Legal separation in MS >< how can i delay my divorce for 6 mos

[Lexa]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MN and MS

Here is my problem/question.

My husband and I separated 3 mos after a move from MN to MS. It was supposed to be a trial separation but he reneged on that agreement within days. He was unable to file for divorce because of the residency requirements of 6 mos.

Meanwhile I had nowhere to go and have ended up staying with friends in MN, which I now consider my residence, albeit temporary.

The 6 mos is up in a couple weeks. We have mostly agreed on splitting assets and support. The problem is, I would -really- prefer to just be separated for another few months because I do not feel like it is the right thing to divorce at this time, and also because I feel like things I need to get like medical etc (which i am still on his atm) would be easier if I have been in MN for 6 mos and are a resident here.

The complication is that I still need support meanwhile and I think we still need a legal document for the terms we have agreed on, which we would like to have stay the same at the time of divorce.

Edit: since people here are jumping to conclusions, I mean I want any separation agreement made now to ALSO be the divorce agreement, continuing. So if it is 12 mos support, and we dont file for 6 months, then hes already paid 6 and only agreed to pay 6 more, NOT to "scam" him for extra support. He is at fault because of an addiction problem.

Further complicating matters is the difficulty I have trying to get a MS lawyer when I am without any resources in MN, he is the one with the resources. (my ability to get a DL, credit, and job was affected by my waiting for immigration stuff, which was delayed by his problems)

So I am having problems finding advice. I know there is no "legal separation" in MS. If we draw up a separation agreement do we need a lawyer and a judge for that? I am not comfortable having any real legal stuff done before a judge when I can't be represented or can't be there.

Can we just draw up some kind of agreement and have it notarized? I should add the agreement is not complicated as we had no real assets. It is mostly just the issue of support.

Thank you to anyone who can help.

 

[mistoffolees]

Seems to me that you should really be looking at what's fair for BOTH of you rather than seeing how much you can benefit from the system.

 

[Lexa]

This was an extremely rude answer and it isnt the first one I have seen here. This is a terrible resource for people who are hurting, confused or need help as this was uncalled for, assumptive and non helpful. Shame on you.

First, you have no idea what my intentions are. My husband has an addictive disorder and is in denial. The marriage can be saved if he gets help but he isnt there yet and is making irrational and hasty choices out of fear and denial. My last 3 months have been MORE than hell and you should be ashamed of yourself for treating people this way.

I do not want a divorce because I still think there is hope for the marriage, and want to give us both time. I DO need support because i was completely abandoned with no job, no drivers license, no credit cards, no credit and no home and no place to go. I need to survive and eat and cannot hire a lawyer because i am not in MS and do not have resources.

I am sorry you find that needing a spouse of 6 years to help me out so I can eat is "working the system" - especially since he is the one who is to blame and at fault.

I want to know, from someone helpful and not bitter and presumptive with legal knowledge, how i can work out an agreement LIKE a divorce agreement regarding support; ie 300/mo for 12 mos, INCLUDING the separation, so no EXTRA for him, just delaying the divorce to give him time to get help.

Thank you anyone who is able to be polite.

 

[cyjeff]

First, you have no idea what my intentions are. My husband has an addictive disorder and is in denial. The marriage can be saved if he gets help but he isnt there yet and is making irrational and hasty choices out of fear and denial. My last 3 months have been MORE than hell and you should be ashamed of yourself for treating people this way.

We can only go on what you tell us.

I HATE it when people start pulling facts out with the words "YOU DON'T KNOW THE WHOLE STORY"!!!!

Of course we don't. We know no more and no less than you have told us.

I do not want a divorce because I still think there is hope for the marriage, and want to give us both time. I DO need support because i was completely abandoned with no job, no drivers license, no credit cards, no credit and no home and no place to go. I need to survive and eat and cannot hire a lawyer because i am not in MS and do not have resources.

Back to the money. Good.

It has been six months, right? Why haven't you found a job in six months?

Do you have a driver's license (and who DOESN'T have a driver's license?) or credit cards yet?

Why HAVEN'T you started supporting yourself yet...

I am sorry you find that needing a spouse of 6 years to help me out so I can eat is "working the system" - especially since he is the one who is to blame and at fault.

On a personal note, no ONE person is responsible for a divorce.

Second, why haven't you found a job so that you can eat?

I want to know, from someone helpful and not bitter and presumptive with legal knowledge, how i can work out an agreement LIKE a divorce agreement regarding support; ie 300/mo for 12 mos, INCLUDING the separation, so no EXTRA for him, just delaying the divorce to give him time to get help.

You can, of course, try.. but what is HIS motivation?

 

[Lexa]

I am sorry you didnt like my tone and felt the need to be condescending, as well as not read thoroughly. It is explained in the first post. I really appreciate how rude you all are here. Why do you volunteer to help others if you must spend your time condescending, making assumptions, not reading, and treated others disrespectfully? Would your time not be better spent away from people who are hurting and needing help?

