Underscore
Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Tennessee
Hello, I'm a 28 year old man who has been married just over 5 years. My wife is 29 years old. We have a 3 year old daughter together and she has an 11 year old son.
We have had an extremely rocky marriage, almost the entire time. There have been many times divorce has been on the table, and I can't count the number of times I've been told to get out or had the wedding band thrown at me. I'm not perfect, I can be lazy and consumed by other things like sports and gaming. However, I have never broken our wedding vows and really am a homebody, I'm always here. In spite of that, she's always had severe paranoia I was cheating.
Anyway, she has asserted once again that she wants a divorce, and I'm not stopping her or even attempting it, but I need an objective view on where I stand here.
First and foremost, we have always kept our money separate. We tried when we first stared living together to share a bank account and money would just disappear. So, she has her bills and I have mine, it's always been that way. Since I've met her, she's always worked, but can't hold a job. She's been fired from 2 and left another just before being fired. Nevertheless, she's always worked.
Recently, she got her job back at the daycare she worked at and was fired from, only to quit two weeks later b/c she felt she made more money keeping two kids at the home. It should be noted she gets paid by a check, but shows the government no income and she's not licensed for this to my knowledge.
I caught her having an affair last November. I didn't know the man, but she'd gotten into a phase where she'd just take off and stay gone overnight, so I knew something was up. I stayed, b/c upon self reflection, I realized I could have been a better husband, and felt my child deserved another chance. I know that now that I've done that, the affair will carry very little legal weight.
So here's what I have. Recently, I have discovered what I've suspected for some time, she is addicted to pain pills. For a long time, she got them via her OBGYN for pain for her endometreosis, but she had a hysterectomy early this year and that is gone. But she's never gotten off them. I broke my foot in January and found she'd taken 12 out of my bottle of Vicodin in 2 days, though she denied it.
A month ago, I discovered through the keylogger on my PC, that she'd ordered pills from a Canadian Pharmacy citing a doctor she'd never seen. I went to her about it, she said someone broke into the house at 1 PM, while only she and the two children were here, and ordered those under her name to be shipped here... According the keylogger, which I checked for accuracy, 5 minutes after ordering the pills, she paid the water bill. She will go to her grave swearing she didn't order them, but miraculously, they were cancelled the following day.
She went to the doctor on July 15th claiming a toothache I think, and he gave her Vicodin, 40 of them. I checked her bottle on Tuesday the 21st and they were GONE. So, I looked on her phone and low and behold, she was texting several people asking if they had any pain pills or knew someone that would trade pain pills for klonipins she gets from her psych. The following day, I discovered she was able to obtain Darvacets by asking the mother of a little boy she keeps to help her, so she called her in something. My wife has never seen that doctor.
I still have pills left from my broken foot, and suspected she'd gotten in my car that night, so I checked that bottle. Yes, I have to hide it b/c I suspected her taking them in the past. There were 5 missing. So that night, I rigged my car so I'd know for absolute certainty if she got in it and she did, though the pills had been moved. It was when I questioned her about getting in my car that she told me of her new wishes to divorce.
Two weeks ago, I suspect she went to the state and got WIC. The thing is, she doesn't qualify for WIC living here b/c our household income is too high. Not by much, but it's too high. I suspect she got that WIC by telling them we were separated, which we aren't.
Here's where I need help. I am concerned for my daughter's safety. My wife has terrible mood swings, depression and anxiety from the addiction to the pain pills, but she won't admit it, so she won't get help. I suspect and almost know for a fact that she has illegally obtained these pills, along with the WIC from the state, as well as making income she isn't paying taxes on.
Do I have a case to take my daughter? I plan on seeing a lawyer this week, I saw one a few months ago before I knew about and could prove the addiction, and he said I wouldn't be able to get my daughter and I'd have to pay her spousal support since she doesn't "technically" have a job.
If I can prove the addiction and illegal activity, is that grounds for me gaining custody? If she willfully quit her job to "work at home", will she have a claim to spousal support if I don't get my child?
A couple of facts that factor in. I make $34,000 before taxes and pay for all the health insurance. We rent. Our bills our basically separate, but we have two older cars we owe on. One is mine that I drive and pay for, and the other is the Jeep she drives which I pay for. When we split up, I foresee myself being able to rent a small place in a decent area on a budget, and she is planning on moving into her mom's downstairs, which has no "rooms", and is just one area, with the two kids.
I appreciate anyone who took the time to read this and offer advice. I'm in a very tough spot with this and I desperately need help.
If I missed something, please bring it up, I'll address it. Thanks again.
