male victim of domestic violence

[recordal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New York

I am a male victim of "domestic violence" that has been taking place and escalating for years in the form of mental and emotional abuse as well as threats of physical abuse. We are in the process of filing chapter 7 bankruptcy. The abuse has reached the point where I must do something - move out and/or ask for a Temporary Restraining Order. Will either action put me at a disadvantage when filing for divorce and bankruptcy?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[mistoffolees]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New York

I am a male victim of "domestic violence" that has been taking place and escalating for years in the form of mental and emotional abuse as well as threats of physical abuse. We are in the process of filing chapter 7 bankruptcy. The abuse has reached the point where I must do something - move out and/or ask for a Temporary Restraining Order. Will either action put me at a disadvantage when filing for divorce and bankruptcy?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

Sorry, but 'mental and emotional abuse' isn't domestic violence. You should have a look at some battered wives (and husbands) to get an idea of what domestic violence is.

And you'd better have pretty strong evidence to even request a TRO. If you have credible evidence of threats of physical violence, then it might be worth it. But if it's simply your word against hers, you're going to have a hard time winning.

If you file a REAL TRO request and manage to convince the judge to give you the TRO, then that might help in SOME situations when filing for divorce. If you attempt it and it is denied, your stbx could use that against you.

But that begs the question. Will it help with what? You're filing for bankruptcy, so property division probably won't be an issue. You'll get the divorce whether you're abused or not. So what do you hope to gain? If it's child custody you're fighting about, you'll need to provide more information.

 

[Proserpina]

Sorry, but 'mental and emotional abuse' isn't domestic violence. You should have a look at some battered wives (and husbands) to get an idea of what domestic violence is.

And you'd better have pretty strong evidence to even request a TRO. If you have credible evidence of threats of physical violence, then it might be worth it. But if it's simply your word against hers, you're going to have a hard time winning.

If you file a REAL TRO request and manage to convince the judge to give you the TRO, then that might help in SOME situations when filing for divorce. If you attempt it and it is denied, your stbx could use that against you.

But that begs the question. Will it help with what? You're filing for bankruptcy, so property division probably won't be an issue. You'll get the divorce whether you're abused or not. So what do you hope to gain? If it's child custody you're fighting about, you'll need to provide more information.

In New York state physical violence does not have to be present in order for the term "domestic violence" to be applied.

NYS OPDV - Finding Safety & Support - Understanding the Problem

Many people wonder if what is happening to them is domestic violence because their partner has never hit them. Physical abuse is probably what most people think of when they think about domestic violence, but it is just one of the many ways that your partner might try to gain power and control in your relationship.

Ways a person might try to gain power and control over their partner include:

* Isolation - making it hard for you to see your friends and family; telling you that your friends and family cause problems in the relationship or are trying to "come between you."
* Economic abuse - having complete control over the money; making you account for every penny you spend; taking your money from you.
* Verbal, emotional, psychological abuse - calling you names; putting you down or embarrassing you in front of other people; criticizing your abilities as a partner or parent.
* Intimidation - making you afraid with a look, action, or gesture; getting you to do something by reminding you about "what happened last time."
* Coercion and threats - showing you a weapon and threatening to use it on you; threatening to "out" you to family, friends, or employers if you are gay or lesbian; threatening to harm your family, friends, or anyone you might go to for help.

Specifically:

If your partner does things that restrict your personal freedom or that make you afraid, you may be a victim of domestic violence.

 

[mistoffolees]

In principle. But good luck convincing a judge that you're a victim of domestic violence because "she emotionally abused me" - especially for a male.

 

[Bali Hai]

In principle. But good luck convincing a judge that you're a victim of domestic violence because "she emotionally abused me" - especially for a male.

That's really what it's all about isn't it?? The court prefers female victims of domestic violence don't they??

I'm certain that a female or her attorney can just ask the NY judge to order a RO during the proceedings and it will be done without question or presenting any evidence.

I know this to be true because I've seen it happen.

 

[LdiJ]

That's really what it's all about isn't it?? The court prefers female victims of domestic violence don't they??

I'm certain that a female or her attorney can just ask the NY judge to order a RO during the proceedings and it will be done without question or presenting any evidence.

I know this to be true because I've seen it happen.

Its a question of physical strength. The average woman could not protect herself from an average man without a weapon of some sort, where the average man could protect himself from an average woman without a weapon of some sort.

