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Leaving him with the children safely and legally

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Jaime_515

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? NC

I have been married 7 years and we have two children together (one 5 the other 4). He knows that I have been unhappy and I want to leave. He says that he doesn't care if I go, but I can't take the children. He doesn't do anything with them, so I think it is just a threat to keep me here. My question is though, how can I legally take the kids and leave? I fear for our saftey if he finds out before I actually get out. He has made it clear that he would rather see me dead than have the children. So I don't know what to do. He is not good for the children's or my own well being.
 


djohnson

Senior Member
Right now you both have equal rights to the kids. He can take them or you can. It doesn't matter. You need an attorney and to file an emergency temporary custody order ASAP.
 

Jaime_515

Junior Member
NC

Let me ask you something else. I have NOTHING. So when I will leave I will have to start from scratch. If I leave the children at the house with him for now and then later try for custody will that work? And by later I mean within a month, can I still file for emergency temp custody if I leave him with the kids? :confused:
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Then you're going to have to explain to a judge why you felt the kids were safe to leave with him then, but is no longer fit. Not a good plan.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Jaime_515 said:
NC

Let me ask you something else. I have NOTHING. So when I will leave I will have to start from scratch. If I leave the children at the house with him for now and then later try for custody will that work? And by later I mean within a month, can I still file for emergency temp custody if I leave him with the kids? :confused:

NEVER leave your children. Get help from someone if you have to but don't leave your children.
 

fire1ss

Member
My exwife left about 6 years ago. She left me with all 4 kids. She stated then that she didn't want to disrupt their whole lives. She moved about a half mile away and saw the kids after school every day. Fast forward 4 years and she moves to a from an apartment to a house and NOW she want primary custody of the children. For the last 2 years she has seen them only on weekends but still is trying to uproot the children. She has had us all go tro a psychologist and he found no reason to move the children. Still she persists. I have spent a long time and more money than I have to keep my children. And I will continue to do so. What I guess I am trying to say is IF you really want custody of your children do not ever leave them. Set your life aside and live for them. Do not move out because it would be easier on you. You had children now stay in their lives and raise them. You can be an individual after they are grown.
 

Jaime_515

Junior Member
thank u: one more question

Thank you all for your thoughts. You have confirmed what I believed. It is good to hear it from someone else. Now back to the Emergency Temp Custody Order. Should I file before I leave the house or right when I do?
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Jaime_515 said:
Thank you all for your thoughts. You have confirmed what I believed. It is good to hear it from someone else. Now back to the Emergency Temp Custody Order. Should I file before I leave the house or right when I do?
Well...you should probably leave before he gets served...so that the children aren't subject to a nasty scene.
 

spidey5795

Junior Member
My heart goes out to you it really does, I am in the exact same situation except I have only one child. I am scared to death to do anything for fear of him or doing something to loose my child. I have recently learned that you can get help from financial aid in your state if you don't have any money to file ANYTHING against him. I don't know all the details but I don't agree with the person that said stay and live your life after they are grown. How can you raise healthy well rounded happy children if you are miserable? Children are deeply affected by living in a disfunctional household. That is my only reason for wanting to leave, I am worried that I will not be able to provide a HAPPY LOVING SAFE FUN childhood for my child in this horrible environment. I'm not worried about me, and if I were you I would think about them and how they are affected by growing up in a home where the parents are at odds and don't even want to be together, where there is no love between mom and dad....what will they learn?
 

djohnson

Senior Member
I don'y think the person meant it was better to stay with him if he is abusive. But that it's better to stay with the kids. What does it say to leave them in an environment you didn't want to be in because you only thought of yourself. If you leave them, you probably can't get them back. Atleast with you there they have some love.
 

Jaime_515

Junior Member
NC

Well, my husband isn't really physically abusive to me cause he knows that would give me an even stronger case to leave. He is more verbally abusive and he tends to throw things ie kitchen table, chairs and plates with food on it. From my understanding the judge won't care about the verbal abuse. Is that true? His abusive language is rubbing off on the kids. I hear the way my son talks to my daughter sometimes and he sounds just like his father. He doesn't know any different cause that is the way it has always been. I try to explain that the way daddy does is not the way to treat people. So my only resolution is to get them out of the situation. I do have pictures of the disaster he has caused in the house. Will any of those hold up in court? Also he works days and I work nights and sometimes when I get home at midnight the kids are still up while he is asleep on the couch. I will find candy wrappers and junk food all over the house and they tell me that that is what they had for dinner. UGH! I need to get the kids a better living enviroment! Sorry for that ourburst I am just getting so frustrated.
 

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