my husband wants divorce because he wants to start new life with another woman

[nemo2]

I live in New York with my husband. I'm 36 years old and student, and my natinality is Japanse. (I'm a permanent resident) My husband wants to get a divorce from me because he has seen a woman since this summer. They haven't started a "physical relationship" yet since they are so afraid of being suied. But, they are already talking about their future and he told me that he made "promise" to her. My husband was in confusion and went back and forth b/ me and her in a recent week but finally chose her and I was emotionally hurt so much and in shock. We've been married for 7+ years, no children. He is making about 85000 per year, and I haven't completed my education to become "marketable" yet. Since NY doesn't have no-fault divorce, we have to first have "separation." I still don't want to divorce and want to work on this marriage, but he wants to start his new life with the woman ASAP. If so, I feel like doing something for my own interest.

I'm sorry for this long mail, but my question is, am I entitled to ask spousal support until I remarry or 2 years (hopefully)? why I'm asking this question is that I feel I should be able to bring "justice" to what he and the woman are doing here behind my back. (I know I shouldn't be emotional) So, I feel, I don't want to be pushed around, and I want to bring the best possible result for me. I have his mails that he mentions the woman's exsistence, but, since they are waiting to have sexual relationship, I can't accuse him for commiting adultry. He says he wants to support me, but he doesn't want to do more than "standard" and I don't know what he means by standrd.
Thank you.

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

NY DOM REL § 170
§ 170. Action for divorce
Current through L.2001, chs. 4 to 49, 52, 56 to 69, 71 to 91

An action for divorce may be maintained by a husband or wife to procure a judgment divorcing the parties and dissolving the marriage on any of the following grounds:
(1) The cruel and inhuman treatment of the plaintiff by the defendant such that the conduct of the defendant so endangers the physical or mental well being of the plaintiff as renders it unsafe or improper for the plaintiff to cohabit with the defendant.
(2) The abandonment of the plaintiff by the defendant for a period of one or more years.
(3) The confinement of the defendant in prison for a period of three or more consecutive years after the marriage of plaintiff and defendant.
(4) The commission of an act of adultery, provided that adultery for the purposes of articles ten, eleven, and eleven-A of this chapter, is hereby defined as the commission of an act of sexual or deviate sexual intercourse, voluntarily performed by the defendant, with a person other than the plaintiff after the marriage of plaintiff and defendant. Deviate sexual intercourse includes, but not limited to, sexual conduct as defined in subdivision two of Section 130.00 and subdivision three of Section 130.20 of the penal law.
(5) The husband and wife have lived apart pursuant to a decree or judgment of separation for a period of one or more years after the granting of such decree or judgment, and satisfactory proof has been submitted by the plaintiff that he or she has substantially performed all the terms and conditions of such decree or judgment.
(6) The husband and wife have lived separate and apart pursuant to a written agreement of separation, subscribed by the parties thereto and acknowledged or proved in the form required to entitle a deed to be recorded, for a period of one or more years after the execution of such agreement and satisfactory proof has been submitted by the plaintiff that he or she has substantially performed all the terms and conditions of such agreement. Such agreement shall be filed in the office of the clerk of the county wherein either party resides. In lieu of filing such agreement, either party to such agreement may file a memorandum of such agreement, which memorandum shall be similarly subscribed and acknowledged or proved as was the agreement of separation and shall contain the following information: (a) the names and addresses of each of the parties, (b) the date of marriage of the parties, (c) the date of the agreement of separation and (d) the date of this subscription and acknowledgment or proof of such agreement of separation.

 

[nemo2]

Thank you, I AM ALWAYS LIABLE. I read the section and it was clear.

My husband and the person are plannning to live together during the separation, but isn't it against the law? Or, nobody cares? Should I just accept and shut my mouth up about what they are going to do as long as I receive some support? I know it is silly question.

 

[MaggieK]

I am not a lawyer and I am certainly not giving legal advise here. But I am curious why you are allowing him to make all of your life decisions? Kick the bum out, change the locks, and let him go live with the other woman. Start divorce procedings immediately! Ask the court in your forms for spousal support..ask for whatever you feel you need, temporary or permanent. Read up on NY divorce laws or hire a paralegal to prepare your divorce for one tenth of what a lawyer would charge you. Get with the program! Do you really want this loser??

 

[nemo2]

Thanks, MaggieK.
I've been seeing both a counselor and psychotherapist to go through this, and now I began to look for a legal service, even if I don't get a lawyer but to know what my rights are, and to know if what my husband is offering (temporary support, debt) is more than or less than what I could get with laywer. He got his own apt now and will move out within a couple of weeks. Yes, now I feel I should definitely take a control over my life. Until recently, I was just in shock and couldn't think about that. Now my feeling for him is fading, so I will try to act smart for my own life.
I will report again. Thank you.

 

[deefran]

Just one thing to think about...What proof do you have that he HASN'T slept with this other woman?? Is he telling you this? I would divorce him on grounds of adultery....when a man leaves his wife for another woman...it's adultery. He's going to have a tough time of proving to the judge that he hasn't slept with the woman.

 

[nemo2]

Thank you for your response, deefran.
The reason is that she is in another country now, waiting for us to get a separation. When he started asking me for separation/divorce, she was already not in US. but, they have been actually planning their future over phone and e-mails. In my country, yes, he can be charged for adultery without actual relation if he leaves his wife for another woman. but, here, I am afraid not.
But, I should ask a professional, maybe, to make things more advatageous for me at least, because that is what he and she are so afraid of.