Hello, I'm a 28 year old man who has been married just over 5 years. My wife is 29 years old. We have a 3 year old daughter together and she has an 11 year old son.
We have had an extremely rocky marriage, almost the entire time. There have been many times divorce has been on the table, and I can't count the number of times I've been told to get out or had the wedding band thrown at me. I'm not perfect, I can be lazy and consumed by other things like sports and gaming. However, I have never broken our wedding vows and really am a homebody, I'm always here. In spite of that, she's always had severe paranoia I was cheating.
Anyway, she has asserted once again that she wants a divorce, and I'm not stopping her or even attempting it, but I need an objective view on where I stand here.
First and foremost, we have always kept our money separate. We tried when we first stared living together to share a bank account and money would just disappear. So, she has her bills and I have mine, it's always been that way. Since I've met her, she's always worked, but can't hold a job. She's been fired from 2 and left another just before being fired. Nevertheless, she's always worked.
Recently, she got her job back at the daycare she worked at and was fired from, only to quit two weeks later b/c she felt she made more money keeping two kids at the home. It should be noted she gets paid by a check, but shows the government no income and she's not licensed for this to my knowledge.
I caught her having an affair last November. I didn't know the man, but she'd gotten into a phase where she'd just take off and stay gone overnight, so I knew something was up. I stayed, b/c upon self reflection, I realized I could have been a better husband, and felt my child deserved another chance. I know that now that I've done that, the affair will carry very little legal weight.
So here's what I have. Recently, I have discovered what I've suspected for some time, she is addicted to pain pills. For a long time, she got them via her OBGYN for pain for her endometreosis, but she had a hysterectomy early this year and that is gone. But she's never gotten off them. I broke my foot in January and found she'd taken 12 out of my bottle of Vicodin in 2 days, though she denied it.
A month ago, I discovered through the keylogger on my PC, that she'd ordered pills from a Canadian Pharmacy citing a doctor she'd never seen. I went to her about it, she said someone broke into the house at 1 PM, while only she and the two children were here, and ordered those under her name to be shipped here... According the keylogger, which I checked for accuracy, 5 minutes after ordering the pills, she paid the water bill. She will go to her grave swearing she didn't order them, but miraculously, they were cancelled the following day.
She went to the doctor on July 15th claiming a toothache I think, and he gave her Vicodin, 40 of them. I checked her bottle on Tuesday the 21st and they were GONE. So, I looked on her phone and low and behold, she was texting several people asking if they had any pain pills or knew someone that would trade pain pills for klonipins she gets from her psych. The following day, I discovered she was able to obtain Darvacets by asking the mother of a little boy she keeps to help her, so she called her in something. My wife has never seen that doctor.
I still have pills left from my broken foot, and suspected she'd gotten in my car that night, so I checked that bottle. Yes, I have to hide it b/c I suspected her taking them in the past. There were 5 missing. So that night, I rigged my car so I'd know for absolute certainty if she got in it and she did, though the pills had been moved. It was when I questioned her about getting in my car that she told me of her new wishes to divorce.
Two weeks ago, I suspect she went to the state and got WIC. The thing is, she doesn't qualify for WIC living here b/c our household income is too high. Not by much, but it's too high. I suspect she got that WIC by telling them we were separated, which we aren't.
Here's where I need help. I am concerned for my daughter's safety. My wife has terrible mood swings, depression and anxiety from the addiction to the pain pills, but she won't admit it, so she won't get help. I suspect and almost know for a fact that she has illegally obtained these pills, along with the WIC from the state, as well as making income she isn't paying taxes on.
Do I have a case to take my daughter? I plan on seeing a lawyer this week, I saw one a few months ago before I knew about and could prove the addiction, and he said I wouldn't be able to get my daughter and I'd have to pay her spousal support since she doesn't "technically" have a job.
If I can prove the addiction and illegal activity, is that grounds for me gaining custody? If she willfully quit her job to "work at home", will she have a claim to spousal support if I don't get my child?
A couple of facts that factor in. I make $34,000 before taxes and pay for all the health insurance. We rent. Our bills our basically separate, but we have two older cars we owe on. One is mine that I drive and pay for, and the other is the Jeep she drives which I pay for. When we split up, I foresee myself being able to rent a small place in a decent area on a budget, and she is planning on moving into her mom's downstairs, which has no "rooms", and is just one area, with the two kids.
I appreciate anyone who took the time to read this and offer advice. I'm in a very tough spot with this and I desperately need help.
If I missed something, please bring it up, I'll address it. Thanks again.
