Inflating "monthly expenses" to increase alimony

[G Cross]

What is the name of your state? CO

When my ex gets a nursing degree and a job--in about a year--our agreement stiplates we'll meet again to discuss adjustment of alimony. A big factor in determining original alimony was a study of what her and my "monthly expenses" were. (I couldn't figure out why she was maxing our the credit card and checking account for months prior to her filing -- duh on me.)

When we meet to re-negotiate alimony (after she's employed), how large a role will "monthly expenses" play in determining alimony? It seems income should play a much bigger part, since (as she proved), one can artificially inflate "monthly expenses," which I would expect her to do again.

 

[nextwife]

What is the name of your state? CO

When my ex gets a nursing degree and a job--in about a year--our agreement stiplates we'll meet again to discuss adjustment of alimony. A big factor in determining original alimony was a study of what her and my "monthly expenses" were. (I couldn't figure out why she was maxing our the credit card and checking account for months prior to her filing -- duh on me.)

When we meet to re-negotiate alimony (after she's employed), how large a role will "monthly expenses" play in determining alimony? It seems income should play a much bigger part, since (as she proved), one can artificially inflate "monthly expenses," which I would expect her to do again.

Well, I WORK for a living, and, frankly, my boss doesn't choose what to pay me based upon how much I decide to SPEND each month. I know that if I buy two new cars and a bigger house, increasing my "expenses" it won't mean squat to my emplyer as to what I'm entitled to get paid each month. I'm supposed to spend based on what I earn, not the reverse.

I don't know what "expenses" (how much of a car payment, house payment, clothing and toiletry expenditures - all of which can vary based on choices one makes) should have to do with it. How long was the marriage? How long was she out of the workforce?

 

[LdiJ]

Well, I WORK for a living, and, frankly, my boss doesn't choose what to pay me based upon how much I decide to SPEND each month. I know that if I buy two new cars and a bigger house, increasing my "expenses" it won't mean squat to my emplyer as to what I'm entitled to get paid each month. I'm supposed to spend based on what I earn, not the reverse.

I don't know what "expenses" (how much of a car payment, house payment, clothing and toiletry expenditures - all of which can vary based on choices one makes) should have to do with it. How long was the marriage? How long was she out of the workforce?

While I don't disagree with you in theory, unless the recipient of alimony gets to walk away with no debt obligations that were based on the marital income, its not necessarily a matter of "choice".

 

[nextwife]

While I don't disagree with you in theory, unless the recipient of alimony gets to walk away with no debt obligations that were based on the marital income, its not necessarily a matter of "choice".

They had a choice to run up their share of the debts.; They had a choice to buy or not buy stuff they didn't have the cash to pay for. My hubby's ex CHOSE to go out and buy a $6400 (oh, and that's at 1970s prices!) sofa he didn't want when they needed to furnish an entire home! And of course, then she wanted him to pay off the danged debt for the outrageously expensive self-indulgent purchase. Why is it wrong for a spouse who was disinclined to spend responsibly to share in the result of their actions?

Her choice is what expenses she chose to assume after the breakup.

 

[LdiJ]

They had a choice to run up their share of the debts.; They had a choice to buy or not buy stuff they didn't have the cash to pay for. My hubby's ex CHOSE to go out and buy a $6400 (oh, and that's at 1970s prices!) sofa he didn't want when they needed to furnish an entire home! And of course, then she wanted him to pay off the danged debt for the outrageously expensive self-indulgent purchase. Why is it wrong for a spouse who was disinclined to spend responsibly to share in the result of their actions?

Her choice is what expenses she chose to assume after the breakup.

How did she buy a 6400.00 sofa at 1970's prices without his signature on the financing?

In any case, I wasn't talking about that. I was talking about mutual decisions to make major purchases or assume debt...and then the lesser earner gets kicked to the curb.

Shortly before my ex and I split up my ex absolutely insisted that we buy a very expensive Volvo for me to drive. I was opposed but gave in because he was right about the safety issues where the Volvo was concerned, and we did have a toddler. Had I known that he was going to go into a young midlife crisis a few months later and walk...I NEVER would have agreed to buy the Volvo.

However, I have to admit that it ended up being a danged good car. I drove it for 5 years, my aunt drove it for another 10, and my cousin is still driving it now....its 18 years old.

My point being was that I could afford the Volvo on my own, but it was a stretch, and again its not a choice I would have made with hindsight.

Families don't make choices based on "can I afford/handle this on my own if we split up". They make choices based on the family income/needs/wants.

 

[nextwife]

How did she buy a 6400.00 sofa at 1970's prices without his signature on the financing?

The department store increased the credit limit for her. She only needed a deposit to order the silly thing.

Families don't make choices based on "can I afford/handle this on my own if we split up". .

They don't? What if our spouses had a stroke or heart attack and was laid up? We've never assumed more payment than either of us could handle if one of us was suddenly disabled. Seems a very normal approach. MOST people get sick, some get old, have accidents, and we all die, some sooner than we plan.

 

[LdiJ]

The department store increased the credit limit for her. She only needed a deposit to order the silly thing.



They don't? What if our spouses had a stroke or heart attack and was laid up? We've never assumed more payment than either of us could handle if one of us was suddenly disabled. Seems a very normal approach. MOST people get sick, some get old, have accidents, and we all die, some sooner than we plan.

Its great when a family has the financial resources to do what you and your husband do. However the vast majority of families don't have that luxury/flexibility. Its takes the earnings of both spouses just to cover the basics. There is only so much downsizing you can do when you are lower income.

And, families do occasionally decide that they deserve a "luxury" and go out on a limb to buy one.

 

[Bali Hai]

What is the name of your state? CO

When my ex gets a nursing degree and a job--in about a year--our agreement stiplates we'll meet again to discuss adjustment of alimony. A big factor in determining original alimony was a study of what her and my "monthly expenses" were. (I couldn't figure out why she was maxing our the credit card and checking account for months prior to her filing -- duh on me.)

When we meet to re-negotiate alimony (after she's employed), how large a role will "monthly expenses" play in determining alimony? It seems income should play a much bigger part, since (as she proved), one can artificially inflate "monthly expenses," which I would expect her to do again.

Ok, when you meet again, your position is to stop alimony.

And DON'T agree to pay alimony ever again.

 

[G Cross]

There was no car payment, no house payment (both free and clear), but lots of "lifestyle" expenses (new wardrobe, hair, decorating, redecorating, etc. The marriage lasted 21 years and she stayed home with the kids for the last 20 years of that. I don't mind paying for the 2 years of nursing school and the 1 year of prerequisites she has taken. I just don't want to get screwed over on the "lifestyle" front. I personally can be happy spending little, and I do. (Make a six figure income and drive a 2000 Ford F-150 pickup truck.)
____

Well, I WORK for a living, and, frankly, my boss doesn't choose what to pay me based upon how much I decide to SPEND each month. I know that if I buy two new cars and a bigger house, increasing my "expenses" it won't mean squat to my emplyer as to what I'm entitled to get paid each month. I'm supposed to spend based on what I earn, not the reverse.

I don't know what "expenses" (how much of a car payment, house payment, clothing and toiletry expenditures - all of which can vary based on choices one makes) should have to do with it. How long was the marriage? How long was she out of the workforce?