as she did to her previuos boyfriend with me. Which I didn't know at the time who he really was. but in any case. I know she doesn't really mean to hurt anyone, because suffers from realloy bad manic depression. I had tried to no avail to have her commited before but the lawyer said that if she rtefusd help there is nothing I can do. We are not legally nor did I give any thoughts to her that we are separated, she just said that she was done with me, that's all.But as far as trying to get him to leave, others say that she can have any guests in the house that she wants, but if I come back she would just file false charges against me and at the same time she would just continue doing what she is doing. Thamk for the advice. I really don't know if I should go home for that reason and I hope that in not doing so that I am not admitting that we are separated.
As far as any violence goes, yes she would and did before accuse me of all sorts of thins and I spent time in jail. As a matter of fact is has been 6 times before and she never showed up for any hearings and always invited me back just a few days later. She did manage to let me know how sorry she was about those times and said she was just angry at me. And like a fool I keep beleiving her. But there is something that I know, she suffers from manic depression and doesn't take her meds like she is supposed to. I have been helping her cope with this for a long time. But this time it seems a little different to me because We both have our own email accounts and we also have a shared email account and like she really doesn't think that I read it or is that silly not to know. But I read every word that was spoken between her and her new lover online times, dates, intinate thoughts and it sickens me. I did contact several lawyers today and the best they can offer is a divorce and in otherwords sit here and take this from her.

 

[mistoffolees]

I did contact several lawyers today and the best they can offer is a divorce and in otherwords sit here and take this from her.

They suggested a divorce. That is NOT 'sit here and take this from her" in other words or in any words. Get a divorce and move on with your life. You won't have to deal with her unless there are kids - and even then you can limit your contact.

 

[LdiJ]

Thank you , you have been helpful, and yes she told the electric company that she just wanted to put the account in another persons name and the final bill was sent to my mothers home where I am at now. She told them that I had moved. She is very mean at times, and this isn't the first time she pulled a stunt like this, but unfortunately I wound up in jail with a restraining order against me with false charges and like a dummy I accepted her appology. She really would bring her boyfriend home and bring him to my bedroom and laugh at me as she did to her previuos boyfriend with me. Which I didn't know at the time who he really was. but in any case. I know she doesn't really mean to hurt anyone, because suffers from realloy bad manic depression. I had tried to no avail to have her commited before but the lawyer said that if she rtefusd help there is nothing I can do. We are not legally nor did I give any thoughts to her that we are separated, she just said that she was done with me, that's all.But as far as trying to get him to leave, others say that she can have any guests in the house that she wants, but if I come back she would just file false charges against me and at the same time she would just continue doing what she is doing. Thamk for the advice. I really don't know if I should go home for that reason and I hope that in not doing so that I am not admitting that we are separated.

As far as any violence goes, yes she would and did before accuse me of all sorts of thins and I spent time in jail. As a matter of fact is has been 6 times before and she never showed up for any hearings and always invited me back just a few days later. She did manage to let me know how sorry she was about those times and said she was just angry at me. And like a fool I keep beleiving her. But there is something that I know, she suffers from manic depression and doesn't take her meds like she is supposed to. I have been helping her cope with this for a long time. But this time it seems a little different to me because We both have our own email accounts and we also have a shared email account and like she really doesn't think that I read it or is that silly not to know. But I read every word that was spoken between her and her new lover online times, dates, intinate thoughts and it sickens me. I did contact several lawyers today and the best they can offer is a divorce and in otherwords sit here and take this from her.

I don't understand (see bolded) why in the world wouldn't you want ot admit that you are separated at this point?...and why would you want back into a home that was only rented?

Clearly your marriage is over...file for divorce and get a civil standby to get your belongings.