military separation

[GIJill]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? North Carolina

I was wondering how I go about getting separation papers done when my husband has expressed divorce now that I am being deployed, female, and in his opinion - abandoning my two beautiful children.

 

[Farfalla]

When will you be shipping out?

You might want to start with your JAG office as there are laws that protect military members while they are deployed.

Your most important concern at this point should be to protect your parental rights to your children.

 

[nanato2]

Could this possibly be his reaction to his fear for your safety? Or a last ditch effort to keep you at home, BECAUSE of his fear?

Does he have family that will be near by, to help him with the children?
I refused to sign my daughter's "Family Care Plan", because of feelings like I have mentioned, and it got her Discharged--and she is still angry with me over it,
but, I am thinking that he might be ok, with some moral, and physical support from family.

Will your family be staying on base, while you are gone, or do you have private housing?

 

[GIJill]

Thank you for someone replying!

The reason I think he wants to separate is because he is an alcoholic and hasn't worked in a year and a half. I think that if I leave he will say I abandoned them because I have said that he could never get the kids because of his alcoholism. He does not think he has a problem. He is verbally abusive and I think this may be to mentally torment me while I am away. It could also be the only way he thinks he will be able to get full custody of the children. I enlisted to make a better life for myself and my kids but never imagined he would use this as leverage to get the kids. He has used up all of our savings and retirement, and I have opened a new account he cannot have access to and is upset he will not be able to get my money while I am deployed. My mother is on my account and will pay for all the needs of my children while I am gone but will not give him money directly. I just don't know what to do as of this point. Could he really take my kids from me?

 

[mistoffolees]

The reason I think he wants to separate is because he is an alcoholic and hasn't worked in a year and a half. I think that if I leave he will say I abandoned them because I have said that he could never get the kids because of his alcoholism. He does not think he has a problem. He is verbally abusive and I think this may be to mentally torment me while I am away. It could also be the only way he thinks he will be able to get full custody of the children. I enlisted to make a better life for myself and my kids but never imagined he would use this as leverage to get the kids. He has used up all of our savings and retirement, and I have opened a new account he cannot have access to and is upset he will not be able to get my money while I am deployed. My mother is on my account and will pay for all the needs of my children while I am gone but will not give him money directly. I just don't know what to do as of this point. Could he really take my kids from me?

Unlikely. Talk with your JAG. The rules are set up so that military personnel can be deployed without giving up all their rights.

However, you need to be careful and keep documentation handy. For example, you stated a couple of times that he is an alcoholic. Can you prove that? Your word will be meaningless unless you're a licensed physician. You need hard evidence.

 

[acmb05]

The reason I think he wants to separate is because he is an alcoholic and hasn't worked in a year and a half. I think that if I leave he will say I abandoned them because I have said that he could never get the kids because of his alcoholism. He does not think he has a problem. He is verbally abusive and I think this may be to mentally torment me while I am away. It could also be the only way he thinks he will be able to get full custody of the children. I enlisted to make a better life for myself and my kids but never imagined he would use this as leverage to get the kids. He has used up all of our savings and retirement, and I have opened a new account he cannot have access to and is upset he will not be able to get my money while I am deployed. My mother is on my account and will pay for all the needs of my children while I am gone but will not give him money directly. I just don't know what to do as of this point. Could he really take my kids from me?

Which could cause you all kinds of problems if he pushes this. If he has custody of the children while you are away and you are not giving him money to live on and support the children it could very well look as though you have abandoned them.

All he has to do is make one call to your commanding officer telling them that you are not supporting your children and you will be in hot water.

Having your mother as a go between is a very bad idea.

He is entitled to your BAH pay while you are deployed and will get it if he pushes for it.

 

[nanato2]

...and if he IS an alcoholic, and you leave the children in his care, what is that saying about YOU, and your responsibility to your children's well-being?

JAG needs to be aware of all of this!
This is a terrible thing to have to face, at such a horrible time, but someone HAS to 'be there' for your children, or you cannot be deployed!

Set your priorities in order, Lady.

 

[mistoffolees]

...and if he IS an alcoholic, and you leave the children in his care, what is that saying about YOU, and your responsibility to your children's well-being?

Excellent point.