Impending New Jersey divorce.

[Shawn26]

We're in New Jersey. We got married in August of 2011. I work full-time. She works part-time and goes to school full-time. Last month she wanted us to do a trial separation. In an email to me, she stated I had to leave our home (an apartment her grandfather owns, we had no lease, nothing signed, we gave him money) within 30 days and pay her money I "owe" her (rent/utilities over the past months - apparently I wasn't giving her enough or "my half"), or else she would outright divorce me. I didn't want that (and didn't want to accept how she was acting), so I left and agreed to everything. I got a counselors information to give her, and she will not talk to anyone, and does not want to fix anything anymore.

She put her hands on me in October (hit me and put her hands around my neck). I was blinded by love and did nothing about it. Can I initiate anything legally now even though its been a while (not looking to get her arrested, I mean divorce-wise)?

From what I've read, she has no grounds to divorce on anything other than a no-fault divorce. Which means 18 months of living separately.

She claims I need to pay her money. She thinks I "owe" her money; its a figure she came up with. We have no lease, she always had mentioned the utilities were in her name, until recently she said she put my name on it (a ploy to get more money?). She mentioned "legally I can ask a judge for alimony right now." Is that true? I feel like I don't want to give her anything since she forced the whole thing and then would not do anything to save the marriage when I did. But I don't want to screw myself legally since we are still married and if the only possibility is a no-fault divorce, that's a long time before any settlement/decision is reached...and then I pay more money (possibly - we only lasted 5 months, had no kids, don't own a home, but I don't know how alimony really works).

 

[LdiJ]

We're in New Jersey. We got married in August of 2011. I work full-time. She works part-time and goes to school full-time. Last month she wanted us to do a trial separation. In an email to me, she stated I had to leave our home (an apartment her grandfather owns, we had no lease, nothing signed, we gave him money) within 30 days and pay her money I "owe" her (rent/utilities over the past months - apparently I wasn't giving her enough or "my half"), or else she would outright divorce me. I didn't want that (and didn't want to accept how she was acting), so I left and agreed to everything. I got a counselors information to give her, and she will not talk to anyone, and does not want to fix anything anymore.

She put her hands on me in October (hit me and put her hands around my neck). I was blinded by love and did nothing about it. Can I initiate anything legally now even though its been a while (not looking to get her arrested, I mean divorce-wise)?

From what I've read, she has no grounds to divorce on anything other than a no-fault divorce. Which means 18 months of living separately.

She claims I need to pay her money. She thinks I "owe" her money; its a figure she came up with. We have no lease, she always had mentioned the utilities were in her name, until recently she said she put my name on it (a ploy to get more money?). She mentioned "legally I can ask a judge for alimony right now." Is that true? I feel like I don't want to give her anything since she forced the whole thing and then would not do anything to save the marriage when I did. But I don't want to screw myself legally since we are still married and if the only possibility is a no-fault divorce, that's a long time before any settlement/decision is reached...and then I pay more money (possibly - we only lasted 5 months, had no kids, don't own a home, but I don't know how alimony really works).

If you were only married for 5 months there is virtually no chance that you would have to pay her any alimony.

However its way too late to initiate anything regarding the October incident. You have no evidence.

 

[mistoffolees]

We're in New Jersey. We got married in August of 2011. I work full-time. She works part-time and goes to school full-time. Last month she wanted us to do a trial separation. In an email to me, she stated I had to leave our home (an apartment her grandfather owns, we had no lease, nothing signed, we gave him money) within 30 days and pay her money I "owe" her (rent/utilities over the past months - apparently I wasn't giving her enough or "my half"), or else she would outright divorce me. I didn't want that (and didn't want to accept how she was acting), so I left and agreed to everything. I got a counselors information to give her, and she will not talk to anyone, and does not want to fix anything anymore.

She put her hands on me in October (hit me and put her hands around my neck). I was blinded by love and did nothing about it. Can I initiate anything legally now even though its been a while (not looking to get her arrested, I mean divorce-wise)?

From what I've read, she has no grounds to divorce on anything other than a no-fault divorce. Which means 18 months of living separately.

She claims I need to pay her money. She thinks I "owe" her money; its a figure she came up with. We have no lease, she always had mentioned the utilities were in her name, until recently she said she put my name on it (a ploy to get more money?). She mentioned "legally I can ask a judge for alimony right now." Is that true? I feel like I don't want to give her anything since she forced the whole thing and then would not do anything to save the marriage when I did. But I don't want to screw myself legally since we are still married and if the only possibility is a no-fault divorce, that's a long time before any settlement/decision is reached...and then I pay more money (possibly - we only lasted 5 months, had no kids, don't own a home, but I don't know how alimony really works).

You don't owe her anything. There is no rule on how marital expenses are to be split. You can tell her to pound sand on the money issue if you wish. She could file for temporary support, but she's living in her parents' home and is capable of working, so she might not even get temporary support and certainly not after the divorce.

