I'm divorcing my husband. Need some advice.

[renee1]

What is the name of your state? KY

I'm divorcing my husband after one year of marriage. We have a child. The reason I'm divorcing is that he has to pay CS to another woman for another child and the amount is too much. The BCSE somehow found out he has veterans benefits so now they want to take that. That was the only thing that was helping us to keep our same lifestyle. So I'm not going to put up with having to be poor just because my husband made the mistake of having another child.

With that said I'm going to call a lawyer this week to get a consultation. Few questions.
1. How did BCSE find out about veterans benefits when he didn't tell them about them? Just curious.
2. Should I get a divorce and not agree upon any CS amount and let BCSE take my husband to court? Or should I agree to something with him. In that case instead of wage withholding wouldn't he just be sending me a check? Or could I ask for wage withholding myself?
3. Will my son get substancially less money than his other son due to the fact that he wasn't the first CS order in place?
4. With only being married one year could I ask for alimony?
5. Also in the experiences of some of the people here how often do wives leave their husbands due to this situation? Is it pretty common?

 

[enjay]

Wow, I can feel the love from here.

You aren't going to get alimony. Fund your lifestyle yourself.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state? KY

I'm divorcing my husband after one year of marriage. We have a child.

Okay.

The reason I'm divorcing is that he has to pay CS to another woman for another child and the amount is too much.

Says who?

The BCSE somehow found out he has veterans benefits so now they want to take that. That was the only thing that was helping us to keep our same lifestyle.

So he basically was trying to defraud BCSE and the courts by not disclosing this income? Nice. Do you work?

So I'm not going to put up with having to be poor just because my husband made the mistake of having another child.

This child apparently came about before your marriage?

With that said I'm going to call a lawyer this week to get a consultation. Few questions.
1. How did BCSE find out about veterans benefits when he didn't tell them about them? Just curious.

Just curious -- why was your husband committing fraud?

2. Should I get a divorce and not agree upon any CS amount and let BCSE take my husband to court? Or should I agree to something with him. In that case instead of wage withholding wouldn't he just be sending me a check? Or could I ask for wage withholding myself?

You know you are going to get custody then? Your husband might get custody and you end up paying him. So you are putting the cart before the horse.

3. Will my son get substancially less money than his other son due to the fact that he wasn't the first CS order in place?

His income IF HE IS THE OBLIGOR will be calculated AFTER that child support is removed.

4. With only being married one year could I ask for alimony?

How did you survive before you married him? The answer is you can ask but you won't get it. Do you work? If not, why not?

 

[renee1]

Wow, I can feel the love from here.

You aren't going to get alimony. Fund your lifestyle yourself.

I can fund my lifestyle. I make as much as my husband before he has to pay CS. I'm just curious about the alimony since HE did technically screw up my life financially. I figured he should be held liable for that. But I'm not worried about the alimony. More worried that my son will be treated fairly.

I will get custody we have discussed this. He will get visitation. This divorce isn't contested. And I feel the CS amount is too much. Obviously the court doesn't. But we have bills to pay. Credit cards to pay off. I wanted us to have things that we cannot have due to his CS amount. Yes this child was around before our marriage. But the mother didn't pursue CS until AFTER our marriage. He didn't defraud BCSE. They didn't ask for his VA money. Only his paycheck stubs. And anyone with any sense isn't going to give over any information if they dont' have to. That was our only money to support our family. Now it's going to be gone.

Also I live in fear every day that when my husband gets raises or even a better job which he just had an interview for the ex will take him back to court and get more money and I can't live in fear of that. Because once we get ahead it will be taken away. I would rather be single atleast then I know that MY income is safe. And I know what I have to work with. I have always been in control of MY finances. I can't deal with the fact that my husbands income is at the disposal of state officials that really don't care about families. I'm not in control and that's no way to live. My opinion. Yeah crappy...and I don't love my husband. But I need advice. Not people telling me I'm a bad person for leaving my husband. I'm not here for lectures.

 

[fairisfair]

wow, that is one marriage built on love.

okay, nuff said about that.

BCSE has all kinds of ways to find out about income and benefits that are received by NCP's I would imagine that your husbands Veterans benefits were found in one of their standard search procedures.

