My hopefully STBX says she will never, ever, ever... give me a divorce

[oliverd]

What is the name of your state? Virginia

She says we will be together forever, that she is sorry for anything she did in the past, even though she "did nothing wrong", that she repented to God and to me, and that I must still love her.

There is documented abuse and witnessed craziness on her part over the last many years including stuff involving our now >18 yo kids. We have attempted counseling. Without drudging that up, can I just leave?

I have not lived in the marital home for more than a year; I submitted a separation agreement (through an attorney) in Aug 2006 that she refused to sign, but we jointly "own" our mortgage and I have continued to financially support her 9although i have recently greatly reduced that support).

Now I am uncertain whether to revise and resubmit the stipulation/property settlement or go straight to a suit for divorce. My concern is that according to the VA grounds I read ( "...more than one year the husband and wife both intended to and have continuously lived separate and apart without any cohabitation..." the words "and wife both" may be key. I have a full time job in another state, have acquired that state's driver's license, etc. But she will maintain I am just a geographic bachelor, since I have visited the house from time to time to ensure maintenance, etc.

I don't want to go for a "Cruelty and reasonable apprehension of bodily harm" suit because that would require my kids testimony. But do I have a choice?What is the name of your state?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? Virginia

She says we will be together forever, that she is sorry for anything she did in the past, even though she "did nothing wrong", that she repented to God and to me, and that I must still love her.

There is documented abuse and witnessed craziness on her part over the last many years including stuff involving our now >18 yo kids. We have attempted counseling. Without drudging that up, can I just leave?

I have not lived in the marital home for more than a year; I submitted a separation agreement (through an attorney) in Aug 2006 that she refused to sign, but we jointly "own" our mortgage and I have continued to financially support her 9although i have recently greatly reduced that support).

Now I am uncertain whether to revise and resubmit the stipulation/property settlement or go straight to a suit for divorce. My concern is that according to the VA grounds I read ( "...more than one year the husband and wife both intended to and have continuously lived separate and apart without any cohabitation..." the words "and wife both" may be key. I have a full time job in another state, have acquired that state's driver's license, etc. But she will maintain I am just a geographic bachelor, since I have visited the house from time to time to ensure maintenance, etc.

I don't want to go for a "Cruelty and reasonable apprehension of bodily harm" suit because that would require my kids testimony. But do I have a choice?What is the name of your state?

If you truly want a divorce she cannot stop you from eventually getting a divorce. The worst she can do is delay things. If you are a legal resident of a state other than VA, you can file for divorce under that state's laws (that usually means a minimum of 6 months of residence in the other state)...so don't assume that you are stuck with VA law.

At least get yourself a consult with a local attorney where you are living now.