Need help quick! Friend took kids and left alcoholic husband

[frenzeed]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NC

I'm trying to help a close friend, she took her two children to her sister's home last night. Her husband (a formerly recovering alcoholic) started drinking again about a year ago and has become increasingly verbally abusive, it started with just her after the kids were in bed, but a couple of nights ago he turned on the children as well. He's obviously self destructing and she had no choice but to leave with the children. She is legally blind and won't receive her SS benefits until the beginning of the month, she has $30 and there is nothing in their joint account. They own a home, he has a 401K from work and he is employed making around $35K a year.


What does she need to do immediately to get support for the children? I can only imagine he's going to go quickly downhill, not paying the bills, losing the house, car, his job. I welcome any suggestions as to the best course of action.

Thanks!

 

[seniorjudge]

Q: What does she need to do immediately to get support for the children?

A: Hire a lawyer.

 

[frenzeed]

With $30 to her name?

 

[LdiJ]

With $30 to her name?

She needs to beg or borrow the money from somewhere. If she gets moving on this quickly she will have a chance of preserving her share of the marital assets and of keeping custody of her children. If she does not, she very well may see nothing and could even have a hard time keeping the children.

 

[mistoffolees]

She needs to beg or borrow the money from somewhere. If she gets moving on this quickly she will have a chance of preserving her share of the marital assets and of keeping custody of her children. If she does not, she very well may see nothing and could even have a hard time keeping the children.

Specifically, since she took the kids from the father, it could have serious consequences.

In addition to hiring a lawyer, she needs to file a complaint with the police against the father IF HE IS A DANGER to her and the kids. If he is not a danger, her taking the kids away could be a problem. Her saying he was abusive won't cut it. There is a lot of latitude on what some people consider verbally abusive. He needs to represent a threat of bodily harm for her to get a protective order.

Many attorneys will give the initial consultation free. Then, since there appear to be marital assets, the attorney can petition the court to be paid from marital assets rather than from her $30. If the father is a danger, the attorney can also petition the court for a protective order for her and the kids and she can probably stay in the marital home until things are resolved.

 

[SopranoKris]

There are some lawyers out there who would be willing to work with her circumstances. Call as many as you can find. She needs to have an attorney file immediately so the marital assets are protected.

Best of luck, I hope you find a kind-hearted attorney who'd be willing to take it on.

 

[LdiJ]

Specifically, since she took the kids from the father, it could have serious consequences.

In addition to hiring a lawyer, she needs to file a complaint with the police against the father IF HE IS A DANGER to her and the kids. If he is not a danger, her taking the kids away could be a problem. Her saying he was abusive won't cut it. There is a lot of latitude on what some people consider verbally abusive. He needs to represent a threat of bodily harm for her to get a protective order.

Many attorneys will give the initial consultation free. Then, since there appear to be marital assets, the attorney can petition the court to be paid from marital assets rather than from her $30. If the father is a danger, the attorney can also petition the court for a protective order for her and the kids and she can probably stay in the marital home until things are resolved.

Unless she left the state, she is not at any risk of "consequences" in taking the children with her....other than the fact that dad may fight for custody.

 

[frenzeed]

I don't think her taking the kids will be a problem. I don't even think he'd be motivated to fight for them. It had gotten to the point where the kids were asking teachers and parents of classmates to help because their dad gets so mean when he drinks. My main concern for her is protecting her part of the assets and establishing a support order for the kids. Thanks for all the suggestions. I will help her start calling attorneys Monday morning.

 

[mistoffolees]

Unless she left the state, she is not at any risk of "consequences" in taking the children with her....other than the fact that dad may fight for custody.

I disagree. If you take the kids away from the father and refuse to let the father see them, some judges are going to have a fit.

The father has every bit as much rights to see the kids as the mother. Neither parent has the right to deprive the other parent of seeing the kids.

