My daughter just informed me she was getting divorce

[motherconcerned]

What is the name of your state? Ohio

My daughter just informed me she is getting a divorce because her husband is verbally abusive and controlling. They went to an attorney together back in November and have a court date scheduled in early February. She said they will have joint parenting duties. He will get the house and give her $15,000 for the equity in it over a 10 year period. There was no mention of interest or that the value of the house might increase over that 10 year period. They have three children under 6. He will give her 400.00 a month. He makes $50,000.00 a year and she makes $22,000.00 a year. She works nights so the kids will stay at his house on the nights she is working and she will pick them up in the morning and drop them back off in the evening. My concern is whether this arrangement is fair to her and if she will be able to afford an apartment on this amount of money. Since he is so controlling of her it seems he has convinced her this is the best way to handle things. Will the courts let this arrangement go through?

 

[seniorjudge]

What is the name of your state? Ohio

My daughter just informed me she is getting a divorce because her husband is verbally abusive and controlling. They went to an attorney together back in November and have a court date scheduled in early February. She said they will have joint parenting duties. He will get the house and give her $15,000 for the equity in it over a 10 year period. There was no mention of interest or that the value of the house might increase over that 10 year period. They have three children under 6. He will give her 400.00 a month. He makes $50,000.00 a year and she makes $22,000.00 a year. She works nights so the kids will stay at his house on the nights she is working and she will pick them up in the morning and drop them back off in the evening. My concern is whether this arrangement is fair to her and if she will be able to afford an apartment on this amount of money. Since he is so controlling of her it seems he has convinced her this is the best way to handle things. Will the courts let this arrangement go through?

Q: Will the courts let this arrangement go through?

A: No one can answer that question.

 

[shell007]

Always follow your gut instinct.

I googled: Child support calculator Ohio and found this site. Maybe it will help:

http://www.alllaw.com/calculators/Childsupport/ohio/

As to for the house: I would have it appraised, subtract amount still owed, and divide the equity by two.

Why doesn't she have her own attorney???

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? Ohio

My daughter just informed me she is getting a divorce because her husband is verbally abusive and controlling. They went to an attorney together back in November and have a court date scheduled in early February. She said they will have joint parenting duties. He will get the house and give her $15,000 for the equity in it over a 10 year period. There was no mention of interest or that the value of the house might increase over that 10 year period. They have three children under 6. He will give her 400.00 a month. He makes $50,000.00 a year and she makes $22,000.00 a year. She works nights so the kids will stay at his house on the nights she is working and she will pick them up in the morning and drop them back off in the evening. My concern is whether this arrangement is fair to her and if she will be able to afford an apartment on this amount of money. Since he is so controlling of her it seems he has convinced her this is the best way to handle things. Will the courts let this arrangement go through?

I don't like the fact that he has 10 years to pay her, her share of the equity. He should be required to refinance the home to pay her off in a lump sum. Make sure that she does not agree to sign a quit claim deed until she has been paid in full. I also agree with the other poster who suggested that the house be appraised before agreeing on the amount of the equity.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

What is the name of your state? Ohio

My daughter just informed me she is getting a divorce because her husband is verbally abusive and controlling. They went to an attorney together back in November and have a court date scheduled in early February. She said they will have joint parenting duties. He will get the house and give her $15,000 for the equity in it over a 10 year period. There was no mention of interest or that the value of the house might increase over that 10 year period. They have three children under 6. He will give her 400.00 a month. He makes $50,000.00 a year and she makes $22,000.00 a year. She works nights so the kids will stay at his house on the nights she is working and she will pick them up in the morning and drop them back off in the evening. My concern is whether this arrangement is fair to her and if she will be able to afford an apartment on this amount of money. Since he is so controlling of her it seems he has convinced her this is the best way to handle things. Will the courts let this arrangement go through?

It looks as if this is set up to make him the CP and her NCP so she would get $525 per month, If she were CP she would get over $1025 per month. Not sure about the house $15k paid out over 10 years doesn't allow her to get a house either. Some houses appreciate $15k in one year. She should get her own attorney and insist on the house and to be CP and he can provide child care but it is not custodial time.

 

[badd2323]

She should get her own attorney and insist on the house and to be CP and he can provide child care but it is not custodial time.

