Maryland: Advice needed (Adultery/Alimony)

[videojoe]

Maryland

My wife and I have been separated for almost 5 months (she moved out). I have had a strong sense that she and her boss have been having a relationship, months before she moved out as I observed suspicious texts and voice mails...

Just a few days ago her boss's wife called me and advised that her husband had moved out of her house a few weeks after my wife moved out and in fact he moved into the same apartment complex as my did.

The wife went on to say that her husband had admitted to a relationship with my wife (two months ago). Boss's wife, however, also has phone/text records (also pre move out) indicating hundreds of calls and text messages at inappropriate non-work times... Both now admit the relationship but not before either had moved out of their respective residences.

I had no idea about any of this, even though I have been asking my wife if she was in a relationship (she had said, "no").
The boss's wife would gladly appear/testify in court as well share any documents that would support my case...

We have one 17 year old son who lives with me. My wife only sees him 3 or 4 times per month but only for a dinner or lunch (never overnight). She pays no child support.

She collects a $2200 tax free (police) disability plus $1300 (taxable) per month part time from her boss's company. Her disability is legit but she is able to work part time.

I have always worked 2 jobs and average approximately $9000 per month (taxable).
I am not paying spousal support.

In addition to our jointly owned primary residence, we own an investment vacation property. Both houses have more or less the same equity but the balance and payment are very disproportional ($2000 vs $800 per month).

We have been married for 18 years and owned the primary house for 8 years. The investment property was purchased 5 years ago, with proceeds exclusively from another rental property that I owned even before we knew each other. We never lived in that home.

Despite extensive renovations, the current investment property has not appreciated in value (from the purchase date because of the housing market) but has considerable equity due to the large down payment from the earlier investment property's sale.

Other than the 2 mortgages, we have no other debt. She has a brand new $25000 car (paid off) that was purchased just before she left and I have a 2004 truck worth about $9000. I have already given her 1/2 all the money in all of my accounts (less the vehicles' $$ difference) as a good will gesture.

I have been paying all of the expenses from both houses. The investment (beach) property was usually rented out seasonally. I have asked that we rent it out yearly but she refuses to allow that.

Questions:

Will Adultery release me from having to pay Spousal/ Alimony support?

Will I have to split the equity from the investment property 50/50?

She has asked that I give her the investment property with a zero balance (I owe approx $100,000 on it) and another $45,000 IRA account in return for her not asking for Alimony/Spousal support. She would also not ask me for her portion of my retirement and I would not be entitled to any of hers...

I currently have only $20,000 left in all of my accounts, so I would have to get a loan.

According to our HR department, she would be entitled to roughly $1550 of my police pension, assuming I retire today. She has been retired on disability for approx 15 years (all over our entire marriage) and so I should be entitled to roughly $1000 monthly of hers leaving a net difference of $550/month. This assumes that a judge wouldn't negate this, assuming her health deteriorates

We are both 45 years old and our pensions both will reduce at Social Security age (even offset).

Any other advice would be greatly appreciated as we are about to reenter mediation.

 

[LdiJ]

Maryland

My wife and I have been separated for almost 5 months (she moved out). I have had a strong sense that she and her boss have been having a relationship, months before she moved out as I observed suspicious texts and voice mails...

Just a few days ago her boss's wife called me and advised that her husband had moved out of her house a few weeks after my wife moved out and in fact he moved into the same apartment complex as my did.

The wife went on to say that her husband had admitted to a relationship with my wife (two months ago). Boss's wife, however, also has phone/text records (also pre move out) indicating hundreds of calls and text messages at inappropriate non-work times... Both now admit the relationship but not before either had moved out of their respective residences.

I had no idea about any of this, even though I have been asking my wife if she was in a relationship (she had said, "no").
The boss's wife would gladly appear/testify in court as well share any documents that would support my case...

We have one 17 year old son who lives with me. My wife only sees him 3 or 4 times per month but only for a dinner or lunch (never overnight). She pays no child support.

She collects a $2200 tax free (police) disability plus $1300 (taxable) per month part time from her boss's company. Her disability is legit but she is able to work part time.

I have always worked 2 jobs and average approximately $9000 per month (taxable).
I am not paying spousal support.

In addition to our jointly owned primary residence, we own an investment vacation property. Both houses have more or less the same equity but the balance and payment are very disproportional ($2000 vs $800 per month).

We have been married for 18 years and owned the primary house for 8 years. The investment property was purchased 5 years ago, with proceeds exclusively from another rental property that I owned even before we knew each other. We never lived in that home.

Despite extensive renovations, the current investment property has not appreciated in value (from the purchase date because of the housing market) but has considerable equity due to the large down payment from the earlier investment property's sale.

Other than the 2 mortgages, we have no other debt. She has a brand new $25000 car (paid off) that was purchased just before she left and I have a 2004 truck worth about $9000. I have already given her 1/2 all the money in all of my accounts (less the vehicles' $$ difference) as a good will gesture.

I have been paying all of the expenses from both houses. The investment (beach) property was usually rented out seasonally. I have asked that we rent it out yearly but she refuses to allow that.

Questions:

Will Adultery release me from having to pay Spousal/ Alimony support?

Will I have to split the equity from the investment property 50/50?

