My boyfriend is seeking a divorce, but we don't know where his wife is what do we do?

[amandaterry]

Arkansas
my name is amanda and my boyfriend and i would like to get married but we have a problem, he is married, they have been seperated for over 2 years and it would be a noncontested divorce, they have no children together, but we can't find her, so what should we do??

 

[stephenk]

she has no family members, relatives, mutual friends, etc? your boyfriend doesnt know where she last worked?

Cmon, you can do better than that. Start calling people.

 

[amandaterry]

thank you for replying

we have tried to find her, we do not know which last name she may be using or anything we have tried to locate her parents, but they have moved or something

 

[stealth2]

uuuuuuuuhhhhh try dating an unmarried man?

 

[amandaterry]

His wife left him for another man and when I met him they had been seperated for almost a year, and we now have a child together, and as soon as we can find out how to get a divorce he won't be married anymore.

 

[stealth2]

okay - this is nothing about *you* but it is something I honestly do not understand about women. Of which I am one. WHY THE FREAKING HELL DO THEY HAVE CHILDREN not only out of wedlock - but with men WHO ARE MARRIED?!?!?!?! WHAT THE F*CK IS WRONG WITH THAT THOUGHT PROCESS?

 

[stealth2]

okay - this is nothing about *you* but it is something I honestly do not understand about women. Of which I am one. WHY THE FREAKING HELL DO THEY HAVE CHILDREN not only out of wedlock - but with men WHO ARE MARRIED?!?!?!?! WHAT THE F*CK IS WRONG WITH THAT THOUGHT PROCESS?

And really - don't take it personally. But you're not the first with this sort of question, you won't be the last. But why is it a surprise when the "wife" turns out to be a b*tch? Why do y'all do this to yourselves AND to your kids? Not all of you can be this stupid! SO there has to be a reason (being in Luuuuuuuuv doesn't count). What is it? What makes you think this is a brilliant idea? I don't get it. I really don't.

 

[amandaterry]

I am in love with him, and he wasn't with his wife when I met him, he has been trying to find her for over 2 years now, to file for divorce, we can't afford a lawyer, and were hoping there were something else we could do, and I didn't get myself into anything I didn't want to, I love him and want to marry him.

 

[Boxcarbill]

I am in love with him, and he wasn't with his wife when I met him, he has been trying to find her for over 2 years now, to file for divorce, we can't afford a lawyer, and were hoping there were something else we could do, and I didn't get myself into anything I didn't want to, I love him and want to marry him.

A lawyer could solve this little problem but let me tell you something. If he cannot "afford" a lawyer, it is because he doesn't want to marry you and so long as he is already married he has the perfect excuse.

 

[amandaterry]

I believe you are wrong, he does want to marry me, and the last lawyer we talked to said it would cost us $500 to get the divorce, and we cannot afford that

 

[stephenk]

since speaking with that attorney, has your fiance been saving up the $500 to pay for the divorce? How about $250 from him and $250 from you? If no, then Boxcar may have a valid point.

 

[wukie2001]

Have you guys though maybe these people are in poverty? Obviously not... this may be the situation!
I don't think it's right that people on this board cop an attitude or think because someone is involved with a married person they have no morals or anything. It all depends on the circumstances, and maybe everyone should go out on a limb and believe what this woman is saying.

 

[amandaterry]

We are not in poverty, but are actually just on a tight budget, because i am currently unable to work due to personal reasons. and we can barely afford to pay bills and take care of our child. I do think you for the consideration you have shown me though, all im asking for is if someone knows a cheaper. or easier way of obtaining a divorce when a spouse is no where to be found.

 

[stealth2]

Unfortunately, there isn't. You would most likely have to get a court order to allow service by publication (essentially printing ads in newspapers) - he'd have to show the effort(s) he made to try and find her before a judge will do that. Then he's going to have to pay for the ads to be run, and show the judge that they were run for a certain period of time in a certain number of papers.

Frankly $500 is dirt cheap for a divorce. All I can suggest is you start saving every possible penny to scrape up the money for it.

 

[Boxcarbill]

Have you guys though maybe these people are in poverty? Obviously not... this may be the situation!
I don't think it's right that people on this board cop an attitude or think because someone is involved with a married person they have no morals or anything. It all depends on the circumstances, and maybe everyone should go out on a limb and believe what this woman is saying.

The reason that I never thought "these people are in poverty" is because the poor have access to the courts for the purpose of divorce to same extent as the wealthy. Not only are there indigent legal services available in every state in the union but court cost can even be waived through a pauper affidavit submitted to the court. The right to have access to the courts for a divorce can not be prevented by the lack of money. So, no, that absolutely never crossed my mind.

People afford the things that they truely want. If he wanted a divorce, I promise you that he would find a way to afford it in a heart beat.

Edit: Why would he want to pay out $500.00? To get a piece of paper which states that his marriage has been dissolved? Because that is all that he would gain for his $500.00. Everything else he has without spending the $500.00. So if, as and when he gets the $500.00, it will be spent on something that he wants that he does not already have.