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  1. #1
    WearyWoman is offline Junior Member
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    I want a divorce, but my husband refuses to leave!

    What is the name of your state? Missouri

    Basically, I want a divorce. I have voiced this to my husband on more than one occasion. We have two kids and I will not move out of my house. My husband does not work, pay bills, or do anything for me except junk of my house with all his crap he refuses to throw out. That is beside the point.

    I have told him in no uncertain terms, I do not want to live with him anymore. I want a divorce. I have asked him to move out. He refuses to leave. He tells me the house is half his even though I bought it and he is not on the deed. He says he will not leave.

    Is there any legal way to make him leave? When I file for divorce, will he have to move out or can he stay here until the divorce is final?

    He also says that he will contest the divorce. He does not want a divorce and he will not sign any papers. He says, if I do file for divorce he will force me to sell the house and give him half. Will I have to do this or are the cases where a judge will award one party or the other the house? Will a judge take into consideration that my husband has barely worked over our 18 years of marriage and because I have basically been the sole provider for my children, I should get to keep the house to raise them in?

    Finally, how do you collect child support from someone who has no income?
  2. #2
    mistoffolees is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by WearyWoman View Post
    What is the name of your state? Missouri

    Basically, I want a divorce. I have voiced this to my husband on more than one occasion. We have two kids and I will not move out of my house. My husband does not work, pay bills, or do anything for me except junk of my house with all his crap he refuses to throw out. That is beside the point.

    I have told him in no uncertain terms, I do not want to live with him anymore. I want a divorce. I have asked him to move out. He refuses to leave. He tells me the house is half his even though I bought it and he is not on the deed. He says he will not leave.

    Is there any legal way to make him leave? When I file for divorce, will he have to move out or can he stay here until the divorce is final?

    He also says that he will contest the divorce. He does not want a divorce and he will not sign any papers. He says, if I do file for divorce he will force me to sell the house and give him half. Will I have to do this or are the cases where a judge will award one party or the other the house? Will a judge take into consideration that my husband has barely worked over our 18 years of marriage and because I have basically been the sole provider for my children, I should get to keep the house to raise them in?

    Finally, how do you collect child support from someone who has no income?
    The short answer is that you can't force him to leave unless there is sufficient evidence of violence to get a restraining order (but you didn't say anything about that, so I'm assuming it's not the case).

    You're going to need to get an attorney and try to file as soon as possible. It will take a long time to be final. Your best hope for quick resolution is for him to agree to mediation.

    Your situation is the reverse of the more common situation where a man works and the woman stays home. He is entitled to half of the property accumulated during your marriage. The court will presumably rule that he gets half of the accumulated value of the house, but if you have enough other assets, you can give him those in lieu of the house equity. That is, if the home equity accumulated during your marriage is $50 K and you have $50 K in investments, you can keep the home and he can keep the investments. (Note, this would not include retirement funds since they have not been taxed. In my case, we split retirement assets and also split non-retirement assets. I guess it would be possible to offset retirement assets with non-retirement assets, but that gets confusing.)

    What if both of you want the house (even if you'd be compensated for giving it up)? In that case, the judge has to decide to give it to one of you and the other one gets compensating assets OR the judge can rule that the house be sold and you split the proceeds.

    As for getting child support from him, you can get a court order, but as you've pointed out, that doesn't mean you can collect if he never works. I don't know how your state works, but in my state, the court imputes income to him even if he doesn't work (although it's likely to be quite low). But once your divorce is final and he's out of the house, he presumably has to earn a living. In the event that he can get someone else to support him and not take a job, you would still have a judgment that could be enforced. If he still doesn't pay, you'd have to file for contempt OR turn it over to the child care collection agency in your state. In theory, he could go to jail.

    If you've been married 18 years and he has never worked, he can ask for alimony (and very possibly receive it). Again, this will vary, but in my state, when there's a huge difference in earnings, the rule of thumb my attorney gave me for alimony (I don't know if it's a court thing or the rule of thumb SHE uses) was that alimony would run for about 1/4 the length of the marriage.

    You haven't mentioned custody. If he's a stay-at-home Dad, you may have a battle.

    In any event, you need to see an attorney to explain how things are done in your state since the above is my general experience but not a legal opinion.
  3. #3
    nextwife is offline Senior Member
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    Neither of you is obligated to leave the marital home until a judge orders one of you out.
  4. #4
    majomom1 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by WearyWoman View Post
    What is the name of your state? Missouri

    Basically, I want a divorce. I have voiced this to my husband on more than one occasion. We have two kids and I will not move out of my house. My husband does not work, pay bills, or do anything for me except junk of my house with all his crap he refuses to throw out. That is beside the point.

    I have told him in no uncertain terms, I do not want to live with him anymore. I want a divorce. I have asked him to move out. He refuses to leave. He tells me the house is half his even though I bought it and he is not on the deed. He says he will not leave.