A: it has not even been 3 months since the separation. The six months figure, had you read instead of scanned and jumped to conclusions, is how long he has been in MS, and that wont be for another couple of weeks.

b: It was originally intended and verbally agreed to be a trial separation so at first it was a visit to my family in Canada who I had not seen in 5 years.

c: I returned to the states 1 month ago, and despite not having worked for the duration of my marraige (for reasons not related to me) I did in fact get a job immediately and have been on it one week already. But thanks for trying to make me look bad and feel even worse than I already do thanks to my husband. I hope it made you feel smart and clever and good about yourself.

What is the matter with you people? Is it SO HARd to be freaking respectful and helpful when you feel the need to post on a forum marked for helping?

 

[cyjeff]

I am sorry you didnt like my tone and felt the need to be condescending, as well as not read thoroughly. It is explained in the first post. I really appreciate how rude you all are here. Why do you volunteer to help others if you must spend your time condescending, making assumptions, not reading, and treated others disrespectfully? Would your time not be better spent away from people who are hurting and needing help?

A: it has not even been 3 months since the separation. The six months figure, had you read instead of scanned and jumped to conclusions, is how long he has been in MS, and that wont be for another couple of weeks.

b: It was originally intended and verbally agreed to be a trial separation so at first it was a visit to my family in Canada who I had not seen in 5 years.

c: I returned to the states 1 month ago, and despite not having worked for the duration of my marraige (for reasons not related to me) I did in fact get a job immediately and have been on it one week already. But thanks for trying to make me look bad and feel even worse than I already do thanks to my husband. I hope it made you feel smart and clever and good about yourself.

What is the matter with you people? Is it SO HARd to be freaking respectful and helpful when you feel the need to post on a forum marked for helping?

The legal answer doesn't change.

What would be your husband's motivation for the situation to continue?

 

[mistoffolees]

You asked specifically how you could delay things and require him to support you while you delayed. I gave the response I felt that deserved.

You're free to ignore the advice if you wish.

 

[Lexa]

Look. All there is is that he's got an addictive problem he needs help for. I would like to give him more time to get help before actually filing for divorce because I actually love the guy and believe in him. He wants to rush into a divorce so he can stay in denial. And yes, it is entirely his fault, because of his addiction.

There is no reason for him to agree to delay the divorce. But that is not what i asked. I asked, what can we file, should I get him to agree, that would document and legalize a separation agreement including assets and divorce, that would take effect immediately, and would not change if/when the divorce is filed/finalized.

IE: I get X household goods, I get 250/mo for 12 mos, starting now. Divorce is filed in 6 months, nothing changes, I still have the agreed household goods, and he still owes 6 months support.

I think there is a document for this, a separation agreement. So I wonder do I need a lawyer because i really cant get one and i am having a very difficult time getting legal advice from MN when I cant hire a lawyer.

I am not sure why anyone would fight this? I am looking for an agreement which would NOT be changed no matter if we file divorce in 2 weeks or 2 years. So there is no loss for either of us, if we have already agreed on the terms, right? The only difference would be when the divorce is actually filed and final, but nothing else would change.

Look. I am not trying to rip anybody off. If anyone has been ripped off it is me because of his misconduct and his reneging on verbal agreements. No, I am a sucker, I love the guy and want him to get better and just want to give him a bit more time to think straight because he isn't thinking straight right now.

 

[Lexa]

If you don't like the answer, no one's forcing you to read it.

You asked specifically how you could delay things and require him to support you while you delayed. I gave the response I felt that deserved.

You're free to ignore the advice if you wish.

That is not what i asked, that is what you assumed and read.

What part of "The complication is that I still need support meanwhile and I think we still need a legal document for the terms we have agreed on, which we would like to have stay the same at the time of divorce." did you miss?

I recommend that you read thoroughly in the future. I am sorry if you think all women are money grubbers who deserve nothing, but please dont assume that all are.

 

[Lexa]

I guess I see the confusion.

I want a legal separation agreement based on terms agreed upon now, including support. When i say I don't want it changed at the time of divorce, I mean that the terms agreed to now, would continue, not start over or add any extra.

So if he agrees to 12 mos support now, if we file in 6 months, he's already paid 6/12 and I want the agreement to just continue as is, so he would only owe 6. Does that make more sense?

I do NOT want him to pay support for eg: 6 months separation, then file divorce, then hash out a new agreement where he pays more/less later.

If I wanted to do that I would borrow someone's credit card and retain a lawyer who would then petition for him to pay fees as well as go to court on my behalf for emergency support then again when the divorce is finalized. MS is a fault based state so in fact I could just say no to divorce if I do not feel it is irreconcilable (which i actually don't, least not yet) and petition for temporary emergency support if i wanted to be difficult, and make things hard for him. Or I would go to the uscis since he is already legally obligated to support me that way.

But NO, I am actually TRYING to make this as cheap on him as possible, which is why I am asking about separation agreements in a state with no Legal Separation. Hes not rich and I don't want to make his life miserable. I don't want extra, I just want exactly the same as i would get if we divorced tomorrow. I just dont want the divorce yet, I want to give him more time to get help before I give up on him and the marriage.

I want the agreement made now to be the only one.

 

[swrdmbo]

I am sorry to hear about your situation. Addiction really does mess up so many lives, not just the addicts.