 

[mistoffolees]

I don't think her taking the kids will be a problem. I don't even think he'd be motivated to fight for them. It had gotten to the point where the kids were asking teachers and parents of classmates to help because their dad gets so mean when he drinks. My main concern for her is protecting her part of the assets and establishing a support order for the kids. Thanks for all the suggestions. I will help her start calling attorneys Monday morning.

Be careful. "acting mean" is going to be hard to make a case of - particularly in the preliminary stages. Yes, it may be possible to establish custody on the basis of one parent being 'mean', it's not going to be easy to tell a judge "I need an emergency protective order and need to keep the father away from his own kids because he's 'mean'". If the kids are in danger of physical harm or SEVERE emotional harm, that's one thing. Having a mean father is an entirely different matter - and her taking the kids away from the father simply because he's 'mean' may not sit well with some judges.

Since the kids have talked with teachers and other parents and there's been no visit from CPS yet, that suggests that the situation hasn't reached the point where a protection order is likely to apply. That changes the whole picture.

As for not being motivated to fight for the kids, don't count on it. The only way to approach this is to assume that you have to prove you're the best parent and the kids belong with you. He may be OK with that, but OTOH, he may see that he's facing $xxx in child support if he's noncustodial and decide that he really DOES want to fight for it. Assume nothing.

 

[Tallrat]

With $30 to her name?

She needs to beg or borrow the money from somewhere. If she gets moving on this quickly she will have a chance of preserving her share of the marital assets and of keeping custody of her children. If she does not, she very well may see nothing and could even have a hard time keeping the children.

If she cannot borrow it have her do as LdiJ says. When I was 22 my wife left with my kids. She had bad drinking problem. I was about as young and dumb as you can get and walked into this lawyers office. I had no clue he was a high priced lawyer who was way out of my league. He listened to me ramble and knew I needed help. When all was said and done he charged me less than some lawyer in a back alley office and took payments. He also got me custody of my kids. I found out later many of his clients were millionaires. Good luck.

 

[frenzeed]

She doesn't want to keep him from seeing the kids and I don't think there's a need for a protective order. The reason he got help and quit drinking 13 years ago was because he nearly killed his brother over a lighter. His whole family knows how he behaves when he's drinking and have warned warned her in the past. His family and hers have been friends since they were small children. He did tell her the night before she left (he was drunk at the time), that he was done with her and her nagging him not to drink and that he knew that she would get the kids but that it was over.

I don't know if it would be of any help to her if things do get bad in court, but I have a recorded phone conversation with her. She called me several months ago to let me hear what it was like. He knew I was on the phone and recording him and it did nothing to change him. He was going into his seven year old daughter's room and pulling her out of bed while she was sleeping and telling her that she wasn't his kid (not true) and that her mother is a whore.

I also had her take photographs of the house before she left to show the contents and the condition of everything. She's hung in there and tried to get him to get help for longer than she probably should have.

 

[erivas796]

She doesn't want to keep him from seeing the kids and I don't think there's a need for a protective order. The reason he got help and quit drinking 13 years ago was because he nearly killed his brother over a lighter. His whole family knows how he behaves when he's drinking and have warned warned her in the past. His family and hers have been friends since they were small children. He did tell her the night before she left (he was drunk at the time), that he was done with her and her nagging him not to drink and that he knew that she would get the kids but that it was over.

I don't know if it would be of any help to her if things do get bad in court, but I have a recorded phone conversation with her. She called me several months ago to let me hear what it was like. He knew I was on the phone and recording him and it did nothing to change him. He was going into his seven year old daughter's room and pulling her out of bed while she was sleeping and telling her that she wasn't his kid (not true) and that her mother is a whore.

I also had her take photographs of the house before she left to show the contents and the condition of everything. She's hung in there and tried to get him to get help for longer than she probably should have.

Your friend did the right thing to remove her children from a situation that could easily go from verbal abuse to physical abuse. She may be able to get free help from legal aid. They offer services based on income. She needs to get on the phone first thing monday morning and make calls. Someone will be willing to help her and guide her in the right direction so that her children and assests are protected. Good Luck and keep us posted!