intimidated

[sneakytobi]

What is the name of your state? Indiana. I moved from VA to IN four years ago, to care for elderly parents. The man I had been seeing for two years in VA moved here after the first year, and we married within a month. He soon decided that he wanted a divorce, but he has never pursued it. We still live together, in separate rooms for a year. Until this month, everything was "joint". My husband has removed me from our joint checking account, which is where my paycheck was going, and I had to change my direct deposit info at work. I had no access to any money for two weeks, while waiting for my payroll change to occur. He cancelled my cell phone and says that my car insurance will expire tomorrow. He harrasses me daily, verbally and in writing. He states that unless I pay him half of the monthly bills, he will just stop paying them. He earns almost three times as much as I do. The mortgage, car payment, car insurance and utilities are all joint. I can barely afford half of the debt we have incurred together. How much of this is bullying, and how much is truth?

 

[djohnson]

You are lacking in specific information to get answers. Do you own the home? Was it purchased before or after the marriage? Who's name is it in? If it's rental who's name is on the lease? I don't think it's asking too much for you to pay half the utilities and expenses that you are accruing. It doesn't matter how much more than you he makes. This is a short term marriage and I don't think you can get anything out of it other than what was your going in. How did you live on your own before he came there? It might not have been as comfortable, but it may be what you have to go back to.

 

[sneakytobi]

Thank you for the response. Hopefully this is the specific information I was lacking: before I was married, the house was in my name at a lower interest rate. My husband wanted it refinanced in both names. The result is the mortgage is now over $200 more than it was when I was single. Before I was married, I had well water that needed inexpensive softener salt every once in a while. My husband would not tolerate it and financed a $4000 water filtration system. Before I was married, I drove a 1988 car that was paid for, so not only did I have no car payment, my insurance was less. After my husband pulled the engine in my car, and I had no transportation for a year, he insisted on a joint car loan for a newer car for me, because he lost interest in his project. Before I was married, I had the safety and luxury of parking in the garage, which was wonderful in the winter. Now, I am out there at 5:00 in the morning, scraping ice and snow so that I can go to work. I can no longer park in the garage because my husband's motorcycle that he never rides is taking up the space. Before I was married, I did not have cable TV or a cell phone. My husband insisted on having both. Before I was married, I cut my own hair and bought clothes at the Goodwill. My husband was embarrassed by this and insisted that I splurge on finer things. Before I was married, alcohol, cigarettes, long nights in the bar and expensive restaurants were not in my budget. My husband accumulates them all on a daily basis, usually in the company of someone other than me. So basically, before I was married, I lived within my means. The increased cost of living that my husband has insisted upon was based on a much larger joint income. I would not have chosen these things for myself, because they didn't matter and I knew I couldn't afford them. Now I risk losing everything because of his greed and vindictive nature. Thank you for allowing me to explain in greater detail.

 

[djohnson]

There is nothing you can do. You made those decisions along with him and will be held just as responsible on anything that you have signed. You can't make him take over paying everything for you. Get rid of everything you can and go back to living within your means. Serve him with an eviction notice and file for divorce. Bankruptcy may be an option, although not a good one.

 

[sittinpretty]

All is NOT lost

First of all, stop being so easily intimidated. That's what got you in this situation in the first place. Mrs. is right, there's not much you can do except get ready for a rough ride. You haven't been married long enough to leave with anything other than what material things you can salvage, your peace of mind and your dignity. You allowed this person(I hesitate to call him a man)to put you in this situation. It's a good deal for him, so he'll probably never apply for a divorce. Why should he? You didn't mention any children, and if there are none, that'll make the process easier. Find a lawyer and go for it! Life is too short.