Life experience advice, but not for legal purposes

[kimberlywrites]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TX

Hello everybody,
This is not a legal question but I trust y'alls opinion and advice.
My husband (we've been married three years) has learned that his ex-wife is about to get a divorce. She had been married about three years. The first concern obviously is my husband's daughter, who does not know anything is going on yet. My husband has been talking to his ex frequently about her situation - beyond, in my opinion, things that concern his daughter. His ex tells him things like "I don't think I ever really loved John Doe anyway" and that she won't be able to keep the tricked-out SUV they've been paying $600 a month on. I feel she's turning to my husband for emotional support. It bothers me. How do I step back and keep my mouth shut?

 

[Silverplum]

I'm into the truth.

If it bothers you, tell him. Just like you wrote here: simple, straightforward, heartfelt.

I wish you happy good luck.

 

[Ohiogal]

Can you talk to hubby about what you perceive as his ex's emotionally needy spell? Do you think ex wants your hubby back? Were they friendly before this? Yes I could search but I don't want to at this point. Is the friendship a new thing? Was John Doe an intrusion to them getting along for daughter's sake? Or a help?

 

[LdiJ]

My ex and I are good friends and truly "talk" to each other like friends do. It was/is good for our child that we were able to be friends at that level.

You should be honest with your husband and let him know, in a light sort of way, that it bothers you, but I would be careful about asking him to stop or about making to big of a deal about it.

 

[xylene]

Do you truly see your husbands ex as a romantic rival? (not little heart jealously, but like you could see him going with her...)

If no - then ignore it to the extent that your husband is not costing your relationship anything. Otherwise try to minimize the time you worry about it. He has a kid with this woman so, he has to deal with her. If her problems (not the kid dealing with stuff jointly) but her stuff is taking too much time and effort, then remind him who he is married to in a polite way.

If YES - you and you husband should see a therapist, separately and jointly, at least during this crisis.

 

[kimberlywrites]

thanks you guys! Yes, I have told him how I feel. It's just a matter of not nagging about it now.
He and his ex were high school sweethearts, had been with nobody but each other up until their divorce. They have a long history together.
Their divorce was hard on my husband - she tried to move their child to Washington D.C. but my husband was able to prevent the move. She tried to get him to take his child off of his health insurance, and put her on her new husband's insurance instead. He refused. So there's been a lot of emotional/financial issues for a few years now.
But now she wants to be his buddy. He says he's only worried about his daughter (and rightfully so) and doesn't seem to think the ex is leaning on him. Yet the things he tells me she says to him makes me think otherwise.
I just have to trust him and not worry about it. Wine helps, right? What would you prescribe? I'm off work this week recovering from a mouth surgery so I've got lots of time to stew, fret and worry.

 

[kimberlywrites]

Can you talk to hubby about what you perceive as his ex's emotionally needy spell? Do you think ex wants your hubby back? Were they friendly before this? Yes I could search but I don't want to at this point. Is the friendship a new thing? Was John Doe an intrusion to them getting along for daughter's sake? Or a help?

John Doe wasn't an intrusion, but my husband's ex-wfife had the daughter calling him "dad." And told her she could change her last name to theirs.
We know this because his daughter (now 7) told me, just out of the blue. She knows who her daddy is, and I haven't heard her refer to STBX step-dad as anything but his first name in several months.
Mom tried to alienate my husband in many ways, but my husband fought it all the way. now she wants to be his buddy and who knows what else. They have all this HISTORY together. Co-dependent relationship that was miserable for the last few years of the marriage.