Legal Separation w/ a Twist

[Grampsx13]

What is the name of your state? Michigan

My son's present wife just 3 days ago informed him that she wants out of their marriage of three years. She says that 'she' wants to file for legal separation, that she doesn't want 'him' to do it. She says 'she' wants 'uncontested' custody of their 2 1/2 year old little boy. She says she wants my son to allow her to continue to reside in the marital home (which I myself own) for as long as it takes for her to save enough money at 'her' part time job, to rent her own apartment. She says 'she' wants 'no' responsibility toward 'any' household expenses while she is trying to save 'her' money, but wants 'him' to pay 'all' living costs out of 'his' pocket while she is still there. She says that 'she' wants to ultimately be the one to file for a divorce, not 'him' do it first or beat her to it. My son is contemplating giving her, her way because of the threats she has made of causing him as much trouble as possible (even if it means she, as well as her mother, teaming up and doing whatever lieing they need to do) and trying to cause him all the problems they can. And those two women are certainly good at that!!

Since the home belongs to "ME", and they pay no rent, "I" want 'her' out! As far as I'm concerned, 'her' mommy & daddy can help her find a place, provide her a loan, or whatever necessary.

But...I just really need some sound advice/strategy, to help my son with his best avenue of pursuit. And...is this business about "I want to be legally separated from you, but want to still live with you" thing, a common thing? And...how does my son (or I) get her out of 'my' house, and my son maintain 'his' living status there? Oh, and by the way...my son is the CP of his own two little boys from a previous marriage.

Really hoping for a lot of wisdom here!

Thank you so much!!!!

 

[djohnson]

I don't think she is in position to make these demands. If he lets her get by with it then that will be him. There is no benefit to being legally separated instead of divorced if that is where they are headed anyway. Tell to go ahead and file for divorce and custody. He can try to go ahead and temporary custody until a custody hearing can be had. Even if she has the child he is only responsible for child support and possibly alimony (but I doubt it due to the length of the marriage). He is not responsible for everything she is asking for. Tell him to move back or stay in the house as it is yours and his name is on a lease. If she doesn't want to live with him then she can move out. If he does everything she is asking then he is scr*wing himself.

 

[Grampsx13]

Thank you for your post dj.

My son hasn't left the residence. He still resides there with his other two little boys as well. Oh no, I damned well wouldn't hear of my son leaving his home (my property) and permitting just
'her' and the other two children to take over. Oh no no no!

Umm...since they have lived in my trailer 'free', and no rental agreement/lease has ever been established, should I then NOW establish something to that effect in writing with my son do you think?

No...my son is not responsible for everything she is asking for/or demanding, I totally understand that. But, the fear is that, if she doesn't receive what she asks, for as long as she asks for it, exactly how she wants it, she (and her mother), "by their own admission", will lie, lie, lie, cause immeasurable trouble, not only for my son, but for his own two boys whom he has custody of. It has indeed been blatantly stated by the wife and her mother, that they will conspire with my son's former wife and do whatever it takes, tell whatever lies are needed, to help the former wife gain custody of my son's two little boys. Oh yes, that's a fact! That threat includes, if "I" refuse to go along with the demands as well, if "I" get involved and aid my son in any way. 'Proof' of those threats and demands? No...nothing more than our word against theirs, of course. So...in a way...she is actually in a position of power and control, of sorts, it feels. But 'I', still want her out, and out NOW, regardless. And praying I'm not opening Pandora's box if I do proceed against their demands.

 

[djohnson]

I wouldn't give in to the demands. It is a word against word thing and her threats show what type person she is. The next time I was threatened I would be sure and point out the lies can go both ways. She is not feeling in a position of power or she wouldn't be making those threats and demands. She is down and it is her way of trying to dig herself out. He already has custody of his other children and that shows a lot. The best thing he can do if he knows, and doesn't want this marriage to work, is go to a good divorce attorney, go ahead and file and also file for temporary custody of their child until a full custody hearing can be had. Since she has no place to go the best interest of the child would be to stay with him. He could even ask for temporary child support until it is final. Then see who has the the position of power. Her threats are idle, I wouldn't let her get away with it. But he needs to go file for the temp custody before she does.

 

[Grampsx13]

Again, thank you very much dj, I will certainly heed your advice!!

I have searched and searched these sites trying to find my son a reasonable Family Law Attorney in and/or near his surrounding area. I keep coming up with "zero" result. Boy has it been difficult locating one. I don't live in my son's area and have no phone book for his area, and I'm not so sure I would even have any success out of the phone book. At least not finding one who in some way specializes in Family Law.

Again...Thank You!

 

[djohnson]

What area is he in? Have you tried the find a lawyer at the top of this page? There are many people here that may be able to give him some good tips on ones they know.

 

[Grampsx13]

Yes, I checked on-site here (at top of page), came up with zilch.

My son lives in Mio, Michigan, Oscoda 'County'. NOT to be confused with the town/city of Oscoda, Michigan.

 

[manda2020]

The Friend of the Court might be able to help your son.
www.michigan.gov/mdcr/0,1607,7-138-4957_5922_9029-17680--,00.html
there is a phone number and address for them on this site

 

[stealth2]

If I were advising your son, I'd tell him to go today and file for divorce and custody of the child.

 

[Grampsx13]

Thank you so much everyone for all of your replies! I have quickly come to look forward to any note of advice and encouragement. Any word at all brightens my day and helps to spur me on. I have grown so emotionally and mentally exhausted over years of helping my son to deal with the former wife and the multiple troubles she herself causes us all every year since their divorce. And now, here we go again with yet another similar story. Not sure just how much more I can handle at times. The bank account is certainly in the toilet just dealing with the other situation.