Of course men have also been victims of domestic violence, but its difficult for ANYONE male or female to convince a judge that they are victims of domestic violence when no physical violence has occurred.

 

[Bali Hai]

Its a question of physical strength. The average woman could not protect herself from an average man without a weapon of some sort, where the average man could protect himself from an average woman without a weapon of some sort.

Of course men have also been victims of domestic violence, but its difficult for ANYONE male or female to convince a judge that they are victims of domestic violence when no physical violence has occurred.

Well I guess a friend of mine is the exception. He wasn't married to the woman who had a child with him.

They both went to court for custody hearings.

There was NO physical violence whatsoever. The judge ordered my friend (who is an avid hunter) to surrender all of his guns to the local sheriff and to not contact the other party at anytime during the proceedings.

DIFFICULT to convince a judge? I don't think so at all. It depends whether you're male or female.

 

[LdiJ]

Well I guess a friend of mine is the exception. He wasn't married to the woman who had a child with him.

They both went to court for custody hearings.

There was NO physical violence whatsoever. The judge ordered my friend (who is an avid hunter) to surrender all of his guns to the local sheriff and to not contact the other party at anytime during the proceedings.

DIFFICULT to convince a judge? I don't think so at all. It depends whether you're male or female.

Were you inside the marriage where you could actually see what was going on? Do you know for certain that he never threatened to use the guns on her? Did you see his demeanor in court which might have caused a judge to believe that he needed to surrender his guns?

If he was angry, and he let the judge see his anger, that could have been the reason. Restraining orders are generally NOT part of a custody proceeding. Generally they would be handled separately.

 

[Bali Hai]

Were you inside the marriage where you could actually see what was going on? Do you know for certain that he never threatened to use the guns on her? Did you see his demeanor in court which might have caused a judge to believe that he needed to surrender his guns?

If he was angry, and he let the judge see his anger, that could have been the reason. Restraining orders are generally NOT part of a custody proceeding. Generally they would be handled separately.

They weren't married.

I know what he told me and I believe him. He said that "women have the family court sysyem wrapped around their little finger".

I believe him because I have known him for 20 years, 10 years during that time he was a town justice.

 

[mistoffolees]

I know what he told me and I believe him. He said that "women have the family court sysyem wrapped around their little finger".

Yes, I'm not surprised that you would believe anyone who thinks the system is biased.

The fact is that you weren't there during the hearing nor do you know what evidence his gf presented, so you are not in any position to know why the judge ordered him to surrender his guns.

 

[BL]

Even in divorce in NY , grounds on mental and emotional abuse ( cruel and inhuman treatment ) are hardly ever granted.

 

[Bali Hai]

Yes, I'm not surprised that you would believe anyone who thinks the system is biased.

The fact is that you weren't there during the hearing nor do you know what evidence his gf presented, so you are not in any position to know why the judge ordered him to surrender his guns.

You're not surprised because YOU also know that the system is biased.

 

[Bali Hai]

Even in divorce in NY , grounds on mental and emotional abuse ( cruel and inhuman treatment ) are hardly ever granted.

I don't know what your comment has to do with this thread, but, cruel and inhuman treatment is by far the only fault ground used in NY divorces.

 

[Artemis_ofthe_Hunt]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New York

I am a male victim of "domestic violence" that has been taking place and escalating for years in the form of mental and emotional abuse as well as threats of physical abuse. We are in the process of filing chapter 7 bankruptcy. The abuse has reached the point where I must do something - move out and/or ask for a Temporary Restraining Order. Will either action put me at a disadvantage when filing for divorce and bankruptcy?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

I don't know what threat of physical abuse you are referring to, but ok.... as far as I know, you can move out... no one is stopping you (as far as you've said). File for divorce, let the bankruptcy progress as it is designed to. Also as far as I know, if there is a halt to the bk, you can go back and file yourself.

I would give the same advice to a woman in your place. Stand up for yourself or get out. Getting out is the first step. Are you thinking of staying just to keep with the bk filing? If that's the case, it doesn't appear that you are too concerned with the threat of physical abuse.

 

[mistoffolees]

Even in divorce in NY , grounds on mental and emotional abuse ( cruel and inhuman treatment ) are hardly ever granted.

Since when? My ex-wife got her first divorce in NY and I helped her with the process. Her attorney said that cruel and inhuman treatment was by far the most common 'fault' divorce. For couples who didn't wish to live apart for a year before filing, it is by far the easiest to get.