Need answer soon

[heathE]

I have been divorced for a couple of years. We were married and divorced in TN and now both live in Alabama. I have a son from that marriage. I recently remarried and my new wife is having problems with the fact I was married before. Yes, she knew coming into this. My problem is that in order for her to feel secure, she wants me to inquire about a legal annulment on the first marriage. We've been at it about this for a few days, but she won't budge. From what I've read, I believe it would be absurd to think I could get one. I was married for 3 years (I think; that's how freakin' important it is to me now, that I don't even remember). There is nothing to invalidate the marriage. She did commit adultery. Is it possible to get one or should my wife accept the fact it's not and be happy that a divorce is good enough.

 

[tigger22472]

I don't know how to help you legally but I do have a question. How does your wife feel about your son? Seems to me that she just needs to get over the fact that you had a life before her. Tell her to be thankful, past mistakes and life experiences are what have made you the man you are today that she obviously loves. My boyfriend has two ex wives and a child with one of them. My step-daughters mom and I get along great. Our joke is that she's the last person I'd be jealous of because if there are two people on earth that know they should of never married it's the two of them. Tell you wife that she just needs to get over it. Either she will or she won't and if she won't then you have bigger problems then trying to find out if you can get your first marriage annuled.

 

[heathE]

Thanks for the reply. She really shows a lot of love for my son. This whole thing just came out of the blue. It's getting really bad now. She says that because I am reluctant to do it, I obviously still have feelings for my previous marriage. That's not at all true. I told her I would check with an attorney, but they will probably laugh at me. I've read all the requirements for an annulment and even showed her 4 or 5 sites that describe the whole thing. She says the internet isn't a good enough source for her and that her friend got one, so it must have been possible in her state and maybe it is in this one. I don't even know the story behind her friend's divorce, but I'm not her. I'm beginning to feel like the stupid one here. I don't know how to get through to her and make her understand that I shouldn't have to go through unnecessary legal processes to prove my love to her. She says that if I didn't still cherrish the other marriage and if I truly didn't care about it, I would want the annulment. It's not about wanting it or not. It's that I don't care about the other marriage and I've been through the whole divorce process. Why would she want me to engage in that conflict again? Why am I not good enough as I am and what I came with? I married this girl because I'm in love with her. Why can't people just be in love and live to love each other? I don't want another bad marriage. I didn't think I would ever do it again, until I met this girl I had been looking for my entire life.

 

[tigger22472]

sounds like i said earlier that you have a lot more problems then this annulment thing. If you're not comfortable with it then don't do it... you're right you might be laughed out of places for it. It just sounds stupid... sorry if i sound harsh. She either loves you for you are and what you give her now or she doesn't. It may be the cause of the end of this marriage and I'm sorry for you if it is but that just seems soooooo petty.

 

[Grandma B]

Annulment of your first marriage would serve to *******ize your son. Ask if that's her goal.

Even barring the dissolution of your first marriage, there most likely would not have been grounds for annulment. However, it sounds like your current wife entered into this marriage under false pretenses, i.e., pretending to accept your marital situation, then deciding it wasn't okay after all. In many states, that could be grounds for annulment.

 

[heathE]

I don't want to sound one sided. She says that she is actually upset because when she first mentioned it I said I wouldn't do it. I only said that because I knew that from all the talks about these things before the first divorce was final, that it was a rare thing to get and only under special circumstances. I guess I did sound a little blunt, but I don't know why it's going on this long and seems so serious. I'm thouroughly confused at this point as to what my responses to this should be. Oh well.

 

[ccarter]

heathE,

I really can't offer much more than the other posters did, and Grandma B made a very good point.

I feel bad for you after reading your posts and know it can't be easy trying to convince someone of something they obviously feel so strongly about.

Is there more contact with the ex other than involving the child? The best I can offer you is to be as patient as you can, and just make sure you tell her often that you love her. Sounds like she has some problems with insecurity and that is something she will have to deal with and get over, not much else you can do to change that.

Best of luck to you.

 

[tigger22472]

Here's something you might want to try. My boyfriend has been married twice before and refuses to get married again. I was married once and would marry him in a HEARTBEAT if asked. We've had several discussions about it... seems everytime I get a hair up my A** I have to bring it up. He's not exactly shy but blunt and to the point. He says he'll live with me forever but he'll never ever marry again. In the end I always ask myself what is more important, him or marriage and every time I come up with the answer that I'd rather have him as I do then not at all. Might want to throw that at the wife and see where it gets you. This doesn't completely end the conversation forever but it does help me come to terms with it better.

 

[heathE]

Thanks. I appreciate the perspectives you guys have given.