She can insist all she wants to be the CP, but if he has the kids overnight all week while she is working why should he pay her more money. Sounds to me like this would be pretty much a 50/50 deal. Typical crap to try to get more money, it is what it is 50/50. Her place during the day his at night. By the time he pays taxes on the $400 a month he is willing to give her and considering she doesn't have to pay taxes on it, I think she is doing pretty well.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state? Ohio

My daughter just informed me she is getting a divorce because her husband is verbally abusive and controlling. They went to an attorney together back in November and have a court date scheduled in early February. She said they will have joint parenting duties. He will get the house and give her $15,000 for the equity in it over a 10 year period. There was no mention of interest or that the value of the house might increase over that 10 year period. They have three children under 6. He will give her 400.00 a month. He makes $50,000.00 a year and she makes $22,000.00 a year. She works nights so the kids will stay at his house on the nights she is working and she will pick them up in the morning and drop them back off in the evening. My concern is whether this arrangement is fair to her and if she will be able to afford an apartment on this amount of money. Since he is so controlling of her it seems he has convinced her this is the best way to handle things. Will the courts let this arrangement go through?

If the two of them agreed on this -- signed it all -- then the court will probably let it go through. I say probably because ther eis 1 in a 1000 that they won't. Ohio prefers joint parenting. They prefer mediation and the parents reaching an agreement. Even when one party is abusive and controlling. The courts in Ohio prefer all of this so if they reached an agreement and she signed off on it, then yes the courts will probably allow it.
Why doesn't she have an attorney? I say this because NOT having an attorney is a wrong road to go. I live in Ohio. I have done my own divorce and child custody pro se. You need someone with distance representing you in the courtroom. So again WHY DOES SHE NOT HAVE AN ATTORNEY REPRESENTING HER INTERESTS?????

 

[rmet4nzkx]

If the two of them agreed on this -- signed it all -- then the court will probably let it go through. I say probably because ther eis 1 in a 1000 that they won't. Ohio prefers joint parenting. They prefer mediation and the parents reaching an agreement. Even when one party is abusive and controlling. The courts in Ohio prefer all of this so if they reached an agreement and she signed off on it, then yes the courts will probably allow it.
Why doesn't she have an attorney? I say this because NOT having an attorney is a wrong road to go. I live in Ohio. I have done my own divorce and child custody pro se. You need someone with distance representing you in the courtroom. So again WHY DOES SHE NOT HAVE AN ATTORNEY REPRESENTING HER INTERESTS?????

This isn't a joint parenting agreement and the have a court date in February, she defiantely needs an attorney. Dad is taking advantage of the childcare time as parenting time and not having to pay child care, he makes more than twice as much as she, not joint parenting agreement.

 

[motherconcerned]

Ohio
We are going to talk to her and explain that she needs an attorney. I'm afraid that if she lets it go like this she could end up losing the kids eventually. With her husband keeping the house if he were to remarry it seems like the courts would say that he can provide a better home for them than she can living in an apartment. She didn't tell us what was going on till this past weekend and they starting planning this in November. I guess she didn't want us to be upset over the holidays. Thanks for all the advice.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Ohio
We are going to talk to her and explain that she needs an attorney. I'm afraid that if she lets it go like this she could end up losing the kids eventually. With her husband keeping the house if he were to remarry it seems like the courts would say that he can provide a better home for them than she can living in an apartment. She didn't tell us what was going on till this past weekend and they starting planning this in November. I guess she didn't want us to be upset over the holidays. Thanks for all the advice.

A lot goes on behind closed doors in an abuse relaitonship, getting out is dangerous. She needs an attoreny to represent her rights. Is there any way she can get a day job even if it pays less money?

