My Lawyer is driving me crazy

[grand mom]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IL
My lawyer is more worried about how he will look, then to focus on my needs. my stbx and I have agreed on the division of property, pensions, accounts, spousal support and everything else, but for some reason my attorney doesn't agree!!! I have filled out a financial form listing my bills, expenses, and what not, and he says its not enough. I have always lived very simple and my attorney cannot understand that I don't spend more money. He talks about "discovery" and wanting all my husband's assets to see what I can get. Told him what I wanted and he stated that he didn't think that was enough. He wants me to fill out another form and put down more expenses or to raise the estimated expenses that I have. I know more about my husband's assests than he does. I just don't understand that if we are both in agreement, why my attorney can't contact the other one and state, this is what she wants and he wants, let's type up a judgement and get this divorce finallized.

 

[Bali Hai]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IL
My lawyer is more worried about how he will look, then to focus on my needs. my stbx and I have agreed on the division of property, pensions, accounts, spousal support and everything else, but for some reason my attorney doesn't agree!!! I have filled out a financial form listing my bills, expenses, and what not, and he says its not enough. I have always lived very simple and my attorney cannot understand that I don't spend more money. He talks about "discovery" and wanting all my husband's assets to see what I can get. Told him what I wanted and he stated that he didn't think that was enough. He wants me to fill out another form and put down more expenses or to raise the estimated expenses that I have. I know more about my husband's assests than he does. I just don't understand that if we are both in agreement, why my attorney can't contact the other one and state, this is what she wants and he wants, let's type up a judgement and get this divorce finallized.

Your attorney doesn't have to agree with your agreement. He has one of two choices, follow your directions or withdraw.

Your attorney may have a light case load at this time and will make more money if he pisses the other side off and gets you into a long ugly contested divorce.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IL
My lawyer is more worried about how he will look, then to focus on my needs. my stbx and I have agreed on the division of property, pensions, accounts, spousal support and everything else, but for some reason my attorney doesn't agree!!! I have filled out a financial form listing my bills, expenses, and what not, and he says its not enough. I have always lived very simple and my attorney cannot understand that I don't spend more money. He talks about "discovery" and wanting all my husband's assets to see what I can get. Told him what I wanted and he stated that he didn't think that was enough. He wants me to fill out another form and put down more expenses or to raise the estimated expenses that I have. I know more about my husband's assests than he does. I just don't understand that if we are both in agreement, why my attorney can't contact the other one and state, this is what she wants and he wants, let's type up a judgement and get this divorce finallized.

If you are absolutely certain that the division of assets is fair, and that you won't have regrets in a year or two, then you simply put your foot down with your attorney. You remind your attorney that you are the client, and this is what you want, and tell him to get it done without any more discovery.

 

[mistoffolees]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IL
My lawyer is more worried about how he will look, then to focus on my needs. my stbx and I have agreed on the division of property, pensions, accounts, spousal support and everything else, but for some reason my attorney doesn't agree!!! I have filled out a financial form listing my bills, expenses, and what not, and he says its not enough. I have always lived very simple and my attorney cannot understand that I don't spend more money. He talks about "discovery" and wanting all my husband's assets to see what I can get. Told him what I wanted and he stated that he didn't think that was enough. He wants me to fill out another form and put down more expenses or to raise the estimated expenses that I have. I know more about my husband's assests than he does. I just don't understand that if we are both in agreement, why my attorney can't contact the other one and state, this is what she wants and he wants, let's type up a judgement and get this divorce finallized.

You need to talk with your attorney. Why is he insistent on discovery? Perhaps he has reason to believe that your husband has more assets than you think - in which case it is his responsibility to pursue it until you tell him otherwise.

Or perhaps there's something in the way the agreement is worded that he has a problem with - maybe you're trying to do something that you can't legally do.

So, I would:
1. Talk to your attorney. Ask why the agreed upon amounts are not acceptable or what his concerns are.
2. If he can't justify to your satisfaction that you should proceed with discovery, then tell him to drop it and proceed with the final agreement. He can not refuse to do what you tell him unless you're asking him to do something illegal or if he disagrees with something enough to drop you as a client. As long as you remain his client, he takes orders from you.

 

[grand mom]

You need to talk with your attorney. Why is he insistent on discovery? Perhaps he has reason to believe that your husband has more assets than you think - in which case it is his responsibility to pursue it until you tell him otherwise.

Or perhaps there's something in the way the agreement is worded that he has a problem with - maybe you're trying to do something that you can't legally do.