My mind is a little addled I think, and I did forget to mention a tad bit, in respect to my son's own financial and employment situation. And thought I should in fact throw it in, as I don't know what sort of impact it might have on him before a judge. Maybe again, any of you might offer an indication, or potential.

My son's wife holds a part time job at one of those gas station/convenience stores. My son works sporadically, sort of 'on-call', with a house painter sub-contractor. Lucky to get that work, considering the small town/area they live in and the lack of employment opportunities. Although they do both work it isn't really enough of an income and they do currently receive 'some' Public Assistance.

What I'm afraid of is, this separation/divorce (however they end up deciding to proceed) will further hurt my son's chances and appearance of being able to more properly provide for his children as a single parent. In fact, it could possibly even cost him his sporadic work and force him & children on full Public Assistance. I don't know. And then, it scares me to death that his former wife (in collusion with his present wife and her mother) might find that very beneficial in the pursuit of the former wife trying to take custody of the other two boys.

I'm sorry...I'm just at my wits end. I don't know what to do, to think, to expect, or anything, today.

But as I said...thank you all so much! Your kindness is most appreciated, and your words do help!!

 

[Boxcarbill]

O.K. Grampsx13 you are a likeable and polite person so it pains to me to say this but I'm going to be honest and that honesty is going to be brutal.

Your son desparately needs to grow up. He now has three children and another soon to be ex-wife and you are still mopping up and cleaning up after him. Everyone is not out of step except for Little Johnny. He needs to find work. If he is to poorly educated to get decent full time employment, he needs to return to school and get an education. And, yes, one can get an education as a mature student--i.e. over 34 years of age with two children. If he does not have the intellectual capacity for higher education, then he needs to attend a junior college where he can receive training in a vocational skill. But most of all, he needs to become the captain of his own ship. You may think that you are doing him a favor by finding him lawyers and talking to Judges and paying for his legal expenses and letting him stay in your property and, in general, taking care of him and his needs. You aren't.

He needs to grow up and become financially and emotionally responsible for himself. If he cannot be gainfully employed in the town that he is in, then he needs to move. If is a very large world out there and excuses are like rectums: everyone has one and they all stink. Cut that boy loose and let him grow up before his children do.

 

[Grampsx13]

Boxcar...you have indeed been 'honest'...and believe it or not, I didn't find that honesty 'brutal', no not in the least! I sincerely mean that!!

I have spoken your words to my son just about as close to verbatim as you can get, a number of times over. He is 27 1/2 years old, not a high school graduate but did obtain his GED. He does have an above average talent in one or two specific areas, but lax in their pursuit. You betcha, he needs to grow up far more than he has and take control of his life, and the lives of his children.

Yes...I know...I need to quit making it easy for him! The most difficult part for 'me' is however...while I force him to step up to the plate, and until he does, and learns to do it reasonably well, my little grandsons live a little less quality a life than they deserve to have to. That's the hardest part to ignore. And believe it or not (and it may not sound like it is to some, but trust me, it is) my son is still far and away a better choice of parent and prospect for those children than the two women he has had in his life are!!!!

I know I'm doing no good service for my son, but can't help feel I do my grandboys a better service by continually being there as I have. Yes, I suppose even that must cease to. At least in certain respects.

My son & grandboys live 150+ miles away from us and I am trying to get him moved much closer, and into a larger and more employment compatible area. I have gotten a little tougher with him on certain issues, and guess I need to become even tougher yet.

No Boxcar, your words neither anger nor offend me. You have hit the nail right on the head! Since the very first time I posted here I've felt you have kind of taken me under your wing and I could always look for guidance from you. I don't know how old you are, and I'm 56 1/2, but you have always been right there and very clear with your advice, professional expertise, and coaching. I have more often than not counted on that. All here have been pretty terrific.

Thank you so much Boxcar, and everyone!!!!

 

[VeronicaGia]

What is the name of your state? Michigan

She says she wants my son to allow her to continue to reside in the marital home (which I myself own) for as long as it takes for her to save enough money at 'her' part time job, to rent her own apartment. She says 'she' wants 'no' responsibility toward 'any' household expenses while she is trying to save 'her' money, but wants 'him' to pay 'all' living costs out of 'his' pocket while she is still there.

**She can ask him to do this but since he does not own the house, there's no way he can be held to it. You could file for a formal eviction today, and there wouldn't be a darn thing she could do about it, unless there is a lease. Do you have a signed lease with him, her or both?


Since the home belongs to "ME", and they pay no rent, "I" want 'her' out! As far as I'm concerned, 'her' mommy & daddy can help her find a place, provide her a loan, or whatever necessary.

**Whavever you do, make sure you do it legally. You may want to find out if you can evict her and have him sign a lease or something, but the problem is, if she gets custody, you'll have a harder time getting her out with the child. She sounds like a real winner. Likely you should evict them both legally, then re-rent to him only later. It sounds as you 'll need an attorney to advise you here, you definitely don't want to end up in the middle of this.

 

[VeronicaGia]

Gramps, I'm in MI, though not Oscoda County. In what city does your son reside? If you don't want to put it on this board, e-mail me:

www.veronicagia.com

And I'll do a search for you and at least try to get you some names and numbers.

 

[Grampsx13]

Thank you Veronica, so sweet of you. Very grateful!

State: Michigan
City: Mio
County: Oscoda

Yes, that is what I was sort of pretty much figuring I would have to do, or should go ahead and do. Had thought to try and just single her out for eviction, but thought may not work that way, and probably should just do as you have said and evict them both. Then allow him to stay afterwards and set up some type of rental/lease agreement. Like, $1.00 a month or something to that effect.