 

[motherconcerned]

Ohio

I don't think she's willing to give up her job, she has 10 years with UPS. It is just part time but pay is great, benfits are great, she has 4 weeks paid vacation a year. She has enough senority to switch to another shift but this job has always allowed her to work without the kids even knowing she is gone. The oldest is in kindergarten, the youngest just turned 2 and the middle one is almost 4. Switching to day shift would involve putting them in daycare. I don't think her husband will be abusive towards the kids at this age. I would worry more down the line when the girls are teenagers whether he could handle that.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Ohio

I don't think she's willing to give up her job, she has 10 years with UPS. It is just part time but pay is great, benfits are great, she has 4 weeks paid vacation a year. She has enough senority to switch to another shift but this job has always allowed her to work without the kids even knowing she is gone. The oldest is in kindergarten, the youngest just turned 2 and the middle one is almost 4. Switching to day shift would involve putting them in daycare. I don't think her husband will be abusive towards the kids at this age. I would worry more down the line when the girls are teenagers whether he could handle that.

But what the kids think when she is married and what they think when there is a divorce and she becomes NCP because her STBX will claim he has the children the majority of the time. If she gets a day shift and the children are in daycare and school, dad will also be responsible for a portion of the cost of daycare instead of becomming custodial parent, it makes a $500 diference a month in child support that she might receive and helps level the playing field so the split is more equitable rather than one sided. Having the children in child care also puts an objective party in the middle and helps break the control cycle, otherwise, he is still in control everytime they exchange the children, in control of her and the children, little different than the current situation other than she is excluded from th emarital home..

 

[motherconcerned]

Ohio

We have an appointment scheduled with an attorney for early next week. She told me his agreement he came up with doesn't even mention child support and only shows that she would have the kids on weekends. She is also extremely frightened about what he will do when he finds out that she has talked to a lawyer. She said that she and the kids will probably have to leave the house right away. He also told her that if everything didn't go like he had planned it there would be a fight. Scary situation to say the least. he even got mad at her recently when he found the phone book open wondering who she had called.

 

[fireboat1]

You have good reason to be concerned. As I see it,the hubby wants to set it up as him being the custodial parent,he keeps the house,kids stay the night ,like have been in their own rooms I suppose.Then your daughter,whom gets home tired in the AM would have a hard time getting rest and caring for the childrens daily activities.As for concerns of anger when he hears she has an attorney or for any other reason. She needs to call 911 asap should that happen.It would probably be a good idea to keep a secret log of eveytime he flies off the handle at her or the kids,noting what it was about,aimed at whom ,whom was there date time etc. I dont think she should be in such a hurry to leave the marital home either. Perhaps,she will get to stay in the home til the last child is 18 and at that time the home could be sold.That happens often in Fl.Seems she is so controlled the husband is trying to run the whole divorce scene as well. She needs guidance from an atty.bad

 

[motherconcerned]

Ohio

Just an update to my post last week. I took my daughter to see a lawyer yesterday. He said she was entitled to 829.00 a month in child support. She told her husband she'd went to an attorney last night. He told her he didn't want to fight and still wanted the February 6th date for the dissolution. He then told her that he could give her $600.00 a month instead of the $829 she is entitled to. He told her if he had to give her $829. he would give her full custody and only see the children every other weekend. The lawyer said he should refinance the house and give her the half of the equity she gets within 6 months. He told her he can't do that because the house needs some more work before he can refinance it again. The lawyer tried to explain to her that if it wasn't refinanced her name would still be on the mortgage and the bank could come after her if he defaults and everything will go on her credit report. On the child support issue her husband said he doesn't want his employer to know he's single so he'll just give her the money every month instead of it coming out of his checks. The lawyer tried to explain to her that if her husbands new girlfreind decides she doesn't want him giving my daughter the money he could just stop at any time. He also told her if he had to sell the house and move into an apartment he would be embarrased to have the kids come there. I asked her why it was o.k. for her to have to get an apartment on the $400.00 a month he originally was planning to give her but he was too good for that. Before he found out she went to a lawyer he said he was worried about how she was going to make it so maybe she could come over and clean the house once every 2 weeks and he'd pay her $50.00.
I asked her what he'd been giving her to buy groceries and she said $60.00 a week of which $20.00 went for diapers, cleaning supplies, paper products, etc. I guess that's why she and the kids always split 1 box of macaroni and cheese a day for lunch and that's how my daughter stays so thin. Their original joint parenting plan was for her to have them 98 hours a week 18 of which they'd be sleeping and him to have them 70 hours a week 45 of which they'd be sleeping. It sounds to me like he isn't really concerend about spending time with the kids and was more concerend with not having to pay any child support.