In need of divorce advice

[devastatedinMA]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Massachusetts

Not sure where to start. I am a SAHM with two little ones (6 and 3). I have no money, no job. My husband currently pays for everything. My credit accounts are all in collections because of my unemployment and he's been trying to pay them. We don't own a home, currently rent. The only thing I do own (besides furniture and clothes) is my car.

Now, I've recently found out that he's been unfaithful (internet infidelity and porn) and I now find myself contemplating divorce. Basically with all that I've mentioned above where do I stand? I don't want to lose my kids and if there is a possibility of that, I won't even file.

I have typed up a list of "demands" that I personally feel is reasonable (ie. kids live with me, he pays for their insurance and schooling, he can have them ever other weekend and one full week out of each month) just to name a few. I don't want child support which is why I mentioned him paying for their schooling (They go to a Catholic school and I feel that is child support enough).

Any advice is greatly appreciated. I never thought I would find myself in this situation and asking about this. I'm not even sure what the first steps/next steps would be. All I know is is that I can't lose my kids.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

[mistoffolees]

Originally Posted by devastatedinMA

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Massachusetts

Not sure where to start. I am a SAHM with two little ones (6 and 3). I have no money, no job. My husband currently pays for everything. My credit accounts are all in collections because of my unemployment and he's been trying to pay them. We don't own a home, currently rent. The only thing I do own (besides furniture and clothes) is my car.

Now, I've recently found out that he's been unfaithful (internet infidelity and porn) and I now find myself contemplating divorce. Basically with all that I've mentioned above where do I stand? I don't want to lose my kids and if there is a possibility of that, I won't even file.

I have typed up a list of "demands" that I personally feel is reasonable (ie. kids live with me, he pays for their insurance and schooling, he can have them ever other weekend and one full week out of each month) just to name a few. I don't want child support which is why I mentioned him paying for their schooling (They go to a Catholic school and I feel that is child support enough).

Any advice is greatly appreciated. I never thought I would find myself in this situation and asking about this. I'm not even sure what the first steps/next steps would be. All I know is is that I can't lose my kids.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

When (if) you file for divorce, you can ask for temporary support. That will help a little bit, but in the end you're going to need to get a job.

Whether your 'request' is reasonable depends on a lot of factors. If he's making minimum wage, then you're not going to be able to get a court order for him to pay for Catholic school.

I would suggest:
1. Use the child support calculator in your state to determine how much child support would be ordered based on your particular circumstances. If I were him, I'd rather have it allocated as child support rather than tuition because what happens if the tuition doubles next year? In addition, he could agree to pay the tuition and then you could go back for child support later. So figure out how much he would owe in child support and have that much paid - you can use it to pay tuition if you wish. Since it appears that you'll be the lower income parent, you may be able to get a discount on the tuition, anyway.

2. The first step is to determine where the kids are better off - since that is how the court will determine custody. If the parents live close together and are willing to work at it, 50:50 shared custody can work (the fact that you're offering one full week per month suggests that 50:50 is possible). Otherwise, one of you will get primary physical custody. The fact that you have been the primary caregiver will help you, but you ultimately need to determine how you're going to support a couple of kids. Note that the court might award the kids to you anyway, but you're on much more solid ground if you have a plan in place for how you'll support yourself and them.

3. Talk with a local divorce attorney. The initial consultation may be free or very inexpensive. They can go through the entire process of how it would work in your state.

Meanwhile, you really need to start looking for a job.

[devastatedinMA]

Thank you for your response, it was very helpful.

Believe me, I've been looking. But I get the "over qualified" and "under qualified" responses. It's been rough. I really want to work.