Generally speaking, first order is first precedence. So, yes it is quite possible and highly probable that your child support will be less since the amount that he pays to the first order will be deducted from his income before calculation.

Alimony after a 1 year marriage?? I certainly hope that there is no possible way that you will ever receive alimony. However, I do suppose stranger things have happened. Suffice to say, I wouldn't be counting on it.

Excuse me for saying so, but pretty crappy reason to end a marriage. Unless of course, this child (not yours, the other child) was conceived during it.

 

[fairisfair]

wow, you guys musta been typing really really fast!!

 

[Gracie3787]

What is the name of your state? KY

I'm divorcing my husband after one year of marriage. We have a child. The reason I'm divorcing is that he has to pay CS to another woman for another child and the amount is too much. The BCSE somehow found out he has veterans benefits so now they want to take that. That was the only thing that was helping us to keep our same lifestyle. So I'm not going to put up with having to be poor just because my husband made the mistake of having another child.

With that said I'm going to call a lawyer this week to get a consultation. Few questions.
1. How did BCSE find out about veterans benefits when he didn't tell them about them? Just curious.
2. Should I get a divorce and not agree upon any CS amount and let BCSE take my husband to court? Or should I agree to something with him. In that case instead of wage withholding wouldn't he just be sending me a check? Or could I ask for wage withholding myself?
3. Will my son get substancially less money than his other son due to the fact that he wasn't the first CS order in place?
4. With only being married one year could I ask for alimony?
5. Also in the experiences of some of the people here how often do wives leave their husbands due to this situation? Is it pretty common?

1. The state has alot of ways of finding hidden assets and income.

2. In my personal opinion, yes, for your husband's sake you should definately divorce him. It sounds like he deserves someone alot better than you. Legally, you do not have to agree to anything, you can have the state set the CS by the state guidelines.

3. Most likely your son's CS will be less, because the amount he pays for the FIRST child/order will be deducted from his income before determining your CS amount. This is very normal, and frankly, to be expected when a woman has a child with a man who she knows has a previous child to support.

4. Sure, you can "ask" for alimony, but asking isn't the same as getting it. Short marriages usually don't qualify for alimony.

5. Wives leaving their husbands because of a PREVIOUS CS order is a little rare, and it certainly doesn't say much for the wife's character. Usually, the wives (me included) will stand by their husband and help them any way they can.

 

[renee1]

5. Wives leaving their husbands because of a PREVIOUS CS order is a little rare, and it certainly doesn't say much for the wife's character. Usually, the wives (me included) will stand by their husband and help them any way they can.

There is no help for someone being rear ended by BCSE. I can't help. I work 56 hours a week and ti's still not enough money. And I stated the order was not previous. The child was...the order wasn't.

 

[Gracie3787]

There is no help for someone being rear ended by BCSE. I can't help. I work 56 hours a week and ti's still not enough money. And I stated the order was not previous. The child was...the order wasn't.

After reading your posts here and in the CS section, I'm beginning to see what REALLY might be going on. Just in case my suspicions are correct:

No matter what, he will have to pay the first court order. You divorcing and getting a CS order will NOT be a way for him to pay less to the other child. Because federal law limits the amount that can be garnished, IF your court order were to bring the total amount over that limit, your husband would be in contempt on the first order, he would likely go to jail. No matter which way you look at it, you, your husband and your child together will have the same lifestyle as you would if you were to stay married.
If my suspicions are incorrect, oh well, at least you have been forwarned about the realities.

As far as not being able to help- that's BS! There are alot of ways that a wife can help- read up on the laws, don't bitch and complain because there isn't as much money as you had originally planned, work extra jobs, do without some extras, etc.

 

[Ohiogal]

Also live within your means. If you can live within your salary at 40 hours a week then you will be on easy street. But apparently you can't. Which means you are living above your means. And cannot fund your lifestyle yourself.

 

[nextwife]

As you BOTH work, he likely has the same chance at custody that you do. You might be paying HIM cs.

