My sister is not married, has a son with boyfriend, can she move out?

[sisterneedshelp]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

My sister has been with her boyfriend for 9 years, they have a 4 year old son. My sister has decided to part ways from her boyfriend for numerous reasons. It really has nothing to do with their son it’s just their relationship turned estranged about 1 year ago. He is a controlling person, doesn’t let family over to visit her, or when he does he just bashes her in front, he’s taunting to her in many ways. She asked him to go to counseling to work on their relationship for the sake of their son. He says no, I’m not the one with the problems kind of attitude. She has decided to split because she does not want to fight in front of her son anymore.

Things to consider:
He tells their son that his mom is no good and she’s worthless.
She works Mon – Fri while he works one night a week and throws it in her face because she works 9-5pm and he has to do everything.
She wants to split to better the relationship with their son.
She doesn’t want to fight anymore
They are not married
They are still living with each other till the 1st of the month

Here are my questions:
1)Can she move out on her own?
2)Does she need his consent to move out with son? (she would grant him a visitation schedule, it’s not that she doesn’t want him in their lives but it’s the fighting she wants to stop)
3)What are her rights?

 

[Isis1]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

My sister has been with her boyfriend for 9 years, they have a 4 year old son. My sister has decided to part ways from her boyfriend for numerous reasons. It really has nothing to do with their son it’s just their relationship turned estranged about 1 year ago. He is a controlling person, doesn’t let family over to visit her, or when he does he just bashes her in front, he’s taunting to her in many ways. She asked him to go to counseling to work on their relationship for the sake of their son. He says no, I’m not the one with the problems kind of attitude. She has decided to split because she does not want to fight in front of her son anymore.

Things to consider:
He tells their son that his mom is no good and she’s worthless.
She works Mon – Fri while he works one night a week and throws it in her face because she works 9-5pm and he has to do everything.
She wants to split to better the relationship with their son.
She doesn’t want to fight anymore
They are not married
They are still living with each other till the 1st of the month

Here are my questions:
1)Can she move out on her own?
2)Does she need his consent to move out with son? (she would grant him a visitation schedule, it’s not that she doesn’t want him in their lives but it’s the fighting she wants to stop)
3)What are her rights?

we would really REALLY love to help mom. can you please have her sign up under her own name? it would be very beneficial to her and the child.

per CA law, dad would have signed the AOP at the birth. is dad's name on the birth certificate?

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

My sister has been with her boyfriend for 9 years, they have a 4 year old son. My sister has decided to part ways from her boyfriend for numerous reasons. It really has nothing to do with their son it’s just their relationship turned estranged about 1 year ago. He is a controlling person, doesn’t let family over to visit her, or when he does he just bashes her in front, he’s taunting to her in many ways. She asked him to go to counseling to work on their relationship for the sake of their son. He says no, I’m not the one with the problems kind of attitude. She has decided to split because she does not want to fight in front of her son anymore.

Things to consider:
He tells their son that his mom is no good and she’s worthless.
She works Mon – Fri while he works one night a week and throws it in her face because she works 9-5pm and he has to do everything.
She wants to split to better the relationship with their son.
She doesn’t want to fight anymore
They are not married
They are still living with each other till the 1st of the month

Here are my questions:
1)Can she move out on her own?
2)Does she need his consent to move out with son? (she would grant him a visitation schedule, it’s not that she doesn’t want him in their lives but it’s the fighting she wants to stop)
3)What are her rights?

1. Sure she can.
2. No...But considering he is the Primary Parent he should retain Primary Custody.
3. The same as his.

 

[sisterneedshelp]

we would really REALLY love to help mom. can you please have her sign up under her own name? it would be very beneficial to her and the child.

per CA law, dad would have signed the AOP at the birth. is dad's name on the birth certificate?

Thank you so much for responding. You are so right, I will tell her to do so..... Yes dad's on the birth certificate. Thanks.

 

[sisterneedshelp]

1. Sure she can.
2. No...But considering he is the Primary Parent he should retain Primary Custody.
3. The same as his.

Thanks for responding. What makes him a primary parent? Thank you for your input, it's greatly appreciated.

 

[ecmst12]

If he takes care of the child while she is at work all day, then he is the primary caregiver.

 

[Isis1]

Thanks for responding. What makes him a primary parent? Thank you for your input, it's greatly appreciated.

him being the primary caretaker of the child while mom works.

 

[sisterneedshelp]

him being the primary caretaker of the child while mom works.