Please understand I am not an attorney but since you have access to a computer you may be able to actually do a dissolution of marriage yourself. I did. The forms may be available at freelegalforms.com or a similar site. You can fill in the blanks and it should be quite simple if you have no assets.

By doing this you may have to see how long a waiting period between when you file the papers and when they have the court date. At that hearing both of you have to tell the judge that you both agree to everything in the dissolution as filed or it will not be granted.

I also am not sure about the support.It may not be possible to include that...it was not an issue for me.But you could maybe see if you can ask for 6 months from the filing till the hearing, or just wait to make it final??

I am also not sure how that will work if he establishes residency in MS.You might ask around or even use the site they advertise here to have an attorney answer a question for $30 or whatever, if you can't get help here. Good luck to you.

 

[LdiJ]

I guess I see the confusion.

I want a legal separation agreement based on terms agreed upon now, including support. When i say I don't want it changed at the time of divorce, I mean that the terms agreed to now, would continue, not start over or add any extra.

So if he agrees to 12 mos support now, if we file in 6 months, he's already paid 6/12 and I want the agreement to just continue as is, so he would only owe 6. Does that make more sense?

I do NOT want him to pay support for eg: 6 months separation, then file divorce, then hash out a new agreement where he pays more/less later.

If I wanted to do that I would borrow someone's credit card and retain a lawyer who would then petition for him to pay fees as well as go to court on my behalf for emergency support then again when the divorce is finalized. MS is a fault based state so in fact I could just say no to divorce if I do not feel it is irreconcilable (which i actually don't, least not yet) and petition for temporary emergency support if i wanted to be difficult, and make things hard for him. Or I would go to the uscis since he is already legally obligated to support me that way.

But NO, I am actually TRYING to make this as cheap on him as possible, which is why I am asking about separation agreements in a state with no Legal Separation. Hes not rich and I don't want to make his life miserable. I don't want extra, I just want exactly the same as i would get if we divorced tomorrow. I just dont want the divorce yet, I want to give him more time to get help before I give up on him and the marriage.

I want the agreement made now to be the only one.

He is an addict who has already emotionally left the marriage, living in a state that does not have legal separation, who isn't getting help because he doesn't want help. The addiction is more important to him than the marriage.

Six months isn't going to change that. Its best to be done with things. However, as far as support is concerned, if you can get him to wait, is to ask for temporary support now, and then ask for another six months of support at the time that the marriage actually ends.

 

[Silverplum]

Bottom line: In a short term marriage, which is what yours was, he would NOT likely be ordered to pay you ANY spousal support. (Particularly not if he's the addict you describe.)

To get him to agree, you'd have to come up with a very convincing argument, because he has no reason to agree. It's just money out the door for him.

I guess I see the confusion.

I want a legal separation agreement based on terms agreed upon now, including support. When i say I don't want it changed at the time of divorce, I mean that the terms agreed to now, would continue, not start over or add any extra.

So if he agrees to 12 mos support now, if we file in 6 months, he's already paid 6/12 and I want the agreement to just continue as is, so he would only owe 6. Does that make more sense?

I do NOT want him to pay support for eg: 6 months separation, then file divorce, then hash out a new agreement where he pays more/less later.

If I wanted to do that I would borrow someone's credit card and retain a lawyer who would then petition for him to pay fees as well as go to court on my behalf for emergency support then again when the divorce is finalized. MS is a fault based state so in fact I could just say no to divorce if I do not feel it is irreconcilable (which i actually don't, least not yet) and petition for temporary emergency support if i wanted to be difficult, and make things hard for him. Or I would go to the uscis since he is already legally obligated to support me that way.

But NO, I am actually TRYING to make this as cheap on him as possible, which is why I am asking about separation agreements in a state with no Legal Separation. Hes not rich and I don't want to make his life miserable. I don't want extra, I just want exactly the same as i would get if we divorced tomorrow. I just dont want the divorce yet, I want to give him more time to get help before I give up on him and the marriage.

I want the agreement made now to be the only one.

 

[LdiJ]

Bottom line: In a short term marriage, which is what yours was, he would NOT likely be ordered to pay you ANY spousal support. (Particularly not if he's the addict you describe.)

To get him to agree, you'd have to come up with a very convincing argument, because he has no reason to agree. It's just money out the door for him.

In this specific instance only, that isn't quite correct. Because he sponsored her entry into the US, he has an obligation to support her outside of the length of their marriage. He signed a contract with the federal government to do so. That doesn't make him obligated to support her forever, but it does make short term alimony more likely than would otherwise be the case.

 

[mommyof4]

Not a legal response. Fair warning.

Look. All there is is that he's got an addictive problem he needs help for. I would like to give him more time to get help before actually filing for divorce because I actually love the guy and believe in him. He wants to rush into a divorce so he can stay in denial. And yes, it is entirely his fault, because of his addiction.

Not entirely. I don't know his specific addiction but please visit these sites. It won't help with your legal question, but it might help you come to terms with the reality of the situation you are dealing with and how to go on from here.



Welcome to Al-Anon and Alateen
Co-Anon Family Groups
Nar-Anon Family Groups