So, I would:
1. Talk to your attorney. Ask why the agreed upon amounts are not acceptable or what his concerns are.
2. If he can't justify to your satisfaction that you should proceed with discovery, then tell him to drop it and proceed with the final agreement. He can not refuse to do what you tell him unless you're asking him to do something illegal or if he disagrees with something enough to drop you as a client. As long as you remain his client, he takes orders from you.

I am currently living with a friend that I was helping out by cleaning and cooking for, so now I don't have to pay rent. I also work. I told my attorney that I only want $75 a week to have a small cushion to fall back on. Right now my ex is still paying my car ins., cell phone and life ins. We agreed to this arrangement for 2 yrs. We also agreed to hold off selling the house for 2 yrs. My ex agreed that I will also get 1/2 his pension. We have no debts other than the mortgage. Yes we have money in checking and savings account, but we use that to help our children and grandchildren. I'm not asking for any of that money. My living expenses are very small. I have told him repeatedly that I do not want anything else and I am comfortable with the arangement we have made. He keeps stating that I'm being unreasonable and that I should ask for more. My attorney can't understand that I don't spend more on myself. He said he never heard of a woman not spending at least $600 a month on clothes!!!! I almost fell off the chair. He said HE would look lilke a fool to the Judge if he presented my disclosure statement as it is now. I told him I would not fabricate any amounts. My ex and I have been separated for over a year now, so this is not a hasty decision on my part. I keep asking him why he insists on discovery when I say that it is unnecessary. I know exactly what we have, my ex doesn't even know the exact amounts of any of our accounts, etc. My attorney also can't believe that I still go to my former house, pay the bills, help my ex with his mother, she has alzheimers, and that we still get along. Not every divorce is ugly. He told me that all divorces start out nice, than things change and the fights begin. He's right, but the only one I'm fighting with right now is my attorney!!!

 

[mistoffolees]

I am currently living with a friend that I was helping out by cleaning and cooking for, so now I don't have to pay rent. I also work. I told my attorney that I only want $75 a week to have a small cushion to fall back on. Right now my ex is still paying my car ins., cell phone and life ins. We agreed to this arrangement for 2 yrs. We also agreed to hold off selling the house for 2 yrs. My ex agreed that I will also get 1/2 his pension. We have no debts other than the mortgage. Yes we have money in checking and savings account, but we use that to help our children and grandchildren. I'm not asking for any of that money. My living expenses are very small. I have told him repeatedly that I do not want anything else and I am comfortable with the arangement we have made. He keeps stating that I'm being unreasonable and that I should ask for more. My attorney can't understand that I don't spend more on myself. He said he never heard of a woman not spending at least $600 a month on clothes!!!! I almost fell off the chair. He said HE would look lilke a fool to the Judge if he presented my disclosure statement as it is now. I told him I would not fabricate any amounts. My ex and I have been separated for over a year now, so this is not a hasty decision on my part. I keep asking him why he insists on discovery when I say that it is unnecessary. I know exactly what we have, my ex doesn't even know the exact amounts of any of our accounts, etc. My attorney also can't believe that I still go to my former house, pay the bills, help my ex with his mother, she has alzheimers, and that we still get along. Not every divorce is ugly. He told me that all divorces start out nice, than things change and the fights begin. He's right, but the only one I'm fighting with right now is my attorney!!!

Sounds like you've thought it all out. Just give it one last thought to make sure you're covered in the event of unforeseen expenses. Are you OK if your car breaks down, you become disabled, etc, etc, etc. You're being generous (assuming that your attorney is correct that you could easily get more) - just make sure that it won't lead to bitterness later.

Your attorney is supposed to try to help you to get what you can in terms of a fair settlement, so he's doing his job.

Assuming that there are no second thoughts, then you need to be more forceful with him. Tell him that you've considered all of his advice and you want him to finalize the terms you've agreed to.

You don't need to justify yourself - it's your money. If he is unwilling or unable to do so, you will have no choice but to find another attorney. (It's unlikely to get that far, but if it does, you can report him to the state bar. I would also ask for him to refund all the money he spent running in circles against your will).