 

[renee1]

After reading your posts here and in the CS section, I'm beginning to see what REALLY might be going on. Just in case my suspicions are correct:

No matter what, he will have to pay the first court order. You divorcing and getting a CS order will NOT be a way for him to pay less to the other child. Because federal law limits the amount that can be garnished, IF your court order were to bring the total amount over that limit, your husband would be in contempt on the first order, he would likely go to jail. No matter which way you look at it, you, your husband and your child together will have the same lifestyle as you would if you were to stay married.
If my suspicions are incorrect, oh well, at least you have been forwarned about the realities.

As far as not being able to help- that's BS! There are alot of ways that a wife can help- read up on the laws, don't bitch and complain because there isn't as much money as you had originally planned, work extra jobs, do without some extras, etc.

No you are wrong. I do not want to be married. I've already moved out. I don't care if his support gets lowered for the other child. I just want MY child to have the same opportunities. I'm not working extra jobs so I can give it away to some other woman. She needs to work extra jobs. I'm not going to let my child do without extras because the state thinks this other child is more important. It's her kid not mine. Single women who get pregnant should utilize our freedom to abort. But that's just my opinion. Besides there are plenty fish in the sea...I'll find a man that doesnt' have to pay CS eventually. And I won't have to work overtime if I get a divorce because I'll have the CS to make up for it.

 

[Ohiogal]

No you are wrong. I do not want to be married. I've already moved out. I don't care if his support gets lowered for the other child. I just want MY child to have the same opportunities.

Your child will have the same opportunities.

I'm not working extra jobs so I can give it away to some other woman.

You are not responsible for paying his child support. HE IS.

She needs to work extra jobs. I'm not going to let my child do without extras because the state thinks this other child is more important. It's her kid not mine.

Wrong. It is not just her kid -- it is apparently your husband's child as well. BOTH parents have a legal responsibility to support their child.

Single women who get pregnant should utilize our freedom to abort. But that's just my opinion.

So should women who use the word "renee" in their nickname on a website. But that is just my opinion. Oh I am sorry. Was that mean? So sorry. Do you get my point? Oh yeah you probably don't. So here you go: You have no right to dictate abortion or anything else. Who the hell do you think you are?

Besides there are plenty fish in the sea...I'll find a man that doesnt' have to pay CS eventually.

Really? And you will expect him to want a woman with a child when she doesn't want a man who has a child? Hypocrite much?

And I won't have to work overtime if I get a divorce because I'll have the CS to make up for it.

Okay you have to work 56 hours a week married to your husband. And you think his child support is going to be enough to where you will be able to only work 40 hours and maintain the same standard of living when now you get ALL of his non CS income and after divorce you will only get a portion.
Can someone please explain simple math to her?

 

[renee1]

Your child will have the same opportunities.



You are not responsible for paying his child support. HE IS.


Wrong. It is not just her kid -- it is apparently your husband's child as well. BOTH parents have a legal responsibility to support their child. And I don't care if you think your statement was mean. I have very strong opions and I'm mean myself. I have very thick skin and I don't care what you think about my opinion on abortion. I also think ba**ard children shouldn't be eligale for CS. Due to the fact it would stop women from procreating for monetary gain.


So should women who use the word "renee" in their nickname on a website. But that is just my opinion. Oh I am sorry. Was that mean? So sorry. Do you get my point? Oh yeah you probably don't. So here you go: You have no right to dictate abortion or anything else. Who the hell do you think you are?



Really? And you will expect him to want a woman with a child when she doesn't want a man who has a child? Hypocrite much?


Okay you have to work 56 hours a week married to your husband. And you think his child support is going to be enough to where you will be able to only work 40 hours and maintain the same standard of living when now you get ALL of his non CS income and after divorce you will only get a portion.
Can someone please explain simple math to her?

Yes single women should abort if they know they have to resort to welfare to support their children. But that is an opinion.

I work 56 hours regardless. My job requires it unless I want to move to PT. And I don't. And yes I will have the same std of living but I don't have to explain to you how. And yes I'm sure eventually I'll find a man but I really don't care either way. I just stated I would not marry one with a CS order. I don't care if they have kids I just don't want to pay for them. And women with children get married all the time to men. Men w/o children. So your statement that a man doesn't want a woman with kids is just stupid. Some are ok with it.

 

[>Charlotte<]

Can someone please explain simple math to her?

40 hours a week + one child + your desired lifestyle = overtime.