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  1. #1
    Jeffrey2003 Guest

    Question Impending separation & divorce

    What is the name of your state? Ohio

    After months of thinking and several counseling sessions (me only) I beleive I will leave my wife soon...as soon as I can organize everything. Been married 22 years. No children. I make about $140,000 a year. She hasn't worked outside the home for many years and only has a high school education and no real skills. She worked as a receptionist when we first were married and later cleaned houses part time (off the record). We own a house and I beleive neither of us would want to stay there if we're divorced (too big, too expensive).

    Questions:
    - Should I pay her some support money when I leave since she has no income?
    - I assume I should try to pay all the bills myself?
    -...and cancel all joint accounts?
    - What can I expect the courts to decide for spousal support, and how long will I be expected to pay it?
    - Am I hurting my case in any way be leaving my residence? (Other forums tell me don't leave, make her leave instead, but I don't see that as an option for me.)

    Thanks!
  2. #2
    Jeffrey2003 Guest

    Your thoughts and experiences appreciated

  3. #3
    VeronicaGia is offline Senior Member
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    Yes, you are hurting your case if you leave your residence. She will likely keep it with you being court ordered to make the payments.

    Your best bet is to interview several attornies and then hire a good one, one with a lot of experience dealing with men in your circumstances. Do this before you move out of the house or make any decisions about what to pay or not to pay, etc. Don't cancel anything, don't close anything, as a judge may not look too kindly on this.

    Before you do anything, hire an attorney. You need someone with expertise in this area, in your state to help you.
  4. #4
    Jeffrey2003 Guest

    same

    Any other thoughts out there?
  5. #5
    VeronicaGia is offline Senior Member
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    Re: same

    Originally posted by Jeffrey2003
    Any other thoughts out there?
    Just this: An excellent website for fathers:

    [url]www.deltabravo.net/custody/[/url]

    Go to the fathers issues board and post your question. Many men have been in your situation, and can tell you what they did and did not do.

    Best of luck
  6. #6
    Jeffrey2003 Guest

    Thanks

    Thanks, VG. I'm not a father, but I'll check it out!
  7. #7
    stephenk is offline Senior Member
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    consult with a family law attorney. does your wife know you are going to divorce her?

    the attorney may be able to draw up a settlement agreement regarding support and division of assets.
  8. #8
    Jeffrey2003 Guest

    stephenk

    Met with an domestic relations attorney on Wed. He's great! Answered all my questions. He said it was okay to leave the house, suggested I pay all the bills (redirect them to a PO box) and offer her $100 - $150 weekly upon separation for incidental living expenses.

    No my wife has no idea that I want to leave and divorce her, although she knows something is wrong and has been for several months. I know her very well and know that if I tell her that I'm not happy with our marriage, it will be over right there. She would be more offended and insulted, then hurt. She'll assume, no matter what I tell her, that I've found somebody else...even though I haven't.
  9. #9
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
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    I may as well ask - since you say there's noone else, have you guys tried counseling to sort things out? 22 years is a long time to throw away.

    I'd also suspect that if your lawyer is telling you to offer her $400 - $600 a month, a judge may order you to pay more than that if she goes that route.
  10. #10
    nailtech is offline Senior Member
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    you sound like a nice guy who is offering to help his wife out even though you want to divorce her...

    but may I suggest when you offer to pay her support that you stipulate in the final decree to only pay her for a period of years and it stops when she cohabitates with another man or remarries... Nice guys do get burned...
  11. #11
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
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    I would also spend some time educating yourself. Start here [url]http://www.divorcesource.com/OH/ARTICLES/levin5.html[/url]
  12. #12
    Jeffrey2003 Guest

    mommatiger

    I've been going to counseling by myself. Decided to not try to save the marriage. Counseling can't change who a person is. Plus there is an alcohol issue and abuse. After too many nights of abuse, I've decided I don't like this person anymore. Don't see how I can be talked into changing that. But thanks.

    I have been educating myself...which is what brougt me to this site.

    Nailtech, You're right...I am a nice guy, maybe too nice. But I will establish limits. I have to. Thanks again!
  13. #13
    kidoday is offline Senior Member
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    Oh for Gods sake Jeffrey file for divorce. This will help you to get out of your marriage of 22 years to a receptionist with no skills.

    I suspect that your wife, who only has a high school education, already knows that you are contemplating a divorce. Are you so sure that she is not prepared for this?

    Honestly Jeffrey, I don't think you sound like a nice guy, but then that is MHO.
  14. #14
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
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    It is extremely unlikely that a lawyer would recommend paying spousal support at or above what a judge would be likely to order. The general idea is to offer something that seems reasonable and the other party will bite at. If your wife is smart, she'll hire an attorney as well, who will tell her what her rights are.

    It's not a question of being talking into or out of anything. But I've found it a rare situation where only one party is responsible for the marital difficulties.
  15. #15
    Jeffrey2003 Guest

    Kidoday

    Damn, kidoday, you're right! What am I thinking about this so much for! I should just walk in tonight and say "Hey, b!tch, I'm outta here." What difference does it make that the life I've been living for the last 22 years will be irreversibly blown up! Why should I care that the fabulous house that I worked my a$$ ofF to buy will be sold and I will probably never be allowed in again. Why should I care that my spouse, who yes I don't like anymore, but is still a human being, is already in a fragile state, could hit absolute rock bottom, and decide to hurt herself or me in the process. Yes, you're right just do it!

    And you think I'm not a nice guy?

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