Oh I see, but he doesn't take care of him all day. Mon - Fri he's in pre-school, she drops him off in the morning he picks him up in the evening it's a 6am to 6pm program. Would he still be considered the primary caretaker because he doesn't work? Or would it be considered half and half? Thanks again Isis1

 

[Isis1]

Oh I see, but he doesn't take care of him all day. Mon - Fri he's in pre-school, she drops him off in the morning he picks him up in the evening it's a 6am to 6pm program. Would he still be considered the primary caretaker because he doesn't work? Or would it be considered half and half? Thanks again Isis1

depends on quite a few factors. and those factors depend on the answers mom gives when she logs on.

not to be rude, it's just hard to "diagnos" to a third party.

 

[sisterneedshelp]

depends on quite a few factors. and those factors depend on the answers mom gives when she logs on.

not to be rude, it's just hard to "diagnos" to a third party.

No no, I completely understand. I let her know about this site, she's actually signing up right now. Thank you!!!!

 

[Isis1]

No no, I completely understand. I let her know about this site, she's actually signing up right now. Thank you!!!!

you're very welcome

 

[mistoffolees]

Oh I see, but he doesn't take care of him all day. Mon - Fri he's in pre-school, she drops him off in the morning he picks him up in the evening it's a 6am to 6pm program. Would he still be considered the primary caretaker because he doesn't work? Or would it be considered half and half? Thanks again Isis1

There's a lot more involved than that.

For example, my ex was a stay-at-home Mom. My daughter was in school all day and then with her mother for a couple of hours before I got home. But:

- Any time she was sick, my ex called me to take daughter to the doctor
- I had to leave work for any routine eye doctor, dentist, doctor visits. I was there for 100% of my daughter's vaccinations and my ex was there for about 20%
- I took my daughter to all her evening and weekend activities - dance, theatre, etc
- I attended nearly 100% of my daughter's school plays and other functions, my ex did about half (can't interfere with her time at the gym or beauty salon!)
- When my daughter got hurt, more often than not, I was the one she ran to.

So, while she was stay at home and picked my daughter up at school, it would not be a slam dunk if she claimed she was the primary caregiver.

A lot will depend on the planned arrangements. I don't know about your state, but more and more states are prefering 50:50 shared custody when the situation allows for it (parents who live close enough for the child to be in the same school, etc). In that case, there needs to be a good reason to deviate one way or the other. So, depending on the situation, it might argue for 50:50 even if she IS the primary caregiver. Too many variable to spout generalities.

 

[LdiJ]

Oh I see, but he doesn't take care of him all day. Mon - Fri he's in pre-school, she drops him off in the morning he picks him up in the evening it's a 6am to 6pm program. Would he still be considered the primary caretaker because he doesn't work? Or would it be considered half and half? Thanks again Isis1

Then he is NOT the primary caretaker.

 

[mistoffolees]

Then he is NOT the primary caretaker.

I think you're jumping the gun.

The only fact that was stated was that she drops the child off at child care at 6 am. He picks the child up at 6 pm. No other info. Just how in the world do you reach the above conclusion (other than simply assuming that she's the primary caretaker because she's a woman)?

In order to answer the question, you'd need to know:

- who spends the most time with the child on weekdays?
- who spends the most time with him on weekends?
- who handles doctors' appointments, conferences with the child care group, etc?
- who puts him to bed at nights.

Advising her that he's not the primary caretaker on the basis of only the very limited information provided is just plain wrong. There is absolutely no way of knowing who the primary caretaker is based solely on who drops the child off and day care and who picks him up.

 

[LdiJ]

I think you're jumping the gun.

The only fact that was stated was that she drops the child off at child care at 6 am. He picks the child up at 6 pm. No other info. Just how in the world do you reach the above conclusion (other than simply assuming that she's the primary caretaker because she's a woman)?

In order to answer the question, you'd need to know:

- who spends the most time with the child on weekdays?
- who spends the most time with him on weekends?
- who handles doctors' appointments, conferences with the child care group, etc?
- who puts him to bed at nights.

Advising her that he's not the primary caretaker on the basis of only the very limited information provided is just plain wrong. There is absolutely no way of knowing who the primary caretaker is based solely on who drops the child off and day care and who picks him up.

Pointing out that he is NOT the primary caretaker, does not automatically mean that she IS the primary caretaker. It could easily be an equal situation.

However, he is not caring for the child while she works, and she IS caring for the child the one night a week that he works.

The guy only works one night a week yet his child attends daycare...that kind of indicates that he isn't much into childrearing...and it would be no different if mom only worked one night a week yet the child was in full time daycare. She wouldn't be the primary caretaker either.