    Is there any legal way to make him leave? When I file for divorce, will he have to move out or can he stay here until the divorce is final?

    He also says that he will contest the divorce. He does not want a divorce and he will not sign any papers. He says, if I do file for divorce he will force me to sell the house and give him half. Will I have to do this or are the cases where a judge will award one party or the other the house? Will a judge take into consideration that my husband has barely worked over our 18 years of marriage and because I have basically been the sole provider for my children, I should get to keep the house to raise them in?

    Finally, how do you collect child support from someone who has no income?
    You can file for divorce and request a temporary order for custody, child support and possession of the marital home. You may be awarded the home in the decree, if you can pay for it... but he will be entitled to the equity, so you will need to be able to work out arrangements for that. Do you have other property - of equal value or 'crap' that is valuable to him that he would be willing to trade off?

    He can contest it - but he will quickly see that that really isn't in anyone's best interest and he can't delay it forever. How long it takes will depend on what all there is to divy up and fight about...

    How old are the kids? Is he the primary provider, since he is home?
  5. #5
    WearyWoman is offline Junior Member
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    He's most definitely not a stay-at-home dad. He never works because he is simply lazy and on those few occasions when he has actually had a job, he manages to get fired within three months.

    I just cannot comprehend paying him alimony when the only reason throughout our marriage that he has not contributed to the household incomes has been one lame excuse after the other. Surely a judge will be able to see this.

    Is it feasible to strike a deal that he sign away the house and I don't force the child support issue? Do people do this sort of thing, make deals?

    God, this is such a freaking nightmare!
  6. #6
    WearyWoman is offline Junior Member
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    He is NOT the primary care provider. I work from home. In the past when I have worked in an office, my kids were in daycare. My children are 15 and 7. So now on the off occasion I need child care for the 7 year old, my 15 year old takes care of her. My husband leaves the house and hangs out with a friend every day pretending to be starting "their own business." He comes home in the evening and falls asleep on the couch. That is the extent of his caregiving of our children.
  7. #7
    majomom1 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by WearyWoman View Post
    He's most definitely not a stay-at-home dad. He never works because he is simply lazy and on those few occasions when he has actually had a job, he manages to get fired within three months.

    I just cannot comprehend paying him alimony when the only reason throughout our marriage that he has not contributed to the household incomes has been one lame excuse after the other. Surely a judge will be able to see this.

    Is it feasible to strike a deal that he sign away the house and I don't force the child support issue? Do people do this sort of thing, make deals?

    God, this is such a freaking nightmare!
    You could certainly offer that to him. It would get things moving at least. The judge may not approve it without darn good reasons from you - but HE doesn't have to know that.

    The judge will ream him if he argues about paying support, but you wouldn't have to worry about that until later. Get it filed and get him out of the house, then see what happens.

    Turn on your PM's. Under 'User CP' at the top left of the screen. I am in MO too.
  8. #8
    WearyWoman is offline Junior Member
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    I turned on my PMs.
  9. #9
    majomom1 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by WearyWoman View Post
    I turned on my PMs.
    I sent you a PM. Top right on the screen.
  10. #10
    TinkerBelleLuvr is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by WearyWoman View Post
    He's most definitely not a stay-at-home dad. He never works because he is simply lazy and on those few occasions when he has actually had a job, he manages to get fired within three months.

    I just cannot comprehend paying him alimony when the only reason throughout our marriage that he has not contributed to the household incomes has been one lame excuse after the other. Surely a judge will be able to see this.

    Is it feasible to strike a deal that he sign away the house and I don't force the child support issue? Do people do this sort of thing, make deals?

    God, this is such a freaking nightmare!
    My best friend did actually do something similar to your question. She did have to refinance the home in her name only. She had to pay her X his half of the equity. She landed up paying a portion of the equity upfront and then they reduced his child support liability for two years with the difference of what she should pay him in equity in exchange for lower child support.

    For example, half the equity is $20K. Child support obligation is $500/month. Then, in the decree, there would be no support for 40 months. After that, the $500/month would kick in. The exact timetable was in the court order.

    This is all assuming that YOU get custody.
  11. #11
    TinkerBelleLuvr is offline Senior Member
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    FYI, my X did similar shenanigans. I don't feel like putting ideas that HE could use against you on the open forum, so PM me if you want.
  12. #12
    nextwife is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by WearyWoman View Post
    He's most definitely not a stay-at-home dad. He never works because he is simply lazy and on those few occasions when he has actually had a job, he manages to get fired within three months.

    I just cannot comprehend paying him alimony when the only reason throughout our marriage that he has not contributed to the household incomes has been one lame excuse after the other. Surely a judge will be able to see this.

    Is it feasible to strike a deal that he sign away the house and I don't force the child support issue? Do people do this sort of thing, make deals?

    God, this is such a freaking nightmare!

    Yet you stayed with him and also had not one, but two children. That implies that you continued to be ok with the arrangement. If he never really worked, and that was an issue for you, you could have filed for divorce in the very first year. I know a young woman who did just that because she say the handwriting in the wall within months of being married.

