I want to leave..where do I start?

[tjekelly]

What is the name of your state? New Jersey

hi board, I want to leave my husband of 6yrs. I have a 15yr. old daughter and together we have a 4 yr. old son. he doesn't hit me but he so emotionally abusing me and my daughter.. I am a stay at home mom and haven't worked since "98". we agreed I would stay home and raise our son.. I don't know where to start..please any help!! and if anyone knows of anyone I can call to help me get out of this..I live in Morris county , NJ thanks..~Ellen

 

[ellencee]

tjekelly
Well, if the information in your previous posts remains unchanged, then you need to start with getting a job since you have to pay child support and it is your present husband who works and pays the support to your ex. And...It's about time for your most recent housing lease to expire (one year), so now may be a good time to get a job and a new place to live.

Since you did not mention wanting to take your son with you, I imagine your husband will be willing to let you go without giving you too much grief.

Make an appointment with a family attorney and see what your rights are, especially as regards any potential alimony, custody, visitation, etc.

Yours is too complicated of a situation to handle without an attorney unless you are willing to simply take your daughter and leave.

Best wishes,
EC

 

[Diane510]

i cannot offer any legal advise to you, but i do understand the emotional turmoil that you are in and i wish you the best of luck. the first step is the most difficult and you will question yourself time and time again on if you are doing the right thing. trust me on that one, but once you get over the doubting yourself and wondering how you will survive, it will get easier. you will soon find out who your friends are and how close you and your family really are.

 

[dreamer181]

I am in the identical boat, minus the 6yr old. I have a 15yr old and husband is emotionally abusive AND neglectful.
What I'm going to do is talk to an attorney......the initial consultation is free, he will give me a general idea and info I should make copies of, things I need to do to prepare for this, I am going to file for legal separation first though, just so he gets used to it......and puts him in the mindset for divorce, he's less likely to blow up as bad as if he was served divorce papers.

you can have order of protection served along with the papers and the police will serve them and ask him to leave right then and there. then of course, through the courts who pays what and what is going to happen to things is tentatively determined, so you have an idea of where you stand.

Since I'm unemployed, I'm going to get a job (try) before I do this.
It will help me out . My 15yr old daughter rides and shows horses, and we have two that I need to fugure out how im gonna keep....she would never forgive me If I had to sell them.

good luck to you, hope it points you in the right direction.
D

 

[stealth2]

Yep, the first step is you're going to need to find a job (not the easiest thing in our fine state right now). But the support you're likely to get from your stbx isn't going to be enough to support yourself, your son and your daughter AND pay support on your other daughter. A positive is that your daughter is old enough to watch your son after school, so you can likely get away w/o after-school care expenses. It's possible that with your change in circumstances, you'd be able to file for a modification of support for your other daughter - but don't be surprised if her father files for custody of the 15yo (I'm assuming they have the same father).

You really do need to try and find a lawyer in case your stbx wants to keep custody of the boy. Try calling Legal Aid, or check with local law schools (try Seton Hall) to see if they have legal clinics. You might also want to contact www.ndvh.org (National Domestic Violence Hotline) - they should be able to steer you to local resources.

But really, your first step is to find work.