 

[LdiJ]

I am currently living with a friend that I was helping out by cleaning and cooking for, so now I don't have to pay rent. I also work. I told my attorney that I only want $75 a week to have a small cushion to fall back on. Right now my ex is still paying my car ins., cell phone and life ins. We agreed to this arrangement for 2 yrs. We also agreed to hold off selling the house for 2 yrs. My ex agreed that I will also get 1/2 his pension. We have no debts other than the mortgage. Yes we have money in checking and savings account, but we use that to help our children and grandchildren. I'm not asking for any of that money. My living expenses are very small. I have told him repeatedly that I do not want anything else and I am comfortable with the arangement we have made. He keeps stating that I'm being unreasonable and that I should ask for more. My attorney can't understand that I don't spend more on myself. He said he never heard of a woman not spending at least $600 a month on clothes!!!! I almost fell off the chair. He said HE would look lilke a fool to the Judge if he presented my disclosure statement as it is now. I told him I would not fabricate any amounts. My ex and I have been separated for over a year now, so this is not a hasty decision on my part. I keep asking him why he insists on discovery when I say that it is unnecessary. I know exactly what we have, my ex doesn't even know the exact amounts of any of our accounts, etc. My attorney also can't believe that I still go to my former house, pay the bills, help my ex with his mother, she has alzheimers, and that we still get along. Not every divorce is ugly. He told me that all divorces start out nice, than things change and the fights begin. He's right, but the only one I'm fighting with right now is my attorney!!!

I think that I understand why your attorney is reluctant to do what you want. At a minimum, you should be splitting all assets 50/50. That includes the checking and savings accounts, and any other assets that exist. That doesn't mean that you can't use your half of the money to help assist your children and grandchildren, it just means that your half of the money really should be in your possession.

Its also ok to wait a couple of years to sell the house, if its financially reasonable to do so.

I understand that your needs are small, and that means that if you want to accept a low amount of alimony, that's ok. However, it would be wiser to receive a bit more alimony, and pay your own car insurance, life insurance and cell phone.

You cannot assume that your needs won't change. That your health won't deteriorate unexpectedly or that you won't encounter other problems. Therefore, honestly, at minimum the assets should be split 50/50...ALL assets.

An amicable divorce is wonderful, but a truly good amicable divorce, after an obviously long term marraige, is one that divides the assets 50/50.

 

[grand mom]

My Lawyer is driving me Crazy

I think that I understand why your attorney is reluctant to do what you want. At a minimum, you should be splitting all assets 50/50. That includes the checking and savings accounts, and any other assets that exist. That doesn't mean that you can't use your half of the money to help assist your children and grandchildren, it just means that your half of the money really should be in your possession.

Its also ok to wait a couple of years to sell the house, if its financially reasonable to do so.

I understand that your needs are small, and that means that if you want to accept a low amount of alimony, that's ok. However, it would be wiser to receive a bit more alimony, and pay your own car insurance, life insurance and cell phone.

You cannot assume that your needs won't change. That your health won't deteriorate unexpectedly or that you won't encounter other problems. Therefore, honestly, at minimum the assets should be split 50/50...ALL assets.

An amicable divorce is wonderful, but a truly good amicable divorce, after an obviously long term marraige, is one that divides the assets 50/50.

My ex and I are both comfortable with the decision we made. I work so I have my own money. Everyone's needs always change and I don't live with "what if's". As far as our savings goes, believe me, I am not talking huge sums of money at all. Our youngest just announced her engagement, plus we are still paying for her college, so all in all, the cash is going faster than it is coming in.

Yes my attorney talked to me about the future and "what if" my health changed, my car broke down, I lost my job, etc. Again, no one can predict what will happen. I asked him what if, God forbid, something happened to my ex, all this talk would be pointless wouldn't it. "What if" something happened to my attorney, and he couldn't continue to "represent" me? No one can project the future.

I originally didn't want any maintenance, and I decided on this token amount more to get my attorney off my back.

This weekend was our step-=grandaughter's b-day, and my ex and I went together. We talked about everything and anything, I asked him questions about my car, (he used to be an auto mechanic before changing his career 14 yrs ago), told me my brakes will probably need to be changed soon, and what I should look for, and that he will replace them when needed. We talked about his Mom, and what needs she will have and how I will be able to help him.

In the past he wasn't always there for me and I wasn't always there for him, no marriage is 50/50 and I don't believe a divorce is either. In the beginning of our separation, things were tense, but now, we actually get along better than we have in years. No matter what the future brings us, push comes to shove, my ex and I will always help each other out.

Bottom line-----we are comfortable with our agreement, so why can't my attorney accept it?

 

[mistoffolees]

Bottom line-----we are comfortable with our agreement, so why can't my attorney accept it?

You've been given the answer. You need to talk with your attorney - not us. Tell him that you have considered all the issues and you want to finalize the agreement as you've described it and would like him to stop any work not directed at closing the divorce per your agreement ASAP.

If he refuses, report him to the bar and find another attorney.