Modifying a divorce agreement

[jakz0811]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Washington.

My ex-husband and I got divorced almost 3 years ago. We had a non-contested divorce and there were no children involved. We found a lawyer who didn't represent either of us, he simply handled the divorce for us. The attorney gave us a worksheet that had all the questions on it regarding assets, debt, etc. My ex-husband and I talked on the phone and went through all the questions. I hand wrote out what he and I agreed on. Then, I mailed this worksheet to the attorney. The attorney then typed everything up and sent this paper work to me for my ex-husband and I to sign. My ex-husband and I met in person, reviewed the paperwork, signed the docs, and then the papers were sent to the attorney. The attorney filed them with the court house, and 3 months later we recieved our final divorce papers. Now, 3 years later, my ex-husband is calling me (and screaming, yelling, and fighting with me) that I tricked him into assuming 100% of one of the debts we had. When he and I were going over the worksheet together, my ex agreed to assume 100% of a rather large debt ($40k) if I (1.) didn't ask for alamony (which I would have gotten), (2.) If I release my interest in 2 annuities we had (my share of the annuities would have come to over $100k) and (3.) If I release my interest in a loan my ex and I made to my then brother-in-law for $12,000.00 - I agreed that the full $12,000 would go to my ex and that I wouldn't ask for half of that amount.

My ex is now telling me that that conversation never took place and that I somehow tricked him into assuming the $40k debt. My ex has been contacting the court house where our divorced was filed trying to get copies of the papers we signed (the papers that were filed at court house with our signatures on it) - the court house keeps sending him the final divorce papers, not the preliminary papers. So, my ex has also called the attorney who handled the divorce because he was hoping the attorney could send him this copy but he found out the attorney has passed away. Now, my ex is calling me and telling me to send him a copy of these papers that have our signature on them. I can not find them anywhere. I only have my final papers and of course the ex thinks that I am lying to him about that.

Is there a way that my ex husband can change our divorce agreement now? 3 years later? I am so tired of dealing with him. I felt so thankful that he and I didn't end up having children because I THOUGHT I would never have to deal with him again.

Any advice would be great.

Thank you so much!
JenWhat is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

[Ohiogal]

Do you have any proof that that is why he was assuming all the debt?
He has a very very slim (almost no) chance of getting this modified. And the only reason his odds are that high is because you cannot account for every judge out there.

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by Ohiogal

Do you have any proof that that is why he was assuming all the debt?
He has a very very slim (almost no) chance of getting this modified. And the only reason his odds are that high is because you cannot account for every judge out there.

AND...if a judge would entertain him reopening the property settlement, the judge would also have to allow you the same latitude, to argue for your share of the assets that you gave up.

Also, FYI, even though the attorney is deceased, his records are somewhere and could likely be found, and you could go to the courthouse and look at your file, and likely find the signed agreement that he is looking for, as well.

[jakz0811]

Thank you Ohiogal and LdiJ for the advice. It is so nice to see someone would take the time to give me some advice!!

Answering Ohiogal's question, no, I don't really have any proof about our agreement as to why he assumed the entire $40k debt. Other than, in our divorce settlement it does state that I release my interest in the annuities and the loan we gave to the brother in law and that I am choosing to not ask for alamony. We were trying to be peaceful about our divorce when we were going through it so all we did was talk on the phone and decide how we wanted to work everything out. We did review the documents and we both signed them though and then we had the 3 month waiting period before the divorce became final.

Thanks again for the help!

[mistoffolees]

Originally Posted by jakz0811

Thank you Ohiogal and LdiJ for the advice. It is so nice to see someone would take the time to give me some advice!!

Answering Ohiogal's question, no, I don't really have any proof about our agreement as to why he assumed the entire $40k debt. Other than, in our divorce settlement it does state that I release my interest in the annuities and the loan we gave to the brother in law and that I am choosing to not ask for alamony. We were trying to be peaceful about our divorce when we were going through it so all we did was talk on the phone and decide how we wanted to work everything out. We did review the documents and we both signed them though and then we had the 3 month waiting period before the divorce became final.

Thanks again for the help!

Sounds like he's bluffing. Ignore it.

If he actually files for a modification, then get an attorney and have them file for a coutersuit asking for half of all assets and alimony.

There's enough at stake here that you don't want to do this without a good attorney.

[jakz0811]

Thanks for the advice mistoffolees.

If my ex-husband does try to do anything I will definitely hire an attorney. Question though: I have just recently gotten re-married (in August). If I counter sue for half of the assets (the annuities and the half of the repayment of the loan that we gave to the brother in law), would I be able to also sue for alimony? I know I wouldn't be able to get any from the date I re-married, but am I able to sue for the 2.5+ year’s worth of alimony that I could have gotten prior to re-marrying?

I tell you, I hope you are right and he is just bluffing. I don't understand why this agreement was ok 3 years ago and now all of the sudden he has a problem with it and he is "conveniently" not remembering any of our conversations from back then. I wish he would just let us move on with our separate lives. I am thinking he must be having money issues or something.

[jakz0811]

I realized that I should share with you all that my ex-husband has also remarried - he remarried about a yr ago. I didn't want anyone to think that he is doing this out of jealousy because of me recently remarrying. I really doubt that is what is going on. I think he must be having money issues and the annuities don't pay out for another 10 years or so.

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by jakz0811

I realized that I should share with you all that my ex-husband has also remarried - he remarried about a yr ago. I didn't want anyone to think that he is doing this out of jealousy because of me recently remarrying. I really doubt that is what is going on. I think he must be having money issues and the annuities don't pay out for another 10 years or so.

That is honestly most likely the case. It may even be that his new spouse is unhappy with his debt load.

[mistoffolees]

Originally Posted by jakz0811

Thanks for the advice mistoffolees.

If my ex-husband does try to do anything I will definitely hire an attorney. Question though: I have just recently gotten re-married (in August). If I counter sue for half of the assets (the annuities and the half of the repayment of the loan that we gave to the brother in law), would I be able to also sue for alimony? I know I wouldn't be able to get any from the date I re-married, but am I able to sue for the 2.5+ year’s worth of alimony that I could have gotten prior to re-marrying?

No. Alimony almost always ends when the receiving party remarries (it doesn't matter if the paying party remarries). You not likely get retroactive alimony. It may not even be allowed, but even if allowed, it would not likely be awarded.

[jakz0811]

Thank you mistoffolees, that's good to know. Really, I don't even want to go after any money from my ex. I just want him to leave me alone. I had debt I kept myself and paid off without him. Plus released my interest in all the assets that we did have. I was the one who left the marraige so I was trying to be extra fair and peaceful when we divorced. But now for some reason he is thinking I tricked him and that he has gotten the short end of the stick.

I am figuring that if he does try to sue and if he is successful with getting a judge to agree to amending the agreement, then I want to know about all the assets I am entitled to get then. But, if he would just move on and leave me alone then I won't try to get my share of the money that I was entitled to.

Ugh! I hope he was just bluffing. I have my own family now and I just want peace in my life.

Thank you everyone for listening and thank you for the advice.