She has asked that I give her the investment property with a zero balance (I owe approx $100,000 on it) and another $45,000 IRA account in return for her not asking for Alimony/Spousal support. She would also not ask me for her portion of my retirement and I would not be entitled to any of hers...

I currently have only $20,000 left in all of my accounts, so I would have to get a loan.

According to our HR department, she would be entitled to roughly $1550 of my police pension, assuming I retire today. She has been retired on disability for approx 15 years (all over our entire marriage) and so I should be entitled to roughly $1000 monthly of hers leaving a net difference of $550/month. This assumes that a judge wouldn't negate this, assuming her health deteriorates

We are both 45 years old and our pensions both will reduce at Social Security age (even offset).

Any other advice would be greatly appreciated as we are about to reenter mediation.

My advice is that there is too many assets involved for you to be asking these questions on an internet message forum. Your situation is too complex, you NEED the advice of an attorney.

I will tell you that in general, you are each entitled to 1/2 of the marital assets, which includes everything that accrued during the marriage, and you are each responsible for 1/2 of the marital debt. If the vacation home is owned jointly, the equity is probably going to end up being 50/50 even though you invested a premarital asset into the property.

Custody regarding your child is kind of a moot point since the child is 17 and its unlikely that anything will be decided before the child is 18 and can decide for himself who he wants to live with. In fact, to be honest, I wouldn't fight a battle over him at all at this point. I would let him decide because ultimately its going to be his decision. If not in the divorce, then within a few months of the divorce, if it somehow happens before he turns 18.

Your big issue is the marital assets, and that is going to be a biggie. Don't make the mistake of trying to do this without an attorney. There is too much at stake.

 

[videojoe]

Thanks for the reply...

The child custody isn't a factor. He'll be 18 very soon (and out of school).

I have had a couple of paid counseling sessions (paid hourly) with an attorney as the wife and I had met at a mediator twice. What I have listed above is all that is left to do except that there is this newly found adultery situation.

From what I understand (Maryland) the Separation Agreement is really the most difficult part of the final divorce. My position all along was to go to marriage counseling and now I see why she never wanted to go.

I was just looking to see if anyone here had any insight as now the situation has shifted. I am weighing filing under Adultery which negates waiting the otherwise required one year...

It is not my intention on foregoing a lawyer, just gathering info...

 

[mistoffolees]

I will tell you that in general, you are each entitled to 1/2 of the marital assets, which includes everything that accrued during the marriage, and you are each responsible for 1/2 of the marital debt. If the vacation home is owned jointly, the equity is probably going to end up being 50/50 even though you invested a premarital asset into the property.

While the default is 50:50, Maryland allows the judge to modify that amount on the basis of misconduct from one spouse. So OP may get more than 50:50.

I believe the 50:50 on the property is also wrong. Since the majority of the value is from a premarital asset, some portion can probably be segregated out as separate property. The exact amount will depend on the details which the attorney can explain.

 

[LdiJ]

While the default is 50:50, Maryland allows the judge to modify that amount on the basis of misconduct from one spouse. So OP may get more than 50:50.

I believe the 50:50 on the property is also wrong. Since the majority of the value is from a premarital asset, some portion can probably be segregated out as separate property. The exact amount will depend on the details which the attorney can explain.

While I would like to agree with you because I believe that is what is ultimately the most "just" position, in discussions with attorneys in various states, on that particular issue, I have found that most don't agree with that.

 

[mistoffolees]

While I would like to agree with you because I believe that is what is ultimately the most "just" position, in discussions with attorneys in various states, on that particular issue, I have found that most don't agree with that.

Sorry, but it is quite common for one party to be able to show that they entered the marriage with $xxx which was used in buying the marital home and having that $xxx pulled out from the equity before distribution. This is especially true in an equitable distribution state like MD. In fact, when I first talked with a divorce attorney in MD, they started with a spreadsheet listing current assets and assets at marriage.

It wouldn't fly in a community property state, but is very common in equitable distribution states.

 

[LdiJ]

Sorry, but it is quite common for one party to be able to show that they entered the marriage with $xxx which was used in buying the marital home and having that $xxx pulled out from the equity before distribution. This is especially true in an equitable distribution state like MD. In fact, when I first talked with a divorce attorney in MD, they started with a spreadsheet listing current assets and assets at marriage.

It wouldn't fly in a community property state, but is very common in equitable distribution states.

Honestly, the responses I have received, particularly in my state, is that its not common at all. I honestly used to give a similar response to yours, and have stopped doing it because of multiple attorneys saying that it usually will not fly on a house where both parties are on the deed.

 

[videojoe]

Thanks to everyone for their opinions...

Obviously, letting this go to court would be very unpredictable. The property situation is complicated to say the least but the adultery seems clear. I am just trying to gather some sort of leverage so that she settles in mediation.

Under the circumstances, I just can't see paying this woman alimony and part of my retirement for the rest of her life.

 

[tornado88]

Please keep one thing in mind while you are discussing these types of things with your soon to be ex. She is going to be looking out for HER best intrest not yours. I would never seriously consider an offer made by her until I had the go ahead from an experienced attorney who can tell you the pros and cons. This is how so many exes ended up feeling like they were taken to the cleaners.