    And FYI. my boss had a wife who was never the primary caregiver, never kept a job, never cleaned or cooked, and he still ends up paying her, even though he has primary custody. She always had one lame excuse after another for losing or quiting her jobs.
  13. #13
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by majomom1 View Post
    You can file for divorce and request a temporary order for custody, child support and possession of the marital home. You may be awarded the home in the decree, if you can pay for it... but he will be entitled to the equity, [/Bso you will need to be able to work out arrangements for that. Do you have other property - of equal value or 'crap' that is valuable to him that he would be willing to trade off?

    He can contest it - but he will quickly see that that really isn't in anyone's best interest and he can't delay it forever. How long it takes will depend on what all there is to divy up and fight about...

    How old are the kids? Is he the primary provider, since he is home?
    I agree with this response except for the bolded portion above. Since he is not on the deed the judge cannot give him possession of the house in the divorce decree unless you agree to that. He has no ownership interest in the home.

    However, he does have a marital interest in the equity in the home, therefore he would receive a share, probably 1/2 of the equity, not all of it. The bolded portion implies that he is entitled to all of the equity, and that is not correct.
  14. #14
    mistoffolees is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by WearyWoman View Post
    He's most definitely not a stay-at-home dad. He never works because he is simply lazy and on those few occasions when he has actually had a job, he manages to get fired within three months.

    I just cannot comprehend paying him alimony when the only reason throughout our marriage that he has not contributed to the household incomes has been one lame excuse after the other. Surely a judge will be able to see this.

    Is it feasible to strike a deal that he sign away the house and I don't force the child support issue? Do people do this sort of thing, make deals?

    God, this is such a freaking nightmare!
    Whether you can comprehend it or not, paying him alimony is a very plausible scenario. Fortunately, some men are so macho that they don't ask for it, but don't count on that. In cases where one person has not worked for ANY reason, the courts will try to equalize things for a time to allow the other person to adjust. Heck, I don't think I should be paying my ex-wife the kind of alimony I am, either, but my wishes are irrelevant.

    You can work out any deal you want with him (which is why I suggested mediation). The advantage is that you and he may value things differently, so he may put a higher value on things that you don't care about and vice versa. You both end up getting more than an aribtrary 50:50 split. Your suggestion of taking the house and waiving child support might be an example. You don't value child support because you don't think you'll collect it, so you're not giving up anything of value. He thinks he's getting something of value - not having to pay child support. So let's say the home equity is $50 K and you're waiving $100 K in child support (numbers made up, of course). You both think you're coming out ahead.

    This one MIGHT be a challenge. You can, in principle, keep the house and have him not pay child support. But it's possible that some judges might not approve it. There's a bias in the system to ensure that kids are supported and this might look like a way around it. Even if he agrees, you're going to need to be able to explain to the judge how it is better for the kids. I don't know for sure, but I doubt if the argument that he's a deadbeat and some money now is better than no money later will carry any weight. Ask your attorney.

    But you need to be able to work that out. If the two of you can't work it out, most judges will take the simplest way out and just order everything split down the middle. You'll end up spending a lot of money on estimators and accountants to get it done.

    Yes, it's a nightmare, but your situation is not that unusual. There are millions of people in even worse situations (abusive spouses, dangerous spouses, and so on). Get a good attorney to make sure things are handled properly and go to counseling to deal with the emotional part of it. Others have been through it and they survive. You will, too. But one of the things that's going to make it easier is that you have to see it from his side as well as yours. He's going to go to the judge and say he was a stay-at-home dad for 18 years to take care of the kids and support your career and you're dumping him on the street with no assets, no job, no way to support himself. And that's a strong argument in court.
  15. #15
    mistoffolees is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by LdiJ View Post
    I agree with this response except for the bolded portion above. Since he is not on the deed the judge cannot give him possession of the house in the divorce decree unless you agree to that. He has no ownership interest in the home.

    However, he does have a marital interest in the equity in the home, therefore he would receive a share, probably 1/2 of the equity, not all of it. The bolded portion implies that he is entitled to all of the equity, and that is not correct.
    Technically, 1/2 of the marital portion of the equity, but since they've been married 18 years, that's probably pretty close to 1/2 of the total equity - even if she bought the house before they were married.

    Are you really sure about the first paragraph? I'm not an attorney, but I was under the impression that judges can split the assets pretty much any way they wish. If the house was purchased after they were married and paid for with marital assets, is there any reason the judge can't award it to either party - regardless of whose name is on it?

    Granted, the fact that her name is on it probably gives her an edge and it sounds like he can't afford to keep it, anyway, but I'd be hesitant to assume that it was impossible for the judge to award it to him.

    Interesting case, though. Almost the exact opposite of the typical male breadwinner case. I wonder why Bali Hai hasn't chimed in about how unfair it is for her to have to pay alimony or give her stbx some of 'her' assets.

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