If she actually put the utilities in your name, you need to march down to the utility company and tell them that you didn't authorize it. They can't do that without your signature. If she forged your signature, file an identity theft complaint. Now, she might be able to have put it in BOTH of your names since you're married. If so, ask to be removed since you're moving out. If they won't do that, cancel the service (but let her know, of course).

For the house? She can't throw you out of the marital home. She would have to file for divorce and ask for a court order to have you removed. The home's owner could throw you both out, but only by going through the legal eviction process. That said, if they don't want you there, you're probably better off moving.

For the abuse? You can still file if you wish, but you will have two problems. First, the evidence (if any) is long gone. Second, the court will wonder why you waited until after she threw you out of the house to take action. Unless there are witnesses, filing now is probably a bad move.

NJ divorce is covered here:
"New Jersey Divorce Info - An Overview of New Jersey Divorce Law - New Jersey Law In Review

In NJ, you have two choices for divorce. You can have an 18 month separation and then get a no-fault divorce or you can use any of the fault grounds for divorce. You could argue 'extreme cruelty' and get an immediate divorce. Note that the courts are pretty liberal on what constitutes 'extreme cruelty'. For many judges, "she isn't nice to me" is sufficient, so I would contact a local attorney to see how your county treats it.


If your county's judge is strict on the definition of extreme cruelty, you could move to a neighboring county and file there. NJ's residency rules require a 1 year residency period, but it doesn't seem to require that you stay in one county for any length of time before filing.

Alternatively, you could move to a different state which has different rules and more flexible no-fault divorce. PA, for example, only requires that you be a resident for 6 months. IIRC, a few states (AK, for example) have no residency requirements at all. You still have to be an actual resident, so you can't simply go there for vacation and file for divorce, though.

 

[nextwife]

She's full of it. This is super short marriage, almost tube of toothpaste sized time period. There is no basis to claim alimony. As stated, there is no RULE about who pays for what in amarriage. She can make all the claims she wants about what she decided you "owe" her, but there is no basis for that claim.

Was she already living there BEFORE the marriage? She'd likely have had almost those same utility bills whether you'd moved in or not (the water bill might be slighly higher, but the place costs the same to heat whether two or one of you are using it), and maybe the electric would be a tad higher with two sets of laptops and smart phones plugged in, but the difference is negligable.

 

[LdiJ]

Interestingly, NJ does not currently recognize same sex marriage, (one of the houses is voting on it today) so alimony shouldn't even be an issue.

 

[mistoffolees]

Interestingly, NJ does not currently recognize same sex marriage, (one of the houses is voting on it today) so alimony shouldn't even be an issue.

Huh? Where did you come up with the idea that same sex marriage was involved?

OP calls himself 'shawn' and refers to stbx as 'she'. So what is there in OP's post that makes you think it's a same sex marriage?

 

[LdiJ]

Huh? Where did you come up with the idea that same sex marriage was involved?

OP calls himself 'shawn' and refers to stbx as 'she'. So what is there in OP's post that makes you think it's a same sex marriage?

Well heck, I apparently got this thread mixed up with another one. Apologies OP.

 

[Bali Hai]

well heck, i apparently got this thread mixed up with another one. Apologies op.

lol!! :d:d

 

[Ohiogal]

I am glad that you corrected yourself, LD, because I was confused by the same sex marriage thing.

 

[tuffbrk]

If you were only married for 5 months there is virtually no chance that you would have to pay her any alimony.

However its way too late to initiate anything regarding the October incident. You have no evidence.

File for divorce immediately. She can rack up all kinds of bills that you may become partially responsible for. Think about it - if she's in a car accident, if she gets sued, if she loses her job, etc. File now. The longer you let it drag on, the more leverage she gets. File for extreme cruelty, cite that she is irresponsible and uncommunicative and refuses counseling.

 

[Shawn26]

Wow, came home from work and I found some very honest and helpful comments. Thanks to all.

Yeah I don't know where the same sex comment came from - but it made me laugh so no biggie!

Its a good point about not being able to use the abuse incident now, its been so long and there's no evidence now, was just curious. There were no witnesses there, it was just us two. I should've made more of it at the time, but it was kind of embarrassing and was very upsetting. And I was blinded, I didn't want anything to happen to us, I didn't want the marriage to end. But I was dumb to just let it go like that. Though that, coupled with the fact that she attempted to kick me out multiple times (basically every little fight), maybe an extreme cruelty case could be made. I didn't want this to end, but the more she acts like this, I need to make a case and get this over with.

I do appreciate all the comments.

 

[Shawn26]

Was she already living there BEFORE the marriage? She'd likely have had almost those same utility bills whether you'd moved in or not (the water bill might be slighly higher, but the place costs the same to heat whether two or one of you are using it), and maybe the electric would be a tad higher with two sets of laptops and smart phones plugged in, but the difference is negligable.

No, we moved into the place together.